motivation - Ina Disguise

The Gamebia Project Update

March 20, 2017 8 Comments

I wish that this post was going to contain good news, but the project is not going well at this point.

Scuppered by limited funds, I am scratching together the funds to continue as I was sold a bad batch of computers, at this point if I am successful I will bring the project to break-even at this end.

My protege in the Gambia, who told me that he knew what he was doing, seems to not know what he is doing at all and is now only in communication once every twenty four hours to ask when the next computers are coming rather than getting on with his end of the project.

Despite my own lack of funds I have sent the following items to The Gambia:

Two PC tablet computers, which were intact when they left here, well packed with chargers. One arrived broken, and has been sold to provide 3000 dalasi (£60) to provide immediate assistance to the recipient.
A digital camera, capable of producing video plus cables, batteries, charger and SD card
A condenser microphone for recording interviews and connector cable
A multi adapter to enable several different items to be used with the tablet
An SD reader, in case any of the cables get lost or sold
Three memory sticks, to assist with transferring information should mobile broadband be too expensive
A speaker, to enable testing of the material before sending to me for editing
A mini to usb cable for tethering, but this is now free because the recipient figured out how to get the tablet online despite the expense
An SD card, unspecified

The speaker was taken by the recipient’s brother on the first night, and the SD card went to the recipient’s boss as he had provided loans to the recipient. He has failed to update me on the other items, and so I am unable to report how many of the others he has lost or sold. I included two tablet computers, since I was aware the recipient has constant financial difficulties as this is why he started talking to me in the first place. This should leave sufficient equipment for him to start a channel on youtube, a blog and procure work from fiverr which would easily provide him with an additional income.

I suggested that as the recipient is very shy, that his somewhat more go-getting brother be the face of the project, and sharpen his presentation skills in addition to making better use of the equipment than selling it. The recipient tells me that in Africa, people expect money before success, which tells you rather a lot about why some areas of Africa are in a constant state of economic failure.

The recipient has not said thank you yet, nor is he staying in communication. Before the parcel arrived he was constantly talking online, he now appears once every twenty four hours and either complains, or asks when his next parcel is arriving. I have told him that unless I see some evidence of the project at his end, no further parcels will be forthcoming, which he has responded to with more complaints and excuses. I set up two email addresses, a youtube channel, a separate account for linkedin, a facebook page with likes and recommended a specific twitter account be created for the project. He appears to have struggled with all of this, and now seems not to have understood any of the conversations we had prior to my sending out the equipment.

I have also given instructions for handling the project, and no attempt seems to be being made to actually carry them out. Instead I read messages indicating that he does not know what he is doing at all, and is not really trying to make the thing work.

As you can see, things are not going well so far. From what appeared to be an intelligent and serious person who wanted to self-develop and fund his enormous family, we have a whinging creep who is now trying to say just enough to get more equipment without doing any actual work. I am not at all happy with this so far.

Still, I did this with the full knowledge that it was possible that he would just sell all of it, in which case I need not bother with this silly dude again, so the situation is not beyond saving if the recipient pulls his finger out.

I have been told a story from Germany, which indicated that African workers in Germany managed to work like Germans, and when that project moved to Africa, suddenly forgot how to do it. Perhaps sunshine is to blame, or perhaps the problem is blaming other people when what you really need is a work ethic.

creativity, motivation

Self Limiting Mantras

March 11, 2017 No Comments

Continuing my series on motivational topics, here are a few more backwards-ass suggestions for people delivering motivational material, often written off as smug/pompous/dishonest ‘idiots’ by an increasingly cynical and downtrodden public:

I’m not good enough

Yeah, that is a great excuse. Nice, vague, covers all angles. Of course you are, and if you are not, then you need to break your goal into manageable chunks and take it one step at a time. There are times when you can only spend ten minutes a day on your goal, whatever that happens to be, You owe it to yourself to have no regrets later.

