The hazard of gift giving

Well the Ina Disguise train has derailed somewhat due to the unexpected rudeness of the last recipient, so I am wondering what to do next?

We have to ask ourselves why the muse fucks things up every single time. I have tried and tried to make it my fault, but from Little Shiva onwards, they have just been extremely crap people.

Little Shiva made sure I could never go back to contracting for ‘good and fun entertainment’ and because his boss allegedly fancied me and had no way of dealing with it.  I am very glad that I do not like big men, because making a mistake and trying to leave someone that is 7 feet tall and wide is not particularly easy.

Haram Bawbag really just wanted a tool to use to get his beloved ex back, so that was really just a three week friendship followed by endless demands for me to do what he told me and me saying no, really you should just obey the law and move on with your life.

Two Grapes guy seems to fall into the ‘she’s worthless’ category.  It appears to have amused him greatly to delibarately hit on me followed by having his terrified looking wife take my coffee order (she doesn’t look as if she has ever touched a coffee machine).

I am not terribly impressed.  I had some business to discuss, had the gift gone well, and this dude evidently has sufficient contacts.

He had looked miserable all year and I had said several times to Twisty that I wondered if I might make him happy.  Had he left me alone, it would have been a simple gift and introduction and presumably things would be relatively polite.  Instead he chose to embarrass me, got the shitty end of that stick and I do not now plan to speak to this person, far less buy his coffee ever again.

So not only has he lost a very happy customer, he has offended someone that wanted to make him some money and who was also very interested in him.

Two Grapes cost a great deal of money and time to make, and by the time I got to the end stages, I could not care less how it turned out.  This is neither good artistic practise, nor a good result for life generally.

I am not sure why Little Shiva assumed he was getting a gift, he certainly didn’t deserve one even before he destroyed my careful plans for last year.  Little Shiva is going to be an incredible piece of work though, and we have the happy thought that he cannot mess it up by actually speaking.

Haram Bawbag basically stole the piece of work midway through making it by his behaviour, and then still assumed he would be getting more.

This last guy, whilst he has not rejected the gift, now has an item that he does not want, that I couldn’t care less about and has lost a customer. Rather than send a grown up text and explain, he has seriously offended me and I am kind of annoyed.

Why do they have such difficulty with this?

It has a lot to do with self-image, culture and the way they perceive me.  Whilst I am not Megan Fox, or whomever is judged to be ravishing this week, I do seem to have some sort of primeval crude appeal.  Combined with the messy hair and predilection for men’s clothes, this seems to be a signal that they can treat me like utter shit, which they very quickly find out is not that easy. They then seek to inflict as much damage as they possibly can because I have no interest in sucking their dicks.

It is very simple, guys.  If you want to meet women that seek men for validation, do not go for someone who has never had to give a fuck how they looked.  Go for women that wear dresses, makeup, earrings and who probably don’t actually do very much.  That is your target market.

If someone is giving you a gift, try grace.  It took Wolfe a few years to discover grace, even after writing a book about it.  (which incidentally demonstrated that he had no idea what it was at the time.)


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On Being Married

Right, this is a general post, it is not directed at anybody in particular, so make no assumptions.

I just had the most irritating conversation with my friend in Eastern Europe, who has now apparently reached the age at which she feels complacent and very happy that she tied herself to a dude.

My mother and neighbour were a bit like this, as if selling yourself to one guy is somehow better than having more transient relationships. Everyone else becomes a hideous monster, even when their husband hits on someone else, it is someone else’s fault.

This is not the case.  Although you do seem to march faster towards dementia, you do not become a child by getting married.  Your responsibilities are just that.  If you aren’t up to them your marriage fails.

This would seem to be a very simple idea, but many of the people I have come across since my mother died are quite stupid.

The first sign of this was Little Shiva’s wife, who I tactfully avoided telling that he had not even mentioned her.  She was incredibly rude, nasty and seemed to think she was talking to a child.  In turn, I was patient and very protective of Little Shiva, despite him being an immature, inconsistent, nervous wreck who seems to have problems getting her attention to this day.

