Sick Freak

“Isn’t it funny this chick really likes me?”

“She doesn’t know you.”

“Yeah, the problem is I only like them when they’re really scared.  I’ll have to scare her, and she’s bigger than me.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“Ummm, well, her mother is dead and she has bills to pay.  I think I’ll repeatedly make complaints about her until she’s terrified.”

“Great idea!  That’ll show her.”

“Maybe I should go to the gym, too.”

“Uh huh.”

“And, apart from that, I could make sure she understands by humiliating and degrading her at every opportunity.”


“Yeah, she won’t look so cheerful then, will she?”

“Nope, I guess not.”

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Supermix for Dawnee

Sorry to disappoint the person sitting waiting for me to post, but this is nothing to do with work.

Hi Dawnee,

I will give you a very limited list of things, but you will want to add things specific to your set of health problems so this is a very basic and generic version of supermix, designed to improve your blood quality, reduce any associated depression and improve your ability to absorb iron.

I too was anemic until I gave up meat and made this mixture as a catch all.  It is mainly superfood, herb related and mine is very expensive because it has an awful lot of ingredients.

There follows a limited version, both in terms of cost and specificity, which you may want to try alongside your spirulina, which will certainly help with your vegetable problem.

Long term, the only thing you may need is a liquid B12 to add to it, but otherwise this should go some way towards helping you out of a tight spot.


Spirulina – the space programme approved this as being as nutritious as I previously indicated – this is your life saver ingredient

Wheatgrass – two weeks of wheatgrass will make you feel entirely different about your life

Bladderwrack – it is cheaper than most seaweeds because it is out of fashion, but this will help your urinary tract and the iron problem

diatomaceous earth – this will help with getting your gi system working again and improve hair and skin quality.  It also removes any parasites you may have working against you

msm – skin, digestion,

maca – hormone support

yarrow – hormone, liver and kidney support

silimarin/marsh mallow powder – for your liver

Raw chocolate powder – I use this to make it taste good and add minerals for reproductive and general female health

Barberries – I chuck a handful in every day as they are very good to prevent dementia and encourage the production of brown fat, which is far better than white fat – brown helps you speed up your metabolism and white slows it down, broadly speaking

Ginger – I go through about 10 kilos a month – it is for blood sugar and is anti-cancer

Coriander – for reduction of heavy metal poisoning

This is an extremely limited basic mix and I would use a tablespoon a day in about 2 litres.  You will find other things that relate to your health by looking online, and I recommend this book, which is now free, for you to research other things you might want to add yourself.  You will have to copy, paste sorry.


Good luck, see how you get on with the spirulina first if you want.



Much love,



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Is there such a thing as being too driven?

driven: adjective

UK  /ˈdrɪv.ən/ US  /ˈdrɪv.ən/

Someone who is driven is so determined to achieve something or be successful that all of their behaviour is directed towards this aim:

Like most of the lawyers that I know, Rachel is driven.

So, today’s burning question is – is there such a thing as being too driven?

The answer is yes, but it has taken me decades to accept it and understand why.  During my first career nothing stopped me, however within 2 years of leading teams in my twenties I had many bad habits bashed out of me, including:

Over-discipline whilst being a soft touch:  People retain the bad bits and forget the good.  All that happens is that they are extremely surprised when you are nice to them. As I was saying about being double-talked – fear is not actually all that helpful for most jobs.  Tough benevolence is better in terms of your team’s perception than Soft Terror. eg.  Presenting yourself as being fun and very helpful will gather more intelligence and awareness of the team’s current strengths and weaknesses than austerity.  It also seems ridiculous to up targets when people are still worried about quality levels, however if you want to do this, you need to up the confidence level of the team generally, and you cannot do this without humour.

Presenting the negative before the positive: I used to work with an academic who teetered around the edges of the emotional intelligence movement – you may want to look up Positive Psychology for this one – telling people that “they must achieve or else” is far less effective than telling them they are doing a good job, and you want to help them get even better.

Not allowing people to have their own terms:  I have, in the past, been presented with carved vegetables from staff who absolutely loved me despite me working them into the ground twenty hours a day.  Be aware that even at your worst, if you are expressing something about yourself you are contributing to group effort rather than imposing a structure that is not necessarily helpful.

Class structures: In the UK in particular, we have to be extremely class sensitive.  I, as a posh person who happens to swear quite a lot, have had a lot of issues with staff who believed that they were working in a glorified death camp, with all the associated rules.

It is far better to retain a certain level of humility when managing, again this facilitates communication.  If people feel, as they did a few weeks ago, that they are contributing to a group effort they will put more work in than if they feel you are behind them with a giant socio-economic whip.  By this I mean, be careful of creating artificial structures which inadvertently exclude people.  People will follow your example, so you need to encourage a spirit of cooperation.  At one point I had a devout Catholic Irish boy working with an Apprentice Boy from Northern Ireland. (sworn enemies)  It was not easy, but I managed to make it work.

Dealing with Senior Management:  Whilst they do like you to recognise where you are in the food chain, senior management do not like a crawler.  Being too nice is as bad as not caring.  It is important to present a piece of less pleasant information alongside every good bit to present an image of integrity.  Failing to do so implies you are hiding something.

