Accept that TV is bad for you.

I am working on some teaching material at the moment, and from what the teachers are saying, children are even more difficult than they were ten years ago.

When are we going to just accept that TV is bad for you?

We have all heard plenty about computer games being bad for you, suggestions of movies being bad for you, but what about the audio visual drug pumped into your home every day?

It is a propaganda machine drilling your head full of political ideas, whether you agree with them or vehemently disagree, soap operas telling you to be unhappy, because family instability is good for the economy (think of the furniture you will have to replace and the new dates you will have to go on)  a nanny to dump your increasingly unhappy children in front of.

My father used to use it as a method of subduing any possible input from the family when he returned from work, turning it up in response to any attempt at conversation.  I developed my dislike of this challenge early on in life.

That is not to say I have never watched it, nor does it mean I fail to appreciate the work that goes into creating and producing the drivel.  I just don’t allow it to determine what I do, how I think or what happens next.

I am sure my father was tired of listening to the two eldest listing their wants every day, and he certainly worked very hard, so I can’t really blame him for not wanting to be forced to deal with the family.  I don’t want to either, they are very unpleasant.  I objected to the idea that I wasn’t to get to know him at all, and the volume change in response to any question was just plain rude.  Therefore I see TV as an unwanted guest.

The later generations are not so lucky.  They have been encouraged to spend their lives looking for validation from a screen, and I do not see that they derive much in the way of happiness, connection with others or basic decency out of it.  A meme drifts past, reminding them to be nice, and once they have clicked like the job is done.  Then they go back to pointing, staring and getting people fired for a laugh.

So when are we going to accept that TV is poison?  It causes unhappiness to make you buy more stuff.  It ruins your relationships.  It makes you unfit. It tries to tell you what to think and how to vote. It dissuades you from asking any questions in case you look stupid.

It is a dictator’s dream, and these teachers have just nailed it.  People are losing their ability to parent their children or function.

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FTAO the Blank company

The problem is that your staff are so obsessed with boring and mundane gossip about people that they are spending time at work staring at the website.

I think if you are going to implement policy destroying somebody’s career on the basis of supporting  contracting companies who basically burn people’s money you should implement it across the company.  Fire anybody you find looking at a website, never mind sending personal email or attempting to resolve work situations via normal grown-up conversation.

Therefore, rather than having the nervous wreck that caused the problem in the first place sitting worrying about who his vile sadistic manager spread the website to, the simple solution is to simply get IT to block the website from the server.  It is really not a difficult thing to do.  Just add it to your blacklist.

In addition the idiot that caused the problem still works for you, and I do not want him to be dragged into further problems.  He is still obsessively clicking it, but he at least does it with his own equipment, usually when he is off work.

I have no idea who is in charge of HR, data, internet or contracts management at your bank, nor do I care.  The fact is that some inexperienced and piss-poor managers colluded to get somebody fired for a laugh, openly admitted it and you apparently have no problem with it.  I certainly don’t condone what they did, but I don’t have to worry about it.

This is however, not the problem here.  I just want not to see your tedious staff on my website analytics when they are supposed to be working.  With rare exceptions they are a very boring and narrow-minded bunch and it is doubtful that they will get anything out of it other than some tired gossip about something that is not even relevant.

I did nothing wrong, my career is contracting is destroyed and nobody is prepared to take any responsibility for putting things right. That is now your problem, not mine.

I hope this clears up the issue.  Blanker, who works for customer assist is at least trying to get the problem solved, although why the legal department should be involved in adding a website address to a blacklist I do not know.

Thank God I don’t have to deal with you any more.  I am busy working in the USA, Saudi, India, Australia at the moment, and I can tell you it is a lot more interesting and culturally relevant than your third world policy on how you treat people who work for you.




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Train your child to bully and lie

Well, today I learned that the best thing you can teach your children, that is if you actually had the opportunity of having any, is to bully other people and lie.

We celebrate bullies and liars in many ways. Primarily by promoting them.

The Bagel Study, which you are welcome to look up, established this some years ago, when it was shown that people higher up in the company are more likely to steal bagels than people on the ground level.

