Yes, thank you Wolfe

I just bawled my eyes out again.

I do need to have some sort of life, you know.

Thanks for the support but you know if I do it everything will be fucking chaos.

They won’t like it.

(Should I be thinking fuck them?)


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Changes due to the SB incident

I have suddenly become very assertive.

You would not think this would be the effect of what just happened to me, but I have dispatched two exs that I had maintained friendships with in the last two weeks.

Today, the invader came, despite the blog post, and has been summarily executed.  He cannot open his mouth without making you feel bad. He apparently did not understand until I actually said “Do not come back.”

This is most interesting.  Suddenly I am slashing away at dead wood like there is no tomorrow.

I wonder what other effects it has had?

I was very assertive many years ago, as long as I was nowhere near the family, but I was told to give up everything to take care of my parents, and I did.  Thereafter it was one long, long period of being a punchbag.

Wolfe started the clearance, of course, because about six of the exs came back a couple of times over the last twenty or so years.  This intolerance to negative friendships is new, however.

I might take myself out to celebrate this strange new person I’m suddenly becoming.

Thank you to whomever stopped him searching the site over and over again, that was tiresome.



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To the invader

I have a good idea who is banging at the doors every day, and I do not know what you failed to understand about the following:

I am not safe. I am under attack.

Is that understood yet?  You will not be getting an audience unless you state your business.  I am not in the market for bullshit at present.  You can try email or text.

I may forget over the next few weeks or so, but for the moment the doors are very much locked.  Ina is under reconstruction.


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Narcissism resources

14 signs of narcissism

This first one is an excellent overview of what to expect from your pet narcissist.  I am a magnet for these people, and expert at finding them without even trying.  The sad part is that they tend to focus on people who don’t understand what the problem is, and even when they are made aware of it, they would sooner blame you for pointing it out than take any action on it.  I found the medium of CPTSD excellent for taking some of the sharper edges off from trying to gently introduce the subject to a test narc.

Spartan Life coach on youtube

He is a bit rambly, but Richard has a lot of very helpful videos on hows and whys of dealing with narcissism.  There are other excellent people on youtube, but for an introduction and some explanations of dealing with problems, this is your easy to follow dude.

Gaslighting – psychology today

Gaslighting is the art of persuading everyone else they are mad whilst keeping yourself squeaky clean from any personal responsibility for anything.  Narcs seem to perfect this without effort.  A good example of this is when I woke up one morning and realised I was still being told that I was selfish, insane and lazy after restoring a 14 room house and taking care of two parents with dementia at the expense of my drifting personal life and career, at which point I decided enough was enough.

Gaslighting – the guardian

Another article on gaslighting


This article on mobbing is about workplace mobbing, which is when you persuade other workers to gang up on one to deflect any possible self-awareness or potential change from bothering you.

Scapegoating in dysfunctional families

This is classic – one care home owner told me that if she had a pound for every family behaving disgustingly towards the carer, she wouldn’t need a care home.  There is no current legal framework for protecting you if you are stupid enough to actually give a shit about your loved ones.

Other terms you will find include flying monkeys – people who do the work of the narcissist because they don’t like thinking.  You will pick up a few more as you look around.  Do not make the mistake of getting too suckered into the world of narcissistic victimhood, however, as it gets very silly eg.  “He is trying to return my blender.  He is using this as an excuse to talk to me.  I will be manipulated.  What do I do?”

The answer is take the blender and lock the door, bitch.

There is no cure for NPD.  According to a mother of a narcissist I know particularly well, it manifested within a year of birth.  There goes your theories about it being nurture rather than nature.

Rebuilding your finances after financial abuse

This is a handy guide to restarting your life after being sucked dry.  The biggest enemy, of course, is the damage to your confidence, so bear that in mind before you go for the nearest dishwashing job.  Do not be put off by the regular attacks as people try to exploit your ‘weakness.’

Finally, if you want to know my experience of living with one, there is a free short story on the books page.

Am I a covert narcissist?

