health, motivation

Appearance is everything

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Appearance is everything

As regular readers will know, I have had a hard time over the last couple of months, with complete strangers entering our home to tell me how I should live according to them.

At one point, one of these worthies even asked me if I left the door open when I went out, such was my perceived level of stupidity. It was intensely annoying. It is amazing how your dishevelled appearance leads strangers to believe they can say whatever they like to you. I was reading a rather emphatic article about this last night. It doesn’t matter how hard you work, smaller breasted and thinner women are always perceived as more competent than you. Personally, I was a psychotic over-worker, so it did not affect me as long as I managed to get the job in the first place.

This is probably not over yet, so as I am doing a bit of an overhaul anyway, Mrs Wolfe has again reared her slightly better looking head.

Normally, since I looked after dad, then mum, on occasion my friend, it does not matter what I look like. Nobody is looking and I have no sense of time or capacity for looking in the mirror. I would rather think about anything else than what I am doing, as what I am doing is rather tedious. As a result, it is often months before I even notice that I have a problem.

Supermix also makes you rather lazy, since you know you have something that will have you looking and feeling significantly better within about four days.

Anyway, since my friend was potentially dying and liked eating, it made sense to indulge him, especially given the risks involved in not indulging him. Oddly, during times when he was not staying with us, I found myself reverting to raw within a few days, so evidently I preferred it. I still ended up very large and looking very ill after three years.

For anyone considering doing a raw diet plan, the positive effects last a lot longer than you would think. You do not look ill for months because your raw or rawish diet is still hanging around. After this, however, you can expect to age about ten years in addition to the unpleasant smell and decline in your performance. (waking up is not at all the same for cooked food eaters, for example)

I am happy to say that my unachievable weight loss is proceeding well so far, I am looking a lot better today. I will have to watch out for my liver, however, so it looks like green smoothies will have to replace any ideas about water fasting for the moment.

The curls have fallen out of my hair in the last couple of years. I am not sure why this is, I have tried tweaking my diet, but still I can no longer simply rub my hair and expect it to look ok. This is extremely tiresome, since I will now have to actually think about it rather than staggering through life without having to worry.

My clothing is mostly covered in resin and glue, especially since I started work on the furniture collection. I am not going to bother replacing it, since I do not know how big I will be in ten weeks. As I have gone through so many rapid changes in appearance over the years, I have a lot of clothes in a lot of different sizes. It was rather telling that I started buying the biggest size in the shop fairly quickly after the Wolfe drama. It had not been quite as obvious before.

Actually attempting to speak to Wolfe in October would be a logistical nightmare. I would have to get employed carers in for three days, a housesitter, and I would have to notify the people who have involved themselves with our life, none of which I am happy to do. I will have to revisit the idea in a month or so, as I see how things are going. In the meantime, I am recreating the character that rescued my mother seven years ago in an effort to avoid future regret. There is literally no point in my doing this unless I look bursting with health as I will stick out in that crowd like a sore twinlike thumb.

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health, motivation

David Wolfe’s Uk dates 2017

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https://treeoflifemagazine.co.uk/october-2017/oct-7-david-wolfe-full-day-masterclass-best-ever-birmingham/

So, in the spirit of punishing myself further by attempting to reverse my current health problem in nine weeks, I sought thinspiration by taking a look at the material for Wolfe’s event in Birmingham – if you are seriously obsessed, you can get near his greatness for £90.

I thought about doing this briefly, and then decided that the sight of me giggling and ranting into my notebook might put him off.  We can’t have that. I nearly went to see him in California a couple of years ago, but decided that Marrakech was a better idea. Given the blockings and the reputation for turning people away because they aren’t smiley enough, not to mention the actual fans that have emailed me over the years, I thought better of it.

Then I took a look at the pictures of the audience, which appears to consist of well-built young men who go to the gym, and slightly dry looking hippy chicks that are a little bit too serious looking for the context. They are wonderful looking fans though, but this ain’t my bag.

No, I thought, this is not for me at all.  I look a whole lot more like Wolfe than they do, and I know where the funny bits are. Leave him to his harem and his glory, and stay well out of it.

It is not fun at all, hating what he does for a living.  I need to get out more and find someone who doesn’t have quite such an extensive line of misquotes-by-meme.

