Me: OK so I’m just asking about this dude again, because he is still staring at me via my website. Is there some sort of honour issue that I should know about, because despite his being married and making sure I lost my job, he still seems to think that he owns me and needs to check on me several times a day?
Lovely Hindu friend (in India): He is an idiot. Be calm, be mature, be cool…..
Me: No, I’m trying to ascertain whether he actually wants to kill me? WTF is he doing?
Lovely Hindu friend: Wait like a predator….Be strategic….
Me: No, look, I haven’t seen him in months, I just want to know what he wants? All I actually did was tell him he was beautiful and try to give him a book about stress?
Lovely Hindu friend: No, he is just an idiot, and probably a bit mad. Find someone else.
Me: Well yes, I hang around with this lovely Hindu porn star now. He makes quite extreme porn, but is charm itself. Lovely chap.
Lovely Hindu friend: OK………
Me: But the first dude is still staring at the website several times a day. What is going on?
Lovely Hindu friend: Tell him to Fuck Off.
Me: I tried that.
Lovely Hindu friend: OK well just ignore him then. Put him in cold storage.
Me: I am trying, but he was really quite beautiful. It is most unfortunate that he was also horrible. The porn star is however calm, kind, interesting and very caring.
Lovely Hindu friend: (slightly confused) Oh, OK then.
Me: I did speak to this American lady last night, who had dated an Indian chap and said that he thinks I have somehow disrespected him by failing to flirt with him, and that marriage or alternative relationships are no impediment to my being in some sort of Medieval ownership situation? Does this sound familiar at all?
Lovely Hindu friend: No, dude’s a freak.
Me: Oh dear.
I suppose the alternative is that he is madly in love, but given the continued hits from Staring Brat 1 I suspect that the Sadist is winding him up.
If you want to talk to me, SB2, it is very simple to do so.