In any case, arranged marriages do tend to work, so I am sure they were very carefully matched as both being of some intelligence, but lacking in compassion, so here’s hoping that their children all turn out to be horrible people too.

If this is how boring marriage is, that you waste your mental resources on fighting off people who don’t really care if you exist and are just trying to get through their own lives, then you need counselling.

Go and do that and try to remember that you at least tried to marry an adult.

Boris, if you are done with that tiresome girl, feel free to mail me. This stuff is getting extremely boring. Let’s have fun with politics instead.


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Long Day

Well, that was a long and very upset day.  I see the Cluster Bs have all been on looking to brighten up their dull dull lives.

It is interesting that people so keen to damage you are so keen to soak up other people damaging you.  Little Shiva and his tedious wife, Staring Brat 1, my repellent sister have all  been on today to soak up some angst.

I am not sure why this entertains them so much.  Could it be that they are just so incredibly boring that they don’t actually do anything themselves?

I think this is probably the answer.  They have bugger all in their heads apart from trying to get some negativity out of other people.

Narcissists are not useful individuals, and they rarely if ever do anything positive for anybody. It is far too much of a stretch for them.

Oddly enough, the only person in the last two years worth doing anything for is our current Prime Minister, and Twisty made sure I couldn’t complete that project.  When I ask him to come up with something constructive to say, he has nothing to replace that with.

Weatherproofing is going well. Don’t know why I am bothering, he will probably just throw Two Grapes out.



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Another bad investment

Twisty tells me that asshole and slut are not tattooed on my forehead, so I am not sure why I have to repeat the same thing over and over again.

I am not interested in having pointless conversations.  I do not do chitty chat.

In the event that you bump into me, leave me alone.

The only people interested in making sticky messes with married people are other married people.

Kindly fuck off now.

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Two Grapes complete

So Two Grapes is now complete and I am at the stage of child and weatherproofing it as it is intended to be portable and potentially outdoors.

I am quite pleased with it but things can still go wrong, so I will be working on it for another week or so.

Haram Bawbag is now the primary attention seeker, and I am adding some new features for Little Shiva.

I’m not very happy at the moment.

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Perceptual Delusions

Work on Two Grapes has moved on quite a bit in the last day or so.  I happened to bump into the beautiful tiny man today, and whilst he is very beautiful he is not particularly tiny.

How fascinating, this is the second time I have perceptually shrunk someone because I could not cope with being interested in them. The first time I remember doing this was the first time I made a series of pieces inspired by someone, twenty or so years ago.

Why do I do this?  Since I hang around with a psychologist, we talked about it earlier.  We think it may be something to do with being frightened of reacting to anything, probably because of the persistent abuse from my siblings.

There is nothing you can do about them, they are unlikely to change their pattern of behaviour, which is why they are no longer on contact terms. Having discussed the matter with a variety of professional bodies, there is no alternative option for dealing with people who have colluded in their own delusion for more than two decades.  In the event they were introduced to the effects of their behaviour, they would probably require another couple of decades of treatment.

So much for them.

I am more shocked by my self-conning than anything else.  I am quite in touch emotionally, but to be spatially scaling things so that I can safely react to them is very interesting.

Perhaps I should take up the manufacture of miniatures.  They do say that people who create doll’s houses are seeking control, a safe place to reimagine the world.  If this is the case, perhaps I am seeking a safety that does not really exist by mentally shrinking my muses.

I did not shrink Haram Bawbag, which I think is indicative of the fact I never felt safe at all around him.  Not that I thought he was going to do anything particularly heinous, but he was not a consistent person, and so you never knew what to expect.

Two Grapes is going unbelievably well, I am hoping to have it complete relatively soon as a result.

