That Referendum Swordplay in full

The Telegraph have published a fascinating account of how the Conservative gladiator games played out in relation to Boris, but I suspect, from the passing glimpses I saw, it is not entirely true.


What is clear is that there has been a lot of manipulation, a complete disregard for the public, and a lot of lying.  David Cameron became paranoid, as all long term leaders do, and started playing games, so what follows is what I suspect really happened:




David Cameron:  I don’t like the look of UKIP, they have four million voters. What can we do about it, Giddypants?


George Osborne:  I don’t think you have much to worry about, Piggy, they don’t have many MPs.


David Cameron:  I think we should have a referendum.  The Scots seemed to like it, and it certainly shut them up for a while, didn’t it?


George Osborne:  Is that a good idea, piggy?


David Cameron:  Yes, of course it is, it will keep us in the news for weeks.  Nobody will bother finding out what we are doing as long as they are concentrating on a massive spectacle like a referendum.


George Osborne:  What if we don’t win, Piggy?


David Cameron:  Of course we’ll win.  Who shall we pick to run against? Who can we bury with those annoying kippers?


George Osborne:  What about Boris?


David Cameron:  Boris!  What a good idea, but he likes Europe, how can we get him to do it, Giddypants?


George Osborne:  Govey is a friend of his, I shall see if I can get him to swing it for us, Piggy




George Osborne:  Govey, I have a job for you, I’ll swing by your place on Thursday and run it by you.


Michael Gove:  Super Mr George Sir, I will make poussin au citron, just the way you like it. Should I wear heels?




George Osborne:  So, Govey, how would you like a great job in the cabinet?


Michael Gove:  Oh not me, sir, I am not equipped.  Would you care for some more Claret with your plum pudding?


George Osborne:  All you have to do is persuade Boris to lead this pesky Leave campaign.  You need to make sure he loses it. I’m sure the fuck-up can manage that all by himself, but you know, help him along a bit. We can get rid of this UKIP rubbish and Boris at the same time.  Piggy would be ever so grateful.


Michael Gove:  How would I go about that, sir?


George Osborne:  You know Boris, all you have to do is persuade him that he is the best man for the job.  Flatter him a bit.  Give him a nice glass of the good stuff.


Michael Gove:  Yes, sir, of course sir.  I will report back to you next Thursday.




Michael Gove:  Piggy needs a favour.  He needs you to head up the Leave campaign in the referendum.


Boris Johnson:  What? I can’t do that.  Everybody knows I think we should be in Europe.


Michael Gove:  He’s picked you to lose it for him.  You’re so honoured, I am a tad jealous.  He trusts you.  I will hang around and give you all the information you need, so all you have to do is make all the speeches sound like a joke.


Boris Johnson:  Oh right, so that nobody takes it seriously. That might be fun.  I could impersonate Trump, hahahahahahaha.  Pass the Port, Govey.




Boris Johnson:  Where did they get that 350 million figure on the bus?


Michael Gove: Oh, I think some assistant put it there.  Farage mentioned it I think.


Boris Johnson:  That figure isn’t right.  It’s only 160 million.  I can’t say that.


Michael Gove:  Does it matter?  You’re supposed to lose the referendum anyway.


Boris Johnson:  No, I don’t suppose it does. Will everybody hate me for doing this?


Michael Gove:  I’m sure you will be fine, Boris, just keep on messing up those speeches.




David Cameron:  (by telephone) You utter fucktard, Boris, you were supposed to lose.  Get out of bed at once!


Boris Johnson:  Piggy?  We didn’t win, did we?  Dear God, I’m sorry, Piggy.


David Cameron:  Now I’ll have to resign.  I’ll get you back for this, you mark my words. You never get it right, you utter cockwomble.


Boris Johnson:  Shit, maybe I should go away for a few days.






Michael Gove:  Well done, Boris.  Now you should run for PM.


Boris Johnson:  What?  I don’t really want to be PM. I can’t afford the pay cut, and the hours are terrible.


