Why are men like this?

So today I had a ‘meeting’ with a bunch of people in town.

Not very interesting.

The guy who had been put in charge of this meeting was a drippy 50 something.  As we sat in the lobby waiting to go in he greeted everyone but me warmly.

Jesus, not again. I thought.

Sure enough he got to looking at the stuff we had been asked to bring, and immediately started insulting me.

Every time I opened my mouth he interrupted me, smiling continuously throughout.

I was the most qualified and experienced person there, including him.

Now, I do realise that this is the social equivalent of the dick pic, but it doesn’t make it any less tiresome, so let us get something very clear.

There is absolutely no reason why I should be interested, and I certainly don’t feel any compulsion to be interested, so why are you bothering to try and get my attention?

It is really sad that this is what passes for flirting.  I have no idea why we chose to give the gender most susceptible to the foibles of their genitals so much power, but really it is a screaming bore.

Life was much easier as a head chef.  I used to just point at things and get them to run towards them.

Now I am supposed to want to be liked.  I don’t give a shit if you like me, just get on with your boring paperwork and then leave me the fuck alone.

The first thing I learned as a manager was that power always carries the responsibility of taking care of people.

The second thing I learned  as a manager was not to care about being liked.

The third thing I learned was how to create a nice safe honest bubble for people to actually function in.  I see almost no office management that understands this.

I see people anxious to be liked, anxious to be feared, anxious to be remembered.  None of these things matter. Doing the job well and making people feel safe, that matters.  Your tiny penis anxiety doesn’t matter at all.

I am hoping to hear some positive news from India in the next few days, if so, I won’t have to deal with this crap any more.

 

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Today I Became a Consultant

So, today this lovely Indian author greeted me warmly on Facebook and asked me for some advice.

As a general know-it-all I was very pleased to be asked.  Three hours or so later, I am wondering if perhaps it is time I wrote something for actual money?

The dude has a publishing contract, but no marketing back up.  I wonder about the future of publishing if this is normal?  He is with a publisher I can only dream about attracting.

Anyway, I am only doing about a tenth of what I should be doing in terms of promotion, to begin with this was because I thought my writing was very outre and a bit shaky, now it is sheer laziness and the knowledge that the best thing I can do for myself is write something else rather than sit and worry about marketing.

You do need to have some awareness of the limitations of time, however, so perhaps it is time I wrote something for actual moolah, cash, kudos, etc.

This involves a lot of annoying extra tasks, mainly in the USA.  I object to sending my original documents to another country.

Anyway, it appears my strategy has paid off, if such people are asking me for advice and taking it, so I guess I should take this whole brand thing more seriously.

In which case it is time I finished the games for my beloved Wolfe and wrote the stuff for Boris.

Hopefully I will have some good news shortly.

Toodle pip,

Ina

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A Cute Post about Racism

I was confined to the house for several years, not only because my parents needed me, but because the family dysfunction was so aggressive that had I had any kind of normal life, everybody, including my parents would have been at risk from my sisters.

My brother was too selfish to notice, either that my parents might have liked to actually see their grandchildren, or that anything my sisters would do would be upsetting in any way.

In fact, his answer to both problems was to join in and validate their behaviour.  This is why absent children are nasty to carers – it is far easier to hate the person doing all the work than offer them any help of any kind.  It removes any need for acknowledgement of anything they would have had to give up, or any work that they are doing and you are not.  This means you are STILL ENTITLED, and negates any requirement for actually making a contribution of any kind.

During the time I was confined to the house, the only people I saw were my procession of exs, who would drop in when they felt like it.  I usually got them to assist in some job or other that required help – since I would not of course be getting any help from the scum family, despite their grubby little hands.  They were too busy rubbing them.

This is what respectable people do.  They bitch about anybody that actually does any work, and then they take anything they have from them, even when they have very effectively prevented them from having anything approaching a normal life.

At one point I was interviewed by the police to find out if I was actually in conditions of Modern Slavery, so intense was the delusion of one of my charmless relatives.

Anyway, since this post is about racism, I am sure my charming sisters, in particular, are horrified by the events surrounding Little Shiva. They will be delighted to learn that I am now spending some quality time with a rather sweet and equally shocked Muslim. He had assumed that I would write him off as a racist and not want to speak to him.

