Don’t know about other people, but I find VPNs unstable, and I don’t want you to mess up that nice phone.
They aren’t much use unless more than one person uses them.
Seriously, this is obsessive behaviour, you need to go and do something else. I am sure one of your very supportive colleagues can help you with that.
I can live with the fact you obviously held me in some contempt, but this is now getting a bit silly since you have no intention of actually speaking.