So, another year passes, I still feel the same way, and I still don’t want to go anywhere near him, particularly not in a crowd scene.  I can do the whole public face thing, I just don’t feel it is appropriate or necessary. This was just a random emotional aberration, it doesn’t need to define my actions.

It is as my mother says, never try to have something you cannot stand losing.  She is right, you are far better off with things/people that are not precious.

In any case, it is unlikely that the game will be out in the next ten weeks or so, as I will be doing other things.  I would rather make that point, even though he will probably reject it on principle.  For someone who has so much to say about mean-spiritedness, I can tell you that from my perspective, he takes the crown for it.

I am still looking pretty dreadful, not sure how long it will take for that to calm down, but am feeling significantly better when walking or moving.  Why can’t the NHS manage to spot these things?  I have gone through years of shit with my health, and the parameters that they work with apparently don’t allow for spotting things on a prevention of disaster basis?

Anyway, it is time to do something different, whilst I work on my ailing health on the pretense that I feel remotely positive or optimistic about finally seeing my beloved in person.

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health, motivation

Mindfulness, animals and pithy memes

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Another mindfulness day, another pithy meme and another animal video. Mindfulness seems to have replaced schemes like ‘the secret’ for people in the motivation market.

Looking through my timeline, I am drawn to the conclusion that ‘mindfulness’ is ‘success technology’ for people who have given up hope and are suffering from anxiety and depression.

So, I wonder, does this mean that I could actually draw a correlation between trends in motivation and the state of the American economy?  The idea that everyone who isn’t making money is an unemployed millionaire in the making seems to be fading somewhat in favour of navel gazing.

I can only see this as a good thing for America.  The days of Ayn Rand taking the piss out of American culture with her stinging Soviet backlash are really quite far behind us now.  When I look at motivational material now compared to then, with the aforementioned (previous posts on public speaking) respect for speakers having been replaced by a kind of grazing mentality.

Basically, the message is, you cannot do anything about external forces, so quiet your wandering mind and just be.  Frankly, fuck that.  You don’t achieve anything by taking that attitude. I may be a creature of extremes, but I always have something to achieve, big or small. If people actually discussed taking action in relation to the external forces rather than sat around being mindful, we would get on a lot faster. Even I spend too much time watching animals, reviewing memes and generally wasting time on living in the moment.

At this moment I am addressing my apparently dodgy liver.  My friend, who seems to be on a permanent binge as he is dying, has gone now, and so I am safe to return to my healthier eating habits.  It was very interesting that in the course of his gaining 14lb, I gained ten times as much eating much the same thing, so I can now say with confidence that eating normal food just causes me to continuously gain weight.  I have lost the same 150lb about eight times now, so I am at least happy that I can safely ignore all the areas of the supermarket I was ignoring seven years ago.

I have employed the strategy of pretending that I am going to see Wolfe in October, for the sake of an initial goal.  I have no actual intention of doing it, but I am using it as a pleasant thought. (I am of course aware that I would not enjoy or get anything out of it as he would probably have me thrown out, going by past experience)  This unrealistic and rather empty goal is working wonders on my liver however, some of the symptoms were calming down just doing that.

Maybe that is my version of being mindful.  Rather than living in and experiencing/wallowing in the moment, I am escaping to somewhere I regard as more interesting.  The internet seems to be hidden behind a wall of mindful bullshit.  I much preferred the days of Dale Carnegie.  Life was much simpler and more innocent then.

 

 

 

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motivation

Taking stock

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Taking Stock

I have a pile of stuff to complete before I can start any more, which is cramping my style somewhat.

It strikes me, as I optimise the blog, that I spend a lot of time crediting Wolfe for stuff that is really nothing to do with him. I have kind of dumped anything good about myself on someone who hasn’t even been particularly pleasant. I wonder why I am doing that?

Have I really got to the point where I cannot even acknowledge myself anymore? Has everything that has happened taken me to the point where I am not safe to achieve anything? If this is the case, I really need to address it.

Over the years prior to my apparent obsession with giving things to somebody equally obsessed with taking from elsewhere, I tried to give presents to many people. Most of the time, my mother told me that I was being crazy by wanting to give anything to anyone. She used to hang her head in shame, as if giving people presents was some sort of mental aberration. The rest of my life was perfectly normal, i just liked making weird gifts for passing strangers.

I always felt this was particularly odd for a religious person. Surely the whole point of religion is to make you nicer to other people, I thought? No, apparently it is just to make you feel shame.

