There are many reasons why people are shitty.  I started observing this quite early in life, so I have encountered a lot of shitty people despite spending much of my life avoiding them.

Regular readers following the sad story of SB will know that I have encountered quite a vast array of shittiness, for no apparent reason and despite trying very hard to over-compensate.

Ok so let us go back to the beginning of shittiness:

• Personality disorder – some people are shitty from birth.  They cannot help being shitty, and the only thing you can really do about it is make sure they are unable to harm you any further, because they won’t stop as long as you allow them airtime.
• Associated personality issues – some people do not have the faculties to deal with their surroundings, so they pretend to be stupid in order to function.  This can be quite aggravated and involve severe bullying and causing trauma to others to self-protect. It is far better to be the bully than the bullied, apparently.
• Selfishness – in the event that you are smart yet corrupt then the obvious thing to do is take advantage of other people’s shittiness to further your own agenda.

Ok so that covers my family.

Further shittiness has been mainly work-related, since I do not choose to spend my time with people socially any more. I did not, however, find I had terribly many problems socially because from an early age I did not choose to commit to single social groups, mainly because it was so boring and insular.

• Ambition – this makes people shitty.  Sometimes they will practice on a selected victim in the hope that this will benefit them later.
• Attention – people can get shitty because they seek attention and do not know how to get it any other way.  This varies between personal inadequacy, lack of social skills, fear of emotion, or attachment disorders.   I kicked Wolfe in the shins for years for this reason.
• Bonding – some people bond over being shitty to others.  The girl probably had a marginally easier time when being volunteered into being shitty, until it was far too late. Why SB needed to use me to bond her to him I do not know, since he clearly is the person with the power in that relationship, even from casual observation.  What seems odd is the complete denial that it even exists.  I doubt very much her conversations are relayed to his manager for perusal and shaming purposes.  (the attempt at shaming me was almost hilarious – “so, you are making a CHAIR”)
• Curiosity – if you look remotely interesting or do not respond with the herd, people sometimes get shitty to try to persuade you to conform.  Don’t.
• Self-limitation – this is a huge one in Scotland.  Anybody doing anything is ‘giving themselves airs’ or assuming some sort of superiority, even when all the evidence points to the contrary.
• Assumed superiority – people often assume they deserve status they have utterly failed to earn.
• Lack of self-esteem.  People are often shitty because they hate themselves. This can go back years and affect even quite major figures.
• Paranoia – sometimes people are shitty because they assume you don’t like them, even though you don’t know them at all.

And sometimes people are shitty because they detect vulnerability and decide to kick you in the teeth for no reason other than they can.  I’ve had a lot of that since my mother died, and it is not forgivable.

So then, I think we are back to the point of the second video I ever made for Wolfe.

“If God had not meant for them to be shorn, he would not have created them as sheep.”

Mature Obedient Woman wanted for Housemaid duties in a single bachelor’s large house based in the merchant city in Glasgow city centre G1

Cash in hand £10 per hour for cleaning only OR £15 per hour for home cooking and cleaning.

Weekend work, usually Sunday morning/afternoon for 3 hours if just cleaning or 4 hours if  home cooking and cleaning (occasionally Saturday morning/afternoon instead.)

Cleaning equipment will be provided and (if cooking) cooking ingredients/equipment will be provided. A simple home cooked meal is lovely and complex chef skills are not required.

I’m a good boss, patient and fair, wanting to make my house my “home, sweet home”.

How cute,  I think he might be better off with a personal ad.

LOL

I don’t think I can be bothered with the public today.

At last, the website is back to its usual level of nonentity.

Apart from a few unusual hits from London, which I am hoping indicates investigation of the company, and an unusually engaged individual looking at my actual work, we have peace and quiet once more.

Oddly a few contracts have just come up, all of which pay better and have better experience than the previous one.

Applied for probably sixty jobs yesterday, before and after my disastrous meeting with the ex.  I won’t be making that mistake again.

Now I am considering how best to deal with this apart from the obvious ones.

Most companies are too slow in this day and age.  If you will make it impossible for people to be flexible in terms of actually being able to eat, then you have to speed up employment processes.

Not sure how I feel about everything else, apart from that the world is a dangerous and nasty place, and it is getting worse all the time.  People can no longer survive on their own, which is neither prudent nor right.

If what I suspect is going on is correct, and the pointers indicate that it is, I still need to consider what more I can do to protect people in the future.

My friend in the Gambia got in touch with me to ask how I was and try and worm his way back in yesterday.  I sent him a few computers last year, and I assume he thinks I can send him some more.

“How is your mother?”

“Dead.  They killed her at Christmas.  They tried to kill her in May last year, and I stopped them.”

“What?”  The idea of killing somebody when you don’t have to is astonishing when you come from a country where medical care is administered somewhat differently.

Ex-boyfriend number 1 also got a shock when he asked this question.  I’m heading out to see him today.

I, of course have been blasting my head with music pretty much constantly ever since it happened.  I am the world’s expert at distraction.

Every so often I think she is here, and I rush off to do something for her, and obviously then I remember.  She was not an easy person to get to know, but we figured it out eventually.  I wasn’t the daughter she wanted, but then the daughter she wanted didn’t give a flying fuck about her, which wasn’t terribly helpful.  She was brought up to be a little Tory, and little Tories don’t get help when they need it.  They just assume it happens by magic.  She was insisting even when we got to the palliative stage that she didn’t need a carer.

Aside from that, dealt with the work issue as best I could without it hurting anybody that matters.  I’ve done as much as I can do, which is more than anyone else would do. Now moving on to better things.

I think the main thing is not to let people get in the way.  Whilst obviously the newer short stories are more polished and coherent, I don’t think it was a worthy trade-off.  I really liked SB, thankfully not to the point of being stupid, or things could have been even worse.  I do wonder about the trade-off he has made.  The determination to be invisible and lack of connection is quite distressing.

I used to have an equally beautiful and discombobulated French-Lebanese boyfriend who adored me.  He was so shot up by the stuff that had happened to him that lengthy conversations about ‘nice’ things abounded, and I quickly found I couldn’t stand it.  I was quite relieved when he moved away. Poor Michel.  He had been through a lot.

Unfortunately, what happens to people with PTSD is that other people use them.  They use them because they can.  I don’t know who is yanking the chain in this case for sure, but whoever it is is not a person you want yanking your chains.

I am going to spend some time catching up with more serious writing, and then I will get back to work on the performance art.  At the moment it is more of a case of repairing the damage and trying to limit the amount that can be done in the future.  For this reason, I suggest he plays along with my proposed solution, which is by far the least harmful I could come up with.  I managed this whilst irate, which is a testament to my logical processing, really.

Anyway, must go socialise.