I’m too fat

From experience, you probably got fat because you neglected yourself in favour of other people, or some imaginary idea that being a good citizen involved tasting every product that was advertised to you. How often have you watched an advert and wondered how the very slim model possibly gets away with eating pizza/chocolate/take out food etc? Every item you eat and every choice that you make is causing the problem. I am more aware than most that speaking up for yourself, sleeping sufficiently, taking time for your health, relaxing is considerably more difficult and seems like less of a priority than whatever else you are doing, whether that is work or other people. Although it seems easier to shut up and eat something before rushing headlong towards your next appointment, you really need to get selfish to solve that issue. Some people need to be rejected, some tasks need to be postponed and you need to stop hearing the insults that are preventing you from getting your romantic/professional/alternative goals fulfilled. It is too easy to assume that you will lose weight and your life will change. It won’t, so you might as well get on with it before you are sitting in a chair wondering where your life went and why you didn’t do whatever it is that you wanted to do. Most people would rather deal with a fat, considerate and thoughtful person than a selfish, thoughtless go-ahead bore. If they can’t manage it, they aren’t worth your time anyway.

I’m too old

This situation is unlikely to change so either you disregard this thought, or take up dominoes instead of whatever you were planning to do.

I don’t have enough money

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this is a question of using your imagination to rethink your plans. I have not come across an idea yet that could not have been off the ground cheaper and faster.

I don’t have time

Either your aim is not important to you, in which case why are you even thinking about it, or it is, and you will make time. This is the most lame excuse of the lot. Again it is a question of breaking down your plan into manageable chunks.

People like me don’t get to do that

Inadequacy is a boring excuse. You are adequate. Start from there.

They won’t listen to me anyway

Yeah, people are often assholes. It is time you stopped listening to them. Get rid of them and do your own thing.

It’s too big a risk

Compared with finding yourself in a care home with no visitors? If you rethink your plans, you will come up with a way of reducing your risk to a manageable level. If your priority is reducing risk, you need to take this into account and change your plans accordingly.

What if?

Yeah, you will be saying this a lot if you don’t do something about developing your life the way you want it.

It’s alright for him/her – He/she is better/more handsome/more intelligent/has contacts/more education than I do

They started out earlier than you. So what?

That stuff only applies to America

While I concur that they are obsessed with money, self-development is not really about money. I don’t plan to charge for anything I do until I have a sufficiently solid core from which to radiate. This takes time. There are many ways to build your little castle in the air. It is really up to you how you go about marketing and developing your particular product. You do not have to turn into a brainwashed clone to engage in personal growth.

He/she is a scammer

Yeah this is another good non-specific excuse. It is unclear why it is used so often, when speakers do relatively innocuous things (like selling health food or courses) This is really not a good reason to stop you from doing anything to help yourself.

Hope that helps.

economics, motivation

The Danger of Seeking Approval

March 9, 2017 54 Comments

As a devil-may-care type of chick, both in appearance and in attitude, I have, inevitably, attracted many desperate seekers of approval in the course of my life. Some men seek approval as a habit, some it takes the form of a horrific psychosis. Either way, it doesn’t tend to cut a whole lot of ice, since I am a rebellious responsibility freak who doesn’t really care what anybody thinks to a great extent.

Prior to falling stupidly in love with Wolfe, I was a very serious, very shy version who had been severely bullied for years and who wanted to make a genuine contribution to progressive thought. I felt so stupid after this episode, that I am now an artist and fiction writer working on some instructional but fairly pointless computer games. What a waste of a great education and work ethic.

My mother has a kind of cold war going on with her approval seeking children, and a red hot war with me, in which she kindly accepts my endless care and then complains about it. This has led to a wider war of nuclear proportions, in which my allegedly very nice sister feels quite free to phone me the night after my mother’s stroke to advise me that the stroke, which she sat and watched before going shopping, was in fact my fault and that she was entitled to her mother’s property. When she told my brother that I had refused to listen to this, he backed her up on it. It is the family property unless it comes to doing any actual work, that of course is mine all mine.