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Parvati and Shiva

Ok, so broadly speaking the story of Parvati and Shiva goes along the lines of Shiva being an angry god who fights ‘evil’ (he does some pretty unspeakable things whilst he does that, however) and Parvati is this mature, nurturing figure with a lot of arms who is usually quite sweet but ultimately beats him by blocking a lot of doors.

They fight a lot and have great sex.  If you were sufficiently crazy, you would get quite suckered into that. I am sure it would make a fabulous short story.

I’m kind of done with that, however.  There is no point in feeding someone who has displayed quite a few negative traits so far.

  1.  The dude obviously hated me on sight, otherwise none of this shit would have happened.  Even when I made the initial comment, he not only hid that, but made somewhat encouraging noises.
  2. Gaslighting – everything I do is obviously crazy, and everything he does is obviously perfect.  I’ve been dealing with narcissists from birth, we don’t entertain this BS anymore.
  3. Flying monkeys – he actually has a whole company doing this for him.
  4. Domineering – I was trying to gently persuade him that this wasn’t great management, but he clearly prefers it and since I am the one with no job, it obviously works for him.
  5. Vanity – I don’t mind a bit of vanity, but to completely change your appearance in order to goad some sort of reaction out of a relative stranger rather than just talk to them is a bit extreme.

I would like to have kept in touch with a few people, but it is not a biggie that it is not safe for them to do so.  I am not handing out my location when this dude is likely to want  to hide behind a pillar and do some more staring and eavesdropping by any means possible.

Broadly speaking, when dealing with people like this, you have to set your own boundaries.  Whilst mine are considerably tougher and yet more relaxed in execution,(none of my staff would ever be put in a position where they were shamed for being an artist or lose their jobs for bullshit reasons, for example) I am not likely to be inviting anybody who has contact with him around for tea any time soon.  In fact, I don’t want to see anybody for a few weeks.

This is such a shame, if he had managed to feign some interest in me, he would have had a lot more information to go on, but he doesn’t, and I am quite happy for that to be the case.

I am still not likely to want to go anywhere near him however, because of the chemistry issue, which was the most extreme I have ever experienced.  You hear stories of people who can’t help themselves from time to time, and you just don’t believe them.  I believe them now, this was not controllable at all.

Again, such a shame, but it’s just bad luck on both sides.  Bad luck for me because he isn’t very nice.  Bad luck for him because I’m not worth destroying.

I am going to go out this weekend.  I don’t know where, or when, but I am going to go out. Maybe.


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The Problem with VPNs

Don’t know about other people, but I find VPNs unstable, and I don’t want you to mess up that nice phone.

They aren’t much use unless more than one person uses them.

Seriously, this is obsessive behaviour, you need to go and do something else.  I am sure one of your very supportive colleagues can help you with that.

I can live with the fact you obviously held me in some contempt, but this is now getting a bit silly since you have no intention of actually speaking.

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Adventures in jobhunting

Well, so far, I have failed to be sufficiently robotic for two competency based interviews.  The last time I had to extensively interview was some time ago, and I can tell you things have really been dumbed down for the millennials.

The humanity and any actual brain use requirement has been removed from competency questions, so now you are given a pre-selected format which you prepare in advance using the STAR format

Situation – Losing my job because of a wannabe Mr Ripley

Task – Having to start again in an alternative career because the stupid fucking moron managed to destroy any prospects whatsoever in the one I wanted by repeatedly bitching about his own inability to communicate effectively, backed up by weak management.

Action – Spending all my time looking for alternatives to the point of being unable to do anything else with my time.

Result –  Still looking for new opportunities!  How exciting! Thinking positive!

I have so far been insulted twice, once because my degree offended some minor office worker, who could not understand that people with degrees also have to work (there are a lot of those)  and the other several times because I looked after my mother.

Yeah, because being abused by moronic nurses who know nothing about nutrition, watching your mother being fed fucking poison and shrinking to a small white husk because her eldest daughter is a screaming nutjob and has an unshakable belief in Marks and Spencer ice cream is is hilarious.  Spending your best years stuck in a house twenty four hours a day isn’t work at all.

So yeah, things are going great.  I am halfway through solving half the problem, and about a third of the way towards solving another quarter.  We shall see if I can get the mobility and public-facing angle sorted at the same time, because that would be helpful.  For a painfully shy person, I am remarkably good at pretending to be larger than life when I have to.

