Scrolling through the news and comments over the last couple of days, it strikes me that you need to have the hide of a rhino, the steely determination of a fearsome entrepreneur, and a leadership skillset that may or may not eventually come in handy to tolerate the day to day rough and tumble in politics.  It is not something I would personally take on lightly.

According to several cheap papers, Nicola Sturgeon is an ego tripping power maniac, even when she is bending over backwards and sideways to accommodate the varying will of the Scottish people.  The rest of the party are considered a rabble of whingers by a large proportion of journalists and are not heard at all.

Meanwhile at Westminster, varying sources are struggling to find something wrong with Theresa May, who is valiantly clinging to the tiller, whilst a lot of really horrible memes are going around about Boris, not only from minor journalists but from the public. I am sorry to say I also caught out some dude from an NGO trying to use a quote from fourteen years ago as being from our foreign secretary.

I am not sure how many people actually take the time to consider the effects of this.  For the first time today, I turned to Twisty and said “You know what?  If I was in politics, I would quickly stop caring about the media and the public.  That isn’t very good is it?”

Both sides of our current coin are doing the best they can.  There is nothing further to discuss until they have a chance to get on with it.  The UK situation is relatively stable so far.

I would suggest to the SNP that some PR training and possibly media consultancy is in order.  Loftily ignoring the problem is not going to make it go away.  Nobody is listening to the point, because they do not think they have to as long as the media keep banging out the same ill-informed nonsense to the public.  Some knowledge of basic linguistics is also useful, as I keep hearing jarring points being dismissed far too readily at Westminster.  A few small tweaks, and you could avoid being ignored.

I am surprised to note that a few muted yet positive noises are coming from the Conservatives at this point.  By the time the rebel Labour MPs decide what they are going to do, they are likely to be largely irrelevant.  I look forward with great interest to what happens next.

It would be nice to see a lull in hostilities to see what Scotland and England do in the next month or two.  Progress is clearly ongoing, and mutual attacks can always be resumed after our post-Brexit direction is clearer.

In the meantime, both have deployed their weapons of choice in the form of Nicola Sturgeon and Boris Johnson.  You may not agree that either are good choices, but for my money, you could not be in better, higher profile or less ego-bound hands. It is nice to see fish swimming in the right water, for once.

This morning, before I wrote the Dear David Cameron post, I witnessed the following exchange between Angus Robertson and David Cameron.  My fellow Scots will note that the BBC did not include the good wishes (which the Independent included) immediately preceding the comment. The BBC video is here:

Angus Robertson and David Cameron at PMQs

This scene was approved of by several Scottish National Party members, and my response was appreciated by approximately three of the seventy or so who read my alternative to Angus’s response.

I then took Twisty for coffee, during which he indicated that he thoroughly approved of Angus Robertson’s tone, and that we should not pander to the frivolity of the English politicians, left or right.  I vehemently disagreed with this, as my feeling is that one should play the game as it is served to you, so to speak. To the Etonian brain, this is the communication of a barbarous spanked child, not a national statesman.

We returned from this outing, followed by a lengthy drive in which we took in Irvine, Ardrossan, and Lochwinnoch, to find Theresa May standing outside Downing Street declaring war on any notion of Scottish independence.

In the last few hours, the cabinet reshuffle has amused and entertained a dismayed public with Theresa’s appointments.  I will say before I start on the issue I plan to address in this post, that I think her choices are inspired and, I am happy to say, bold. I also appreciated much of what she had to say about several foreign companies enjoying tax concessions that we simply cannot afford, although I cannot understand how Starbuck’s alleged 18m tax contribution has been overlooked, or why she would be announcing a crackdown on three companies involved in her husband’s hedge fund.

If this statement is intended to give her integrity, then great, however if it is in error, I suggest an entire department devoted to tax avoidance generally is a better idea than hammering individuals, benefit claimants and the disabled in the manner we have come to expect. Personally, I would introduce a tax concession scheme based on partnering such companies with British nationals who are capable of growing new businesses, and fund a growth of British business without government interference using this method.

To get to the point, tonight’s burning topic is communication.  From a Westminster perspective, Angus Robertson’s point, whilst highly relevant, is made at the wrong time, in an over-serious, blaming tone, and has been taken as an attack by the comparatively restrained, and to us, over-polite English.  We are significantly different nations, and we communicate in a vastly different way.  Hence my demonstration of the rhetorical method of saying the same thing in the form of my last post.