My exs will of course also be horrified.  I had to listen to many, many hours of vile ranting about our immigrant population from at least three exs.  What was fascinating to me, as a person who was at the time employed to deal with immigrant populations in terms of extracting information, was the astonishing lack of awareness that meant they did not seem to notice that they were saying these things to someone with no issues at all about race. I think they thought it would rub off eventually.  It clearly didn’t.

After the first hundred hours or so of listening to it, I was astonished to find myself questioning what was meant by the bile.  On face value, racism is abhorrent, of course, but the ranting conceals fear. Fear of the loss of status, fear of the loss of territory, fear of the unknown.  You cannot blame people, particularly people who have suffered loss, for being tribal.

You can however get annoyed with the colour related elements, but I think since a lot of newer immigrants to Scotland are actually Eastern European and therefore white, the colour-based racism has actually dissipated in favour of the fear of overcrowding and being sold somebody’s child.  Some of the most eager proponents of curbing immigration that I have interviewed are actually Hindu and Muslim.  They understand, apparently a whole lot better than the Scots do, that borders are relevant and precious.  Hindus in particular are often very right wing and not at all worried about saying so.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, racism has been studied quite extensively and has common elements which should be grasped before making assumptions that you ‘just hate’ somebody.  I am sure I am not the only person that finds they have more in common with other nations than I do with the English as a general rule.  This is, of course, partially due to the artificially generated tension that our lovely country likes to employ to keep the jocks in their place, but it is an odd concept.

Personally, when I lived in England, I found ignoring them helpful.

What you can get most irritated about is the lack of concern for the person next to you and the willingness to cause harm.  That is nothing to do with race, and everything to do with a mean spirit and grasping nature.  That is more likely to get you killed than anything to do with race.

 

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Depressing is frightfully popular

Depressing is frightfully popular.

That is because the readers of this page are mostly spiteful, mentally ill people who wish to do me harm.

You would need to decide by looking in the mirror why you have these problems.

Nobody took your time from you.  Nobody asked you for anything.  Nobody cost you your job. Nobody did anything other than provide better than the best possible care for my mother, far beyond what she was getting elsewhere.

It is not for me to recommend who you go to to resolve your issues.  I have other things to do.  There are hundreds of thousands of people who need help, because they do not even know what is  being done to them via the pharmaceutical companies, the medical services and the law.

You could, if you wanted to, actually research it and you would find out that you are lied to every day of your lives, but I doubt that any of you can be bothered.  Instead you will sit, slack jawed and try to blame me for – what – ever – you – invent – because – you – just – can’t – be -bothered – putting – the – work – in.

To take one drug that my mother was put in as an example:  She was put on one (unnamed) drug which allegedly kept stomach acid down.  It had the named side effects of making her dementia worse, causing pain to joints and reducing her appetite.  I replaced this with a diet which was anti-viral, anti-inflammatory and which contained a balance of nutrients to improve her memory.  I spent years developing it, because of what had been done to my father.

My relatives were told several times that her diet was of paramount importance to keep her well.  They not only ignored this, but continued to bitch to any available medical personnel, to the point that I was hounded out of the hospital entirely by aggressive staff.

Instead of getting visibly angry about this, I created the project which I am now having to rethink because of my stupid non-friend, who also happens to be a psychology graduate and former nurse.

He has verified on numerous occasions that nurses are far from being angels.  They carry out the orders of the higher levels of the NHS, who not only have policy targets to meet, but are trained to disregard information that does not suit them.

There are previous posts during the period that I was looking after my mother showing that there is evidence that my care of her worked.  The third and final consultant refused to even look at her blood tests, so determined was she that my mother was not to survive.

I object to this.  I had a legal right to be heard.  I was not listened to.  I was battered with yet more bitching from my relatives via a third party as usual because they are not only vile, they are also cowards, and I will never forgive any of them for what they did.

 

 

 

 

 

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Well that’s depressing

Just put the broadcast camera up for sale, since there is nobody to operate it.