Any residual trace of shame was eradicated in the course of my silent war with Wolfe. It is not that I think he is wrong – quite the contrary – he has given far more, to far more people than I ever could. I am his complete opposite however. I apparently believe that giving always involves expense to me, whereas he has found a way of making it work for him.

I have been optimising the website today, as a prelude to it being recrawled, then I will take a look at Adsense to make it pay for itself and hopefully promote itself elsewhere. I do not know how many people will be interested in looking at a lot of weird objects, but if I am making them, and nobody is accepting my gifts, then they might as well be shown off.

Likewise, I should be concentrating on making Ina write for money elsewhere, rather than bothering with more tedious jobs to pay for more materials whilst I take care of my mother. I have good ideas about these things, and then fall into a horrified pit where I talk myself out of doing anything remotely progressive.

Sometimes it would be nice just to have some encouragement. Despite some compliments, and some terrible advice, I have had no encouragement at all with the Ina Disguise project, primarily because of its association with Wolfe to start off with. My friends seemed to think it was exclusively about him. When a tree develops a branch or two, you do not immediately assume that it needs a reason, now do you?

Anyway, there are now 230 odd posts on this site. Most of them can be optimised, and I will complete this in the next couple of days before starting work on updating the youtube channel. I need to rethink the whole thing.

To begin with, it was a revelation to me that I could just throw work out there and people would enjoy it anyway. I am more interested in academic writing, and word vomit was not my previous MO. Word vomit, however, is what people actually read. A very popular Yank blogger was talking at me about writing 6000 words in 3 hours the other day. His quality must be shit, I reasoned, until I mentioned it to my friend, who said that yes, word vomit is what people want. The internet must be bursting at the seams with it.

Anyway, enough rebellion for one day. I should have been respected and able to give presents if I wanted to. Ina would not exist if I had just been able to do that. Why would that be difficult for anyone to understand?

Many thanks to the follower of Osho for the photo that accompanies today’s rant.

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health, motivation

What would Mrs Wolfe do? (shocking)

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What would Mrs Wolfe do? (shocking)

 

Google analytics has indicated that I am not quite as dead as I thought since I connected it.  I am still stuggling a bit with isolating the blog.  It is a slightly different format to the rest of the site, but still, I have readers so yay!

Today I am going to tell you a story which shocked my closest friends.  The are all male, which I suspect is why they were shocked by this, but I think given my degree of social isolation it is not a particularly surprising story.

Back when I first ‘met’ Wolfe – I use the term very loosely since we merely exchanged a few words on a website – I was being hounded by my family because they wanted to take my mother’s money.  they did not like that I had done well in any of my careers, they did not like us remaining in our beloved home, and they wanted ‘their’ money.

Fortunately, my father had warned me before his own period of dementia that they would do something along these lines.  Evidently he was aware what a grasping and selfish bunch of no-hopers he had brought into the world with my mother.  He was very clear – it is her money – do not let them take it from her.

So, as I was restoring our house, I stuck to the programme.  My siblings are too stupid to know how much of ‘their’ money they would have lost had I chosen to walk away at any time.  As a result of their lack of help, my life has not been my own since 2003, when my father was brought downstairs due to his illness.  Explaining this to them is pointless, as they simply reject the information.

Anyway, I got through the worst period of my life without telling anybody anything, thanks to Wolfe.  The shame of having these people as relatives has meant that I do not want to bring anybody new into this situation, my friends have dropped by at times and helped, otherwise I have at times been awake for several weeks ensuring that my mother is well looked after.  My imaginary friend has been very helpful, although in person he actually just briefly messed about, realised he was out of his depth and ran ten miles to get away from me.

The climax of this horrible state of affairs was seven years ago, during the time we actually communicated briefly.  The social work department got involved, saw an opportunity to seize my mother and her property, and used my spiteful siblings to try to take everything, even as I was pulling the rubble out of the house and restoring it.

So, since I was shaking like a leaf 24 hours a day, vomiting and weeping constantly with stress, I had to take on social services and my family in battle to protect my mother from the same horrible death that was inflicted on my father in 2007. Within two days of being taken, my father was drugged and a testing team was brought in to tell us he could not eat.  Having seen their actual reports, what they really said was that my father was not awake, and could not be tested.  Hence, despite my fighting them, my father was starved to death for the sake of the convenience of the NHS.  I tried to remove him, and was told that I could not.