Since my brother has no hope of ever getting my approval due to this lazy greed, he naturally has to turn to her to get this, and so he and my drunken sister kow tow to a psychopathic narcissist who has pursued her obsession with superiority based on bank account alone for more than twenty years. She is also potentially violent, and so I now live with double doors locked and when they choose to visit my mother, they do so locked in an annex which means that I am safe from their unwanted and very negative attention. The only good thing about my brother is that he is interested only in money, whereas the sisters are incredibly spiteful and try to get more complaints from my mother in order to discredit me, the most educated person out of all four of us.

Desperation for approval may look benign, but it can take extremely vicious forms. Compared with a tiny bit of approval from somebody else, you do not matter at all, and you should identify this trait in the people around you and AVOID IT. There is nothing more depressing than a friend you have had for years turning around and telling you that you do not matter in comparison with them getting some fleeting approval from your aging parent. Desperation for approval, therefore, involves quite a deep level of dishonesty and lack of initiative that is really not worth having in your life. Similar to the recent studies of people who habitually swear, showing them to be more honest and hardworking, approval seekers will happily smile at you and stab you in the back if they think they will get some brownie points from some imaginary authority.

In a working context, whistleblowers are the enemies of the approval seekers, who have kept the economy in a wasteful mess for generations. There was a golden time of growth during which change was desirable and new ideas were welcome. This golden time has been over for nearly forty years, replaced with the desire of fat cats to maintain a level of incompetence in others which is not at all useful or pleasant.

So, to conclude, if you agree to be an approval seeker to pay your mortgage, you are spawning the next generation of useless, facile, greedy backstabbers who will continue to rape the economy until one of the African nations finally grabs the bull by the horns and takes it all away from you. A motivated, honest and non-wasteful workforce will destroy your dreams of your third car, your triple glazing and your bullshit holiday to Cuba so that you can snigger at the poor people you spit on every day.

creativity, economics, motivation

Spent £100, gave £50,000

February 8, 2017 2 Comments

Would you spend one hundred pounds in order to give someone else £50,000?

The Gamebia project, as it is now known, has costs and benefits.

The costs are to me, and once I have completed all tasks, the costs are going to be between £0 and £100.
The benefits are to an individual/ family in the Gambia, and will be the equivalent in local money of between 5 months and 4 years of the average Gambian wage. We worked out how much this would be for one modest person in the UK, and this worked out at £50k.

The reason for the disparity is as follows:

The person I am doing this for may decide to sell some of the equipment I am salvaging and keep only the laptop, which will yield about 5 months of local wages at the value of the equipment before I fixed it. It means that the postage was a bit pointless, but if this is what he has to do to survive, this is fair enough. I am not doing this to control anybody.

Assuming that I manage to fix as many machines as possible, the repaired value is 4 years of Gambian average wage, again quite a lot, but how many local people can afford this?

In the event that he decides to use the equipment to get other people used to computers and working, it will mean that he can use sites like fiverr, clickworker, youtube and hubpages to establish a presence online and create some passive income – income derived from work done once, and viewed many times. It also means he can be supported towards the ultimate aim of the project, which is to create a small gaming company producing visual novels, which are not all that cost effective to produce for most people here, but would make a very good income there. This makes the potential value of the project, provided that he puts the time in, which I believe he will, limitless. I reckon it will take a full year of fairly intensive work to get to the point of handing over control of new projects. In the meantime, I will have a team of people who can use work I can provide to train and earn at the same time, which seems to me to be mutually beneficial as I will be able to make a lot more novels in a short space of time. In addition to this I get to learn how to fix a host of new machines I would not otherwise have looked at.

So, all in all I believe this to be a worthwhile way of spending some time. My friend was wondering why on earth I would do it, and I think my friend in the Gambia was wondering if he was a ‘bumster,’ which I believe is a local term for gigolo. Not at all, I just thought limitless was a lot better than 5 months wages.

As a caring person who believes strongly in the value of opportunity, and as someone who gets by on almost nothing as a rule, I think I am spending my time wisely.

So, tell me, would you spend £0-100 on giving someone else £50,000?

health, motivation

Self Image and your Outlook

December 11, 2016 16 Comments

Today has been the last day in Malta, and we took a day tour to Valletta, the capital of Malta. Despite the continuing pain, I just about managed the clambering about, and we had a reasonably good last day.

