health - Ina Disguise

Immigration and cultural problems

December 18, 2016 No Comments

Earlier this week, a young lady was posting about unemployed people sitting on their bottoms and complaining about immigrants taking jobs. She was very young and clearly had a job, and so I said:

“Spoken like a person who has never filled a garbage bag with rejection letters.”

She immediately retorted that as someone who has, I was not her target. So I wondered, does this mean you are to pay for your assumed racism with job applications? This is the logical conclusion of her conversation so far, is it not? She is basically saying that in order to have a legitimate complaint against immigration, you need to have an unreasonable obsession with finding work and not getting it.

For one thing, unemployed people sitting on their ass and not applying for jobs no longer exist. These people are sanctioned and are supposed to starve to death under the current rules. Other ‘useless eaters’ such as the disabled are also penalised and told that with three limbs missing (in at least one case) they are fit for work. For another, concerns about immigration rise directly in relation to the availability of work and other resources. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH JOBS IN THE UK TO SUPPORT THE CURRENT POPULATION.

Syrian Girl, a vlogger on youtube, was actually the first person I heard who was keen to ensure that everyone is aware that the European experiment, free movement and the welcoming and dispersal of asylum seekers is actually just about depressing wages and making it easier for employers to exploit workers.

The people who you are keen to blame for their unemployment, meanwhile, used to be employed in factories, in catering establishments and in small businesses which the European experiment has gone quite a long way to phasing out. Manufacturing suffered because it was cheaper to outsource, catering suffered because of the reduction of cash in the economy and the smoking ban, small business suffered because bigger businesses successfully lobbied for concessions to expand, hence the corner shop is being replaced by mini versions of the large supermarket chain. Tesco, Sainsbury’s both have a presence in the smaller main streets to wipe out the sole trader businesses that immigrants and locals alike started when they could not otherwise find work.

Hence, your opportunities are more limited all the time, and more people means more competition for jobs which pay less. No sensible person that genuinely cares about the people around them supports unlimited immigration and a reduction in basic wage and self employed opportunities.

And yet we hear people doing this all the time, associating it with being a ‘right on’ open minded person. The population have been conned into a trap, where they are exploited in order to justify spending their taxes on bombing other countries, whose populations quite rightly decide to leave and seek safety and work elsewhere.

If you are following what I am saying so far, you will now be aware that you are screwed, and that continuing with the same views will ensure that your children, and their children will be even more screwed. The alternative, of pulling out of violence in other countries, of being more prudent with your borders, of safeguarding your own opportunities, may not be fashionable, but it creates a healthier micro level economy and competition for the future. Supporting business at the expense of the individual is basically supporting corporate fascism.

So, the next time somebody calls you a Nazi for being concerned about your country being overcrowded, you can easily explain why the real fascists are pro-Europe, pro-immigration right on liberals who want to see you crushed out of starting your own business, earning small wages for your underemployed situation with one of the big players such as Walmart (Asda) who in turn have direct ties to pharmaceutical companies. They also tend to have places on the Board of Nutrition to tell you what to go out and buy. Hence, you adhere to the nutrition guidelines and wonder why you always feel under par, ending up with heart disease, diabetes and dementia in line with whatever drug is most profitable.

If you particularly relish this, carry on pretending that borders don’t matter.

health, motivation

Self Image and your Outlook

December 11, 2016 16 Comments

Today has been the last day in Malta, and we took a day tour to Valletta, the capital of Malta. Despite the continuing pain, I just about managed the clambering about, and we had a reasonably good last day.

A young Italian footballer was also on the tour, stinking of alcohol from last night, and became fixated on my ample ass. Twisty was quite annoyed with this, since the very young man expressed his admiration by glowering at my bottom and making comments behind his hand.

“Don’t worry about it, he is a chubby chaser, they are all the same.” I said.

Twisty appeared to doubt this, and stared him down in a grumpy way.

“No seriously, I have been through this more times than you can count. I could get annoyed and assume that he has a problem with large bottoms, but I know from experience that he would be the first one drooling all over me given half a chance.”