Michael Gove:  Of course you should run for PM.  The people love you.  There’s no way they actually had an opinion regardless of what you did or said, they are way too stupid.


Boris Johnson:  I don’t want anything more to do with this, Govey.


Michael Gove:  I’ll be your campaign manager and make all the calls.  Don’t worry about a thing.


Boris Johnson: Oh God, what have I done?




Michael Gove:  Everyone says they want me to run, I am so lovely and grey and the public hate me.


Mrs Gove:  How about I do a nice leak to the press for you?


Michael Gove:  You are the most adorable woman I have ever met, strumpetlips.


Mrs Gove:  I know. Fetch the riding crop and my boots.




George Osborne: You are a sharp operator Govey. I like it.


Michael Gove:  Thank you sir.  May I lick your boots?


George Osborne:  You may, and kindly fetch the cane. You deserve a treat.






Remember kids, politics IS a popularity contest.  Labour and Conservative have both forgotten. The two most popular politicians of the last four decades are being crucified right in front of us.



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Goodbye Britain

Goodbye Britain

How ironic, the Union is finally going to be ended by an Aberdonian Tory in the form of Michael Gove.


Never underestimate the power of a good graphic.  Boris was a good graphic, with good egalitarian rhetoric and an unusually optimistic vibe for a Conservative.  As I suspected, the Nasty Party preferred a Nasty Grey candidate.


Theresa May is a dull schoolteacher, Michael Gove is a backstabber, hated even by dull schoolteachers, Crabb is a psychotic Christian who believes in the gay cure, and who on earth cares about the other candidates?


In the meantime, Labour is eating itself because the Blair/Brownites cannot manage to read any Labour Party history and want to stand behind a corporate breezemerchant rather than the very serious man the members and electorate prefer.  The LibDems are irrelevant, and UKIP have managed to get their referendum, but lost the war in terms of appeal to anyone but racist little Englanders.


It is all very sad, but we are going to have to make more strenuous efforts to cut ties with the other country.  It is even sadder, because if the rUK proceeds with Brexit, I predict that the UK will be far richer within two decades.


What a shame.  People with a little money fear losing it, the public are trained to make snap kneejerk judgements, and apparently nobody listens to or interprets information anymore.  More people will starve to death, and there will be less reason than ever to bother to vote for many.


It is a very sad and predictable day in British politics. Goodbye rUK, I guess we will have to leave, just as the most interesting and potentially lucrative opportunity we have ever rolled the dice on came our way.

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Why we must ensure Brexit

In case you are in any doubt about your vote, whatever your reason for voting either brexit or remain, here are the countries who will now be asking for their own referendum.  These are not poor countries, and 40-60 percent of Europeans cannot readily be dismissed as racists who do not know anything about politics.


We in Scotland have our own agenda, and so I have no problem with your vote either way, but if you are suffering from any regret, please read through the following, non-tabloid links and see how many people agree that the question should be asked and answered by national populations. (Why does a country with a strong engineering history and an unreasonable amount of coast hate fishermen and shipbuilders?)


For our Tory remainers, do bear in mind that countries who leave will be looking for guidance and a trading partner, so try not to weaken in the short term because you are worried about your house and share prices.  Try not to be selfish for once. Everything is going to be fine.




8th EU nation threatens referendum


Six More Countries Want Referendums to Exit EU


Nearly half of voters in 8 EU countries want EU referendum


Brexit EU referendum Domino

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A positive response to Brexit

A positive response to Brexit

There is a severe lack of positivity surrounding the vote to exit the EU, so today I will be making a post about exiting the EU, from the perspective of somebody who apparently looks on events such as this from an unusually long perspective.

It is, of course, easy to do this when you do not have to worry about business, mortgage, or standing in a slightly different queue at the airport.  I have perused the media, parliamentary coverage and a variety of ridiculously underqualified commentators spreading their muck across the airwaves and probably getting very well paid for it.  I will also be making a few choice comments for the benefit of some exceptionally stupid Scots I have come across online.


