Faceless computers searching through the last two months again.

OK for you and my romance author friends, here is a potted description again.

Pretty fed up with this now, so I may just work on something else this week.

26th April – a gentle, apparently sympathetic and slightly geeky dude who also happened to be very polite, which I am rather partial to, stops and talks about work.  This is the first actual conversation we have had.  I laughingly decide to be more serious than he is, which unfortunately leads to my hearing myself saying ‘that serious thing you have going on is astonishingly beautiful’  to which he replies ‘you’d have to be awfully good at your job.’

In the weeks that follow, he suddenly appears to double in size, presumably because he feels good, and becomes quite a bit beyond astonishingly beautiful and into ‘Oh god, I cannot do that, he’s bigger than me and my eyes will be scratched out by jealous bitches.’  He has beautiful wrists, and a swan neck in particular, although its all good, broadly speaking.  The clothes all change too. Not being in the shirtless man genre, I am afraid that is about as far into physical description as I can go, although he has more of a North African old school Arab look than your strictly South Asian Caucasian that you might feel more inclined to expect.

When I email him, he passes the email straight on to management who then decide that my personal business is their business, offer me counselling for my dead mother and apparently give me a warning for a perfectly polite email message.

Because he isn’t speaking but is physically flirting and appears to find my discomfort quite funny, I conclude that he is not interested, and besides there is a beautiful girl whom he seems to have a very close friendship with.  As time goes on, an event in the office leads me to believe that they have a slightly kinky relationship and I offer to transfer off the shift to avoid making anyone feel bad about it apart from me.

This apparently makes him furious, he is horrible to my friend, I withdraw any sign at all of interest and start actively avoiding him.  He seems to become more furious as time goes on, to the point that he can’t even hear my voice without being filled with rage.

I try to instigate conversation from my computer because it is not safe standing anywhere near him due to the rockets. (anybody who has experienced the nagging rockets will know what I mean by this.  It isn’t great at work.) The first time I do this it is to ask a simple question about my work, regarding the chair I still plan to make, and the second is when I wish to give him the book I said I was going to give him on the blog.  Both times he is unpleasant, but he does make one attempt to apologise verbally.

Apparently he handed both of these attempts at conversation over to the management too, and added an accusation of harassment to this.  The management told me that they uphold any accusation of harassment.  When I protested that none of the conversations were remotely sexual, and that I had apologised for the initial comment, they said they uphold any old allegation of harassment.  They literally tried to tell me that he didn’t hate me or want me fired whilst telling me that they were escalating a problem I had already solved to get me fired.

In the meantime, I was told that he had said some pretty horrible things (unspecified) that he had questioned whether I was with a limited company or an umbrella company (this indicates that he was interested in money)  that ‘it was OK I was just getting a warning’ (this from a staff member who was obviously in on the conversation. ) and that ‘he was leading me on’ and ‘he isn’t a very nice person,’  in relation to me. This led me to believe that the relationship with the girl in the office was not all it seemed as it is very clear who wears the pants, and it isn’t her. Separately I am told by another two staff members that ‘there have been problems before.’  The management have apparently forgotten, since they denied this.

All of which leads me to conclude that the dude was trying to create a damaging situation and became irritated because I have other outlets than posturing at work for dealing with any ego related issues like jealousy and frustration, so didn’t show any signs of it until he angered me with his rudeness during his responses.

Not everybody is going to like you back.  That’s just normal stuff.  Trying to goad someone into an emotional trap is another.  Why he felt the need to do anything like that I do not know, as he must be aware he was earning at least three times what I was earning.

They often think because I look happy and reasonably confident that I need to be crushed before I can be ‘feminine.’  Fuck being feminine if that is the case.  Take the budgie you’re smuggling to someone who wants to play the little woman. I’d much rather be me, and if you can’t deal with it, don’t look.

Not terribly worried about his not finding me attractive, it was an out-of-character moment to say anything in the first place.  The idea that I was to be repeatedly humiliated with a view to making me angry enough to be canned for misconduct is pretty insulting, or whatever it was that he wanted other than that.  I fear for the staff, personally.

https://youtu.be/DJHedTtljac

I just bawled my eyes out again.

