I used to have a friend who spent his entire life going over every negative exchange he had, whether this was at the shops, or serious bullying, or stalking in some cases.  He had been through a lot, and had quite aggravated PTSD.

Things that he mentioned eventually included events that had happened when I was there, and some of the bullying had been directed at me.  I hadn’t noticed.  He told me several times anyway. I used to tell him not to notice.

“But it happened? Aren’t you angry?” he would say.

Well, if I had to deal with it, I would deal with it, but I find it much better not to notice.  It is usually much better and happier not to notice.  There are a lot of stupid people in the world.  You just ignore them and do what you are doing.

This is the difference between a victim and a leader.  A leader just blasts on regardless, and a victim sits and frets about it.

I can think of nothing sadder than a bully who stalks his own girlfriend, and a girlfriend that immediately joins in when he harasses other women.  These people are sick. He has groomed her to this extent, I expect he will be getting her to procure more victims for him eventually.

I again spent yesterday afternoon enquiring as to whether there is anything I can do about this other than make police complaints, as this is of no interest at all and seems like rather a waste of time the police could be spending on more important things.

Since my film was nothing to do with them and they weren’t involved, they could have just let me get on with the job.  Instead I am now expected to be stopped completing a project yet again because I don’t matter.

I have been through a lot, and the bottom line is always that I don’t matter.  Hence it is much easier not to notice nasty people. I recommend it.

So last night I discovered that an online stalker had been using my name to torment some ghastly woman I met once.  I suspect it is probably bawbag, since he has a record of having previously done this to other people.

I was, needless to say, not amused, particularly as he was dumb enough to email and indicate that he wants his current girlfriend to attack me.

Why, you ask?  Well he appears to suffer from a similar personality disorder to a couple of relatives of mine.  It is pointless to diagnose, since nobody seems to have a relevant treatment for it, but in any case, he is bamboozled by anyone saying no to him, despite at the same time knowing perfectly well that he is an inadequate and horrible person. He said so himself.

Apart from that, I am apparently not permitted to either grieve for my dead loved ones, purchase a cup of tea or make a film to help everyone, including him.  This would upset his sense of grandiosity.

Why he is still not in jail is a mystery.  The number of people angry with this guy is growing steadily.  The aforementioned girlfriend seems to be quite happy with this situation, to the point of joining in.

I cannot imagine waking up every morning determined to damage other people, or how you would not figure out that this was not a happy way to live your life, so I cannot help these people with their problems.

Far better to leave them to it.

In the meantime, an aspiring boyfriend from before I met bawbag is turning up at the door daily, and thinks that criticising me is the way to my heart.  I have no interest in this person and am wondering whether to deal with this less politely.

This is the problem with toxic family.  You are left with a kind of permanent wound that means people want to flout your boundaries all the time, with apparently no time limit. Why they don’t find themselves something more worthwhile to do I do not know. Presumably they have nothing in their heads but yet more bile.

Anyway I have other things to do, so at least that mystery is solved and I can carry on with my work, which is of considerably more interest and importance.

So, recently I have dated a few people and one of those people was a very nice 28 year old.

Unfortunately he was unable to keep up with me, so I had to say no thank you.

I haven’t exactly been a power house for the last year or so, so this was nothing to do with activity. It was to do with outlook.

I have no interest in sitting quietly worrying about what other people think, and he does.  I have no interest in sitting waiting for a date whenever it suits him, he thinks that is normal. He made various comments which made me understand immediately that it would never work because I am creative and he is not.

He is still calling me a couple of months later, because he would like this to work out and I was a bit cross when I finished it. If I was his age I would probably be calling him a stalker.

Thankfully he is in a different city, and I have most recently dated a surgeon from the emirates, who surprisingly I got on really well with. I have tried a variety of countries across the Middle East, and so far UAE is actually coming across rather better than the rest, Libya obviously being the worst.  My ex from Dubai remarked that bawbag sounded like a donkey.