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Terrified of Two Grapes

Little Shiva is on the closing layers now, and is becoming a royal pain to work with.  Bumped into Frank fae the bank again, and he was terrified.  Very serious Indian man also terrified, so things are going well.  After the carpet layer is done, sometime this week or so, I will be backing it and then assembling on a free day.

Starting to get people at the car more often now, which I find amazingly tiring but it is very nice that they are so excited about Little Shiva.

Two Grapes is actually going really well, but I am slightly frightened of it because it is very important to me.  This is no good, you don’t flow well when scared, so I need to talk my game up a bit. I have certainly learned a lot about myself from this one. I am looking forward to gifting it and then moving on to dealing with my unruly kitchen floor.

Haram Bawbag is looking rather stunning, but I am doing a few experimental things with it.  I have combined the idea of the carousel with a zoetrope, so I think it will be very nice, and a little insane, which is entirely appropriate.  The Helter Skelter went very well.

Feeling very sad for people that cannot move on with their lives.  It is very sad to spend your time trying to steal other people’s money.  Why not find something constructive to do? I was given this job for a reason, the reason being that everyone always knew what you’re like.




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Progress update August 2

Haram Bawbag has moved on significantly,  and I think will now be called Joy is not Haram, as I felt the message was more important than the catchy name for a variety of reasons.  It is looking good, but there is a way to go.

Two Grapes has made it past stage 1 and I am in possession of all of the required objects now, so I just have to pluck up courage to find the tiny beautiful man, who appears to be very busy with a project right now as I have not seen him for weeks. I am unusually serious about the tiny beautiful man, so I am a little edgy about this one.

A variety of entirely unfamiliar thoughts have broken through a work cycle I have had for years.  I usually make things on the basis of not getting involved with the person, for whatever reason.  Working on Two Grapes has been very different.  I am worrying about him a lot more than the piece, it is not clinical at all.

I may go into more detail about this at a later date, but it feels a bit  personal at the moment.

Little Shiva is on the home run for the central portion, which means it will be moving to the girder for hanging shortly.  Once I have the other two pieces finished, Little Shiva will be getting a variety of fairly complex additions and will take a couple more months.

Very busy with other things, and life is about to get very expensive, so will be upping the income shortly.


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Getting Serious

At some point in your life, you have to make decisions.

Decisions about your priorities, decisions about money, decisions about people.

Your judgement does improve over time, but even if you make a bad decision, it is just another fork in the road to wherever you are going.

Some people don’t seem to understand that.

When you are dealing with disordered people, often they expect you to simply forget what has happened.  This can be quite astonishing to witness.

I am very glad to have left some things behind. I won’t be going back there again.

I am very glad to be doing what I’m doing.  A young artist stopped by the car this evening, astonished by Little Shiva.

Having a bit of a fight with Two Grapes right now, but I think I will probably win.

Snowed under with work this weekend, so I will update early next week.





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August Update 2

Successful public sewing experiment in the coffee shop of my dreams, so I think the final assembly of Little Shiva may be done there, but I will give myself some extra time to get it to the point of assembly and put the backing on first I think.

Last of the stuff for Two Grapes arrived, it is going very well and looking exactly as envisaged so far.

Glass arrived for Haram Bawbag, which is going to be the first to finish I suspect.  It is a complicated bit of kit and involves a lot of curing time, so working hard on that just now.

Twisty asked to go to the aforementioned coffee shop this morning and I said no on the grounds that I am quite sure they will be sick of the sight of me over the weekend.

Working slightly too hard at the moment, but seem to be sleeping a lot in the moments between tasks.

I hope this update will be worthwhile in terms of both confidence and attention, but I am a lot happier than I was with my first resin experiments.  Basically by the time you are happy with resin, you are allergic to it, which is a rather annoying paradox.

Will be dropping Two Grapes off in Bearsden for His Glorious Tininess I suspect, as there is more room for storage there in case he hates it. There is a long way to go on it but I think it might be my best piece so far if it pans out.



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