How did I survive Bawbag?

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while but was unsure what I wanted to say exactly, since the nature of my work is ambiguous I update the same post every now and again to establish what I am all about.

How did I end up ridiculously close friends with a person described as a ‘very bad man’ by the Glasgow police despite not talking to him for three out of the three and a half years I knew him and who was a very right wing Muslim from a different continent that hated women?

OK so for the benefit of his recent ex girlfriends, both of whom are probably by now aware they have had a lucky escape, the secret of surviving Bawbag without hating him was not sleeping with him in the first place and providing genuine affection without anything that could be interpreted as a string.

  • Bawbag had this thing, common with disordered people, where he wanted you to want him, but was not going to give away anything that suggested he was interested in you.  Since I have been used to such people from birth, I am very good at shorting this particular circuit and completely ignoring any indication of sexual tension.  So this is the first principle of getting to know difficult men.  You don’t sleep with them and you let them talk.  Being a good listener is priceless.
  • Similar to the case of Little Shiva, the relationship could be summed up in one flash of connection.  In the case of Little Shiva, we only ever had one conversation, and it was sufficient to have me making an epic throne for him and him checking the website frequently for the last five years or so, so my flashes of connection appear to be fairly intense.
  • Also, having been on the receiving end of behaviour of the worst siblings you can imagine, I am pretty thick skinned but have very clear boundaries, so when he started kicking at them it was very easy to say no to him.  Your closest friends  can be people you have no intention of speaking to as a result.  Particularly the last girlfriend was very confused by this. She had a very similar outlook to the problem ex in that she was constantly looking for an edge she could gain over you to get the required sexual attention, which is a dangerous mistake a certain type of woman always makes.  Bawbag likes to use this against you, and he was well aware that I am the opposite of this.  If you want to be with me, you will be with me, if you don’t, that is fine too.  I have no issues at all about incompatibility. My primary interest is quality of emotional connection, which makes life a lot simpler. Sex is messy and disturbing, so it takes a major second place to the quality of your relationship.
  • Bawbag was very controlling, and I responded to this by being just as controlling in response.  Every point raised was played back to him, so he was aware he was not going to easily stomp all over me.  He didn’t want to either, which from observation was new to him.  I have never witnessed such an epic internal fight as I saw with Bawbag in relation to me.  He knew perfectly well I was very fond of him, but absolutely not interested in taking any shit.
  • Bawbag is dumb about some things because of his disorder, but very smart about others.  If anything, he should consider a career as a pick up artist, because he is exceptionally good at intertwining with you emotionally.  I remarked upon this when chatting to the police at one point.  I do realise this is part of an elaborate con trick, but in order to pull it off, you have to have some emotions in the first place.  In terms of ability to connect with you, I have never met anyone who can touch him for sheer speed.
  • Bawbag was savvy enough not to tell me very much at all about his ‘other’ career.  I deduced what I do know about him from what I saw rather than what he said.
  • I was the dominant force in the relationship.  This is because of previous abuse.  I am the way I am because of the way I have been treated.  I know I am kind and laid back, but I don’t know about you, so I will always be like this. The person I am interested in at the moment, who probably isn’t interested in me but is always very pleasant, is also very kind and laid back and I do not know how that would work, so he is unlikely to be glorified in artwork any time soon.

To keep this brief, I will conclude that nobody is your inferior when it comes to matters of the heart, and out of the three women I am talking about in this post I ended up on top because I am genuine, not interested in who is superior, financially or otherwise and not at all scared of being alone.  If I have a deep love affair, it is often not sexual, probably the most intense I have ever been about anyone was Wolfe, and as soon as I knew how I felt I stopped watching or communicating with him directly because for one thing he was famous and I felt a bit stupid, and for another as it turned out he was married to at least two people and I have never been at all interested in getting involved with that.  A third issue would obviously be living on a different continent, but that makes absolutely no difference to how you feel.

Love is described by Plato as a lack, so if you are in love and don’t want to be, it is often a case of analysing it to death.  You decide what it is about the person that you feel you don’t have and want from them, and you seek to develop it, which is why Ina exists for Wolfe rather than anyone else, particularly.  I am very guilty of the principle that an artist never feels they are good enough, so I have not been particularly assertive about advertising.  Wolfe would spit on this, so it is something I have to work on, really.

Anyway, since Bawbag is out and about gathering things from various places and will probably have someone read this to him, yes I remain deeply fond of him and I remain completely disinterested in his pish.  Sadly, I doubt he is going to grow out of it but I hope he is OK and not hurting people.  It doesn’t help.

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