Back to seven years ago, and I wiped the floor with both my family and social services.  How did I do this, despite the trauma and the horror of what my family had grown into?

I asked myself “What would Mrs Wolfe do?”

Now, for the shocked males – this is a normal part of the female psyche – within hours of dating or even noticing you, we are looking at our clothing and deciding what you would rather we wear.  It is very annoying, and a part of our female selves that we do not like or even acknowledge very much, but for somebody like me, who is habitually scruffy, it is very noticeable and rather annoying..  It is a basic part of nesting instinct – we want to make the theoretical nest as pleasant as possible.  At least women do not do things like rubbing their vaginal fluid on the furniture any more  (yes, this was a thing many decades ago)

Mrs Wolfe is quite assertive, compared to me.  She doesn’t take any shit from anybody, she sees through problems in much the same way I do, and she presents a rational and forceful presence, particularly when she is being attacked.  She dresses better, walks straighter, and elbows some room for herself when she needs to.  In short, she is a much improved version of me.  I am inclined to sit and watch the drama before bulldozing it.  Mrs Wolfe does not wait for the drama before telling you exactly what is going to happen and then implementing it.

Being in love – and I do mean in love, as opposed to being a fan – Wolfe would have been very well aware at that time that I was not a fan – with/of a famous person is not fun.  You question everything.  Since I have never entertained poster boys in the past, it was particularly odd for me.  There are many, many things that I do not like about the history of Wolfe, just to make things even more confusing.  As I walked the hundreds of kilometres to regain my health, I pondered this, and many other things, including the probability of my actually doing anything with my useless emotion.  To make things worse, Wolfe swithers between over-intense interest in you and blocking you, which means you are also in love with someone who blows hot and cold even more than you do, if you happen to be me. The first thing you do is stop looking or listening to them, because you fear madness.

So, in putting my heart in the unlikeliest safe place in the world, I was beautifully distracted from the horror of discovering that my superficially respectable family were actually the worst people I had ever met in my life.  I have frequently had cause to laugh at what Wolfe himself would actually do to them in the event he was presented with a similar situation.  It is the weirdest version of saying ‘My hero’ ever.

Anyway, having taken a step back from all this and looked at it again over the years.  I am now at a suitable distance from it to say it was the healthiest flight of fancy ever.  Rather than have a breakdown, run away from my family and see my mother die at the hands of the NHS and social work department, and rather than seeing my own health destroyed, I survived thanks to delusion.

The problem was in the years following, when I wondered how I could let go of the idea that I really should be more like Mrs Wolfe.  Mr Wolfe does not like or want to talk to me, and so letting go is something I should have done a long time ago.  I hate crowds, I hate the whole idea of the USA, and I don’t particularly relish travelling as much as I used to.  Wolfe, in short, is the worst candidate for a partner ever.

And yet, here we are seven years later, and I am still thinking of Wolfe.  Perhaps it is an internal rebellion to a situation that I am stuck in.  My siblings are all retired now.  There is still no question of them giving up so much as a night out for my mother, and I have not only spent a great deal on maintaining her ailing health, but my youth and life are pretty much finished doing it.

Having said this, given that trying not to be in love with Wolfe seems to make me ill, perhaps I should just stay in this safe but pointless bubble.  There are worse delusions than finding the person that completes you, however unlikely he happens to be.

 

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creativity, motivation

Twitter netiquette and the power of delusion

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I am not all that fascinated by having large numbers of followers – I appreciate that it is important if you want to be successful but I do not think I am in that kind of market. I also find it hard to care much about crap memes and bullshit clickbait, so most of my fake followbacks are muted.

I got a message today requesting that I take a photo showing that I had switched on notifications so that a 17 year old ‘could follow me back’ – as far as I know he followed me so this was some sort of threat – anyone who uses twitter for any length of time surely knows to use unfollower tools, which are themselves faster than taking pics of notifications, so I am not sure how this policy is going to work out for him?

Am I exceptionally lucky to have been young before the internet, so that this crap just doesn’t matter? This dude has 13.5k followers, and has apparently deluded himself into thinking that this makes him important.