Here goes nothing:

Clearly the remain option was the safest over the short term, however it is likely that we will be the first of many nations seeking to leave the EU, and so it is likely that we will not be short of trading partners as the process of undoing the globalisation process continues.  You, as a miniscule actor in globalisation, are unlikely to benefit from it.  The popular hatred of the one percent/bankers/anyone with more money than you is very much entwined with arguments for globalisation, and so you need to understand some basic facts:

The EU, the USA, the trade deals going on such as TTIP, CETA, TPP etc are all fundamental to the process of globalisation.  Globalisation benefits large companies in the following ways –

regulation, which they tell you as the consumer is for your benefit, is actually a way of preventing smaller businesses and poorer countries from competing with big business and protectionist states.  Regulation is an extremely effective barrier to entry for smaller businesses, and so lots and lots of regulation is highly desirable if you happen to own a stupendously large company.  It is not for your benefit at all. eg.  Would you rather work at the ASDA checkout, for an American company, or start your own bespoke greengrocers, because the eventual consequence of globalisation is that Walmart, owners of ASDA, will regulate you out of the market altogether. If you allow companies to legally challenge governments, nothing can prevent them from doing this.

The USA, like the EU, refers to free trade. There is no such thing as free trade. If there was you would not set up trade agreements or indeed the single market. The illusion of free trade is a bullying mechanism by which nation states seek to dominate markets and other countries.  If you have any doubts about this, go and research how the USA began trading with Japan. In much the same way the single market is a mechanism by which the entire EU is much easier to manipulate for larger players, whether these are countries or businesses.  The USA is a particular menace as their constitution and political habits effectively rate companies above the nation state.  In order to avoid the knock on effects of their problems, it is wise to seek as much autonomy as possible if you wish to retain any effective freedom of action and opportunity for your own population.

Mobility of populations is also for the benefit of business, not consumers or employees.  Several EU states have unprecedented levels of unemployment and debt since joining, for two reasons.  The first is too many people wishing to locate in the one place, the second being that the EU provides a safety net for countries taking on too much debt when they are unable to pay.  Further, unemployment is now seen as desirable for many countries, since it means that business gets to choose from a wide range of employees.  This does not help you in the course of your life, but it does aid large businesses because they can choose people who are willing to agree to their mistakes and prevents progressive thought within their businesses. It also suppresses wages.

As part of the EU, Britain has seen the decline of manufacturing in the UK.  Many people are confused about this, and in the last few days I have heard many blaming Thatcher for it.  Thatcher was actually a lot fairer than our current Conservative government, since she believed in home ownership, share ownership and entrepreneurship for all social classes.  George Osborne has spectacularly failed to encourage the roots of the economic garden in the form of promoting small business start ups, therefore we have no stimulus to remove the need for perpetual austerity. On the contrary, perpetual austerity and the suppression of optimism generally has caused more recession than we actually needed to experience.

Nobody has revived the domestic economy, in the form of encouraging British people to buy British goods.  The effect of this is that you need far more capital to start even a small business, since you have to pay attention to regulation and prepare for marketing overseas before you have adequately tested your product. British people are inventive, and without a prototype, you cannot produce a finished product.  We need to stimulate the market within the UK, in order to serve the wider global community.

The nation state generally is becoming less relevant as businesses get bigger.  Giving large businesses more power is unwise, since we already have a situation in which countries such as the Uk are so desperate for even a small amount of tax, that they are prepared to give overseas companies massive tax concessions.  If companies do not get these concessions, they will simply locate their offices elsewhere, benefiting countries willing to accept small amounts of corporation tax such as Switzerland.

BT is a case in point.  Without tax havens, Britain would also be considerably worse off.  There is unlikely to be a reversal of this process, and so if we continue to discourage small business, we will eventually be in a state where only the consumer funds the nation state by paying any tax at all.  Do you really want your future to consist of being employed by a multinational, spending your entire wages on the meagre supplies you can afford, provided by the same companies?  The EU is set up to hasten this process, and so the short to medium term benefits of being part of a superstate, are likely to become long term hazards to your life as an individual, whether you are a money grubbing ass kisser or not.  I am sure that this is an unintended outcome, but it is not a desirable one.

