Week 2 of Outta Disguise

I have rarely been as anxious, took down another three trees today and organised some more stuff.

Hopefully I will get better at this.  I have had a work obsessed, avoidant life.  I think the only way I had anything approaching normality in the past was by knowing people for a very long time and/or being a hardcore drinker.

On a pineapple bender at the moment, the skin is responding well.

A few more trees to go, I will be tackling some tomorrow along with the usual Victorian raspberry collection.  In the meantime am finishing up some other jobs I was ignoring.

Rarely been so glad to be wrong about anything. Still terrified.

Awaiting a large bill, once that is done I may be signing myself up for a course shortly.


Continue Reading

Being an Object

So the last tie to my favourite area now being severed, I am free to consider what I want to do next, there are a couple more stories I could write about the area, I might or might not depending on how I feel.

Oddly enough the upset has cheered me up a bit because the public face has gone back on.  I was thinking myself into such a hole that I was becoming a bit too real. I am back to putting effort into feigning happiness as a defence mechanism, which is actually a good thing.

I really do not feel like doing any artwork at the moment, I am not sure why but I have been digging my heels in for quite a while. I made some interesting clothing I guess, but am more concerned about work and putting the house in order for the moment.

This is, of course, routine.  I have a distinct pattern which I follow every time. I sort of exist in the past tense.  If I like you (and I do mean like rather than love or whatever you choose to call it), you will rarely know until I have gone.

This is insanely self protective, but should be understandable since the pattern always ends with the conclusion that nobody considered me real in the first place.  That was certainly the case with the family.

I saw this with my mother as well, she was bullied horribly during her brief periods with the public, for no apparent reason other than her being a shiny bauble.  Nobody likes  a shiny bauble, apparently they need to find problems where none exist.

The website may be coming down in the next few days as the host is messing me about with conflicting messages about their service. Worry not, it will return, but they haven’t answered my many questions yet.

The Isla rapist story is just so tedious.  Just open a non-binary incarceration unit at Carstairs and put them all in there.  Then tackle the issue of non-binary sport/toilets etc.  Women have not had protection for long enough for this rights appropriation to continue. Why Nicola got sidelined into this crap strategy I do not know.





Continue Reading

Sick Today

But a couple of story ideas have popped up. I am sure once they are done I can dredge up a few more, the one where I was almost murdered in London by a random Dundonian smackhead and was rescued by another smackhead is quite good, particularly when coupled with the junkie that tried to roll me and was treated to a long monologue about how much better her life was than mine, it would be quite sick and funny.

The Worst New Year

Random Deadline

I’ll probably do Random Deadline first, as it is more immediately relevant.

Finally replaced the fridge, as it was well past its lifespan and was only working at all because I have an ice fetish.

Met two pleasant helpful people with no hangups about texting today, primarily because I was giving them money.

Apart from that, pondering why people generally are so lame.  They are never better than you expect, always worse. And since when did the UK argue like yanks?  Nobody is capable of discussion anymore.  When did that start?

It’s the cats I feel sorry for really. They deserved a nice person to protect them if I was no longer available. Unfortunately it appears I have again failed to find them one.


Continue Reading

England Likes Voting To Kill the Disabled and Scotland Follows Instructions

Killing of the disabled in England pre covid

Independent – Austerity study links 120000 deaths to austerity measures

Guardian – Austerity study links 130000 deaths to austerity measures

University College London – Austerity study links 120000 deaths to austerity measures

Research linking care cuts to 120,000 deaths ‘is fresh evidence austerity kills’

New Scientist – Austerity study links 120000 deaths to austerity measures

The Alzheimers Scandal nobody talks about in Scotland

Iain Duncan Smith rewarded for his death policies


Pandemic deaths

Health.org.uk – 6 out of 10 deaths from covid disabled

Government and NHS discrimination linked to COVID deaths of disabled people

Gov.uk – look how many people we managed to wipe out

DNR for Covid patients with Learning Disabilities

Independent – DNR for disabled during Covid


Were Do Not Resuscitate Orders Illegally Placed on Disabled People?

