Today we took my mother to lunch.

It was a beautiful day, and we took her to a lovely restaurant, followed by a nice boat trip.  Thanks to the resolution of some of the issues that I have been confronted with recently, I was able to give her the day she deserved and now I just have to do some paperwork.

I am in some demand at the moment, so things are likely to be quite hectic from next week.  This week I have a few endings to tie up, and I am guessing a few things will be happening tomorrow in preparation for next week, so that means a lot of other work.

In the meantime, life is almost back to normal after the Staring Brat episodes.

I will be doing some powerboating in town tomorrow evening, which is bound to be fun, followed by some personal upgrades over the weekend.

I would like to meet somebody quite soon, so I will be making some efforts in that direction.  I need some help to get some artwork done, and I am a bit fed up with timewasters at the moment.

I also need a channel, things have been a bit awry recently.  Generally, however, I think things are improving now that I no longer feel the need to take any shit.

Sometimes it is important to do the unthinkable.

What sort of person omits to tell a lady he is married, then gets her fired and persistently hits her website looking to cause further trouble in whatever way he can?

Certainly nobody I would want to know.

Get a life, Staring Brat 2, your wife has your photos out in public and has a bigger audience. The very exclusive audience on this website is waiting for you to go away and buy some more overpriced clothing with your overtime money so that you can pretend you are of any importance whatsoever. Nobody is responsible for your behaviour but you, and it’s me that has been defamed and lost income, not you.

You have zero integrity left.  My opinion of you couldn’t get much lower.  You can thank Staring Brat 1 for your non-status. You are just another creepy, talentless little boy with a personality problem and this is about as exciting as your life is likely to get. That’s reality. The only people circulating this website at your workplace are you and your pal.

FYI the post he got you hysterical about this time was very nice.  You, however, are not.  Go and learn how to keep staff.

Staring Brat 2 has now also vanished from the website lists.  This has happened a few times, however, and it has been temporary and usually at the weekend every time, so I am not entirely convinced.

So, since he is off doing something more productive, today is a good day to talk about celibacy.

Surprisingly, for someone who has made repression my inspiration and because of this, rather a preoccupation, I have been celibate for six or seven years.

At the time, I made the decision not to persist with my previous relationships as they were time-consuming, a bit negative and were a link to a life I had left behind in order to make the necessary developments I felt I had to make because of my grand passion for Wolfe.

I could have persisted in a rather masculine sex as sport kind of way, but I am a very honest person, and I did not feel that this was a good use of time.  I would much rather be thinking than doing anything else, and other people tend to corrode your flow somewhat. A great example of this is with pre-dementia and brain altered states.  You frequently find yourself spending less and less time with some friends, because it quite literally makes you crazy.

Sex, especially as it involves personalities you may otherwise not wish to spend any time with, is quite bad for this.

The last partner I had was a rigger called Mark, who was rather good at rope work, yet appalling at verbal communication.  This got annoying very fast, as I am afraid caring is a 24 hours job and it is simply not convenient to be pandering to a silent person’s fantasies whilst you are on call. He was at the end of a long chain of exs, whom I had been involved with almost thirty years previously.  They were all very helpful around lifting heavy items but not very clued up that time had passed and they were not dealing with a sixteen year old any more.

I would like to say I was sorry to see them go, but alas I was not.  I have not been at my most productive recently, due to the dearth of randiness involved in grieving and being very angry about my mother’s death.

Strangely when I actually met Wolfe, I was poised for flight throughout, not because of anything he was doing, but because I feared what I would say.  I think I probably got a long story across very quickly, and so we have a long term truce situation pending my actually getting my act together.  Hopefully things are settling sufficiently that this year will be a little more productive in that direction.  As I was saying to a former friend, the Wolfe story is a love story, rather than a sex story, so it doesn’t have to have an end really.  It isn’t like I am likely to fall in love with America any time soon.

So, I am in the very odd situation of apparently being very charged, with the outlet for the battery being creative rather than sexual.  This seems to be very hard for some people to understand.  I guess it is a bit like being a unicorn or a fairy.

Anyway, as someone who has had a great number of high stress relationships, I cannot recommend being single highly enough.  More people should take it up, for longer periods.  My belief is that if you do finally meet someone worthwhile, it makes you far more generous as a partner as a result of knowing yourself better.  It is far easier to present a considered approach when you have that extra bit of emotional work and self-knowledge to draw upon.  It also makes you self-evaluate things like jealousy before expressing them.  Most jealousy is just a primal waste of time, and very negative. As a means of expressing something else, it is amusing, but only to a third party.  Apart from that, it is a time-wasting bore.

I think also it is easier to let go of things.  I could have assumed that Staring Brat 2 was more significant, for example, as the attraction was uniquely strong, but thankfully I am not a trusting soul, nor do I get angry about things that don’t actually matter, particularly at work.

Anyway, I think there always ought to be something bigger in your life.  Without something bigger, your relationships can turn sour on the basis that they have more centrality in your life than they really should. Anyone can get laid.  Not everyone can build an empire.

Aww, Staring Brat 2 is the only one still staring at the website after only three days of post recycling.  Happy Birthday to me.

I will be spending it working, since I now have a job with overtime at last.

Since I appear to have ripened somewhat late in life, I will be spending it alone despite having had a great deal of attention paid to me in the last week or so.  I have had the choice of a twenty something drunk, a thirty something shy geek (he is probably in the actual running, since I rather like shy geeks and he is very cheeky)  and yet another gym bunny.

Why I have such appeal for gym bunnies is a mystery, since I am clearly not a gym bunny.  My vitality is much like my mother’s and is powered by chocolate, ginger and a lot of greenery. I do not particularly like muscles, but apparently they like me.

I also walk six to nine miles per day, although this is rather time consuming and the sooner I get my weight down far enough to run the better.  Showers at work are a thing now, so that makes life a bit better in that respect.  I do spend around three hours on walking at the moment, and this is likely to increase unless I can up the speed.  I am up to three miles an hour without a problem, but I do see lighter people speeding past me, so I have a long way to go.

A couple of interesting jobs in the pipeline.  One has fairly massive earning potential but look as if it may be quite monotonous, and one is at a useful angle in terms of developing a couple of my new projects. We shall see what happens.  I may end up working from home yet.

I have drawn the conclusion from the frisson of male interest that Staring Brat 2 and I have something fairly important in common, despite our many differences, and I do not share this characteristic with any of the other people showing interest.  It makes me question my aversion to taking things at face value when otherwise attached people show interest in me, since I am aware that trying to pretend that you are something you aren’t is largely futile.  Unless Staring Brat 2 is stupid, he will know what I mean eventually. It will be too late for us to do anything about it, but that’s OK.  I couldn’t live with myself if I caused the inevitable break-up if he decides to be happy.

Anyway, it couldn’t be worse than last year, when I discovered after years of personal change, that the love of my life was married.  That was a bombshell.

Twisty has been vile again this year, so I do not think he will survive this time. I am gutted that I let Boris down, although I hope it will make no difference to his triumph and that he can forgive my somewhat chaotic year.

The glow and twinkle are back, in the meantime, and I am quite enjoying my dull job, together with more down-to-earth people who do not know or care what I do when I am not there.

What a strange age to be, to suddenly be so appealing?  I can only say to other women of my age group – get out there, there seem to be a lot of neglected younger men that need our attention!