Speaking of delusion, I finally got around to linking up the new(ish) website to google analytics today. I keep delaying things if anybody or anything needs looking after, because apparently I prefer to over-compensate for my perfectly normal personality by doing things for other people. Ina has died a horrible death as a result, and I am not sure if she can be revived. Perhaps things will improve once I complete the games. The tenth laptop of the last year has just died, so I am investing in two this time to proceed with that. (long story, but I cannot sew next to my mother anymore, so I am kind of irate with the world. From 50k unique visitors last year, Ina is getting barely 12 visitors a month according to google.

I also looked up Wolfe’s itinerary for the year, and I see that October is the last time I am likely to be able to afford to go and pay my dubious respects for the next three years. I am too huge to do this, even if I could leave my mother for 24 hours, however even the thought that I might has caused me to drop 2lb per day for the last four days.

Rather than dwelling on how crazy this seems, I am astonished that stress really does make you that fat. When my friend was still around, I was not losing weight at all, and I am not doing anything different at present. I look younger, the weight is suddenly plummeting, and apart from the persistent lump in my chest, presumably anxiety since my mother is still at risk, I feel a lot less like dying.

This tendency to put things off in favour of other people will be familiar to a considerable number of people with a weight problem. Abusing somebody for being fat, then, effectively makes them fatter as they become progressively less important and more likely to hide from the world. Eating badly then follows because who is looking and who cares?

So, remember – social media is not real life, nobody’s opinion matters and you should not take care of everybody else at the expense of yourself. If you aren’t there, your caring for others means nothing.

I will not be going to see Wolfe, despite it being probably the last time that there is a point in even trying to see Wolfe, because my experience tells me that I will be very disappointed and probably ignored. I may play with the idea for the sake of losing a large and rapid amount of weight, but I will never be thin enough or whatever-it-is-he-thinks-he-wants enough for it to be worthwhile.

So, another chapter in the epic saga of Wolfe Ina Disguise closes without an ending. That is far better than achieving closure, when it is so self-defeating and ultimately miserable. Besides, he makes me crazy within 30 seconds of starting the pitch. A dab of me in there would be sooooooo much better. Just a thin one though.

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creativity, motivation

Storytime

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Once upon a time, a man was accused of horrific crimes by his family.  His wife left him, after telling over a hundred people of his plight, and went off with someone else.

Then he met someone else, whom he pretended to like in order to avoid being alone.  When he told her of the problems with his family, she realised she had to decide whether he was guilty or not, despite not knowing him for terribly long.  After due consideration, she decided that he was not guilty of the crimes, and despite him being very difficult, remained as his friend and helped him as best she could.

In the course of this ‘relationship’, ostensibly due to stress, he poured two pints of boiling water over her and repeatedly headbutted her shouting ‘You’re stupid, you’re stupid’ a lot.  She ended up in hospital.

Oddly, she still kept in touch after this, as he was under intense pressure at the time.  It was not until he did something similar to his sister that she realised that she had been used to rehearse the second attack.

Several years later, when as she knew, he turned out to be innocent he returned to her life.  She was trying to repair her damaged health at the time.  An on-again -off-again friendship ensued, during which he attacked her again.  He was suffering from PTSD by this time, and had poor health due to the earlier trauma.

She, in the meantime had taken care of her parents, and as her family was also abusive, did not go out.  He was the only person that she saw, since there was nobody she could trust at all.  She was so lonely, in fact, that she fell in love with a random stranger that she had met online.  Her other friends, in the meantime, had decided that she was mad to be in love with the stranger, he could not possibly be interested in her and she had always been a bit weird anyway, since she did not share their low self-esteem and yet did not appear to need other people as much as they did.

So, the man decided, he must take revenge on her.  So, he turned up at her home when she was very upset about the random stranger, and announced that he would do as he pleased and bring food that she did not want into the house.

This happened twice.  She had already asked him not to bring any more food, and he did it again.  In tears, she asked him again.  He laughed at her.

She stood in the kitchen weeping.  She knew this was another assault, but she did not know why.  He was, as usual very tense so she knew she either had to let him play out this scene or she had to physically remove him, which could prove difficult in front of her sick mother.  She also knew that she had nobody at all to talk to, and so she let him get on with it.

Over the months that followed, she often noticed his sneer as he watched her eat and grow fatter and fatter, and wondered what all this was in aid of?  He kept bringing it up, over and over again as if his behaviour was not his responsibility at all.  Because he had picked food as an issue, he imagined he could do this and insist that everything he had done was her fault.