Markets are always unstable, and the media is never independent.  If you pay close attention to what you are watching or reading, you will find that it is rare that a genuine expert on anything is presented to you.  Now it turns out that our elected representatives are just as incompetent as we are, so you cannot afford to be lazy when it comes to seeking information on which to make decisions.  It is neither surprising, nor particularly horrifying, that companies are making threats, kneejerk judgements and that the media is keen to terrify you by spreading them.  Do not accept even ‘expert’ opinions, as the gun is always loaded.

Whilst there will be short term uncertainty, which the Conservative party will be keen to capitalise on, especially whilst the Blair and Brownites are trying to destroy what is left of the Labour Party rather than leave and start their own, the return to the nation state gives you, the individual far more control over your future and opportunities.  Similar to my previous post on feudalism, it is, quite simply, far easier to stop the economic and political machine if you want to.  Being part of a superstate prevents you from having any control at all over your own destiny.  This is a statement of fact, not an opinion.  People have more protection and more of their interests served by local representation, not distant discussion. The sky is not falling, and none of this is unexpected, with the apparent exception of the Bullingdon Boys who missed that history lesson.

The fishing industry, with the associated shipping industry and engineering skills thereof, was crucial to the British economy before the EU effectively removed it. Why do none of the whinging remainers care about coastal populations?  It was central to British success over centuries.

Finally, for the benefit of the aforementioned stupid Scots.  No, neither Nicola or Alex think about much apart from Scotland.  They do not envisage becoming President of a Scottish superstate.  The political strategy you are witnessing is exceptionally clever, even if it is a mystery to you.  You would serve your own interests better if you watched and learned.  The SNP is likely to branch into separate interest groups once we have a country to rule, so do not assume that every SNP member sits on a party line in the same way that the Labour Party has traditionally functioned.  Since the other parties are still too stupid to respond with any interest, I will refrain from outlining this at this point in time.

I hope this is sufficient to engage your interest in learning more before you shoot your mouths off hating people for trying to give you a decent future.  Short term pain, long term gain.  Enough with the panic already.

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Boris Johnson – Elvis on Mars

I know this is probably going to be unpopular, but I rather like Boris.  Boris shares many characteristics with my former muse, David Wolfe.  (you knew I would sneak you in somehow)


I have mentioned before that I managed to have an argument with his sister Rachel some years ago, as she is so far removed from everyone else’s functionality that she lacks the ability to converse or accept advice from anyone.  I was attempting to assist her in finding a new identity for The Lady magazine, a publication which I used to carry in the belief that I would be identified as someone who rated integrity above the usual concerns of self-aggrandisement and remuneration.  Little did I know that these negative attributes also apply to people who should really be above them due to their significant advantages in life.


I imagine that this gives me some insight into Boris.  His career to date would make anyone without an inflated sense of self and importance blush, but not Boris.  Boris cruises through life, is extremely well paid for being himself, and still we continue to forgive and encourage him.


I was considering a comparison with Dick Whittington, but I think Boris has now exceeded poor Mr Whittington’s achievements, and is likely, despite some unpopularity with certain Conservatives, to continue to exceed them.  Apparently the sky is the limit for this flawed but charming chap.


And now, it seems that our own dear Boris will be running for PM and leadership of the Conservative Party.  I have my doubts as to whether he is capable of dragging the party back to a position of popularity with anyone but the slightly more fortunate, but given his position, slightly outside the prefecture we have not enjoyed in the slightest, I am sure he would make a popular and entertaining PM, were the party to consider it.


Alas, the Conservative party like their candidates a little grey, and so I wonder if they will select him.  He seems to be a tad abrupt with those who actually work with him, despite the pleasing dishevelment and quick wit.