Therefore, with the benefit of quite considerable experience of being a nice person and having got to the miserable position I am in today, I now advise you to teach your children to lie, steal and bully other people.  In this way they will get on well in life, they will be respected at work, and they will get on much better generally.

The fact that they will spit in your face for being old shouldn’t bother you because you will have done your job and the ‘professionals’ that your disgusting offspring pay to get you out of the way can then have a free hand to mistreat you in a care home or hospital.  You can be given inappropriate medication, based on the assumptions of stupid people who don’t care about you, probably someone else’s dishonest and bullying child who didn’t quite make the big time in sadism.

When your child bullies people, lies or steals, they are to be praised.  This will reflect the promotions they will get later on in life.

And did I mention that they should be male?  Yes, please drown your female children, because they are clearly useless and will not even get decent training at work because they aren’t worthwhile.  I used to think it was just women of child bearing age, but today we have established that simply being female is sufficient.

On no account should you encourage any type of empathy, because that will get them fired.  Any kindness, any willingness to help others, any stopping to assist must be punished.

So, next time your child shows any negativity towards others, make sure that it is potentially violent, spiteful and dishonest negativity, because that is the best thing you can do for them.


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Best Scandal Ever Downloads

For those of you going mad for Best Scandal Ever


Please download Best Scandal Ever Series instead – it has a picture of Honey I made you an icon on the cover. (gifted to Wolfe when I met him, for those interested in this cute tale of woe)

Best Scandal Ever on its own is a very tiring book unless you are a raw foodist, in which case it is screamingly funny.

You can tell I dig Russian heavyweights in a big way, but despite the cartooniness, it is a very tiring read, even for me.

If you get the entire collection, you will have other things to play with, like the silly poems and the love letter. The rule breaking Romance is probably an easier read.

The story probably isn’t finished yet, but for the moment the collection is complete.  I think we should call that a complete chapter.

Click below to go to the distributor for any format you like.





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The NHS is going after Brexit

As someone who has obviously had to keep a very close eye on the job market of late, I think it is only right that I should tell you what Head Teacher May has planned for you after Brexit.

I was hoping it was a coincidence, but I think not.

The NHS is, as we know, being dismantled and handed to private interests to manage.  This, in itself is less of a problem, as it simply means that the bloated and inefficient NHS is handed to private companies who have to at least attempt to make it work efficiently.

However, jobs are coming up now which indicate that insurance companies and ’employee benefits’ companies from overseas have been given the green light to set up systems to sell you health insurance, or to provide it as part of an employment package. I will be talking to the third one that has shown interest later today.

So, now we know this, we look back at all those people dying under welfare and health policy alike, and we see that indeed, we are not at all paranoid, we are being streamlined in preparation for a more corporatist and by it’s very nature fascistic society.

Now I know that people like my brother, the giant and Little Shiva will not be at all worried about this because they lack the insight or life experience to percieve that this is not OK.  It doesn’t affect them, so of course it is OK.

There are millions like them.  It is an unforgivable stupidity. This is about self-interest for a very limited number of people and nothing else.

There are hundreds and thousands of people who need help, whether that is with health, welfare, self-worth, etc.  According to the financial vacuum that the Conservatives commandeer, these people are scheduled for death, and you are doing nothing about it.

I have been disabled by a couple of stupid people who have ensured that I cannot do anything about it, and in any case, my mother is already dead.

Welcome to America,

I hope all the people who damage others, and who actively vote for this shit die of an uninsurable condition.  Meanwhile, if you have any money, I suggest you get your insurance cover before you develop any illnesses.


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Life Changing Moments

One of my friends on Facebook is an writer from Australia, and this week he decided to ask about life changing moments.

Out of all the horrible, interesting things that have happened the first thing that sprang to mind was

David Wolfe’s wife blocking me on Facebook.

Now at the time, I was on a knife edge.  I was grieving for my father, uncle, 2 cats and my best friend.  I had just spent 2 years researching a huge book which morphed several times as I hadn’t written anything with any purpose before, and I wanted to speak to David about the direction and how it could be used to help him.