Here is how stupid my film director ex is:

The project was intended to raise my profile in order for me to increase awareness of the social engineering project, under the auspices of the NHS, which is killing disabled and elderly people who are unfortunate enough to end up in hospital.

The reason I was doing this was because my mother was killed in an NHS hospital, quite delibarately, by staff who openly admitted they were doing it and who were hugely helped by my family dysfunction, caused by my mother’s inability to deal with her own poisonous offspring.

My response to this was to come up with an idea which would make sure that people were aware of this, in addition to reminding people that 120,000 people have already died because of the welfare rules under Conservative policy.

This, coupled with my interest in ensuring that the Conservatives have a leader who actually cares whether the Conservatives are acting properly or not, was the core of the project which everybody seems so keen to prevent.

When you try to tell people about this, they actively block the information as if it is nothing to do with them.  As long as all of you are doing nothing about it, it is your fault as far as I am concerned.

My former friend is disabled, and is currently finding it very difficult to access healthcare. It has taken 8 months to get an appointment about his lungs.

So, in a move that makes perfect logical sense, he has refused to enable me to work on a project to ensure that disabled people get access to fair healthcare, whilst he is being prevented from accessing healthcare.

I don’t really see how you can help somebody this ugly spirited and stupid, so he might as well die.  If ever there was a definition of useless eater, that is it.

At least maybe the camera will see some use now, rather than enabling this idiot to repeatedly make sure I cannot work.

 

 

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On the Subject of Boris

Right, before I get any more dubious fan mail asking for my opinion of this or that, perhaps I need to explain this again:

I do not focus on individuals in terms of staring at them or hanging on their every word.  I do not pick on people I necessarily agree with or feel that I have everything in common with them.

Boris is an unusual case in that I have always suspected that we would get on exceptionally well, because we have a very similar background in terms of loose eccentricity and not feeling the need to agree on anything.  We both have an awareness of the futility of seeking perfection, because essentially nothing is ever right in the first place.

Basically, all my work is a kind of emotional impressionism, which is entwined with my love of code and word games.

The work for Wolfe was probably purer, because it was less flash, in many respects.  That is because I was younger and less confident, for one thing, and because it was purely about longing, for another.  Wolfe and I would probably kill each other within 24 months, but it would be a fun 24 months and we would probably emerge as more dynamic people, provided we weren’t dead.

Boris brings in a whole lot of new themes and thoughts, given that I do have a large-scale interest in politics – that is to say – I do not care about what people did last week – I care about the philosophy, economics and direction.  In the event, therefore that Boris wishes to stick his foot in it,  he is welcome to do so and I will look on it much the same way as i look on a snowdrop growing in the wrong part of the garden.

Please do not send me any more drivel referring to Boris’s opinion on Russia or anything else.  I neither know nor care why Russia would particularly care what we were doing.  Frankly I am surprised that Russia would be interested at all.  I tend to look on Russia as a bit of a prankster nation, in the same way that I look on Germany as a little spoilt ten year old in a bath holding a plastic boat.  Every few years Russia likes to look up from her book and say “Remember how very, very scary I am.”  Then she waggles her finger and goes back to reading dark comedies.

It is a very American theme, inducing fear of Russia, and America is a disordered teenager with too many weapons.  America is far further from being civilised than America is capable of understanding, so, no, I don’t give a shit about Russia.  Russia has great literature and a sense of humour.  America has a bad case of narcissism in comparison, so gaslighting everybody else to try to goad Russia makes perfect sense.

NO MORE DRIVEL ABOUT BORIS.  I’M WORKING.

Ina

 

 

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Sexism is Alive and Well in Banking Contracting

So, I decided to make some nice friends today, and have been looking at standards in banking contracting.

I see that other people have far less trouble either securing work or being promoted, despite having less relevant degrees, considerably less experience and less interest in the sector.

So, it seems we have a ‘useless boy network’ issue.  I also see from online reviews such as this one, that the problems I encountered are nothing new:

 

The Ops managers are loathsome cretins. They sack people for fun, walking them out of the office in front of everyone, and have next to no true intelligence outside of creating pivot tables. Complete and utter sociopaths.