So, in order to endorse Boris, despite his repellent and extremely rude sister, I would like to suggest to the Conservative party that in order to be considered for any further terms, they should appoint the adorably grey Gove as Chancellor, ditch the appalling trio of Cameron, Osborne and Duncan-Smith to whichever Tory hellhole that most closely resembles a jobcentre, complete with terrified and hostile staff.  There they can enjoy the fruits of their own labours.


I am of the opinion that Boris planned to lose the referendum, and this is another in a long list of charming accidents.  I said in my previous post, and I will say it again IT IS NOT NECESSARILY A BAD ACCIDENT.  Like Boris, Britain is dishevelled, inventive, and fast on its feet.  Like Boris, Britain is well capable of making the best of a difficult situation, and like Boris, Britain is not always nice to those assisting as the country blunders its way through history.  He represents the country perfectly, and short of Scotland rescuing England from the risks involved in Brexit, he is the ideal solution to a problem voters created by opting for a risky but optimistic future.


In a future where the population is likely to become considerably more engaged and educated about politics, it will take a strong, charming person who admits and learns from mistakes, not a blustering, arrogant pair of giggling twits like Osborne and Cameron.  Whether you like it or not, we are well rid of the pair of them.  I move we go for the entertaining option, with a side order of sensible economic policy which benefits the people who have suffered most under a system which has bled small and medium sized business and domestic spending in favour of fat savings, fat business, and skinny prospects for most of the people in the UK.  We now have an opportunity for optimism, and I would like to see this optimism, this vigour and stimulation for growth which touches real people as soon as possible, so I say, let us encourage the wise fool. Boris is the best option England has got.

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EU referendum postscript

EU referendum postscript

So, yesterday Britain went to the polls to vote on whether we wanted to be in or out of the European Union.


The campaign on both sides was pretty woeful, Boris appears to have taken the job as leader of the Brexit campaign in order to bluff the population out of voting Brexit, a fact that most of the media has ignored. I have never seen Boris make so many errors as he did during the campaign, which leads me to believe that he took it on as a favour to Cameron.


Meanwhile the Remain campaign, headed by David Cameron himself, was just as lazy and complacent as their assumption that we in Scotland would be too lazy to consider running our own country.


Hilariously, England and Wales have voted out, and everyone else plus London and the richer cities have voted to remain in.  Boris probably had about fifteen minutes to write his speech this morning.


Nobody appears to have planned for a vote to exit, and nobody seems to be able to imagine the UK without the EU.  Younger voters have been tweeting all day about the selfish old codgers who supposedly ruined their futures by voting to leave the EU. They have been trained to find someone to hate in response to news that they do not like.  Who should it be this week?  The fat, the old, the smoker, the drinker, the ehead, the junkie.  Whatever floats your boat, it is no fun to actually look at the truth, and it probably takes more than 30 seconds.


There do not seem to be many people willing to discuss it that actually remember what the UK was like before we joined in the first place.  In 1975, there was weeks of discussion over whether it was a good idea, huge resistance to doing it, and a large number of people and industries have suffered in order to benefit a few large companies and extremely rich people. These same younger voters know nothing of Britain’s fishing industry, eating British produce when it was in season, or actually being able to get work when you were looking for it instead of endless temporary work whilst you wait to get a job that you are actually trained for.  I am by no means suggesting that Britain was paradise, but it was certainly easier for my older siblings, who all benefited from the pre-EU economy, to find gainful and permanent employment than it was for me. Marks and Spencers, for another example, used to sell classic styling made in Britain.  We generated domestic income by promoting things ACTUALLY MADE HERE, and people had work.


Driving around Scotland, you can see traces of the industries that have been destroyed since then, by a combination of Westminster policy, EU rulings, and the ability to easily move jobs thanks to a more advanced system which meant that company owners no longer needed to care if they were destroying an entire region by removing thousands of jobs.  Kilmarnock made carpets, Port Glasgow had shipping services, Rothesay was the holiday destination for railway workers.  All over Scotland you can marvel at the astonishing amounts of money we once had to build incredibly beautiful buildings, and the people now housed in cardboard blocks of flats, who once earned a decent living and spent money, sustaining everybody around them as they did so.