I will do a few more posts on this, but this will do just now.

Much affection,

Ina the rebel.






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For all you lovely married people

I have never been remotely interested in married people.  With Wolfe, this was not discovered for years, and even when it was it was kind of irrelevant because if you can’t accept that Wolfe is a bit of a slapper, you wouldn’t last long as a potential partner anyway.

Likewise, Boris has an evident agreement with his childhood sweetheart, and in neither case was an outcome likely.

So today, I am talking about the kind of married people that want to have extra-marital guilt sex because they think their genitals are, for the reason of them having tied them to someone else legally, far more exciting than everyone else’s.

Trust me when I tell you your genitals are just as boring and emotional distress is not an interesting or happy state to be in.  In order to find someone that thinks otherwise, you are probably better going for immature, bitter, spoilt and preferably stupid people who get off on being miserable.

Personally, I would regard it as a character defect to be reduced to bonking husbands, so I have never found it remotely appealing.  The kind of women who tell themselves that this is ‘no strings fun’ are rather sad and have usually been terribly betrayed themselves.

I rather prefer my over-optimism.  I will probably never see the charming, witty and fierce individual that I have in my head, but I am not ruining anyone else’s party finding out.

So, married people, keep your tedious genitalia to yourself and save it for your squawking brats, paying the mortgage and stop wasting everyone else’s time.


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The Joy of Work

Got some more products for Ina underway.  I think I would like to add a bunch of logo based products to some of the print-on-demand lines and maybe actually add the link to the website as things are a bit bitty at the moment.  (I started a project with Wolfe’s face on VIDA, and haven’t done any more with it.

Working on the screenplay for my film director ex, who is now sitting downstairs with fake Boris and DOING MY HEAD IN with nagging.  This is the hazard of making people well, really, isn’t it?

We need to establish that the camera is talking to the computers this morning too.

It is so nice to be able to make some progress.  I actually feel physically better as a result.  Managed to get 12k in yesterday.

Now aware of being unpleasantly besotted with the IBM, but being able to think about it without actual terror is a huge relief.

I wish I could say that I am a more cool and disengaged person generally as it would probably make my workflow less erratic, but I do seem to be a bundle of emotional nerves generally and it is probably quite central to my work.

A more interesting IBM short story is on the way, possibly today, but we shall see how it goes with the screenplay and sorting out the camera issues before I think about getting the car back.

Trying to think how best to approach getting better at the actual job.  I evidently have issues with the process.  It ought to be obvious, but my brain is not liking it, so I have to think around the problem.  I am sure I will think of something before my return to work.

So happy to be at home.  I looked into the alternatives yesterday, and short of buying a very cheap aircraft hangar, I am afraid I, and indeed anyone, would rather be here.  The selfish little shits will just have to spend their own money rather than mine.

And so begins the mammoth and obstacle ridden journey towards being Ina Disguise whilst persuading the IBM of my sometimes honorable intentions.




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Solid Self Perception

Image result for boris johnson

If you want to change your life, the first thing to do is change your self-perception.

If you want to change someone else’s, the first thing to do is change their self-perception.

This, I have learned over the years, can be positive or negative, and even at my strongest ever, I have serious problems when I am challenged.  This is for a variety of reasons, the main one being the residual symptoms of CPTSD.  This weakness makes my reaction to irrational or illogical insults a little bit slow.

I simply do not understand why I am, like Boris, a magnet for bile.  Herd mentality means that once one sheep baas, several more follow no matter what you do, and the only real solution to it is to completely ignore it and carry on being your own positive and definitive self.

I have got a lot better at strategy with large groups however, and I am hoping that I retain this implicit knowledge and put it to good use.  I have no idea of the rules of the wall game, but losing to win is working well for me.

I am wearing my logo a lot at the moment, for my own benefit as much as anyone else’s.  It makes the other things I do make sense.  The bigger picture is always positive, always positive, always positive.

I am bored stiff with the cabling issue now.  They have arrived, but do not work with the director and editors Mac.  This means I will have to do the editing and it is very time consuming.  I also need to verify that it can be done on the computers here.  It is all tiresome in the extreme.

I have managed to fix the sick film director.  I dragged him back up here and fed him pineapple and coffee every time he woke up.  It took roughly six hours to get him on his feet, and at the twelve hour point he is breathing easily and able to consider doing things other than bore me senseless about his imminent death.  Even someone who has seen me fix my health issues twice, in the form of extreme weight loss and age reversal, and who witnessed me saving my mother’s life when the NHS couldn’t, apparently needs me to stand over him with a sharpened stick poking the stuff down his throat.

He is now well enough to be demanding a spanking.  He has been asking for this for seventeen years now, and I still can’t be bothered, so I am not sure how long he thinks it will take before I get around to it.

Such is life in the beehive.  I will be working all night tonight, as the air pressure issue is making me rather sleepy just now.

Don’t worry Boris, all this will pass, and it will be fine.  By order!  I want to see a book on someone better than Churchill the killer.