I live in a different continent but it just so happens that we were born 12 days apart and we are oddly similar facially in photographs, despite me being a small sturdy Scottish person and him being a slight, German-American-Iranian.  This was not sufficient however, it was the whacky yet compelling presentation of usually fairly mundane health information that I was interested in.

Anyway, after years of being told how shite I was by my friends, who really just wanted me to be shite because they (probably) still feel that they are shite, I had found over a very careful year dropping in on David’s page every fortnight that we got on very well, apart from sporadic flaming tantrums on both sides, so when I was blocked by a person on his page, I just assumed it was him and was duly devastated.

When I say devastated, I mean completely destroyed.  I had just spent 6 weeks working on an incredibly well thought out yet bizarre film about him and Durianrider and I was still waiting to have a conversation about the book I was intently working on instead of wasting my time playing Farmville.

This was 2011 or 12, I forget which.  I had got through a horrific family experience and lost about 160lb at the time thanks to him, so I felt I owed him, regardless.  It was not until probably two years after this happened that I accepted that I was terribly in love, with a random stranger who just happened to be extremely famous.

Anyway after a few false starts on projects that did not work out, I finally descended into despondency but had sponged up enough of what David had to say to say fuck it, nobody wants to listen to me anyway, I might as well be louder about it.  Hence Ina Disguise was born, sometime during the writing of Best Scandal Ever.

The only reason I wrote anything at all was because I could not speak to him, and I thought it had been him that had blocked me as I knew nothing about his wife.

So now, five years after Best Scandal Ever, this has become a pivotal moment in that having been so incredibly damaged by trying to compensate for whatever anybody said was wrong with me, no longer giving a fuck allowed me to finally speak.

Admittedly, I have just done what I felt like doing, when I felt like doing it, because 24 hour care for my mother has always come first and everything else took a second place to that.  Now I have the problem of day to day survival, and that has to come first.  However, I have put time in every day, whether that is:

15 minutes to write this blog,

half an hour to spam the books to a few million people,

a couple of hours on putting a story together ,

a month of intense sewing to create a handbag

three months of intense work to create a carpet,

18 months to create the resin pieces, due to money

conceptualising new ways of putting out work, although that has been scuppered by my lack of support from other people.


Within a year of putting out any artwork I was in GQ.  Tatler and World of Interiors, and I now, after five years and five months have about 80,000 readers.

I do not make money out of this, but I did it on the basis that I could not otherwise ever get the message across to David, and the notion of a subversive marketing strategy that didn’t actually cost anything.

There is far more that I could be doing.  I have been quite lazy.  I should try some of the other stuff that I have in the armory – for those interested January 2016 entries have a lot of useful links you can try.

There are an awful lot of authors out there who do not understand how the marketing in publishing works, because it is not at all obvious.  I have heard some horrific stories about people spending nine years writing a book and then squandering their life savings on trying to make it sell.

This is not how it works any more.  As an author, you should regard it far more as being a pop singer.  Nobody is going to pay a pop singer they haven’t heard before, and by far the biggest challenge is getting them to notice your name in the first place.

So, although I have not made any money, I probably have more readers than David now.  This in itself is not important, this is not the point. The point is that it doesn’t matter who you are or why you do what you do.  The important thing is that you do it. I have a friend in Slovenia, an international level political journalist, that is still resisting writing her first book, on the basis that she is concerned about how it is regarded.

“Use a pseudonym and get on with it.” is my response.

The general thinking on online marketing is that you have to get people to see your name nine times before they even read the byline, so focus on that.  Wolfe is crazy like a fox, not to put too fine a point on it.  I was open enough to figure this before I started the experiment, but not everybody gets the point of Wolfe. He is a complex creature.

By the looks of things, it is time I did some edits and took this more seriously now.  To start with, it was a case of spitting the words onto a page next to a name and then throwing it out there.  Now I definitely have some attention, it is probably time to up the quality and time somewhat before I even think about money.

For those authors who read me and think how dreadful I am for putting work out free, here is the comparison:

You can spend 3 or 4k per book on marketing on the basis of getting a small proportion of it back, put out only long titles and wait for 30 years or so for someone to notice, or you can accept that nobody knows or cares who you are or what you have to say.