Whilst the porridge wogs are, of course, of no importance to the English and Welsh voters who have now decided to revive the old UK, (they hate everyone with equal venom)  they have now noticed similar desertification of their own areas, and they are angry with Westminster.  Scottish people are just whingers, of course, but these proud English have expressed their anger by demanding that Britain exit what is seen to be a controlling EU, which somehow manages to induce the Conservative Government that these same people voted for, to create policies which kill the disabled through neglect and welfare punishment, invite an underclass of immigrants to undercut the fake minimum wage, and – shock horror – reduce their local services.


Does anyone seriously think that their favoured Conservative Government is more trustworthy with human rights, the environment, TTIP, TISA, CETA and promoting a healthy economy which benefits everyone within Britain?  No, I do not think they do.  I think they are more like my neighbour, who does not want Scottish independence in case he has to do some additional paperwork and refuses to understand that people are dying BECAUSE HE VOTED TORY.  I think they have, like the young, been trained to hate, and they have chosen the traditional English way out – it is Johnny Foreigner’s fault.


With my economics hat on, I forsee interesting times.  I do not forsee a return to ‘Buy British’ or the heyday they seem to think they will return to, but a country that allows you to make a living and allows the fishing boats to fish their own waters would be nice, so it is not the end of the world.  The pound going down is not so bad either, since it will create a demand for the goods nobody sees the point in making any more.


It may also interest the disappointed youth to know that nobody was prevented from going on holiday before we joined the EU.

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Shun the weak

One of Harry’s favourite sayings, when I was still with him was “Shun the weak.”  It usually referred to people who confused me by being a bit lame, but since my recent conversation with him, I now realise that he thought that I was the sort of person who does this, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, including my relationship with him.


As someone who has attracted many weak men, I now have quite a bit of knowledge of them.  People have different opinions as to what constitutes weakness, of course – I am sure a go-getter like Wolfe would think it was weak to look after a disabled person, for example, but as someone who has actually done it, I can tell you he would not have the foggiest idea what he was talking about.  Rehabbing a person back from stroke and multiple bereavements takes a kind of strength people like him know nothing about.


So, let us begin by deciding what I mean by weak on this occasion:

Intense jealousy
Unwillingness to accept the knowledge or kindness of others
Inability to think for themselves without reference to others
Desire for the positive opinions of others, however transitory
Contempt for people not in their social circle
Driven by acquisition or ‘putting one over’ on others
The wish to prove the stupidity of others
Inability to accept that other people have opinions or requirements independently of them
Need for admiration
Inability to admit when they are wrong
Inability to make decisions without a reference point involving the opinions of others

I was aware when I spent a lot of time with Aldous, that he believed that people only rated in relation to social worth, and since I do not choose to spend time with groups of people, I came fairly low on his idea of the pecking order.  He was most surprised, when we travelled, that I had a wide range of friends in fairly far flung places, that although I did not see them often, knew me extremely well.  It amused me intensely that I went up several notches in his estimation, purely on the basis that a bunch of people he didn’t even know liked me.


I doubt that he even considered that having met his friends years before, I preferred to spend my time alone actually doing things other than drinking or smoking weed.  I doubt very much that he consciously thought about it at all.  He was probably busy filing reasons for disliking me away in his little cabinet, a habit his brother also clung to.


One of the first things I noticed when it came to Wolfe, that he was basically an Aldous or Harry who has happened to make some money.  This puts him into a secondary or tertiary category when it comes to his immediate social circle.  It is probably just as well he keeps himself busy, or he might actually notice that he isn’t as popular with them as he might think.  It takes time, confidence and a lot of introspection to get to the point where you no longer need anyone’s approval and you can afford to let go of things like jealousy, the desire for blind faith etc.  No realistic relationship consists of people admiring each other to the point of mutual and public masturbation, which is why Ina is necessarily a fairly spiky character.


