Seriously, so much poison in the press about the Customs Union.  I see a QC in twitter pointing out the trade arrangements between the EU and a variety of countries Boris et al are arguing that we wish to make our own arrangements with as if this justifies running a constant deficit.  Does nobody understand this at all?

It is not a huge surprise that Labour wants to misunderstand it and argue for a Customs Union, because Labour exists on the principle that you are at the mercy of an employer.  Without letting the cat out of the bag, I would render this argument pointless in seconds if I were in a position to be making decisions on social engineering grounds, but I am not in such a position and am unlikely to be daft enough to put myself there,

Just to put this out there – remaining in the Customs Union means remaining within a lot of associated EU rules that people voted to leave to get away from. It is not the rules on products that I refer to here, it is the rules on movement.  It is also the difference between continuing with running a trade deficit versus running a trade surplus, which is what we really want to be doing if we want to end Austerity.

There is no other way of working our way out of debt.  If you run a trade deficit, you are in continual debt, which puts your country in danger.  Making the EU our trading partner means running a deficit.  We have more and better goods in the shops, but we will never be in a position to say we have enough money to do anything positive, because we will always be a debtor nation, albeit a successful one.

Coming out of the Customs Union, on the other hand, means we can set our own tariffs, expand production into other commonwealth countries which have favourable conditions for producing things that we cannot, for example due to weather.

As I have previously mentioned, a low pound is a good thing if you wish to foster more industrial investment and production, which is a good thing for the people at the bottom of the economic ladder as it is less reliant on your ability to impress a random dumb bunny at an employment agency.  It encourages foreign investment and makes your goods cheaper.  That is how to create a trade surplus.  A trade surplus is a good thing.  Many people don’t remember us running a trade surplus because it was so long ago!

A low currency is such a good thing that China kept theirs artificially low and were chastised for it as being anti-competitive, so powerful is its effect on job creation and running a surplus, making your country considerably more successful and fair if you are one of the people who are able to earn.

It is all very well for someone with an income as secure as a QC to want to remain in such an arrangement, as their reduced ability to buy Volkswagens and Brie might be inconvenient for them.  The deficit has not touched them, and it is unlikely to in the future.

In the event that you actually want to help the poor in this country and others, however, it is quite clear that exiting the customs union is not only desirable, but essential.

To conclude, we see here another example of media manipulation on the thoughtless masses.  Do not believe everything you read, or the offhand presentation of the main players.  Coming out of the customs union is the grubby but worthwhile choice in terms of actually making the country and economy work better.  If you want to see the back of Austerity policies, leaving is the only way to go.

Amusingly, we again see the benefit of having two politically opposed parents here.  We can see this, because we grew up with people happily arguing about it.  If you cannot, you do not even understand politics, never mind the arguments within it.

Let’s make the Conservatives Fit for Work!

Here is a truly awful, and yet very clear picture of what we are not hearing from the Conservatives at the moment.

This is by no means exhaustive, but this is what the public actually want to hear about as it most directly affects them.

I will take this point by point after some general comments.

The graphic is based upon a very basic strategy, codified by Simon Sinek (whom I otherwise cannot stand) based upon the common aims of inventive businesses.  Successful enterprises look outwards, not in, and at the core is the Why?

The why in this case, is what the Conservative Party actually represents. At the moment this seems to be tax breaks, encouraging crazily rich people to invest, and starving the poor to death.  This is not a successful strategy, for a variety of reasons which I will proceed to demonstrate.

Suffice to say, even Thatcherism was an improvement on the current direction of the party.  You have to water the plants to make the garden grow, not weed it to death.

My suggestion for strategy in this case, is to promote a fairer Conservatism, in which you show some awareness of basic economics. I will go into this later under the headings Trickle down, the Pound and Multiplier.

The What in this case is, of course, Brexit and how to make it work properly, in a careful and planned way, regardless of the outcome of negotiations.  I will be suitably vague on this, but the picture may become clearer as I run through the other points.

