Well the Ina Disguise train has derailed somewhat due to the unexpected rudeness of the last recipient, so I am wondering what to do next?

We have to ask ourselves why the muse fucks things up every single time. I have tried and tried to make it my fault, but from Little Shiva onwards, they have just been extremely crap people.

Little Shiva made sure I could never go back to contracting for ‘good and fun entertainment’ and because his boss allegedly fancied me and had no way of dealing with it.  I am very glad that I do not like big men, because making a mistake and trying to leave someone that is 7 feet tall and wide is not particularly easy.

Haram Bawbag really just wanted a tool to use to get his beloved ex back, so that was really just a three week friendship followed by endless demands for me to do what he told me and me saying no, really you should just obey the law and move on with your life.

Two Grapes guy seems to fall into the ‘she’s worthless’ category.  It appears to have amused him greatly to delibarately hit on me followed by having his terrified looking wife take my coffee order (she doesn’t look as if she has ever touched a coffee machine).

I am not terribly impressed.  I had some business to discuss, had the gift gone well, and this dude evidently has sufficient contacts.

He had looked miserable all year and I had said several times to Twisty that I wondered if I might make him happy.  Had he left me alone, it would have been a simple gift and introduction and presumably things would be relatively polite.  Instead he chose to embarrass me, got the shitty end of that stick and I do not now plan to speak to this person, far less buy his coffee ever again.

So not only has he lost a very happy customer, he has offended someone that wanted to make him some money and who was also very interested in him.

Two Grapes cost a great deal of money and time to make, and by the time I got to the end stages, I could not care less how it turned out.  This is neither good artistic practise, nor a good result for life generally.

I am not sure why Little Shiva assumed he was getting a gift, he certainly didn’t deserve one even before he destroyed my careful plans for last year.  Little Shiva is going to be an incredible piece of work though, and we have the happy thought that he cannot mess it up by actually speaking.

Haram Bawbag basically stole the piece of work midway through making it by his behaviour, and then still assumed he would be getting more.

This last guy, whilst he has not rejected the gift, now has an item that he does not want, that I couldn’t care less about and has lost a customer. Rather than send a grown up text and explain, he has seriously offended me and I am kind of annoyed.

Why do they have such difficulty with this?

It has a lot to do with self-image, culture and the way they perceive me.  Whilst I am not Megan Fox, or whomever is judged to be ravishing this week, I do seem to have some sort of primeval crude appeal.  Combined with the messy hair and predilection for men’s clothes, this seems to be a signal that they can treat me like utter shit, which they very quickly find out is not that easy. They then seek to inflict as much damage as they possibly can because I have no interest in sucking their dicks.

It is very simple, guys.  If you want to meet women that seek men for validation, do not go for someone who has never had to give a fuck how they looked.  Go for women that wear dresses, makeup, earrings and who probably don’t actually do very much.  That is your target market.

If someone is giving you a gift, try grace.  It took Wolfe a few years to discover grace, even after writing a book about it.  (which incidentally demonstrated that he had no idea what it was at the time.)

At some point in your life, you have to make decisions.

Decisions about your priorities, decisions about money, decisions about people.

Your judgement does improve over time, but even if you make a bad decision, it is just another fork in the road to wherever you are going.

Some people don’t seem to understand that.

When you are dealing with disordered people, often they expect you to simply forget what has happened.  This can be quite astonishing to witness.

I am very glad to have left some things behind. I won’t be going back there again.

I am very glad to be doing what I’m doing.  A young artist stopped by the car this evening, astonished by Little Shiva.

Having a bit of a fight with Two Grapes right now, but I think I will probably win.

Snowed under with work this weekend, so I will update early next week.

Very tired today.  Had an unexpected shift last night, and although I am feeling a lot better I am very tired due to the nature of expelling every toxin extremely fast.  I am looking a bit rough today, but generally dewier so things are going reasonably well.

I am taking about 28,000 percent of the RDA for vitamin C, (I kid you not) and am still not seeing any evidence of overdose. (the only thing that happens with an OD of vit C is the runs, so it is pretty benign)

Doing some property photography this morning and I am now very tired, although the next task is clearing the dining room so that I can work on the very lovely and potentially most serious coffee dude. He will be residing in the dining room for the next month or so.

I am expecting some microscopic ceramic tiles today for this piece.  I am concerned about perspective, but I think alongside the rest of the image I probably shouldn’t worry too much.  It is quite a task, but I think it will be well worthwhile.

Asked myself a lot of questions about why I feel I have to do this?  Am I scared of reality?

I think if I am, it is probably justified, given the amount of scrapes I seem to get myself into, but in this particular case I feel I ought to update myself a bit.  I have gone from being uber respectable banking chick to scruffy artist very easily in the course of the last year, and the two opportunities in the pipeline will mean I will be one or the other for some time to come.  I am upgrading my period banking outfits as I upgrade my level of general self maintenance whilst I work on these pieces.

Finding Haram Bawbag quite exhausting at the moment, but this is in keeping with the person so I am hanging in there. I think the finished piece will be rather spectacular, unlike the person.  There is less of a time limit on this one than the coffee shop items, as I have convinced myself that gorgeous and somewhat swoonworthy coffee dude knows perfectly well what I am up to and I do not want to waste any time getting these done just in case.