Personally, I am very guilty of being too polite, overcompensating for people’s feelings if I determine that there is something I can do about it, and putting other people before myself.  This is a different kind of weakness.  Whilst I have no problem with confrontation, I am well aware that other people do, and so I take measures accordingly.  Not everyone has the benefit of ten years working under extreme pressure and getting the job done, so they often prefer to bitch behind your back.  My advice is let them, shrug it off and get on with whatever you want to do. Generally speaking, if you do this, sooner or later someone else will come along and join in, slowing you down considerably. It is up to you whether you allow this or run away, but running away sometimes has unintended consequences.


Try starting your day by affirming that there is nothing wrong with you.  If you find that other people have a problem with that, try ignoring them.  If this does not work, try moving away from them altogether.  Jealousy is useless to you.  If someone wants to be with you they will be with you.  Nobody admires you 24/7, so stop seeking that out.  If someone says that they do have blind faith, get rid of them because they are probably stabbing you somewhere you just cannot see.  Life is not that simple, but you can simplify it considerably by dropping the boring baggage.


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Damaged people

Further to the previous post, I have taken some time to think about damaged people today. I am sure most people do not bother to consider why people act the way they do, but as someone who is easily confused by crap people, I have spent a long time considering damage.

Sometimes people cannot help the way they behave.  One friend of mine is continuously manipulative, constantly looking for weaknesses to exploit, and when he finds a way in, takes it to the max.  He does this to make himself feel in control.  It is not much fun being at the receiving end of this, but the other 80 or so percent of the relationship is fine, so I tend to let myself become extremely depressed by the time I point back towards the boundary he has crossed.

It was extremely out of character for me to fight back when Wolfe ate me up and spat me out as worthless 6 years ago.  Normally I would have absorbed a considerable amount of pain and been very unhappy.  Instead I created Ina.

My life really ended at 33, when my father moved downstairs in the course of his battle with dementia.  This meant that my going out at night would have been inconsiderate, and my mother’s heart problem and refusal to get treatment meant I was quite frightened to leave her alone in the house in case I came back to find her expired.

Since then, I have been continuously attacked by both friends and relatives, for a variety of reasons.  I am no angel, but grieving for five people was seen as an opportunity to pile as much pain on as possible.  In the case of my friends, they were fairly damaged people to begin with, had hit middle age, and thought they would come back and do whatever they liked to make things worse.  In the course of this, they were sometimes quite helpful.  Harry, for example, was very helpful with my mother in the weeks following her stroke, staying in the studio so that she did not become confused, enabling me to continue working for some years whilst caring for her.

My relatives were the real shocker.  They refused to pass on information, they refused to help, they refused to acknowledge their parents’ illnesses, they told me that life would be better if I didn’t exist, and then they tried to use badmouthing me to rob their own parents.  As you can imagine, I was pretty shot up by the time the Wolfe incident happened. (see welcome page for a sanitised Wolfe friendly version of this.)

Basically by the time it got to the strangely devastating first blocking – there have been about nine, between his personally blocking me and his dumb staff doing it – it was a case of fighting it or losing my spirits entirely.  As I was dragging mother through the worst period of her life, losing my spirits was not an option, and besides, Wolfe doesn’t have much of a clue about anything other than how to make money out of health food.  You cannot be a genius at everything.

Every piece of information people have tried to pass to me about Wolfe paints a picture of a horrible, selfish person who assumes that being nice to him means they are stupid.  I do not believe this picture, from the scanty information I derived directly, Sam, whilst being a cleaned up version, is closer to the mark in terms of general cluelessness. Personally, from the few interactions, I preferred him when he was a bit fed up and laconic, but you will be lucky to catch him in this more appealing and less exuberant mood.

The key to this mode of personal presentation is a fear of seriousness, so as you can imagine, a fat academic woman is not something that he finds particularly appealing as someone to waste five whole minutes on.  Wolfe has hit a mark of popularity and brevity which yields maximum results.  Seriousness is neither desirable, nor an option if you delve too deeply.  This was key to Ina’s development.  I wasted years worrying about hitting a mark nobody else would even know exists, in terms of my academic and artwork.  So, it was entirely appropriate to start banging out lots and lots of new forms of the work I had been developing for years.