A young Italian footballer was also on the tour, stinking of alcohol from last night, and became fixated on my ample ass. Twisty was quite annoyed with this, since the very young man expressed his admiration by glowering at my bottom and making comments behind his hand.

“Don’t worry about it, he is a chubby chaser, they are all the same.” I said.

Twisty appeared to doubt this, and stared him down in a grumpy way.

“No seriously, I have been through this more times than you can count. I could get annoyed and assume that he has a problem with large bottoms, but I know from experience that he would be the first one drooling all over me given half a chance.”

The rest of the day was spent dodging this guy staring at me and trying to catch my eye, until eventually I found myself hiding behind the tour guide. I am flattered that he did not instead choose to chase the equally chubby young lady sitting at the back of the bus, who probably had no idea that we had a major fan of rotundity on board.

“Perhaps my future is to be the somewhat geriatric wife of a famous footballer, unless some enormous and somewhat flashier chick gets there first.”

For the ladies out there that don’t know, because I am well aware, especially since writing the books, that there are plenty out there that do not know, men are pretty laid back about female appearance. Even the ones that pretend they want a trophy are just clueless little boys that associate shiny cars, playing expensive sport, and pricey clothing with success. Their assertion that you need to be a skinny blonde bimbo is all front. Men like variety, and there is no telling what they like from one day to the next. Your attractiveness is really determined by your self image.

Much the same thing can be said for men, otherwise there would be no Har Mar Superstar, Weird Al, Marilyn Manson or Keith Lemon. Women quite like to see confidence, whether that consists of sheer cheek or actual proficiency is of little consequence. Broadly speaking, it is a question of advertising and figuring out the details later.

This can also be said of success. The Pedro on the Beach Story, which has a penniless and lazy fisherman bemused by a millionaire suggesting that he multiply his earnings in order to do nothing, which is what he is doing in the first place, is something we should all take very seriously in a world with dwindling resources.

Whilst there is no glory in poverty, there is no genuine dignity in your delusion of success. Happiness is something you should cultivate regardless.

motivation

Why aren’t you happy?

October 11, 2016 38 Comments

Getting the work out in time for the Supermoon was very tiring, however I stayed awake for 44 out of 48 hours to do it, because although I am not at all superstitious or into astrology, the theory with a lunar event is that it causes change. Very possibly this change is entirely in your imagination, but what the hell, let’s have some of that. The icon is also based on the idea of switching polarity, and so far, it seems to be working, because I am losing my fear of self-exposure to my pre-determined and rather limited extent. (I do not intend to embarrass Wolfe by becoming a public figure) I did crawl back under my stone with some relief, however, after a couple of chaotic days ensuring that there were new items to put out in the next couple of issues of Tatler.

Many years ago I retrieved a copy of ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ from the box room and I have to say, I found it one of the most helpful self-help titles that I have ever read. Transactional analysis, carried to its logical extent even when dealing with your own emotions, is extremely helpful. In recent years, however, I have noticed a flaw in the motivation market, stemming quite possibly from a misunderstanding of how the ‘I’m OK’ part really works.

You are supposed to self-examine before you decide that you are OK. It is not sufficient to simply decide that your wish to make a billion bucks/get promoted/marry at least four times/stop speaking to people you don’t like is OK. If you aren’t happy in the first place, no amount of weight loss, money, women/men, moving on from unfinished business is going to help. Happiness is very much a decision that you make. The difference in Eastern philosophy and Western is said to stem from this decision – Western philosophy, and in fact economics, stems from the premise that you spend your life seeking happiness, where Eastern stems from the premise that you are born with happiness, and your duty is to preserve and protect that happiness.

From an economic perspective, you can see why Western economies have performed better, and you can also see why you just aren’t happy. Happiness does not keep you shopping to make yourself feel better or replace all those belongings that you lost when moving on from that unfortunate person you got tired of. Many of the thoughtless masses suffer from this inbuilt sense of something missing, since they have been educated, particularly in recent years, to purchase rather than create things that make them happy.

