Endless waiting and a bit of objectification

It is 4.30am and I have just finished work, so I am somewhat tired.

The event was held at the art school, and from my non-experience I can tell you getting artists to organise events is probably a bad idea. Endless waiting with no results.

From the limited number of people I managed to meet, I ascertained that even at my shyest, I am socially advanced in comparison with many artists, which I guess bodes well for the people facing side of things. If only I could talk myself out of eating, I would be a happier bunny.

On the plus side, my campaign of arm waving whilst on my walks is working well, to the point that I actually managed to scare a more timid passer by this evening without worrying about it.  Good, frankly.

Boris is currently a little fleshier than I would like, but I am sure once I have started on the fine detail, the features will work out well.  Those lips are still not right though, I am fussing a little over them and the skin tone at the moment.

I think I shall concentrate on the paperwork this week, which means we may actually get to do some filming once this week of binge working is complete.

So, objectification.  I realise that most people will assume that I am about to start talking about bottoms.  I am not in the slightest bit interested in bottoms.  At the age when I was supposed to be checking bottoms I was interested in the small of the back, and the elbow.  Now I am more interested in the unwitting information that you get from somebody’s appearance.  I always preferred some evidence of character.  Now I find I am reaching the age where other people are manipulating this source of information, their methods have become more fascinating to me than the end result.

From a personal perspective as Ina, we are dealing with two main protagonists now, so let us have a brief run down, since they are both characters you can easily make yourself familiar with.  I am doing this as a personal exercise in my thought process, as well providing some insight into what constitutes ‘thinking woman’s crumpet.’

Crazy about him for 20 percent of my life now, despite his presence in my head mainly consisting of extreme annoyance
Deceptively sweet despite choosing a career expressing a willingness to accept cruelty to others.

As you can see, I appreciate a chap that talks a lot, which probably means that I am a lazy communicator.  I also like a bit of bite, which I have inherited from my mother, who dumped one ex because he said yes too often.  Confidence is something that I associate with a devil-may-care approach, rather than people who are more uptight.  There is nothing worse than crying over a broken nail.  I appear to attract men who do this, probably because of my love of a snappy dresser which oddly sits next to my evident deep respect for not giving a toss what anybody thinks of you.  I am usually extremely scruffy, but now and again I pull out some glamour and shock everybody.  As you can probably tell from this, I am very happy and indeed revel in being a peahen most of the time.

Both of them have had very strong yet difficult father figures.  Fathers seem to be immensely important to me.  My own was secretive, quiet and yet an incredibly strong person who preferred to avoid worthless interaction.  I seem to have adopted many of his characteristics, and so left to my own devices I seem to attract people who missed theirs somewhat.  For this reason I have in the past ended up in all sorts of trouble due to people who did not realise that they were extremely angry with theirs.  I am a kind of stress doll for daddy issues in the real world, so there are pointers that I am seeking out with both characters here.

Fame – I used to despise the love of it, and was never into poster boys.  The reason this has become an issue is because I surprised myself by identifying quite so strongly with Wolfe.  (for those readers who wonder why I always refer to him by his surname, it is in reference to my real name, not an indication of contempt)  It took a lot of thinking through it before I accepted it as being anything other than an aberration, and when I did I took it as an indication of a personal defect rather than embracing it.  I cannot tell you how much thought it has taken to simply roll with it.  I used to be an extremely private and cynical person who plotted ways of progressing without anyone knowing about it.  Wolfe has inadvertently taught me that this is futile, uninspiring and rather dull.  Whilst my progress is kind of patchy, it is consistent, so I am rather pleased that I did not do the most obvious and reject it out of hand, which would have led to more self-hatred and destructive behaviour long term.

I have noticed from the work that I have done so far, that I am a lot gentler with Boris than I am with Wolfe.  I am not sure if this is a purely sexual difference, or whether I am responding to perceived need.  I am quite reactive, so it is possible that I am picking up on very tiny cues here. I’m also very used to male emotion, so there could be minuscule and subtle reasons for this. I could not bring myself to even consider things from a sexual perspective for several years, I was so terrified of Wolfe emotionally, so I wonder if passion makes one more aggressive without being aware of it. Even looking at a picture of him was impossible for several years, until I made the icon from memory and wanted to make sure I had got it right.  Looking in the mirror was also a problem, since I do not really need to see Wolfe to see Wolfe.

It could also be that I do not find Conservative politics as challenging as I do the philosophical task ahead for Wolfe, so I see the work for Boris as being comparatively lightweight.  I do realise that if you do not see things as I do, this will sound astonishing, but I will demonstrate this in the fullness of time as the project progresses. Running the UK is actually a significantly smaller job than the breadth of coverage required for the epic tasklist that is involved in dealing with Wolfe’s points to the extent that they achieve the stature I am shooting for.

Finally, I think in both cases they are vastly improved versions of the generation before, which is unusual.  Whether either of them are aware of it or not, they continue to achieve on a massive scale.  As a lady who has always taken relationships, real or virtual as a challenge, this is a worthy rocket to stick up my ass, thereby getting the best out of me.  Surely that is a worthwhile way of wasting your time?






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