Letter to Boris

Dear Boris,

I don’t usually do this, but then I don’t usually make a conscious decision to pick anybody.  Work is going reasonably well, and I should be up to date with background tasks in about ten days or so, which means I will be starting the new work.

In the meantime, I am concerned about your health.  To save some time and energy, rather than wasting your time or mine on hints, I think you should get yourself some seaweed, some omega 3 seeds, some wheatgrass and some barleygrass.  Soak the seeds every night, add some green leafy vegetables, some stevia or honey and the wheat and barleygrass, whether powder or freeze dried to the mixture in the morning.  Then add fruit until it tastes reasonably pleasant.  Raw cacao powder is also very good for improving the mineral content and flavour.  Since you are probably being plied with over rich food constantly, please ensure that you eat a green salad with every meal.  You will find that if you eat a tiny bit of the green salad before you start, your digestion will function much better. Try to choose the fish and ignore the potatoes/bread/pasta etc. Your overall functionality should improve in about a week.

I realise that it is not easy to ignore idiots at work, but you are dealing with at least two, so try to work around it.  I have some proposals, which will be included in the charming book I am preparing for you.  This will be released free of charge, since I am not famous, and I do not do this for money as such. (chance would be a fine thing) I will probably release it from the website, so as to retain full copyright, hence it will not have huge distribution.  I do this directly for the person I am writing/making objects for rather than the general public. It is a bit quirky, but perhaps eventually I will learn to like money somewhat more than I do at present.

Usually, I have some sort of emotional event and the creativity takes over because I feel terrible.  You have been selected because I was seized with concern that you feel terrible, and I would like you not to feel terrible.  I hope that this makes some sense.

This oddity was created by my father, who was also an artist and forbade me from taking up art as a living on the grounds that better art is created  by people who cannot help it.  It is a rather repressive way of working, but perhaps this is me breaking out of it. It also seems like a rather good opportunity to return to my academic work, which is highly relevant to you in particular.

I do have a considerable pile of work still to finish from the Wolfe collection, but this will be completed whilst I carry out the Boris experience. It does not mean my attention is at all divided, it just means that my time is somewhat limited.

I do hope that you take my oddness in the spirit in which it is meant, and do get on with those trade deals, regardless of the oppressive shit on a plate you are doubtlessly being kept on a leash for.  It is extremely important.

Thank you in anticipation of your patience.