Independent – blanket DNR

BMJ – seeding care homes

ONS- lots more examples of death of the disabled during pandemic

Our world in data – excess deaths during pandemic

Disability Rights UK Care home discharges ruled unlawful

GP online Care home discharge policy unlawful

Public Health Scotland – pandemic suicide

Gov.uk guidance for care homes during the pandemic

Continue Reading

Two trees done

So, despite my extreme anxiety, I went ahead and asked about the practical side of things, and hopefully that will not be as bad as expected.

The physical cringing caused by the long covid seems to have died down quite a bit, which is very helpful for things like leaving the house.

In the meantime, got a couple of trees done and am getting used to moving about a bit more.  I am definitely better than I was last year or the year before, but am very careful to let things move and settle.

Not even thinking about anything apart from income, health and maintaining an income.  Some courses planned.

I see more and more artists ripping off the teabags.  At least we know I had at least one good idea, shame all that I got out of it was being ripped off for the idea without being credited.

Continue Reading

More Endings

So another two relationships ended this week, not terribly impressed with how things are going interaction wise. I think as time goes on you give up.

Some chick had befriended me at work.  Alarm bells did ring a bit when she announced that I was her bestie and invited me to her wedding, which is not imminent, within a couple of days of talking to her.

So yeah, shouldnt really have bothered with that, I think she was probably just wanting someone to keep an eye on the office whilst she was off work.

The person I was hoping to make a connection with for entirely practical reasons in addition to testing the water was buying flowers today, so very glad I didn’t feel confident enough to say anything. He appears to be very shy too, and I wanted to be in a more financially free position before I progressed anything anyway. I don’t think relying on a relationship working for security is particularly romantic. That’s a shame, I waited for three or four years to say anything and at the last moment some flowers ended any thoughts of talking to him. He was a bit English anyway, I suppose. I haven’t actually dated a Scottish person more than once in 22 years, since the last one put me in hospital, pretty much any nationality will do.

Stopped and discussed racism with  a couple of people last night, since yet again working for an English company involved being on the receiving end of it.

This time I treated it like any other racial incident and shut it down.  Bored with English aggression at work. At one point I had to sit in corporate meetings listening to a so called superior who lived in Perth saying ‘fuck Scotland’ over and over again until I eventually removed her teeth.

So this time it was taking the piss out of my accent repeatedly.  I tolerated it the first twice, and the third time I said no, stop doing that, it’s not OK.

The response was various attempts to get me to justify not liking this.  I said no, I have made an objection, all you have to do is stop doing it.  That worked quite well, and since the so-called voluntary union with England ended at the point of the Supreme Court ruling, I recommend losing your sense of humour when it comes to childish English bullying. They aren’t funny, they haven’t been funny for decades, it is time they either stopped doing it or left the UK.

I note from an abusive conversation from a republican English supremacist this afternoon that they have taken to the yank version of discussion too, so they aren’t even worth talking to.

I would personally prefer this as an option, as I am not particularly Scotland centric when it comes to the UK, I just don’t want to be subject to the English lust for disabled and everyone else’s blood anymore. Don’t see why I should have to fund them to kill people.

As for the SNP’s latest attempt at making laws, no thanks, didn’t like the crap and very racist Hate Crimes Bill. I will be voting Alba in future, regardless of not really agreeing with them either.

If I was politically experienced, I would be starting a party right about now, however I come from a family of dishonest toxic twats so it is not an option.







Continue Reading

Ina in Mourning, the Victoriana phase

Back when I was a child, old ladies used to be a work of art.  Many of them had been Victorian children, so their idea of keeping up appearances went way above what anyone is prepared to do now.

This was a fun bit of hand sewing, and was quite expensive even to make as cheaply as I possibly could.  The fringing is extra long in memory of the Afghan Hound I didn’t get, and the trimmings were from a nice lady I like to go and see now and again.

An ode to grieving and bit of sewing fun. Many many expensive ostrich feathers were involved in the mask, and it requires breathing apparatus to actually wear due to the mirror face.

Continue Reading