I do need to have some sort of life, you know.

Thanks for the support but you know if I do it everything will be fucking chaos.

They won’t like it.

(Should I be thinking fuck them?)

I have suddenly become very assertive.

You would not think this would be the effect of what just happened to me, but I have dispatched two exs that I had maintained friendships with in the last two weeks.

Today, the invader came, despite the blog post, and has been summarily executed.  He cannot open his mouth without making you feel bad. He apparently did not understand until I actually said “Do not come back.”

This is most interesting.  Suddenly I am slashing away at dead wood like there is no tomorrow.

I wonder what other effects it has had?

I was very assertive many years ago, as long as I was nowhere near the family, but I was told to give up everything to take care of my parents, and I did.  Thereafter it was one long, long period of being a punchbag.

Wolfe started the clearance, of course, because about six of the exs came back a couple of times over the last twenty or so years.  This intolerance to negative friendships is new, however.

I might take myself out to celebrate this strange new person I’m suddenly becoming.

Thank you to whomever stopped him searching the site over and over again, that was tiresome.

Ok, so broadly speaking the story of Parvati and Shiva goes along the lines of Shiva being an angry god who fights ‘evil’ (he does some pretty unspeakable things whilst he does that, however) and Parvati is this mature, nurturing figure with a lot of arms who is usually quite sweet but ultimately beats him by blocking a lot of doors.

They fight a lot and have great sex.  If you were sufficiently crazy, you would get quite suckered into that. I am sure it would make a fabulous short story.

I’m kind of done with that, however.  There is no point in feeding someone who has displayed quite a few negative traits so far.

1.  The dude obviously hated me on sight, otherwise none of this shit would have happened.  Even when I made the initial comment, he not only hid that, but made somewhat encouraging noises.
2. Gaslighting – everything I do is obviously crazy, and everything he does is obviously perfect.  I’ve been dealing with narcissists from birth, we don’t entertain this BS anymore.
3. Flying monkeys – he actually has a whole company doing this for him.
4. Domineering – I was trying to gently persuade him that this wasn’t great management, but he clearly prefers it and since I am the one with no job, it obviously works for him.
5. Vanity – I don’t mind a bit of vanity, but to completely change your appearance in order to goad some sort of reaction out of a relative stranger rather than just talk to them is a bit extreme.

I would like to have kept in touch with a few people, but it is not a biggie that it is not safe for them to do so.  I am not handing out my location when this dude is likely to want  to hide behind a pillar and do some more staring and eavesdropping by any means possible.

Broadly speaking, when dealing with people like this, you have to set your own boundaries.  Whilst mine are considerably tougher and yet more relaxed in execution,(none of my staff would ever be put in a position where they were shamed for being an artist or lose their jobs for bullshit reasons, for example) I am not likely to be inviting anybody who has contact with him around for tea any time soon.  In fact, I don’t want to see anybody for a few weeks.

This is such a shame, if he had managed to feign some interest in me, he would have had a lot more information to go on, but he doesn’t, and I am quite happy for that to be the case.

I am still not likely to want to go anywhere near him however, because of the chemistry issue, which was the most extreme I have ever experienced.  You hear stories of people who can’t help themselves from time to time, and you just don’t believe them.  I believe them now, this was not controllable at all.

Again, such a shame, but it’s just bad luck on both sides.  Bad luck for me because he isn’t very nice.  Bad luck for him because I’m not worth destroying.

I am going to go out this weekend.  I don’t know where, or when, but I am going to go out. Maybe.

Shame.

https://youtu.be/mXUa3UHMRq0

Don’t know about other people, but I find VPNs unstable, and I don’t want you to mess up that nice phone.

They aren’t much use unless more than one person uses them.

Seriously, this is obsessive behaviour, you need to go and do something else.  I am sure one of your very supportive colleagues can help you with that.

I can live with the fact you obviously held me in some contempt, but this is now getting a bit silly since you have no intention of actually speaking.