Little Shiva is now at the stage where I am adding the more subtle elements, which can be quite confusing.  My instincts are usually right, however, so I tend to roll with whatever pops into my head rather than question it.  Still awaiting about four more different gold types and seeking more but the Italian yarn has been so stunning that a man came up to the car last night and informed me that he loved my sewing and loved me, which made me laugh a lot.

Exhausted after the morning photography so I am going to sleep now.

Kisses,

very tired  but reborn Ina

Being stalked again.  This is tiresome.

I really just work all the time.  It isn’t that fascinating, so you might as well find something else to do.

I haven’t been in a relationship for about 8 years, so there are no scurrilous things you are likely to find out. My self-esteem doesn’t depend on whether anybody finds me attractive or not.

I’m not living a particularly exciting life externally.  I find that life is exciting enough without putting in too much effort.

On the plus side, I am in demand, and am working hard on a few things I had no time to do previously due to my unfortunate habit of having a life.

I am busy for the forseeable future, so if you want anything you will just have to bite the bullet and ask like a normal human. I don’t get my jollies from playing stupid games with people.  It is boring and takes up too much time.

I have moved the promotional side of things along a bit, so we will see how much of a difference that makes.  Still not in a tearing hurry, but I have a lot of interesting plans.

May take myself out for a laugh.

Today was a long day of sewing, because apparently everyone ordered yesterday and I had a long day of waiting for orders that never came.

I got a full tongue done, and started the complex overlay on the lips.  Indian ladies are now taking quite an interest, so I am not sure what I am doing right, but hey great!

I have been sewing in the same spot for six months now, and people are greeting the work like an old friend.  When I am working on the central egg, you can’t actually see me in the car at all, it is so big.

As we are doing more intricate stuff now, it theoretically takes longer, but so far so good.

Decided to go with the hundred thousand french knots.

Tomorrow I think I will take off, so I will go to my favourite spot and maybe do a bit of sewing there for a change.  I have a lot of work to catch up on here, however, so we will see how I feel at the time.

I am still locking my doors all the time and feeling upset constantly, so I am seriously considering leaving my job.  I love the job, but it is not complicated and new things are incoming, so we will see how the new work pattern pans out.  I have my ideal situation in some sense, I can work 24 hours a day if I feel like it, and not see anyone, but I did love the rush of the job I was working so that I could be paid as I made Little Shiva’s chair. I also love getting to see people’s houses.

Met one of the fuckers from that job the other day (Frank, should Little Shiva drop in) and he actually had the audacity to try to greet me.

Lovely rasta dude stopped by briefly.  It is funny, a lot of people brush past the car in the road to get nearer the work several times before they pluck up the courage to say hello.  I have had an artist filming me for several hours, people taking photographs, people bringing their elderly parents to look and a lovely little black girl who was apparently transfixed for about half an hour before I noticed her.

I have decided to do a piece for my favourite coffee shop.  He will have to move something, but I don’t think he will mind.

I see bawbag has been on the site.  Say no to camels. Neither give nor receive camels.

The trishul arrived.  It is much better than the last one, but still a little delicate, so I may be forced to either stitch one or await funds for the big one.

The Damaru is on its third coating of resin, so far it is a bit brittle so I think it will take quite a bit.  I have not ventured into covering it yet as I think I may be forced to fill it with casting resin to make it strong enough for the job.

I am also working on a new  base for Haram Bawbag which will be much nicer than the oil can.  I think it will be one of the cheaper items, at about 3 and a half thousand gbp when it is finally done.  Again there are now increasing issues with paying for bits and pieces as I get more ambitious.

I am on the central panels for the tongues now, as I have tidied up the first flushes of gold and trim, I have rather wild plans for about a hundred thousand french knots and overstitching, but we will see how I feel as we go.

The first job is to do some chalk mandala style work on the window section.  This is to make it strong enough to retain its shape once I hang it from my girder.  Once I take the window panels out, I will need to work quite fast to put the windows in.  There are four rather hobbity large windows, and probably 12 or so little windows to be made.  These will be done by hand, so it is a bit more complicated than a simple decorative glass job.

I am shooting for the chair being under 40000 gbp but again, this depends on how much more time I am putting into it.  I have put in six months thinking and six months solid full time work on it now, and I have guesstimated it at 2 years.

Once I have it ready for hanging, I will then have to work extra hard to keep up with its resin requirement financially, and I will be starting work on the shoe and small bag collection.  I make the most expensive cushions in the world, so I may do some more of those for a laugh.

The greatest interest, however, has been the lighting, so I definitely want to complete some of my earlier work on that.

I could also put some serious time into extending the clothing and ceramic work, as this involves no outlay.

I have a lot of writing to catch up on in the midst of all that, and I am hoping to regain a career shortly, although this has been quite the source of stress.

Iain Duncan Smith is Fit for Work  is getting quite a bit of attention suddenly, but it is another resin drain, so it will be a while yet due to funding.

Marketing is what should command my attention once all that is done, since nothing I am doing is seeing much circulation at present.

I would like to avoid any further disasters, so I am afraid I am a bit unfriendly at the moment.