When she finally confronted him and requested the reason why he would do these things, whether he thought her life was easy, he simply said:

I did not consider you at all.

 

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creativity, health, motivation

Mindfulness and my male brain

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Apparently the latest in marketing bullshit involves introducing stressed men to the concept of mindfulness.  Mindfulness, as it turns out, appears to be the new word for meditation, or as my friend would say ‘switching everything off and concentrating on thinking about nothing.’

Personally, when I need to make space for extended periods of military ‘regrouping,’ I make something.  Depending on how complicated the (usually emotional) issue is, it can take from two to six months to figure out.  Switching off involves creating something.

I find the idea of making nothingness a thing a bit ridiculous to be honest, I prefer a good blow-out in the form of tantrum, followed by activity of some kind.  This may seem ridiculous, since I am not really achieving anything these days, but there it is.  I apparently believe relaxation is time-wasting.  This, according to these articles, is my male brain talking, however I have never noticed a particularly negative gender divide when it came to meditation.  It is second only to yoga for people who like getting touchy feely with relative strangers.

Speaking of time-wasting, I have declined the Microsoft contract and am working on the games instead.  It took only three hours before I realised what a huge mistake I was making in terms of potentially giving up twenty hours a week to do a job comparing search engine results instead of building up Ina.  There are a couple of other companies interested, so we will see if they have something less tedious on offer.

I spent years doing terrible jobs, I have nothing to show for it apart from some pretty mediocre memories.  The only thing that has been good about my current predicament is that I have had time to do other things.

So, today I went to university and sorted out my campus passes to renew my research for the Boris book.  I resigned, in true prisoner style, and I drank a lot of supermix.  The supermix appears to have removed the giant emotional lump in my chest, which meant that I was weeping rather a lot last night.  It is as big a mystery to me as anyone why thinking about Wolfe, even briefly, causes such grief.

I imagine it is similar to a former friend, who told me that he could not grieve for his grandparents, but became hysterical over some baby mice that failed to survive two months later.  The difference in this case, is that I am grieving for my sick family, lost potential and lack of power to do anything about it as long as I am the best option for taking care of my mother. I am terrified to leave her side at the moment as we have been under such scrutiny for the last couple of months.

I also purchased some Gynostemma pentaphyllum and some rosehip, with a view to promoting some AMPK.  Since I cannot afford the extracts, we shall see if the combination helps with promoting youthful cell renewal.  Nearly bought some Griffonia seed, but I think it can wait a while as my problem appears to be low dopamine rather than low seratonin. I am quite the fan of Durk and Sandy.

 

 

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motivation

Ina Disguise Advice Line

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Lessons in life from the Ina Disguise Advice Line

Romance

When someone swears they have ‘made a mistake’  by doing whatever they did to hurt you, ignore it.  They did it because they aren’t as into you as you assumed and they are lying because they fear being alone.

You should leave immediately unless your relationship had problems before you did it which required some sort of evening up of the score.  In the event that you are running your relationship on a points system, you probably aren’t mature enough to be in one, or the person you are with is equally silly.

Compensating for someone else’s mistakes is not possible. (I made this mistake a lot)

You are better off alone than unhappy with someone that doesn’t genuinely like you.

Your status, whether financial or social, is not relevant to whether you deserve affection or not.  Equally you should not assume that you are shooting for the moon by hitting on someone you like, whether they are God’s gift to whichever gender or not.  (They usually aren’t)

The ‘one’ is merely the person that happened to be at the same point in their life as you.  If you aren’t sure, the answer is no and you should move on as fast as possible.

People are complex, and they age at different rates.  Just because you are/not a party animal, it does not make you any younger or older than people who prefer to do more productive things with their time.  Some of the most jaded people I have come across believed they could retain their youth by being irresponsible.

Do not listen to people who say that you ‘need’ other people.  You don’t.

Do not listen to songs which tell you not to give up.  You probably should.  Having said that, culturally we are being told to dispose of people far too easily in order to maintain the economy via people changing houses/partners/jobs.  It is up to you how you choose to live your life, not a pop song or the needs of an increasingly desperate political economy.

If you are fortunate enough to meet a reasonably serious person who cares about you at an early age, go for it.  Nobody genuinely worries if you have a failed relationship or two behind you.