I think my way is better, and it is certainly cheaper and more rewarding.





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Dinner for One

One of the great things about having absolutely nobody is that I get to eat like a proper person.  This is dinner, at 2am.

One peculiarity of the last month or so is that India is featuring so heavily.  You would think I would run another 6000 miles or whatever it is to get away, wouldn’t you?

It is actually coincidental, but rather hilarious.  I also have a growing following from India on the website.

I think my next crazy adventure trip will actually be to Dubai, but I suppose I could be flexible.

I am waiting to hear from a company in India about a job which if I get it means I will be commuting from the USA to India from the comfort of the house, so I won’t have to see any more people ever again, which would be nice after that experience.

I am waiting to hear how the lovely author is getting on with my marketing strategy, although he doesn’t seem to be doing his homework so I may have to kick his ass a bit.

I did have to block one man, who was looking for his friend in Germany, because he got bossy very quickly and I was very busy promoting the Porn Star story at the time.

The Porn Star has unfortunately disappeared, so I am a bit sad about that.  He was really sweet, probably too nice to be a Porn Star.  I am told my my new companion that he does this from time to time so we will see if he gets in touch so that I can continue with that one.

I have to say grieving is not pleasant.  When it was my father I was working for the government, and I had a crew of very silly old ladies trying to tell me how to walk straight as I was trying to keep my mother from giving up the ghost entirely.

When it was my uncle my mother was even more upset, and I spent about a year feeding her on a variety of nutritious puddings to stop her from giving up

When it was my best friend, my family were particularly nasty and I had to fight to keep my mother out of care, which she would also have had to fund, so it is particularly funny that my family still object to my saving them ten years or so in care costs.

Now it has been my mother and I did not have to deal with her stupid children, along comes Little Shiva to stab me in the face.  Everybody I have met since she died has been unpleasant in one way or another.  Clearly the future is locking the door and throwing away the key.

Anyway, hopefully I will bag the Indian job, and then we can talk further about the possibilities in Dubai.  If I am doing a USA/India commute life will get far easier all round.




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The Systemic problem with the EU in the UK

So, from  the ongoing train of thought that I have had whilst cooking the first Boris story, I have come to the conclusion that I have a handle on the systemic problem in the UK that prevents half the population from being willing to tolerate the EU project.

Not that that is a bad thing necessarily, because I am of the opinion that running a permanent trade deficit is insanity and no quantity of hedge fund managers is going to resolve that for most of the population as long as the English keep voting Conservative.

We have an unusual situation in the UK, as it is four countries, not one.  It is, despite the varying history and the complication of the Orange Lodge, really at the present time an occupation.  If it weren’t for the Orange Lodge, in it’s various shades, Northern Ireland would probably not have a problem with uniting with Eire, and we would not have morons setting fire to the Saltire in George Square and threatening terrorist activity if Scotland finally grows a brain and digs the new Suez along the border.

Talking of which, I am thinking of celebrating my great grandfather’s achievement at the end of  January, so if any Nats would like to message me on that basis, they are welcome to do so.  Provided they aren’t stupid inverted snobs, of course.

So, quite apart from the issues of sovereignty, the unwillingness to be part of a super-state and the stupidity of running a constant deficit at the expense of the poor to benefit the Square Mile, the biggest issue preventing the (in my view) smarter half of the English population from wanting to be part of Europe is the fact that our foolish Westminster government and the funders thereof have encouraged the English to think of themselves as occupying forces with subordinate nations who are not entitled to an opinion.

This is the viewpoint that has brought us to the position we are in, fuelled enormously, of course, by David’s rather rash decision to give the English a referendum on Europe.

Both referenda were daft, however we now know that there is extremely healthy support for my favoured option of simply creating two islands  🙂  and we are now in the process of attempting a split from Europe, whether it suits the credit card wielders who want to go on holiday or not.

So, we have an entirely faux superiority complex in England, new confidence in the other countries, a government who desperately need some actual talent to pull it off, which they of course cannot admit to without losing their perception of power.

