The chair is going extremely well, and I am working on second runs of the basic work prior to adding some calligraphic pattern and rendering it ready for the carpet layer.  After that I will be putting on the first backing, waterproofing it and putting in the windows to start the resin process.

Today I discussed returning to management consultancy or entering the world of natural health, because that makes perfect sense, apparently.  I have no idea how this is going to work when the economy crashes, but I have a lot of survival skills.

I considered how many ways I could, if I wanted to, get the Libyan prosecuted and wondered whether I should waste my time doing this.

Why?  Well he had absolutely no reason to damage me, and yet consistently threatened me as a response to my creating a gift for him.

Little Shiva very similarly had absolutely no reason to damage my job, and yet felt quite free to make sure my career would be terminated.  Why do people do this?  It is a waste of time and energy.

My theory is that when they feel powerless, they try to harm you to create an illusion of power that does not actually exist.  Little Shiva ended up getting himself fired, and the Libyan  is currently squandering money on a second rate vegan cafe to reassure himself that he isn’t a moron. Unfortunately he is, so this will not help him very much.

I have now had another three opportunities to cause him harm, and I have said no to every one of them.  I regard such behaviour as a waste of my time.  He thinks jihad means annoying non-believers.  I am not sure who has told him this, but whoever it is is also not very bright.  It is also possible that he has simply not listened to his imam, as he apparently only has one topic of conversation, which is himself.

The amount of power this individual has is alarming.  As we speak, people are being killed and maimed in a war.  It was news to him that people were starving, never mind being shot or maimed, such is his lack of awareness of the world around him.

So, besides lack of empathy or basic awareness, feelings of powerlessness and lack of insight, why do people set out to harm you for no reason?

I think you should take it that you have something they don’t have.  In my case I am an open-minded and generous person who cares about others, and they seem to have tremendous difficulty with this concept.  Like Americans, if they don’t understand you, they then try to destroy you, so you can kind of take it as a compliment.

In this way, you can preserve what is good about you rather than getting suckered into a negative vortex.

Turning the other cheek, therefore, is an expression of power.

I have had a very difficult week all things considered, so I am going to review my behaviour.

I will no longer be supportive of erratic behaviour, nor will I be attempting to help people who cross my path with problems.  I think this is overdue, and I think this will help me save a lot of time I had previously wasted on pointless things.

I have been guilty of being too nice about some things, and responding in kind to people I should not have wasted time on.  Apparently you get to do whatever you like to other people even when they are extremely kind to you and get you through a bad emotional situation.

I was told by the police this week that attempting to encourage a persistent law breaker to obey the law was a bad thing, and that I was apparently at fault despite being pestered by a person with at least four personalities.  The correct course of action now appears to be to report breaches of the law and use the police as nannies to deal with it.

As far as I am concerned, recent events have told me that people with money and sheltered lives take pleasure in wasting police time attempting to damage each other, and I find this deeply offensive.  The police are there to solve crimes, not waste hours and hours of time bringing cases against people who are basically just irritants and who do not even know what jihad is.

People are starving to death whilst you arse each other around, it is not remotely virtuous to piss about like this. You are supposed to be functional adults and we do not live in a school playground.

I do wonder now, what Muslim women married to morons do for several years whilst their lives are messed up by poor decision making.  I assume the only answer is to get a divorce, as if you choose to misinterpret the hadiths about women, listening to them is the very opposite of what you are supposed to do, even in cases relating to the laws of the land you happen to be in, and even if you are educationally subnormal/high as a kite.  You would have to be deaf or extremely stupid to tolerate this.

In any case, I am very glad the dunce made the mistake of causing me problems, as he has effectively banned himself from bothering me again.  I need do nothing at all.

As for my so-called friend thinking this is a good time to kick me when I am down, bye then.  I will of course refund you when it is possible to do so. And no, I still don’t think your bullshit is a police matter.

Today I think I will write about power dynamics and how they are often distorted in even the kinkiest relationships.

I have written about this in several stories, I was very gentle with Little Shiva, as I was talking from a more emotional standpoint and for some reason the stories wrote themselves for him.  I had very little to do with it, it just poured out.  Likewise the chair, whilst a ton of work, is not taking up much in the way of struggle space.

It was also interesting to see Little Shiva’s different voices when dealing with different people.  My priority early in life was always work, so I think I see things in a very fluent and consistent way across different parts of my life.  Little Shiva was apparently unusually coherent with me, yet wildly inconsistent with everything else, including work and, as it turned out, his actual relationships.

When it comes to power play, the BDSM community are probably the best at expressing fluidity.

As I mentioned in Best Sex Study Ever submissives are often the bossiest partner.  They largely dictate the direction they want things to go in for their chosen relationship, and the dominant partner is then tasked with carrying them out.

Obviously people vary in intensity with how far they want things to go, some people just want to play out some book they have read, such as the unreadable 50 shades stories, and they aren’t really considering the consequences for the rest of their relationship – perhaps it doesn’t actually matter to them.

Cultural differences can also cause confusion.  Other countries are often far healthier in terms of hormone levels, and this also makes a difference.  The rapid decline in sperm count in Western countries, which we are supposed to take as being a mystery, has accompanied the feminism that has brought us part of the way towards some idea of equality.