The How is your actual tasklist, which is largely up to you, although I will make some suggestions.  This is very much a line drawing approach, which I am squandering my expensive education on providing for a laugh, so if I get bored, there will be less of it.

Ok, so let us start with the Pound.  Much panicking has surrounded the value of the pound, with people getting very upset because their Camembert is more expensive.  It does however mean, that our Crowdie is cheaper to sell elsewhere, which means more jobs and a better standard of living for people seeking work in manufacturing.  Continuing to say that we need more immigrants is cutting your own throat in this respect, given that as the party of motivation and stability, you really ought to be happy if people’s general living standards go up and work is more available to them.  A low pound also encourages more tourism, which was badly hit by the Smoking Ban under Labour.  Nobody seems to talk about the two million jobs which were finished by the smoking ban, but since smokers pay for themselves twice over in tax, it was a pretty dumb move.

Next we have domestic industry.  As I have just demonstrated, this benefits from a low pound, particularly with domestically generated raw materials.  It may be seen by Thatcherites as taking a step back, but who decided that typing was better than making actual stuff?  There is nothing wrong with producing goods for a living and selling them, particularly if we go with the Boris plan and trade more freely with the commonwealth and elsewhere.  We seem to have largely forgotten that we know how to do this perfectly well.

Tertiary Services were dearly beloved by Thatcher, her vision was to kill off single earner families and replace them with fully earning families with less money because instead of one working miner, you got four working in a call centre.  Whilst this is theoretically healthier and fairer, it made a lot of people suffer.  Tertiary services may suffer short term, but in the event that we can negotiate with Canada, Australia and America since you seem to be hell bent on selling us to them anyway, there is no reason why we cannot see massive expansion into new territories for tertiary service jobs.  I currently rescue people from car parks and lifts all over America at night, so there certainly isn’t a communication barrier in terms of cost anymore.

The Multiplier I have been ranting at my TV at the conservative shower about this for years now.  It makes no sense to starve people at the bottom of the economic ladder, since they are forced to circulate more cash than anybody else.  Even a child’s understanding of economics will tell you that you should put more money into the hands of the poor, because they make it work harder than rich people do.  Instead of money flowing out of the country into tax havens, you could be making it work by putting it into the hands of people who will actually spend it.

Inflation is feared by the Conservatives because the middle classes don’t like it and it benefits the working class in terms of wage rises and their ability to actually buy things.  The working classes, however have done rather well in recent years, particularly amongst the trades, and so I do not think making the garden grow should be a source of fear for the current administration given the current situation.

Trickle down does not work.  Again this is a stupid idea circulated by someone with a brain which has shrunk from too much port.  Rich people do not continuously generate ideas to benefit other people.  Savings are bad, bad, bad if you wish to stimulate the economy and they should be discouraged.  Debt is not great either, so do not go down that tiresome road again. The 2008 crash was largely caused by talentless people and too much credit.  I have covered the benefits of trickle up under multiplier.

Corporation tax is a good thing to lower because it means that companies choose to situate in your country.  As I was saying earlier, 3% of something is a lot better than 23% of nothing, and there are entire villages in Switzerland full of empty office buildings of British companies who have chosen not to pay tax here.  Sort it out, now that ghastly Giddy has gone.

Inward property investment is a worry for many people, particularly in London.  Having a property market endlessly inflating and a city full of empty houses makes no sense at all.  It would be considerably better to encourage industrial investment, which is why a low pound rocks my tiny world.

Foreign property investment actually counts towards your figures, so it is useful to encourage people to do a bit of neo-colonial investment.  It does mean, however that the money is leaving the UK, which I do not particularly approve of.  I would prefer to see a flourishing of the bond market and a set of financial products enabling more interesting and viable projects which actually make money elsewhere.  Neo-economic-colonialism yes, more immigrants no.  There is a world beyond our shores which we could be making much more of, which is why I am a non-conservative Boris superfan despite his apparent misery at the moment.

Currency exchange – we were doing very well at this with a strong pound, and I daresay we will again, however this is less appealing with a low pound.  If you are possessed of sufficient wit, it is however fairly simple to focus on the currencies that will work, so just get on with it and stop whinging.  An independent financial regulatory system is probably a helpful, rather than unhelpful thing.