So, when I dissect Wolfe, flatter Wolfe, or decide to finally discard Wolfe, it is because I mean it, not because I have ulterior motives.  This is not something he is likely to ever understand, because he has no time to understand anything beyond the question of whether there is money or girls involved.  That is OK.  Once the book and third section of the artwork is complete, it leaves the game to be completed.  This is still a couple of years worthwhile work, for a person who neither gives a shit, nor shows any sign of growing out of a petulant sulk he has maintained for five years now.

I sincerely hope he finds the airhead beachbum that considers it worthwhile to lose her figure sitting on her ass working as hard as I have worked for no results at all in terms of attracting the slightest bit of fucking respect or courteous behaviour.  Then I hope that he jumps off the nearest cliff.


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Time off is dangerous

Time off is dangerous

As with my career in catering, now a long time ago, caring is a full-on thing to do.  You are basically on-call 24 hours a day, for a person who if they are human, will not appreciate what you have had to give up for them all the time, and who does not rate you much higher than a vacuum cleaner, if they even remember what that is.


My mother’s time in hospital this time has been very different.  Nobody is interested in her medical background, they apparently believe that she went from fully functional to late stage dementia in one giant step, and even as I try to inform them of the background information they need, they continue to tell me that I do not matter.


Now the I don’t matter thing is normal.  My mother has told me many times that I do not matter.  The department that tried to take her house told me that I do not matter, my siblings have been at great pains to declare that I do not matter, and the inadequate males that I have wasted my life on have all decided that I do not matter after many months of being assured that they do.  The I don’t matter thing is a central theme in my life.


It is one thing to be strong and generous enough to discard this and carry on regardless, and it is another when your health is starting to fail because you too have decided that you do not matter.  Every time you allow your friend to stand in your kitchen and tell you that you are selfish for wanting to eat properly and therefore do not want crap food in your house etc out of politeness you too are agreeing that you do not matter.


There is only one problem with all of this.  I do matter.  Without me, my mother would have been dead years ago, the house and money would have been gone, nobody would have maintained or looked after anything, and my lengthy queue of guys that could not be bothered thinking for themselves would be in an even worse state than they are already. My siblings and a few of my exs would all have a criminal record and my cats would be split up and rehomed elsewhere.  If I decide that I matter, then everything falls apart for pretty much everyone around me.


Now it is the hospital that are deciding what my mother needs, based on no knowledge of her at all apart from recent testing, and they are telling me that I do not matter.  I am supposed to meekly agree to having the house invaded by strangers several times a day and allow access to my lunatic sisters, who will use this opportunity to have me under continual investigation for whatever deranged garbage they trump up this time.


I am now seriously considering refusing to participate in any of this, which means that my mother would have to be put into care, my siblings could take their bullshit somewhere else, and I do not have to wake up petrified every day, looking for other things (like Wolfe) to care about rather than address any of this.


I am tired of people so full of shit that they cannot spare the two minutes of flexibility to consider what they are putting other people through.  Inflexibility is a strong marker of poor health and aging.  These people apparently need rings through their noses, so they can be led by some patient person to stare at the blisteringly obvious and be told what to think, because apparently they cannot manage it.


The continuing situation has been killing me for some time, it killed my son, which upsets me every day, and I do not think any of these people deserved anything like the quality of care that they got.  Wolfe is a cheap scumbag, my exs mostly took advantage, my mother was a cruel, irrational and unfeeling woman who watched me weep day after day and refused to address the issues with the family she seems to think she did not need to parent.  At no point has anyone considered what I have been put through.


My goodwill has run out. I doubt it ran out fast enough for my health.

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Blocked again sigh

Hi David,

Have no idea how long ago you blocked me on Twitter, assumed you weren’t lowering yourself to look at my thousands of hours of work anyway.


yada yada bitter and twisted shite









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