So the last tie to my favourite area now being severed, I am free to consider what I want to do next, there are a couple more stories I could write about the area, I might or might not depending on how I feel.

Oddly enough the upset has cheered me up a bit because the public face has gone back on.  I was thinking myself into such a hole that I was becoming a bit too real. I am back to putting effort into feigning happiness as a defence mechanism, which is actually a good thing.

I really do not feel like doing any artwork at the moment, I am not sure why but I have been digging my heels in for quite a while. I made some interesting clothing I guess, but am more concerned about work and putting the house in order for the moment.

This is, of course, routine.  I have a distinct pattern which I follow every time. I sort of exist in the past tense.  If I like you (and I do mean like rather than love or whatever you choose to call it), you will rarely know until I have gone.

This is insanely self protective, but should be understandable since the pattern always ends with the conclusion that nobody considered me real in the first place.  That was certainly the case with the family.

I saw this with my mother as well, she was bullied horribly during her brief periods with the public, for no apparent reason other than her being a shiny bauble.  Nobody likes  a shiny bauble, apparently they need to find problems where none exist.

The website may be coming down in the next few days as the host is messing me about with conflicting messages about their service. Worry not, it will return, but they haven’t answered my many questions yet.

The Isla rapist story is just so tedious.  Just open a non-binary incarceration unit at Carstairs and put them all in there.  Then tackle the issue of non-binary sport/toilets etc.  Women have not had protection for long enough for this rights appropriation to continue. Why Nicola got sidelined into this crap strategy I do not know.

Ina

So another two relationships ended this week, not terribly impressed with how things are going interaction wise. I think as time goes on you give up.

Some chick had befriended me at work.  Alarm bells did ring a bit when she announced that I was her bestie and invited me to her wedding, which is not imminent, within a couple of days of talking to her.

So yeah, shouldnt really have bothered with that, I think she was probably just wanting someone to keep an eye on the office whilst she was off work.

The person I was hoping to make a connection with for entirely practical reasons in addition to testing the water was buying flowers today, so very glad I didn’t feel confident enough to say anything. He appears to be very shy too, and I wanted to be in a more financially free position before I progressed anything anyway. I don’t think relying on a relationship working for security is particularly romantic. That’s a shame, I waited for three or four years to say anything and at the last moment some flowers ended any thoughts of talking to him. He was a bit English anyway, I suppose. I haven’t actually dated a Scottish person more than once in 22 years, since the last one put me in hospital, pretty much any nationality will do.

Stopped and discussed racism with  a couple of people last night, since yet again working for an English company involved being on the receiving end of it.

This time I treated it like any other racial incident and shut it down.  Bored with English aggression at work. At one point I had to sit in corporate meetings listening to a so called superior who lived in Perth saying ‘fuck Scotland’ over and over again until I eventually removed her teeth.

So this time it was taking the piss out of my accent repeatedly.  I tolerated it the first twice, and the third time I said no, stop doing that, it’s not OK.

The response was various attempts to get me to justify not liking this.  I said no, I have made an objection, all you have to do is stop doing it.  That worked quite well, and since the so-called voluntary union with England ended at the point of the Supreme Court ruling, I recommend losing your sense of humour when it comes to childish English bullying. They aren’t funny, they haven’t been funny for decades, it is time they either stopped doing it or left the UK.

I note from an abusive conversation from a republican English supremacist this afternoon that they have taken to the yank version of discussion too, so they aren’t even worth talking to.

I would personally prefer this as an option, as I am not particularly Scotland centric when it comes to the UK, I just don’t want to be subject to the English lust for disabled and everyone else’s blood anymore. Don’t see why I should have to fund them to kill people.

As for the SNP’s latest attempt at making laws, no thanks, didn’t like the crap and very racist Hate Crimes Bill. I will be voting Alba in future, regardless of not really agreeing with them either.

If I was politically experienced, I would be starting a party right about now, however I come from a family of dishonest toxic twats so it is not an option.