Terrible daily rates for Case Handlers (based on the pitiful internal banking systems and poor training)

Lack of support

Terrible Team Leaders who are chosen because they’re ‘yes people.’……

Good people are abused and let go because senior members of the team are threatened by kindness and intelligence.

Advice to Management

Too many managers, not enough sense. They get paid a huge daily rate to gossip and throw people under the bus. A project in London is carrying some serious deadweight across senior management. Stop sacking 20 entry-levels in a day, and start sacking Ops Managers – useless and a drain on company resources.

 

This is a review from the same project I was working on, for the same company, however this person was situated in London in 2015.  This review is publicly available online.  It could easily be from the same office I was in.

So, we ask ourselves, given that there seems to be an element of Hurtcore/sociopathy in the very company culture, is there any hope for this industry?

Not if they carry on like this.  Anybody who has any sense will walk away.  I have been trying to get this mess fixed for four months now.  The people who did it took pleasure in it, and the people who should be in a position to fix it are only concerned about themselves.

This is not either healthy or economical, and the sooner companies realise that hiring this ‘consultancy’ company is like handing out a box of matches and a pile of their money the better.  The last one I worked for was not like this.

 

 

 

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Letter to Blank

Dear Director of Blank,

I contacted customer services this week to find out how to have my website blocked from your servers. I require either someone who takes misuse of Blank resources seriously, or I simply require the address of IT Services so that I may ask them to do it. It takes seconds for IT to do this, and means that Blank staff will no longer be able to access my site at work.

I made this request as earlier this year, I was terminated from a contract for sending a member of staff an instant message offering them a book about stress. I was told that this was inappropriate use of Blank resources.  This despite the same staff member circulating my website amongst your staff for no apparent reason that I can fathom against my wishes.

As the individual concerned still works at Blank, I am sure he would be more comfortable in the knowledge that staff were not staring at my website, and since evidently he is acceptable, and I am not, to the point that the contract company has permanently damaged my record and any prospective career has been completely destroyed, surely it would be better to eradicate all trace of me from the workplace? I have applied for work at Blank a number of times now, and apparently I will never be able to return thanks to this incident.

Imagine my surprise on contacting customer services to be told by Blankette that she was unable to even consider contacting the relevant person as staff are entitled to do what they like with computers in  their ‘down time,’ (why would they be having down time at work?) and that any concerns I have are a ‘civil matter.’  She clearly does not know what she is saying.  In what way is simply doing as I ask a civil matter?  It has nothing to do with either of us.  I just want my website free of stupid people and irrelevant hits, and I would prefer Little Shiva not to have a nervous breakdown because of his own rubbish.

Not only am I to lose my income and any prospects with Blank for sending an instant message, I cannot even have any consideration in terms of ensuring that staff at Blank are unable to pester me or the person that got me fired whilst they are supposed to be working for Blank.

I strongly suspect that nobody actually has any rules at Blank, and that you simply make it up as you go along according to the laziest, stupidest and most irritating option. That is not good business, now is it?

 

Ina

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The Car Crash Couple

Right, I don’t know whether you have given your wife your old phone, but her imagination appears to be running wild and a lot of old and very irrelevant posts are being hit in Edinburgh. FYI ‘Trapped’ referred to my being unable to get off the shift with your tiresome hubby so that he could be happy with the gorgeous chick he apparently wasn’t bonking.  I still have quite a few of these posts, so don’t go inventing any more bullshit.

Let us be abundantly clear – no fondling, groping, blowing kisses, singing, untoward smiling, eyelash battering took place at any point.  Absolutely nothing about your husband induced any happiness.  My entire relationship with your husband has consisted of me desperately trying to communicate whilst he complained, stared, bitched about me with the beautiful chick and otherwise was a pain in the ass.  He is not genuinely interested in me at all.  I am an object to throw things at. I do not really exist.

At no point did he connect with me as a human being, never mind a potential partner.  Do you seriously think someone that cares about you plays along with a Sadist who is trying to get you fired?  Especially when you’re grieving for your mother and alone.  Nobody is that dumb.

You are barking up the wrong tree.  I do not do creative work for people I forsee actually copulating with as a general rule.  The whole point is that it is unrequited.  Should someone wish to call my bluff at some point, I will probably stop working altogether unless it is a mutual project like changing the face of international healthcare or running the country.

