I finally had an idea I can live with in terms of scale and profitability, so I am rolling with it, although it is not compatible with Ina, and it is not compatible with my medium term objectives.

It is likely to mushroom, but that doesn’t matter at the moment.  What matters is that I am distracted from the disaster that was the last job, and the sadness that nothing nice ever seems to happen.

I was so happy that I had finally done something spontaneous without overthinking it, and then it turns out Mr Ripley is not very nice and also married to someone who is also not very nice.

The mercy is that it seems to be impossible for people to hide it.  My sister couldn’t hide it, the relevant exs couldn’t hide it. SB1 and 2 couldn’t hide it.  The lack of introspection is incredible.

However, it has to be said that a decade of being in love with Wolfe was not reasonable either, although it was a lot safer.  I am glad that he wasn’t waiting for me to grow out of the miseries, because he would have been waiting a long time.

For my sins, I now have sixty blog entries and as many short articles to write now, preferably before Wednesday or so, as things are likely to take another different direction then.

Believe it or not, I actually miss the spark of life from SB2.  I seem to like complicated people, even if they are objectionable, which means it is probably better if I get a dog and stay away from them.

The new plans involve networking with an entirely different set of people, who are likely to find me considerably less of a mental stretch than the last couple of lots did.

If the niche works, however, it may negate the need to go back to work at all, so I had better get busy before the sewing mood strikes.

I would like to meet a grown up male that actually gives a shit about me please, if that could be arranged. Nothing too startling, just somebody to talk to that isn’t vile.

My friend and I went out tonight.  I wanted to scope a restaurant I was interested in managing, so we went to find out what it was like.  It didn’t smell all that great, and the comedy, whilst not awful, was not good enough for me to want to spend a lot of time there.

I wonder if the city centre is dying.  I have wandered around a lot over the last few weeks, and it never seems to be as busy as it used to be.  The ten o’clock curfew on sitting outside seems ridiculous in a country where we can only sit outside in the evening for two months of the year.

Imagine my horror when the manager referred to in the previous posts comes speeding past me on the pavement.  I am quite astonished at the lack of shame.

I cannot imagine what little you would have to have in the way of humanity to deliberately participate in terrorising a grieving woman because a team leader you didn’t even like (SB1MV)  wanted to bonk her and didn’t know any other way of going about it.

I cannot imagine why you would then lie to her about the cause (SB2) and lie to SB2 about my termination.  He told him I had been laid off, apparently.

I cannot imagine then thinking that you would do anything other than avoid the person whose name you were destroying rather than presume to share a pavement with her.

I do not  have the level of spiteful bile these people have, so I do not understand it.  Nor do I understand why someone purporting to be a friend would wait to see what happened rather than telling me upfront what was going on.

I am honestly astonished at the level of pain this has caused.

It isn’t going away. I am tired of people like this.  There are so many of them.  Mean-spirited, stupid, spiteful little shits who don’t deserve anything.

Google is such a slave driver, I was going to starve the five or six personality disordered individuals who like to stare at this website for a few days, but it is important to Google that I do my 300 plus per day, so I best keep doing it.

As far as I can observe we have:

One woman with NPD, histrionic tendencies

One male with SPD and incurable feelings of inadequacy

One male with CPTSD who is unhappy in his marriage

One male with CNPD

One female with co-dependency issues and poor self esteem

All of whom look at the blog hoping to see some misfortune.

The only two readers I really depend on, and to be honest write for most of the time are not included with this motley crew.  I have great affection for both of them.

I have wasted probably years on wondering why people are the way they are.  I remember giving myself second degree burns with an unwise combination of deep heat and a hot water bottle once, so miserable was I about irrational behaviour.

There is nothing you can do about other people’s irrational behaviour.  What you can do instead is speed up your personal reaction time.

By this I mean ignore it faster.

I used to say that everyone ought to have their own front door.  I do not necessarily mean a literal door.  I mean you have to develop a well-guarded core of serenity that nobody can touch in order to survive other people.

This in itself will then be attacked, so you need to practice positive avoidance.  I think one of the few people who has been allowed to see me in bits has been Wolfe, because I felt very close to him even when we didn’t really know each other, and I knew that I had a bit of extra leeway with him than most people.

It seems that a lot of disordered individuals respond to this apparent serenity with an assault.  I believe the reason for this is deep self-loathing.  They want you to be as crap as they are, so they try to create situations to see if they can pull that off.

Trying to tell them that there is an alternative to this is usually pointless.  They will respond with a financial justification for being shitty, or some superficial judgement that they took on without thinking about it.  It is then up to you whether you want to fight your ground or simply avoid them as being pretty crap substandard people.

I have had far more than my fair share of this kind of behaviour.  Despite this, I have continued to maintain my morality (and turned down the bribes thereof)  and have done the right thing by as many people as have needed it.  You don’t tend to get any thanks for it, in fact other unfortunate people have said to me that I should instead think about myself.

It seems that attempts at nobility and protecting others is out of fashion.  Perhaps the world is too crowded for this now.  Perhaps one should just let the malcontents win and get as nasty as they are.

I am still somewhat worried about the girl in the office.  I saw her the other day, however and she looked pretty carniverous, so perhaps I am worried about nothing.  In any case, she still has a job and her position with SB2 is ambiguous.  This time, for once, I plan to leave well alone.  I am sure the pending investigation will sort things out.

I am so sorry I am unable to steam in and help at the moment, but as you can appreciate things are pretty red hot here.

I am sure if you take a cursory look at my feed, you will see where the problem is.

DO NOT let Rees-Mogg lead the party, this is not going to work out well.  Even Davis would be better if you don’t fancy it.

Some motivational speechifying would be helpful.  See if you can find some opportunities for some nice soundbites.

Best of luck, my lovely poppet.  I hope to see you as soon as I can.  I may be in touch via Rachel if all goes well with one of my old contacts this month. I just need to seduce a lovely Earl. No biggie.

Ina

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