Tax Havens – here is where the Boris plan is a tad weak.  We are not dealing with entirely charming and philanthropic rich people, we are dealing with people who value their money and wish to put it somewhere safe.  A method of making it considerably easier and more attractive to invest it in places that need it is in order.  The Gambia even lacks its own fruit juice, which is frankly ridiculous.  Again, a bit of neo-economic colonialism would enormously help the Gambians and elsewhere.

Investments generally – I think I have covered this really.  We need a talented set of products to cover the Boris plan, which is firmly rooted in history, outward looking and very kind of him.  Help is needed to bring it to life, however, so a bit of movement is required in this direction.

In conclusion, we in Scotland are sick to death of hearing people whinging about Brexit.  The media seems to be obsessed with failure, and it is not helpful to continuously report how badly things are going.  It is not a good time for the Conservatives, but since England insists on voting for them and will probably do so for some time, let’s see a bit of wit and strategy and stop wallowing in the swill of potential defeat.

Theresa May has an image problem.  There is a sector of the population that like her, and it happens to be the same sector that believe in Conservatism, apparently don’t know any disabled people, have not had to resort to welfare to any great extent, and presumably live in the favoured areas that never see the effects of economic up and downturn.  They see very expensive clothing, some oddly nice necklines and a grim expression and they mistake this for seriousness and competence.

Theresa May is married to a wealthy hedge fund manager.  She is, therefore, not really in a position to judge what is best for you, despite resembling a Girl Guide leader.

It is interesting, as a native of another country, that this alone seems to be so persuasive for some voters.  They clearly don’t hear much of what she is actually saying, otherwise they would realise that she isn’t saying all that much.  Strong and stable has been replaced with delivering and achieving.  Endlessly repeating the same fairly empty rhetoric is not improving her image to those of us actually listening.

Of course, the real villain of the Brexit debacle is David Cameron, for panicking about the popularity of UKIP with the little Englanders and having a referendum in the first place.  Now that that referendum has been and gone, everybody including the Conservatives have to deal with it.  You won’t be making that mistake again, rather unfortunately for the stupid 55% in Scotland who voted incorrectly in our referendum.

So, now that we are in this situation, and there is no way of backing down or getting away from it, we are looking at what kind of Britain we actually want to see?  I assume that nobody genuinely wants to sell off our public services unless they are making money out of it.  We know that in the hedge fund game, any old result will do, but what of Britain’s standing in financial servicing, insurance and the tertiary economy generally?

Many of the Brexiting voters wanted to see more manufacturing.  Thanks to the fall in the pound, we already have some recovery in this respect.  Indeed, as a seemingly constant jobseeker, I see more jobs at present than I have since 2001.  So far, so good.  Apart from general noise from some of the investment banks, who worry about finding multilingual staff in post-Brexit Britain, I do not see a lot of panic-movement.

So, one wonders, what is so wrong with a bit of vision?  My historian head will tell you that 2200 Britain looks a whole lot better out of Europe than in.  As I was saying yesterday, this is not much help with buying cat food, but it is certainly the reason for more thoughtful Brexit voters to have made the decision to opt out.  Short term pain for long term gain is a very British thing to do, after all.

Having said this, Boris’s vision of investment in the commonwealth replacing hiding money in tax havens may be more difficult to implement.  Bridges to the continent may be a friendly and subtle way of indicating that Britain is still open for business, however we cannot expect private enterprise to mop up all of the split milk.

Cutting corporation tax may not look like a public-friendly option, but 3% of something is a lot better than 23% of nothing.  Therefore, whilst I am very glad old Giddypants never got to do it, I think it is important to consider this alongside some form of external savings limitation for those nearer the top of the pyramid.  What we need, rather than Rees-Mogg, is more of a whizzkid figure in number 11.

So then, fellow Britishers, the die is cast.  One hopes that the gamble is worthwhile, and that my fellow strategist continues to focus.  Looking serious does not mean that you are serious, and the reverse is also true.