Am I worthwhile?

Fairly good day in terms of progress.  I still have a lot of paperwork to finish, but in terms of the physical work things are going fairly well I think.  Bit of sanding and stuff to do tomorrow, but looking good so far.

So, as we painted my new window today, we got to considering whether I am a good catch?

My inclination was first to look at my track record.  I am not great at relationships really.  I have been very lazy.  The relationships with new people did not go particularly well, usually because I was obsessed with work, and so I tended to rely on the very oldest ones long term.  I had the same three relationships at 40 that I had at 16.  Then I met Wolfe and despite being utterly horrible to him, all bets were off in terms of the old ones because there was no longer any point to them at all. This is seven years later, he is married anyway and our potential future together does not really involve romance.

Obviously, this issue is more cloudy because I have been here for 22 years, taking care of the property and my parents and over-working during the times when their issues were less pressing.  Therefore I just didn’t prioritise anyone.  So, I would conclude on the basis of the quality of my attention, probably not so great in the past.

I also have a tendency to chase people away at random times, and this is not so great either.  Sometimes this is just intolerance, and sometimes it is lack of space.  I seem to need a lot of space, which doesn’t suit everyone.

I’m very faithful on the plus side, as I am usually too interested in other things to be bothered with more than one relationship at a time unless everybody knows about it.  So I think I can give myself a point for honesty.

I’m not very easy to entertain, since I am, when not being Ina Disguise, very shy and I do not normally watch a lot of TV unless I am sewing, I do not care about movies, I rarely eat out and I do not drink.  This makes things kind of awkward, although if I were to be offered coffee and backgammon I would probably be delighted.  My exs fully expect to be painting, gardening or taken out on mammoth drives to nowhere when they visit, so again on the plus side you get to see interesting places and do a lot of chatting, but it is probably not everyone’s cup of tea.

Sometimes when I am at home, I will wander off and vanish into different parts of the house for an hour or so.  This can be quite alarming if you don’t know it’s going to happen.  I guess I am quite spoilt and anti-social in this respect.

I’m also very scruffy most of the time, although I have got slightly better lately because of my return to work.  The scruffiness is because I sometimes start painting, sculpting or otherwise absent-mindedly making something so if I do not make sure I am wearing something I can damage, I end up having to buy a lot of clothes.

I am really good at cooking though.  I am also fully capable of doing my own gardening and repairs, so I never really have to ask anyone to do anything apart from help me lift heavy things now and again. There is usually at least one masterplan, so there is nearly always plenty of random weird stuff to do.

I live in an amazing house and have devoted cats, so I am doing something right.  I am also very good at taking care of people.  I can be quite funny, and quite grumpy, sometimes at the same time.  When I am interested in something, I tend to focus quite well although I do like breaking things to see how they work.

I think that just about covers it.  I will be writing story four for the Indescribably Beautiful Man this evening. (he has no name now, sorry)  The base for his chair arrived today, as I had ordered it before discovering that he has no name.  I have no idea what I am going to call it or how to deal with the no name thing, but I am sure I can figure something out in the next six months or so.


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