Employment

It is likely that you will have to change jobs a number of times in the course of your life.  That terribly important bit of banking admin or whatever that you landed may well be totally irrelevant in two years of you getting the job.  I have lost count of the number of jobs that I did not get that no longer existed/turned out to be scammers/ended up employing someone too dumb to see through whatever they were doing badly.  Sometimes being rejected is a good thing.

A huge number of jobs, particularly in offices, do not want motivated people who care about the job.  They simply want you to say yes in order to pay your bills.  It is up to you how you respond to this, but you will preserve your mental health if you accept a less well paid job and find your own method of making a living outwith that job.  The best paying job I was ever in involved mind-numbing inefficiency and a lot of travel, meaning that you could not pursue anything of your own.  I will never forget the look on the regular staff’s faces when I told them I was just doing it to pay for more wool, nor will I forget the weeping when the contract ended because they thought their lives were over.  Never invest too much in one job in this day and age.

Stabbing other people in the back is considered a good way of climbing the corporate ladder. Again it is up to you if you wish to do this, but I can tell you you will feel a lot better about yourself if you do not care about becoming the best cheat in the company in the first place.

Socialising with other staff members is over-rated.  It is best to retain some mystery and avoid bonking people at work.

Family

Anyone who tells you that you must never confront your family in case you fall out with them is trying to smother you.  Family, in my experience, is the most dangerous place in the world.

If you want to have children, do it regardless of the state of your finances/relationship.  You have a limited time to create your tribe and may not be free to do it later.

Children, whilst they are better at making cups of tea than cats, are not necessarily going to be nice to you when you get old.  Be very careful about the values you give your little go-getters, because they will very quickly learn to take rather than give.

Parents are people, and should not be taken any more seriously than that.  Yes there are rules when you are young, but by the time you hit 17 or so, you should really be trying to think for yourself.

Travel

Travel is interesting.  I did a lot of it when I was younger.  Bear in mind however, that even the next town is different from yours.  There is nothing sadder than someone boasting about going around the world whilst knowing nothing about their own country.

Snobbery

A great amount of bullying/social structuring is done on the basis that people assume superiority over others.  In the event that you buy into this, you are extremely foolish.  I have been persecuted by people who assumed that I was ‘better’ than them on numerous occasions which has caused me to avoid people altogether.  It is not fun to be around people with a superiority or inferiority complex and it serves absolutely no useful purpose.

Education

You should never stop learning.  Learning is really what keeps you young and open-minded.  At my advanced age, I still find myself gravitating towards people less than half my age because they do not assume status or knowledge that they do not genuinely have.  If you stop role-playing, you will learn a lot more and be a more useful person generally.  Being useful is more rewarding than being rich.

Ego

People will make all sorts of assumptions about how they perceive you throughout your life.  It is best to ignore them.  My greatest mistake was reacting to people telling me what they thought I was.  Don’t end up like me.  You are the most important person in your life.  If anybody wants to challenge that, remove them.

 

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motivation

The Spineless Sadist

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The Spineless Sadist

Not all sadists are intrinsically dominant, cruel, and vicious like the tyrannical and enforcing subtypes. Some are deeply insecure, even cowardly. Spineless sadists are a combination of the avoidant and sadistic personalities; their private world is peopled by aggressive and powerful enemies. Attack can only be forestalled by creating an image of strength, a sense of mutual ensured destruction. For spineless sadists, aggressive hostility is a counterphobic act, designed to master their own inner fearfulness, while sending a message of strength to the public that they will not be intimidated. Displays of courage serve to divert and impress the audience with a façade of potency that says, “I will not be pushed around.” Neither naturally mean-spirited nor intrinsically violent, the spineless sadist caricatures the swaggering tough-guy or petty tyrant. Having been repeatedly subject to physical brutality and intimidation, these individuals have learned to employ aggression instrumentally against others who seem threatening and abusive. Fearful of real danger, they strike first, hoping to induce a measure of fearfulness that forestalls further antagonisms. Many spineless sadists join groups that search for a shared scapegoat, a people or ethnic population set aside by the majority culture as a receptacle for hate and prejudice.

ALPFmedical on the sadistic personality

 

This is where your endless investigation of the world comes in handy.  If someone is trying to frighten you for no apparent reason, you have tools to deal with it.

Then you can get on with the rest of your life, rather than blaming yourself for shit that isn’t your fault.  He is also married, by the way.  Rather her than me. He just destroyed my prospects because he is married and a practised liar, by all accounts.

Sick Freak

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