Persuading us that we are unhappy with our appearance means that we spend money on clothing, surgery, makeup, diets etc. Persuading us that we are unhappy with our partner can mean that we spend money on cars, houses, meeting a new partner, socialising, and changing our appearance. Can you see how this works? Happiness is bad for the economy. Introspection is, therefore, also bad for the economy, because we cannot have people self examining to the point where their happiness means that all those lovely purchases, and all these charming new people become meaningless.

My grandmother apparently used to joke that ‘man must strive,’ an open ended but meaningful statement which covered everything from seeking work to nagging. What we should really strive for is the sense of inner contentment that we lack through the constant bombardment of reasons why our adequacy could be improved by the next new person/object/bit of gossip rather than the development of our inner self or skillset.

In my case, the very thing I was so ashamed of, having romantic feelings, is now the thing that defines me and in a huge respect develops me as a person, despite there being no positive outcome to look forward to. Paradoxically, the thing that should make me unhappy, is now the thing I will be most known for, in my anonymous way, and despite the constant driving sense of stress, the current path leads to a better developed outcome. This idea makes me happy. When I compare it to the happiness of your average, thoughtless, high earning couple, destined to divorce when he spots a younger model, or she spots a sugar daddy, I wonder to myself whether I am not far luckier than they are, despite my limited, lonely and despondent life.

Why aren’t you happy?

creativity, motivation

Improve your life right now

September 15, 2016 No Comments

Today, I am feeling OK, because I have caught up with most of my boring admin. I have also isolated two tasks which will move the entire Ina Disguise project on a notch, which I am now concentrating on. Tatler rang me yesterday, so it looks as if I will be doing that Tatler thing again before Christmas.

So, in my infinite wisdom, I have decided to make a list of things you can do right now to improve your life.

Think of something nice you can do for someone who actually deserves it. This does not mean just anybody – think of someone who has done things for you, without being asked and without thought of benefit to themselves, be that emotional or actual.
Drink more water. Before every meal, and every time you think about it.
Stop drinking tea and coffee. These drinks are associated with sitting down. You can easily sit down with a glass of water instead, which will not act as a diuretic or cause you to form sitting down habits.
Find items of clothing and objects which you do not use. Donate them to charity or sell them on ebay.
Find a free course from Coursera, Udemy, Alison, Udacity or EDX. Some of these you can complete today. This will make you feel better about yourself, and open your mind to new things.
Carry black pepper wherever you go. This helps you process fat, whatever your eating habits.
Reduce the amount of sugar and white flour in your life. This will stop you drooping after lunch or feeling lazy in the evening. Best to get rid of it altogether unless you poop immediately after every meal.
Stop assuming that people are better than you are. Nobody is. There is no such thing as infallible authority.
Look on Smashwords, free ebooks, Barnes and Noble, or the Apple store for a free book, read and review it. Authors almost never get a review from a stranger, so they will be very grateful.
If you had a reasonably good experience with a business recently, review them on Google.
Have a look at Hubpages and see if there is a topic you would like to write about. You can make money from this, and it is now a better option than Youtube.
Sign a petition.
Resolve to stop playing ‘free games’ on facebook as it is a waste of your life.
Resolve to eat more vegetables. You literally cannot get enough.
Make an appointment or complete some neglected paperwork. You will feel better when it is gone.
Spend fifteen minutes thinking about your goals and deciding what you can do in under half an hour to move towards them.
Consider your relationships. If something is bothering you that you cannot quite put your finger on, think about it carefully. You are better off without people who slow or wear you down.

After all that, you can do whatever you want. Go for a walk, indulge in your hobby, complete your day to day chores.

business, motivation, politics

Saving Face

September 4, 2016 No Comments

Saving face is my topic for tonight. Saving face is what causes people to ramble anxiously when they don’t really know what they are talking about. Saving face is what causes suicides in Japan, and honour killings in India, Pakistan and the Middle East. Saving face is also heavily involved in blame culture.

Note that all of these consequences of saving face are negative. There is nothing good about the idea of saving face. Fuck your stupid face.