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And so to work

Time for work, I have a sick film director to pester, a house to paint, a book to write and a gorgeous chair to work on.

Let us see how far I can get with Iain Duncan Smith this week.  I feel so much better now that everything is more settled.

Thank you for not doing anything horrible for at least two days.



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Moroccan Boys

There seem to be an awful lot of them, for a start.  I am not sure what happens to all the spare girls.  I haven’t bothered to look up the rates of infanticide before posting.

The first thing I noticed when I initially arrived was the mark.  They all have the mark.  Very few Moroccan street boys don’t have a little round scar under their jawline from where someone has pressed a knife to enforce rules of some sort.

The second thing I noticed was the sliding scale of racism.  One of the worst racial incidents I have ever seen was in Morocco.  Two oriental people were trying to board a plane to the UK, and they were summarily dragged off it.  Another East Asian from London complains bitterly on Tripadvisor on how badly he was treated in Morocco.

I am usually treated extremely well, because I am very down to earth and I am quite savvy.  There is a kind of hive mind, where if you don’t piss people off, you are under the protection of a selection of random strangers, and I have been fortunate several times that I seem to be OK.

“Are you American? English? German? French?  Ooooh you are Scottish.” Big smiles and offers of mint tea usually follow, thanks to the Moroccan love of football.

Besides that, Marrakech in particular is basically just the Barras and the merchant city dropped into the Sahara.  If you aren’t a moron, you will be fine, but hell mend you if you are.  I also recommend you do your shopping after midnight, as that is when the locals do it during the hotter months.

I could go into detail and tell you some amusing tales of people trying to rip me off, but Berbers regard this as a game, and if you win they quite like you for it.  If you have an attitude or you are horrible, you will not have a good time, so basically go somewhere where your bullshit is appreciated.

I will never forget the boy who was sent to perform the carpet shop con.  The carpet shop con is where a 19 year old or so is sent to offer to be your guide.  He is usually quite cute apart from the scars.  The boy who was sent after me on this occasion was heavily scarred and physically shaking because he knew he wouldn’t get far with me.  I was bulk buying wool at the wrong end of the souk in Marrakech.

“I will show you the tannery? ”  he said hopefully.

“Nope, I am buying wool.”

“The dyers?”

“Buying wool”

“Argan Oil?”


“Carpet shop?

“Look mate, I make carpets.  I’ll sell you a fucking carpet OK?”  He was utterly terrified, especially when about ten of my friends mobbed him to tell him to stop.  I actually felt sorry for him because I knew he would probably get another slash across the face for not managing to drag me up there.

The idea is that you get very lost in the medina, and then you are dragged to a shop where you are shown a selection of very expensive carpets whilst drinking tea and whilst the store owner figures out how much money they can sting you for.  Why they wanted me is a mystery, given that I had wisely chosen to wear my studio clothes on that trip.  I was as scruffy and covered in paint as everyone else.

Anyway, the training for this starts with street performance as a child.  One of my favourites was a low level firework which you watched whilst a child robbed you.  This time I was rescued by the food vendors in Jemaa el-Fnaa, who dissuaded the tiny team from going through my 12 pockets.

I love Berbers but don’t learn management strategy from a Berber.  Ruling by fear and a knife is not the same as leadership, and lying through your teeth all day every day is not a happy way to live.  By all means learn haggling, but not management.

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Very upset

The employer, or the audience, is looking through the posts on SB to ascertain what has happened.

I am a very open person these days, and I am quite glad of it actually.

This dude started off being super polite, and as long as I looked as if I fancied him was very attentive following the initial comment about his seriousness being beautiful.  (how raunchy lol).  The problem arose when it was established that he was with someone and I knew about it.

I went to some lengths to repeatedly apologise for my saying it, and assumed that his more unpleasant behaviour was down to stress.

At no point during this episode did he stop staring at me.  I do not know what that is all about.  I even said to my friend last night – why does he keep looking at me as if he is very hungry and about to eat me?

I did not attempt to use any of his unpleasantness against him.  Quite the reverse, when he sent my email to his employer trying to get me fired I recommended him as a great manager, and when I sent the letter about changing shifts I specifically said the weekend staff were great rather than mentioning him then.

Last night, I sent a message asking whether I could give him the book (on CPTSD) without him becoming angry or hysterical and he responded with more bile about me being inappropriate by asking, with some added abuse about me not being good enough.

I finally cracked as this was my third attempt at defusing the situation and the third humiliation response.

Anyway, I told him that I no longer have any respect for him, that he is very poor at dealing with people and that trying to get me fired over an email had been responded to by telling his bosses how marvellous he was.  He has no response to that, strangely enough, short of sitting on the website waiting to see what I say next.

Not that he will apparently understand any of it anyway, but it looks as if Big Fat Kaffir Whore hit the nail on the head.  He doesn’t see me as a person, and thinks I exist to be humiliated by a nasty and presumably horny staring brat (why else would you spend most of your time staring at one person?  Every time I turned round he was staring)

I wish I could have helped him, but I can’t and I shouldn’t have bothered trying.h

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