As someone who guided themselves through a fairly broad brush yet extensive international history of English trading, I fully understand and support their wish to do that, that is what they are good at.

The sooner we dig the trench, however the better since I forsee it actually coming to the point of them attempting to occupy us if we don’t just lubricate and persist in taking it.

The way I have been treated recently is a case in point.  I am now functioning at director level, and they still retreat into “I don’t understand what you are saying” even when it is written in black and white for them to review over and over again.

This is the last refuge of the rogue who does not want to help you on the basis of your imaginary inferiority.  It is, with the benefit of considerable experience, fairly easy to subvert, so as a tactic it is doomed to failure not only by the directors, but by the UK.

So, David Cameron, in my view, should go down in history as the man who opened the gaping wound in the UK, which will ultimately lead to the machine becoming obsolete without careful guidance and direction from someone better at pretending to care.

Yes, that is me flirting.


Lotsa love,





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Stupid People are Nasty

We finally seem to have gotten rid of Little Shiva.

It was around about the post to his wife this week.  I am not sure if he is actually so far gone that he had not previously noticed that she knew about the website in July.

She presumably lied to him.  People do, for all sorts of twisted reasons. He certainly never told her about it, her complaint in this regard is in the conversation we had.

I’m sure he was expecting to be rewarded by hoovering up me sounding confused, hurt and increasingly desperate because, after all, he did ensure that an already bad situation was made considerably worse, for no reason at all.

The sadist, I can imagine, regarded this as a form of ‘blooding’.  It appears from everything I have witnessed to do with the company involved, that this is how they spend their working day.

I can confirm that they certainly don’t spend it working.  The higher up the food chain in banking contracting, the less work you do and the more unpleasant you get to be.  I have hundreds of friends doing it, and taken as a collective, I have never seen so many posts complaining of mental illness and the stifling of their careers.

By all accounts, however, Little Shiva had done this before, several times that the people in the office had witnessed.  I am probably unusual in that the long term staff actually told me.

His wife seemed to think this was hilarious, to the point of being stupid enough to put it in writing.  So, as you can see, brains do not go with the stinking attitude you apparently require in this business.  She is a new graduate, with limited experience, so it is only when it is done to her that she will understand that this is not OK.

I however, have had people doing similar things to me for most of my life.  In fact, I am doing a job at the moment in which I have no reason to see or speak to anyone and apparently even producing anonymous work has attracted some unwanted attention.

You can take it from this that I am a magnet for people’s bile, and there seems to be no escape from it.  I don’t think that there is now an alternative to rising above it, since there is so much of it about.

The problem with being stupid and nasty, is that there is always a bigger, stupider and nastier person to take advantage of it, and if you suffer from these conditions, they inevitably will.

When I started on the contract, the first thing I noticed was that Little Shiva was being dumped with work nobody else wanted and belittled by his extremely small minded sadistic friend.  He made a series of blisteringly stupid assumptions about everybody in the office.  Somebody somewhere had told him that Africans were stupid, Indians were to be manipulated and women were to be bullied into whatever you wanted to do to them.

You would think that this would be noticed and this guy would be sent to the abattoir that such people usually work in, but no, not in contracting.  In contracting the man who creates the pivot table is apparently king, regardless of his ability to actually do the more important and expensive elements of the job.

This is about responsibility.  The people in charge of these contracts only understand the paperwork.  They do not understand about costings, people, training or anything else, and this is what the company needs to resolve.

As I have said, the previous contracting company that I worked with was not like this at all.  Why the company concerned has become so bloated and incompetent is a mystery, however I am now forced to deal with it, so perhaps we can encourage them to understand a bit about really quite basic business.

It is sad yet hilarious to think that these are the very people at the heart of the banking crisis.  There is a literal ocean of similar incompetence in the world of banking, all outstandingly well paid, if you can tolerate the waste.

So why is it that stupid people are nasty, in the form of taking your job, killing your mother, spending years of their time twisted up in their beds, getting off on thinking of ways of making your life more miserable?

Wolfe would say it is bad gut bacteria, but I would take that a step further to incorporate their love of self-indulgence.  They only think about themselves, and that is a stultifyingly boring thing to do.




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