Has Amber Heard, Johnny Depp?
I see that this is big news in America, worthy of comment from bitter old men and chirruping ladies alike.
I have seen Amber Heard referred to as a gold digger, and trailer trash. I have seen the somewhat overblown and unnecessary rallying of Johnny Depp’s exes and friends around the unfortunate but seemingly universally loved star.
So, since I actually have some insight, and have been in many, many terrible relationships, here is my unusual take on this sad episode.
From the information provided, Johnny Depp pursued a challenging relationship with a stimulating young woman that he could not take for granted. From this we can assume his more visually appealing relationship with the lovely Vanessa Paradis ran smoothly to the point of catatonia.
From looking at him, he currently wears the cold sweat puffiness of the regular drinker and drug taker. This does not make you an abuser, but to decide to go on a bender at fifty-odd, stimulating change is clearly overdue.
Amber Heard, very ambitious, bisexual, apparently not that blown away by his stardom, seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have been in several abusive relationships. I am still on speaking terms with two of them, and two others I told to get lost when they tried to return. Not because of previous history, but because I could not be bothered with their lame conversation and tired old bad habits and lack of self regard.
Let’s get something straight. Throwing a mobile phone at someone because they are emotionally attacking you just after your mother has died is not abuse. It is the self protective act because you cannot speak. Even if he did throw his smartphone at her, she should not have been there causing drama in the first place. That is far more abusive than throwing smartphones around.
I am by no means the most abused person in the world, because primarily I am a deceptively tough lady, and secondarily, I take my part of the responsibility. Sometimes, battered victims, it really is your fault.
It is your fault for agreeing to stand and be a punchbag.
It is your fault for inciting drama in order to get the attention that you want because there is something wrong with you.
It is your fault for not respecting yourself and demonstrating poor judgement.
It is your fault for not loving your partner enough to leave the first time it happens so he can sort himself out.
It is your fault for not waiting long enough to change YOURSELF before seeking another relationship.
This is a controversial way of looking at domestic abuse, but I have tried it on a couple of pathetic women that were sleeping with a previous boyfriend who tried it as an excuse. (eg, “Please don’t tell my husband I slept with your boyfriend because he is so big and brutal and he will hit me.” Tough tittie, if you aren’t ready to move out, do not bother me with it.)
It has always alarmed me also that the perpetrators are offered no help. In recent history, the attention is focused on the little victim who frequently turns around and says she/he is returning because ‘she/he loves him/her.’ No you don’t, if you loved him/her you would leave until they have had sufficient relationships to increase their emotional intelligence and figure out what went wrong. Then you would remain celibate for as long as it takes not to pick another hitter.
Domestic violence, in my experience of it, is caused be several alternative factors:
The physical chemistry is such that the great make up sex compensates for the fights, and the fights are incited to get each other into bed.
The violent partner is inadequate, mentally ill or simply so dumb that they cannot communicate.
Anxiety – two of my violent exes had a significant anxiety problem that they could not control and were unmedicated.
The abused partner actually finds ways of requesting that his/her partner abuses them for some other reason, such as guilt.
Drugs and alcohol, and general boredom thereof.
Immaturity.
It is my view that women, in particular, need to grow up when it comes to relationships. One article I came across in the last year had a woman claiming she was being abused because her boyfriend insisted that she watch him playing computer games. This may be manipulation, but it is up to you to get off your own fat ass and go and do something else. It certainly isn’t abuse unless you choose the role of victim.
I chose not to be a victim after the first couple of guys attacked me, and I have to say that the most recent assault, by a stranger in broad daylight, was pretty much water off a duck’s back. A couple of my exes have tried to assault me in my own home, and been summarily removed and/or disarmed. It is not something I enjoy having to do, but guess what, Amber?
SHIT HAPPENS.
Now grow up, cut people some slack when they are grieving, and since you clearly do not love him and probably never have, please fuck off and find yourself a woman, or whatever your real, very immature problem is.
Some abused women have lost limbs or have permanent scars, visible or invisible. We are not amused.