So, looking at these things together, what happens when one partner is role playing for sexual reasons, whilst the other has a set of beliefs that mean subservience is assumed? What does it do to the respective partners, and is this relationship situation ever going to resolve itself?

I had a chat with a former Arab friend about this quite recently.  He insisted his culture demanded that people adapt to suit him, and I was quick to assure him that since he lived in Scotland, it was not other people that had to adapt. He suggested at one point that women have too much power in Western society, that it was male responsibility to ‘take care’ of women.

This assumption, that women have no control over their behaviour, no opinions and could be written off as simply crazy for acting exactly like a normal thinking human, was what prevented women from voting for several centuries.  It is far from progressive and quite shocking. The individual concerned was making use of this to manipulate his relationships with women far further than intended, largely due to a combination of insecurity and disrespect for other people generally.

I have now heard numerous stories of Scottish-Arab failed marriages, and my comment is usually along the lines of – yeah I’m sure the sex is great for a while, but I don’t see how assumed dominance in men (Arab) is going to go with angry warrior women. (Scotland)  It is a disaster waiting to happen for all sorts of reasons, the main one being that the role playing has a completely different meaning for each partner involved.

In one recent case, the picture became so distorted that the only way of resolving the situation was to reject it.  No discussion was possible.

The answer to this is obviously one of communication, but when you are dealing with a brick wall of posturing and contempt, communication is no longer likely.

I think what this example that I am very loosely referring to shows is that romance and long term relationships are separated where no compromise can be reached – people who keep the romance in their relationship have a far better chance of survival because the give and take elements are more pronounced.

This is not something that is easy to pull off once people get into a routine.  Arguing over the dishes just isn’t terribly sexy unless you choose to make it so.  It is made even less likely when one partner sees no reason not to assume that his idea of roles is static. You cannot argue with static ideas, therefore no compromise is possible.

Personally, I would not choose to engage in such a situation but for those that do, it is very important to establish boundaries early on and stick to them, rather than entertain the all or nothing approach, which is basically a power grab by one partner or the other. A more strategic approach is necessary to avoid the  time consuming and expensive business of failure.

Personally, I identified early in life that being lied to was a lot worse than being cheated on.  It is the insult to your affection, your intelligence, the damage to your self worth of finding you believed someone that simply lied to you.

Today I find that this is just as true.  Whilst I am not, and have not been in a romantic relationship with anyone but myself for many years, I do not tolerate friends lying to me well at all.

Nor do I tolerate people who think they can take their delusions out on me.

In yet another pickle – a person showing all the signs of narcissism without actually having sufficient wit to have the condition is currently targetting me because he cannot target his preferred option.  I have tried ignoring the narc tendencies and being a friend anyway, but this dude tells you that you are attacking him, no matter what the evidence to the contrary, whilst badmouthing you to anyone that will listen.

He is welcome to do this if he wants, it is unlikely to have a significant effect on my life, but this ‘local worthy’ is not very worthy at all.  I could go into details, but it is not the place to do it.

I have encountered other people he has done this to, they have reacted strongly to it.  I don’t plan to.  Why?  Because it is not worth my effort to do so.  The more he does this, the clearer the pattern of his behaviour becomes, and it just makes what he is doing more obvious.

Eventually, nobody will listen to him at all.  Today he announced that he thought the vast majority of people were ‘shit,’ but I was considered relatively OK even as he made numerous threats.

Even if that were true, it would not be helpful for you to notice.  Twisty and I have had many a conversation about people’s reactions.  It turns out that I am a far happier person than most because I choose to ignore it, even when it severely affects my life.

I think this habit is an important one.  If an element of people’s behaviour can be ignored or avoided to reduce your stress levels, then do so.  It is just not helpful to react, even inwardly, to resting bitch face, badmouthing or pissy behaviour because it wastes time you could be spending on something a lot more interesting.  Just let it go.

It turned out that even though Twisty and I have known each other for almost two decades, I still have many stories he has not heard, because I am usually doing something new.  He, on the other hand, likes to burn out synapses by reliving his traumas.  I do not think this is helpful to him at all.

So, I think the first motto for today is ‘drop it already.’

The second motto for today is not so good.  Do not give the gift of your friendship easily, because most people just waste it.

I found the Lehenga for Little Shiva’s chair, and am awaiting funds for a bigger Trishul.  I am toying with the idea of some Ohms as well. Lips are going very well, but I will be looking to replace an entire tonal range, they are so big.

Still a lot of sewing needing done, and I have a lot less time at the job I took to get this done as it is getting busier.

Little bit sad today, some people are being a bit lame, but things are looking up on the income front.

Don’t miss the previous chapter, and am reviewing a few things from the past that I should not have bothered with as a result.  People will mess things up regardless, it is a good idea sometimes to get out of the way and let them do it rather than protecting them from themselves.

I think it is the powerlessness that annoys me the most.  I like to look at problems and find solutions for them.  Other people apparently like to roll about in them.

I think it might be time for some writing, since I still do not have anybody capable of filming and no longer feel I want to make anything due to being let down so many times. I am not sure how I am supposed to promote anything like this.  It is tedious.

May go and work on the games, since life has moved on since I was last doing it.