I am now in touch with the bank to repair the rest of the damage inflicted by your dumb husband.  I have even bothered to block him on linkedin, which he updates only slightly more often than I do.  It took some months to accept that it was even him in the pic.

LOL

Ina

 

 

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Things I have Learned this Year

Things I have learned since meeting Wolfe last year:

  • Sometimes your wildest imaginings are real, and your normal mundane life can crush you so much that you just can’t see it.
  • You should never let other people dictate your self-image.  I let a couple of minor workers tell me I was nothing, and I believed it, which wasted about nine years of my time and his.
  • Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is let go of a dream, even if it is incredibly painful.
  • The only thing that matters is work, but I kind of knew that before, so I am not sure that it really counts.
  • Having an open mind requires considerable personal strength, but it is worth it.
  • Never trust authority. People who assume authority roles are automatically dangerous and potentially murderous.
  • Being kind does not necessarily involve huge amounts of time or energy.
  • Even when you have been battered a hundred times, keep trying to get past it and eventually you will.
  • Take nothing too seriously, life is short.
  • I will never be able to think about Wolfe at all without weeping profusely.  I am not sure why this is, I can only assume that the entire episode was a kind of necessary destruction.
  • Stop worrying about wider implications, particularly on behalf of other people.
  • The most important things can be the most subtle.
  • It doesn’t matter how ridiculous you think you are being, you are always learning something, and even if it is something you didn’t think you needed, it leads to something further down the line.
  • Relentless self-belief is the most important thing you can have.
  • Never be afraid to show and tell, even when it makes you actually vomit with anxiety.
  • Fear makes you ill. Drop that.
  • Boundaries are important, although they are difficult to implement, particularly when the people you are dealing with refuse to recognise them.  If this is the case, delete these people.

Things I have learned since my mother’s death at the hands of allegedly professional medical staff.

  • Never ever trust people who tell you they are professional because they really mean they can do what they like to you and you cannot defend yourself.
  • There is no such thing as genuine authority or knowledge.  The people that tell you that there is are the most dangerous.
  • No matter how pleasant you are, nobody respects you until you show them your teeth.
  • Social care systems are actually social engineering systems and are based upon flawed law which was created to protect stupid people from their own mistakes.
  • Family is the most dangerous construct in the world and having children is not going to help you when you are no longer economically useful to them.  My siblings were more than happy to deal with the nurses.
  • People at work exploit any weakness and do not wish to either learn anything or grow.  All they are interested in is hurting other people to make themselves feel better about being unimportant.
  • There is no such thing as good leadership any more.
  • We now live in a corporatist hellhole which is getting worse.  Nobody cares if you are any good or not, they only care about surviving, which means you are in constant danger as long as you are dealing with other people on a regular basis.
  • It is not OK to express happiness of any kind.
  • It is not OK to appreciate anybody, so keep your mouth shut.
  • The general population is unhealthy and drugged by TV to the point that they fear anybody who does not conform.
  • You are an object.  Do not expect to be regarded with any humanity at any time.
  • Personality disorders are becoming more common and more pronounced and you will continue to be at the mercy of disordered people until you stab your way to a position where they are unable to hurt you.  You are as well to do so, since inevitably other people are safer in your hands than theirs.
  • People now seem to genuinely believe that money makes them superior.

Broadly speaking, being a person of any quality whatsoever makes you a target, so it is up to you whether you choose to hide or whether you choose to fight.  The world is changing quite rapidly and the general population appear to be asleep and/or extremely stupid.

Thoughtlessness is killing a world which was not that pleasant in the first place.  From nasty, brutish and short, we have now come full circle past the good bit and to nasty, brutish and shortened, all in a relatively short time.

My friend in the Gambia was asking for advice this evening.  I said:

Take as much as you can from other people.  When they run out of stuff for you to take, take their time.  Keep taking until they have nothing left, because taking stuff from other people and hurting them as much as possible is all that actually matters.  That is what I have learned this year.

Apart from that, leave me the fuck alone because I do not apparently belong to this crowd.

 

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