This is something plebs don’t understand.  One’s ability to put on a show is unrelated to one’s level of confidence.  Quite a few people hated the constant sunglasses in my previous employment.  Only two people knew that the reason for them is because I was in tears quite a lot and it was the only way of getting to the computer, and it wasn’t the obvious people.

The rest of tonight is going to be spent on moving the not-leaving-the-house element of my new employment package on a step.  If I am fortunate the main income will also not involve leaving the house, in which case I do not need to bother with people ever again.

The public-facing element I might head into town and go and talk to them in person, because they are unlikely to understand the package unless I am there in person.  Hilariously, I tried on some clothing today and after losing 83lb, I am still a bit too larger-than-life, so I guess at least I will save money on any actual food.

Two banks are still sniffing at the door, both because of my snob value.  I quite fancy private banking, but who knows if that is even possible now.  My back problem is telling me not to spend all day in a chair, so we shall see what happens.

And then there is the wild card.  I hope he remembers me, because if he does I may have something very special.  I’m not hugely confident, because we last saw each other through a crack in a door, but we shall see how he feels about giving me a shot at his project.



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Mr Ripley and post removal

I’ve been asked why I am removing so many short posts, so basically here is my reasoning – I look through them, decide if I am bothered about taking them down so that he does something more interesting with his life and if I am not bothered about it I take them down.  I do not view this as capitulation to a little tyrant and it is not because I am backtracking at all.

Every day he does the same thing, looks through the same posts and then passes them to another mobile in London, whom I am guessing is the person telling him what to do. Then the mobile in London does the same thing. There is clearly some collusion going on with this dude.

It doesn’t seem to bother them that I am sitting watching this.

Doesn’t seem to bother him how incredibly tragic it looks. The dude is over thirty, and continues to behave like a very spoilt and petted child rather than communicate.

Perhaps he should try finding a new hobby?  New victims are arriving in the office all the time, I am not sure why he thinks I’m such a great candidate.  I presume this is some very twisted expression of hurt. Not sure what he is so hurt about, nobody attacked his job.  The lack of ability to move on is a bit sad.  I’m not there anymore, you can stop looking now. You won, whatever crazed battle you had going on with me that I knew nothing about.

Again, I genuinely wished the best for him right up until he attacked me for the second time and I was informed about his activities, whereupon I again did what I could in terms of damage limitation whilst making sure this doesn’t happen again.

He blew it by himself as far as I know with circulating the website, because I told two very quiet staff members whom I doubt very much told anyone because they were not particularly interested in what I was doing anyway.  None of the management have apparently told him that my blog is not otherwise particularly public, so it is very easy for me to see who the computers and mobiles belong to. It isn’t his privacy being invaded, its mine, and he appears to still be employed despite staff being at risk from being accused of anything at any time.

For your benefit, if you work there and decide that anything at all is harassment, they uphold it according to the management.  Therefore if you decide that you don’t like somebody, you too can have them fired!

See what happens when you don’t get to leave the house for twenty years?  You get very very geeky.

It is a huge shame, because if he was capable of experiencing empathy I could have been a lot more helpful to him, but he isn’t.

Being a swan is not desirable, I’m afraid.  Amusing to watch but not a happy place to be.

It’s so nice that we get to spend this time together every day, SB, do you think you could maybe find a victim that has some actual money?

I see you have had a good rummage through my posts.  Hope you learned something,  nasty little man. Brummie, eh?

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A strangely happy day

It shouldn’t be happy, because it didn’t start out well at all, but today turns out to be a great day.

Made some serious decisions, now depending on what happens with the ongoing progress I am likely to have a split life doing three or four different things. Far safer.

I am quite looking forward to a more theatrical and fun life, if I pull this off.

Very hard work though, and a little bit exposed as my apparently focussed fan may find me, but I am just not going to worry about it.  Even he is better than my family, and that is saying something.

Some old opportunities have reemerged, hopefully I can do something with those too.

Almost allowing myself to be excited, but not quite.


Loving this track, you need headphones though


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