Okay, I said I would write a post, and here it is.

Love is not what you think it is.  I always wondered about traditional models of love, that of partnership, jealousy, possession, role playing etc and I did not like what I saw. It was not until I found my soulmate that I got to the bottom of it, in all respects.  For those who want to read about that, the Best Scandal Ever Series is the direct route to thought process over about five years or so.

Wolfe was the perfect candidate because there was no danger of us getting together at that time because I was not developed enough to fully grasp the philosophy, despite living by it.

I was correct in my assumption, fairly early in life that what we think of as love starts with us wanting to have something in us that the other person has.  That can be a characteristic, a quality, a perception.  We thrive on learning, and so love occurs when we want to learn something from the other person.

What people often think of as love is the need to procreate, the desire for companionship, the drama of the day to day.  None of these things are truly anything to do with love.  That is to do with lack.  Plato deals with this beautifully in the Symposium, video below although I seem to remember the 8th minute or so being significant.

I read this to death in my youth, so I am well acquainted with it.

Anyway, true love is about inspiration, it is not about being with the person at all.  Thus my true love was Wolfe, a person I neither wanted to bother by actually being there, nor change.  If you are fortunate enough to be with your inspiration, you then have to figure out how to be an equal partner in the force you create.

We are all forces of nature, and you choose the level of force you want to exude.  I am capable of far more than I have been encouraged to expect, and so the aberration of falling in love with Wolfe on really very little input was about growth and potential, both his and mine.

What you need to get away from is the idea of togetherness.  Togetherness is nothing to do with it.  Looking at yourself and figuring out what you don’t have and the object of your affection does have makes the process far less tedious and far more rewarding.  It also takes away issues of timewasting drama, ownership, jealousy and other more negative aspects of being in love.

You may find this a rather lonely way to look at it, but if you take this healthier view of what love is, it is far easier to lose the need for attachment.

Buddhists will tell you that it is not love, loss of love, end of love that causes unhappiness, it is attachment.  If you remove the attachment from your feelings of love, you not only free yourself from unhappiness, you allow yourself to grow.

This is what I want you to do.

I want you to experience love without attachment.  I want you to focus on what you feel you lack, and I want you to take the opportunity to learn about yourself.  Stop thinking of it as a burning need, and start thinking of it as an opportunity.

As an example, despite trying to move on with life, I won’t stop loving Wolfe as long as I continue to grow, which is probably never, and even if it isn’t never, I will be eternally grateful for not being lonely any more.  Neither he nor I have to actually do anything at all for that to be the case.

This does not mean I cannot love someone else, it means that the intangible exists.  It does not involve emotional infidelity of any kind.  Love is far bigger than almost all religions allow us to believe.

(FFS Wolfe, I’m weeping again. Hope I made a better job of it this time.)

The lovely effusive man was also married.

That’s four in a row, and I think I will give up now.

Even after all that stress, Staring Brat 2 was still the most appropriate in terms of wit level and response.

Sigh. Shame on him.

I think I will stick to cats and making chairs.  Very sad and weepy.

I have to work five jobs to avoid losing my income when some married dude goes mental and gets me fired.  I’ve worked hard to get nowhere.

Developing some vegan fast food, building a management structure for a business, mentoring ten small businesses, taking on the troubleshooting for another international business for no money and developing Ina’s first shopfront, so quite busy just now.  The chair is getting made whilst I work for another start up.

I’m fed up coming last. I’m a nice lady, I don’t deserve this BS.

Okay so the top one is a meme which I stole from Lazy Nazi, a young Hindu gamer on facebook and the second one is a list of ways in which marriage happens in the bible.  As you can see, neither looks particularly edifying from a female perspective, and basically you are to be regarded as little more than a hole for sticking their bits into.

So, we ask ourselves, what would we want with any of these arrangements, particularly if we had also had our genitals mutilated?

The answer that most of Asia seems to have come up with is that the alternative is much, much worse.  I don’t live there, however, so I would frankly rather spend time with the cats or writing amusing things for Wolfe and Boris.

I said to someone fairly recently regarding the Wolfe thing that it is a love thing, it doesn’t have to be a sex thing, so it didn’t really matter all that much since he was in a different country and our initial flirtation was kind of fleeting anyway.  We are just a bit intense, which is why neither of us particularly want to look at or speak to one another.

I wouldn’t want to be wifelet number 51 or whatever and I wouldn’t want him to give up his lifestyle.  You don’t get much more affectionate than that.

Anyway, getting away from all these ideas of people as possessions and attachment, which inevitably, as the Buddhists say, leads to misery, what is left?  If, according to my Hindu friend, love is a black and white chapati compared with a full banquet if you don’t bother with anyone, why on earth would you want to bother with anyone?

This question is something I am pondering whilst working on Little Shiva’s chair.  I had a very angry day of sewing today, during job number three, and between wondering how on earth I am going to render a Chinese gold Indian, I pondered why someone who has no intention of doing anything about his feelings seems to want to squirm in misery on his own for months on end?

Naturally, having spent several years doing just that when it came to Wolfe, I am inclined to imagine that it is a voyage of self discovery.  This person probably struggles with actual emotions or being touched in any way in much the same way I did, having been asleep for some time before meeting Wolfe.

I don’t have time for it any more than he did, so it is going to get us nowhere fast.  The sooner the dude accepts his bitter little life with his bitter little wife the better, to be honest.  At least his meals will be in colour, apparently.  The Gods prefer you to marry by arrangement than have feelings of any kind.  Feelings are, apparently, for barbarians.

I can see the value in this.  It helps to maintain societal roles.  In theory it means that women are to accept doing the typing for an underqualified, untalented moron on the basis that he can afford kids and a wife, whilst she struggles to pay her bills unless she has sold her yoni to the nearest bidder, whether he is worthwhile or not.  I am sure this is fabulous if you happen to have a penis.

It isn’t the way I would choose to live, but unlike the people who like this sort of thing, I have actually experienced life.  If I hadn’t I might feel differently.

Anyway, the chair is going well, and I am adding an extra third or so to the  basic sculpt so the struggle now, involving architectural salvage and a skip around the retro furniture stores, is finding a base to support something that will ultimately be very heavy once it is beaded and gilded.  It is quite a weight already, and that is just wool.

Nicer problems to have.  I wouldn’t waste five minutes on a person that didn’t care about me these days. I’m done with cowards and stupid people.

Okay, so apparently I need to explain this to people, because they are too stupid to figure this out by themselves.

Here is the deal with being married.

When you sign up to get married, you make a promise to another person to be with them.

It does not mean that you then turn around and either lie to other people that you have not made the promise in order to get bonked, or state upfront that you have made the promise to someone as some sort of absolution of sin.

Being married means you are legally attached to somebody.  Your attention to people beyond that relationship then becomes an insult. An insult to their intelligence, an insult to their attractiveness, an insult to their ability to find someone that is not attached to someone else.

If you do not wish to insult the single members of the population, then stop trying to hit on them.  We are not interested in a relationship with half, quarter or less of a person and those of us who are are frankly a bit sad and desperate.

There are many ways to relate to other people that do not involve creating fake arguments to create pseudo passion, role playing or other bullshit in order to get your end away.  It is boring and is only regarded as a worthwhile pursuit by pretty low grade people.

I hope that this is clear.  I do not appreciate having my time wasted and I am NOT INTERESTED IN BONKING MARRIED PEOPLE OF ANY KIND. I have never bonked a married person and I have no intention of starting now.

If you do not want to fall into the category of insulting people with your sexual attention, then don’t get married.  Simples.

Thanks,

Ina