Having spent a decade of formative years in high-pressure catering work, where there is no such thing as saving face, I can tell you how annoying it is to be around people seemingly obsessed with it. It is very simple – you either get it right or you don’t, and unless you are one of those rare beasts like Boris, who is not that interested in saving face, despite his career choices, you are more likely to stick with your bone-headed opinion forever like David Wolfe.

Saving face is time-wasting, a product of ego, vain and when you can see through it, extremely irritating. There is absolutely no excuse for sticking with the same wrong opinion or dearly held belief just because people have been doing it for centuries before you, or because you are trapped in some stupid cultural norm of ‘doing what is expected of you.’ So what if you are a diet guru who digs fat chicks, or a male head of the household whose wife earns more than you do? Really, so what?

The inability to think your way out of a state of requiring that you must save your tedious face is a sure sign of inane vanity. It is not something I regard as forgiveable. To err is human, but the divine does not forgive you setting your wife on fire, hurling yourself out of a window or worrying about what your equally stupid neighbours or friends think.

One of the few things America has got right is discarding, to a certain extent, the idea of saving face. The obsession with money has helped with this. If you fail, you have no option, as a yank, but to move on and be successful at something else before your health insurance and ‘gasoline’ runs out. They may be extremely dumb about other things, but acknowledging and moving on from failure is something they do reasonably well. Look at the example of Trump. They see no reason at all for not voting for a man on trial in two states for fraud and rape in at least one other state! No question of his saving face then!

Ultimately in life, it is imperative to learn how to shrug and move on. Sometimes mistakes cannot be cleared up immediately, and sometimes they are catastrophic, but you will find out fairly early in life, if you are any kind of person at all, that you are a lot more worthy of respect if you simply acknowledge your error rather than finding someone else to dump it on.

In recent years, it has become fashionable to try to spin your errors onto someone else. This has been extremely bad for the economy and for talented individuals it is also extremely frustrating for learning. If you are not allowed to point out and correct errors, nothing can change and little errors quickly turn into enormous disasters. (The banking crisis being a case in point.)

So, whilst mistakes are inevitable, it is important for you as a well rounded individual to learn from them and take responsibility for them, at least in your own mind whilst you find some poor sap to take the blame so you can retain your promotion. Remember that cheats get promoted, and the lower in the organisation you are, the more likely you are to be sinfully honest. (see the bagel experiment)

Try not to kill your wife and children, ruin anybody’s life or jump out of any windows. It isn’t worth it. Shit happens, and if you have even half a brain you will figure out a way of getting around it.

motivation

The Perils of Responsibility

August 31, 2016 41 Comments

The Perils of Responsibility

I have previously written about the sin of kindness. Nice guys and gals really do finish last, and thanks to a culture of contempt for anybody who takes care of anybody else, it is really not wise to stop and take care of anyone.

Having children is also unwise, since you are effectively producing taxpayers at the expense of your own wealth. Although I have never begrudged the unemployed, elderly or disabled their pittance, I have frequently wondered, back in the days when I worked 20 hours a day for actual money, why I should pay for other people’s children to enjoy school and healthcare when I cannot afford children myself. Why should I pay for everybody else to get what I was told I should not have, since I was dumped with the job of taking care of my parents and this house at the age of 25.

I would have liked to have children. I worked very hard for a career. I would have liked a pension. I am to have none of these things, thanks to my caring for my parents. My siblings, who effectively announced that they wanted nothing to do with taking care of them, told any number of lies to make my life in Glasgow impossible, on the assumption that I would have no option other than to play family whipping boy forever.

Things are somewhat different now. I have ensured that I need never suffer the sight of them again, and they are still able to visit their mother in her own self-contained room in the lower house. I have worked on the Ina Disguise project for two or three years, and whilst I eventually had to give up working to take care of mother, I did not claim the benefits I was entitled to for several years after I really ought to have stopped to take care of everything. When my mother had the stroke, I was working three jobs, one full time, and two part time, whilst taking care of my parents and their property. All the time my siblings did nothing, and continued to invent more lunatic stories about me.