Many years ago, I was interviewed by a government department devoted to gathering numerical and very precise statistics.  They came to Glasgow to recruit.  After a couple of hours of testing, a roomful of individuals from all over the world were reduced to three.  Me, a drunk man who had spend the night on a bench before coming for interview, and a hippy.  We were, according to the tests, the most intelligent people in the room.  All the passive candidates left.

Six weeks later, I called the department to find out who had got the job, since it evidently was not me.  I was told that the department had decided to recruit nobody and would be using English staff.

“You aren’t in England.”  I said “People probably look a bit different up here.”

“Ahem.” the uncomfortable English rose who had managed to get three expenses paid days in Glasgow was evidently shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She was unused to direct communication.

“I hope that you enjoyed your free holiday.”  I said nastily, and promptly gave up on the job.

Likewise, I have just been weeded out of a job for failing to have demonstrated that I have dealt with people at all levels.  I would have thought that this was obvious by the fact that I have worked my way up through two sectors, from dishwasher to Stately home caterer with my own business, and then from general office worker to Senior manager in a major bank, but apparently this is too much of a stretch for your average, dull-witted Human Resources department and they simply cannot be bothered to read or interpret my CV.  In short, despite my communication skills, I am screwed by the fact that I cannot understand how people can be this stupid, so am unable to figure out how to compensate for it by spelling out information that I would regard as blisteringly obvious.

Hopefully by now you can see a pattern emerging.  If you and your respondent are talking two different languages, you are unlikely to reach consensus.  To those trained to play the Westminster game, direct Scottish communication comes across as over-serious and savage stabbing in place of elegant swordplay.

In a game of rhetoric, you pack as many layers into the same short speech as you want, in as few, preferably soothing words as possible.  What you never do, is communicate directly.  In this way, you can present a fairly savage attack as a string of compliments and gracious thanks.  (see previous post for an example)

This, they understand. This is exactly what they are trained to do at those expensive institutions, and this is what they respond well to. It is calculated to make them difficult to relate to, and to make it difficult for them to relate to you.  We train cold fish, capable of endless debate, in order to crush opposition.

My point is, Scotland, that in order to win the game, we need to play the game on their pitch.  Our direct and honest methods are cutting no ice.  Some refinement is in order, otherwise nobody will listen, and if nobody listens, our blunt instruments will fail against a well aimed rapier every time. Yes, we can do it, but we need to listen and learn how to win.

In the meantime, my congratulations to Boris.  I think he is a good and bold choice.  The UK should not set out to be apologetic at this point.    Once you have secured the safety of the UK, perhaps you will reconsider your historically poor attitude to my country. If not, I guess I will pick a fight later.

Ina

Honestly, what a shambles.  Do I really have to go down to Westminster and tell them what to do?  How would they feel about a sub celebrity in a sparkling burkha and sunglasses yelling at them?

Cameron – Activate article 50 and then step down, preferably taking your boy with you, you are stalling progress for everybody else.

Gove – give it up. Nobody likes you.

May – we got rid of Thatcher, we do not want another one. I am sure the submissives will vote for you, but referring to people as a bargaining chip is not what we want to hear after the deaths caused by the inept girning twins you sat behind in parliament.

Leadsom – for goodness sake, get some public speaking training, and stop apologising for taking the party in the direction it needs to go in.  You are no longer working in a stuffy bank job. Try practising in the mirror.  You want the country going in a POSITIVE direction, feeding the ROOTS of the economy to benefit everyone by stimulating DOMESTIC growth.  Stop messing about.

Boris – go and draw up an open trading agreement that we can sign people up to.  One that does not insist on stupid border arrangements and regulations to bar countries from entry.  We want to see some variety, and some hope for underperforming nations. Let Britain be the good guy, for once.

You can give Gove a nice grey job working on the brexit agreements in the EU. There must be someone capable of planning a safe zone for displaced people to rebuild their lives without fear.  In ten years, we will have to evacuate the equatorial regions, so you need to take action on refugees now to avoid being entirely swamped.

Corbyn – do not step down.  If you have to discipline the Blair/Brownites get on with it. Leadership is not about waiting until a stupid person catches up.

Don’t sign TTIP or CETA, get the trading agreement drawn up in advance and reject all the current offerings, as they will not benefit the general population in any way whatsoever.  America is a mess, and it is spreading.

GET ON WITH IT. Must I do everything?