Let’s make the Conservatives Fit for Work!


Let’s make the Conservatives Fit for Work!

Here is a truly awful, and yet very clear picture of what we are not hearing from the Conservatives at the moment.

This is by no means exhaustive, but this is what the public actually want to hear about as it most directly affects them.

I will take this point by point after some general comments.

The graphic is based upon a very basic strategy, codified by Simon Sinek (whom I otherwise cannot stand) based upon the common aims of inventive businesses.  Successful enterprises look outwards, not in, and at the core is the Why?

The why in this case, is what the Conservative Party actually represents. At the moment this seems to be tax breaks, encouraging crazily rich people to invest, and starving the poor to death.  This is not a successful strategy, for a variety of reasons which I will proceed to demonstrate.

Suffice to say, even Thatcherism was an improvement on the current direction of the party.  You have to water the plants to make the garden grow, not weed it to death.

My suggestion for strategy in this case, is to promote a fairer Conservatism, in which you show some awareness of basic economics. I will go into this later under the headings Trickle down, the Pound and Multiplier.

The What in this case is, of course, Brexit and how to make it work properly, in a careful and planned way, regardless of the outcome of negotiations.  I will be suitably vague on this, but the picture may become clearer as I run through the other points.

The How is your actual tasklist, which is largely up to you, although I will make some suggestions.  This is very much a line drawing approach, which I am squandering my expensive education on providing for a laugh, so if I get bored, there will be less of it.

Ok, so let us start with the Pound.  Much panicking has surrounded the value of the pound, with people getting very upset because their Camembert is more expensive.  It does however mean, that our Crowdie is cheaper to sell elsewhere, which means more jobs and a better standard of living for people seeking work in manufacturing.  Continuing to say that we need more immigrants is cutting your own throat in this respect, given that as the party of motivation and stability, you really ought to be happy if people’s general living standards go up and work is more available to them.  A low pound also encourages more tourism, which was badly hit by the Smoking Ban under Labour.  Nobody seems to talk about the two million jobs which were finished by the smoking ban, but since smokers pay for themselves twice over in tax, it was a pretty dumb move.

Next we have domestic industry.  As I have just demonstrated, this benefits from a low pound, particularly with domestically generated raw materials.  It may be seen by Thatcherites as taking a step back, but who decided that typing was better than making actual stuff?  There is nothing wrong with producing goods for a living and selling them, particularly if we go with the Boris plan and trade more freely with the commonwealth and elsewhere.  We seem to have largely forgotten that we know how to do this perfectly well.

Tertiary Services were dearly beloved by Thatcher, her vision was to kill off single earner families and replace them with fully earning families with less money because instead of one working miner, you got four working in a call centre.  Whilst this is theoretically healthier and fairer, it made a lot of people suffer.  Tertiary services may suffer short term, but in the event that we can negotiate with Canada, Australia and America since you seem to be hell bent on selling us to them anyway, there is no reason why we cannot see massive expansion into new territories for tertiary service jobs.  I currently rescue people from car parks and lifts all over America at night, so there certainly isn’t a communication barrier in terms of cost anymore.

The Multiplier I have been ranting at my TV at the conservative shower about this for years now.  It makes no sense to starve people at the bottom of the economic ladder, since they are forced to circulate more cash than anybody else.  Even a child’s understanding of economics will tell you that you should put more money into the hands of the poor, because they make it work harder than rich people do.  Instead of money flowing out of the country into tax havens, you could be making it work by putting it into the hands of people who will actually spend it.

Inflation is feared by the Conservatives because the middle classes don’t like it and it benefits the working class in terms of wage rises and their ability to actually buy things.  The working classes, however have done rather well in recent years, particularly amongst the trades, and so I do not think making the garden grow should be a source of fear for the current administration given the current situation.

Trickle down does not work.  Again this is a stupid idea circulated by someone with a brain which has shrunk from too much port.  Rich people do not continuously generate ideas to benefit other people.  Savings are bad, bad, bad if you wish to stimulate the economy and they should be discouraged.  Debt is not great either, so do not go down that tiresome road again. The 2008 crash was largely caused by talentless people and too much credit.  I have covered the benefits of trickle up under multiplier.

Corporation tax is a good thing to lower because it means that companies choose to situate in your country.  As I was saying earlier, 3% of something is a lot better than 23% of nothing, and there are entire villages in Switzerland full of empty office buildings of British companies who have chosen not to pay tax here.  Sort it out, now that ghastly Giddy has gone.

Inward property investment is a worry for many people, particularly in London.  Having a property market endlessly inflating and a city full of empty houses makes no sense at all.  It would be considerably better to encourage industrial investment, which is why a low pound rocks my tiny world.

Foreign property investment actually counts towards your figures, so it is useful to encourage people to do a bit of neo-colonial investment.  It does mean, however that the money is leaving the UK, which I do not particularly approve of.  I would prefer to see a flourishing of the bond market and a set of financial products enabling more interesting and viable projects which actually make money elsewhere.  Neo-economic-colonialism yes, more immigrants no.  There is a world beyond our shores which we could be making much more of, which is why I am a non-conservative Boris superfan despite his apparent misery at the moment.

Currency exchange – we were doing very well at this with a strong pound, and I daresay we will again, however this is less appealing with a low pound.  If you are possessed of sufficient wit, it is however fairly simple to focus on the currencies that will work, so just get on with it and stop whinging.  An independent financial regulatory system is probably a helpful, rather than unhelpful thing.

Tax Havens – here is where the Boris plan is a tad weak.  We are not dealing with entirely charming and philanthropic rich people, we are dealing with people who value their money and wish to put it somewhere safe.  A method of making it considerably easier and more attractive to invest it in places that need it is in order.  The Gambia even lacks its own fruit juice, which is frankly ridiculous.  Again, a bit of neo-economic colonialism would enormously help the Gambians and elsewhere.

Investments generally – I think I have covered this really.  We need a talented set of products to cover the Boris plan, which is firmly rooted in history, outward looking and very kind of him.  Help is needed to bring it to life, however, so a bit of movement is required in this direction.

In conclusion, we in Scotland are sick to death of hearing people whinging about Brexit.  The media seems to be obsessed with failure, and it is not helpful to continuously report how badly things are going.  It is not a good time for the Conservatives, but since England insists on voting for them and will probably do so for some time, let’s see a bit of wit and strategy and stop wallowing in the swill of potential defeat.



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