I have no idea how I will respond when she dies. My day consists of a list of things to do for her, timings for doing them, which vary, interspersed with creative work, which she enjoys watching, and thinking about future writing. (the hard drive is definitely finished, by the way, which means I will have to restart Best Adventure Ever and Lucifer Ogilvie again) I have no hope of making money out of either, currently, and so I worry, as I have for several years, that I am to be left homeless with no pension.

You would think somebody in this situation would consider this, but they do not. I am stupid for taking care of her, ‘nobody asked you to do it’ is the family motto, and my mother seemed to imagine for several years that Prince Charming would appear at the front door to make the problem simply vanish. It never entered her head for a minute that my being stuck in this house for most of my adult life was a problem, or that I should be considered in any way.

Of course, since it is inevitably a career politician that makes decisions on how carers are to be dealt with, it must make perfect sense to have people imprisoned in their own homes, earning £60 per week for a 24 hour a day commitment, in my case unable to get the free help I am entitled to as a carer because it would put my mother’s life and property at risk from the local council. Hence, through other people’s stupidity, my hard work in the course of my life has been utterly wasted for other people, and there is no chance of financial recovery.

This is very dispiriting, and yet I keep trying. There is no way of discussing it with anybody, because I do not know anybody who genuinely cares what happens to me.

I have wondered whether I should perhaps give up Ina Disguise and do a sensible but dull course leading to a sensible job for the pre-elderly, such as funeral advice, or financial back office work. I could do such courses from home, instead of what I am doing. I cannot help but think this is a good idea, and does anybody really care whether this project keeps going?

Then I think that I already had to give up two post-graduate courses for my parents, that this fits around the constant roller coaster of stress, and that not many people would tolerate this life for very long, never mind try to achieve anything.

At least my sisters were unable to inflict themselves on any children I would have had. That is a blessing.

motivation

Some people are best left behind

August 29, 2016 66 Comments

Some people are best left behind

Harry, from Best Scandal Ever, got in touch today, and immediately demanded a phone call.
Since the last time I spoke to him was in the middle of the family crisis, when my siblings tried to rob my mother, and he declined to either be supportive or help, I was wary. I was right.
It always alarms me when I discover that people that I have spent years of my life with, have not listened to or correctly interpreted anything that I have said. To be fair, I often give up speaking, especially when the hearer is racist, stupid, inadequate, or just plain nasty.(Harry only fits into two of these, I am speaking generally.)
As a very shy person – I have only really stuck my face out of my shell to experiment with cross-marketing for Wolfe’s benefit – I did not start out in life as a particularly outgoing person. Not that I am particularly reticent when I want something badly enough, or when I am in a managerial role, but I am not one of the world’s great socially dominant characters.
For several years I spent time with a number of male friends who I regarded as social equals, and treated them as such. They apparently did not agree, and spent their time with me looking for problems. Harry announced in the course of our conversation that I was a cold hearted economist, and that he was immensely surprised that I have a social conscience. I have at no point demonstrated otherwise.
It alarms me that for some people, the deconstruction of a concept is meaningless. The great comfort of economics is that you look on people as performance units rather than thinking, feeling beings that you have to care about. This has no implications for applied economics, which is what one’s government is supposed to practice. It simply means that there is the mathematically correct option, and then there is the applicable option.
I hid my various talents on the basis of the response from Aldous and his brother Harry, who assumed that as what I did was done by someone they knew, it must be substandard or insane. Little did I know that they were making a personal statement.
At one point in his attempt to con me into getting in touch with him, Harry assured me that I was not that bad. I do not require his validation. I should never have waited for anyone’s validation. You can imagine what it is like when your family and friends have an attitude like this, especially when you have already declined to connect with the wider community.
Beware of your shyness, as you are shutting out people who might actually make some effort to understand you with an open mind, rather than allowing their own hang-ups to make you miserable. There are always people who will seek to make you unhappy, deliberately, or just to ensure that they have some company in misery. Haters gonna hate, you need to quickly learn when to put rubbish firmly in its place.
Again I have cause to thank Wolfe, for being imperfect, for teaching me how to revel in my own imperfections, and for freeing me from a state of mind where I was unable to flourish, and where nothing would have ever seen the light of day. Thanks to him, I love me, never mind him.

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