It is a shame the inventor/apple geek was a conservative, because otherwise we would have got on. As it was he was just a rude and rather old man.

Anyway I seem to have settled on orthodox Jewish as not working, moderate Muslim works much better.  Still no Hindu takers, but my experience of Hindus is that they are very right wing so this is likely to not work either (sorry Little Shiva) The one Pakistani Christian that I dated was actually the worst of the lot, total hypocrite.

So that is how things are going.  Busy at the moment otherwise.

Ina

Haram Bawbag is now in the final stages and should be ready next week or so, barring any major disasters with the detailed portion.

Feeling a lot better since the change of diet, and normal service will be up to date by next week.

Little Shiva is going to be the next big challenge, and as it is key, will take a lot of blood, sweat and tears to complete.

Thank you for your patience at this time.

Being a lady is a complex business.  I have just been schooling a gaggle of clucking chickens who were bullying a woman for using the word stupid.

She was using the word stupid to highlight a problem with epoxy resin.  As you know, I work with epoxy resin, and I am well aware how dangerous it is long term, despite being fortunate enough not to have an instant reaction to it.

Sometimes being a lady involves being self effacing and backing the fuck off, as was the case with Little Shiva.  Had I not backed off, the evil giant would have gunned for him instead of me, for one thing, and the beautiful married chick I thought he was with might have been upset.  I did everything I could to remove my eyes from that boy, to no avail.

Sometimes the stakes are somewhat higher.  Being a lady in the case of Haram Bawbag involved dissing his ex girlfriend so that he would stop stalking her and boring the pants off me talking about her and their very dull relationship.

Sometimes, however when the stakes are incredibly high for more than 70 million people, it is important to assert one’s self and let one’s inner cavewoman out for a bit, whether this is practical or not is another matter.  I am not genuinely concerned about Lucifer’s life choices.  I am, however, concerned about some pretty serious shit that affects everyone, and I would like to help if possible.

Tonight being a lady involved telling some poor chick that using a negative word is fine when you are trying to alert people to danger.  I am not sure what these women do when there is a large fire, but saying ‘please exit’ in a quiet voice will not cut it.

Anyway, that was fun, I hope Lucifer enjoyed it as much as I did.

So, today I have done another couple of courses, am working on another one and am considering one which involves taking a day off work, shock horror.

My throat is very swollen because I have returned to the diet I was on before I had to take one of my current jobs.  I am now on a couple of bulbs of garlic every day and am drinking supermix once more.

This is a good thing, as it verifies that I was harbouring an infection that was unlikely to ever be picked up and I will be feeling much better soon.  I do not think I will be stopping the garlic again any time soon.

The reason I had not been on it since having this job is that pooping quite as often as one does on supermix is not very convenient when you are relying on other people’s toilets, however I do not like the health problems associated with my age group, and so whenever I encounter one I do something about it.

Over the winter, due to the cold, I had been indulging in my winter diet, which is more convenient as it involves fewer toilet visits and is more comforting.  This involves a lot of steamed vegetables, sweet potato, some meat and raw chocolate.  Comforting though this is, and extremely healthy, it is not the ultimate diet for keeping you away from health problems.  Supermix is pretty much always the answer.

So, I have been back on Supermix for a few days, and started on the garlic cure the day before yesterday, now I am processing infection which involves a little misery before you experience the bliss of feeling twenty years younger than you actually are.

I had an actual spot a couple of weeks ago, which came as a bit of a shock as I have not had a spot since the first time I went raw ten years ago.  This means that I was getting some toxic build up, probably from protein bars which I was also enjoying over winter as when not raw I low carb to avoid incessant weight gain on a ‘normal’ diet.

Now I have gone back into full detox mode, I will not be experiencing this again.  I can look forward to looking and feeling much better soon.

Apart from that, all good, not doing any work today as I am a bit annoyed after some rubbish I encountered over the weekend.