The rest of the day was spent dodging this guy staring at me and trying to catch my eye, until eventually I found myself hiding behind the tour guide. I am flattered that he did not instead choose to chase the equally chubby young lady sitting at the back of the bus, who probably had no idea that we had a major fan of rotundity on board.

“Perhaps my future is to be the somewhat geriatric wife of a famous footballer, unless some enormous and somewhat flashier chick gets there first.”

For the ladies out there that don’t know, because I am well aware, especially since writing the books, that there are plenty out there that do not know, men are pretty laid back about female appearance. Even the ones that pretend they want a trophy are just clueless little boys that associate shiny cars, playing expensive sport, and pricey clothing with success. Their assertion that you need to be a skinny blonde bimbo is all front. Men like variety, and there is no telling what they like from one day to the next. Your attractiveness is really determined by your self image.

Much the same thing can be said for men, otherwise there would be no Har Mar Superstar, Weird Al, Marilyn Manson or Keith Lemon. Women quite like to see confidence, whether that consists of sheer cheek or actual proficiency is of little consequence. Broadly speaking, it is a question of advertising and figuring out the details later.

This can also be said of success. The Pedro on the Beach Story, which has a penniless and lazy fisherman bemused by a millionaire suggesting that he multiply his earnings in order to do nothing, which is what he is doing in the first place, is something we should all take very seriously in a world with dwindling resources.

Whilst there is no glory in poverty, there is no genuine dignity in your delusion of success. Happiness is something you should cultivate regardless.

health, motivation, politics

The Obesity Malnutrition Paradox

September 20, 2016 No Comments

Horrific trip to the nurse today, to get some long overdue blood tests because I was too embarrassed to go and get them done when I was eating normal food. When you know that you are doing something bad for you, you think about all the unnecessary advice and treatment you would get if you do what you are told.

When I eat normal food, I am tired, bloated, I look awful and I continuously gain weight, not just because I eat too much either. I remember first noticing this at 9 years old, when I once notably put on 7lb after one plate of macaroni cheese. It was dismissed as nonsense, of course, and many years later I think back on this and wonder why I was unable to simply throw a tantrum, like everybody else in my family. Perhaps it is because I sat and watched so many.

When I eat normal food, I am also severely anaemic, and I did wonder whether I was menopausal for some time, because of the heat fluctuations and the weeping over Wolfe. I am not, for those interested. I just cannot eat normal food, and for some reason had a lot of poison to dump when I came across Wolfe. One’s emotions very much dictate one’s health, especially in my case.

So, she asked me after I told her that I had just dropped 40lb in a month, what am I eating? (I dropped 70lb in ten weeks when I first went raw, and the doctor at that time nearly fell off his chair)

“Seaweed, grass, leaves and berries.”

She clearly assumed that I was a bit special and asked me to list them. I got down five or so, before sighing and telling her that there are over eighty ingredients in supermix. “I also shoot for ten vegetables a day and eat some fish” I supplied, just to ensure that she would not put me on the dangerous nutjob list.

I then requested that she take some blood tests, just to hammer the point home to them once they have tested my blood. She is now testing me for diabetes. I made enquiries about this numerous times, and was rubbished by my GPs every time. Now I have reached the age of type 2 diabetes, apparently, so they will decide when and how I become ill in addition to ignoring any actual symptoms, because I am evidently too stupid to simply communicate them.

So, having had many frustrating trips to the medical centre over the years, I patiently explained the paradox of obesity. You get fat because you are missing something, and you crave whatever you ate that you think contains that something. Supermix removes this problem, because it is crammed full of nutrition. Even a multivitamin and mineral supplement will help, but supermix has the added benefit of forcing you to drink a lot of water and eat some raw herbs before you start eating anything resembling normal food.

It is tedious, explaining to someone with a tickbox checklist that you are not in their routine loop and have no expectations of ever being in it. I once had a consultant sit and express great shock that I was obviously not always lazy, on the grounds of my weight. I had to explain to her that being fat does not mean that you are stationary and that people are not always the same build. I showed the six foot lovely my enormous hands. I am almost a foot smaller than her, and needless to say, her tiny little hands were miniscule in comparison.

Anyway, this is several tiresome years later, and I am feeling and looking a lot better than I did a month ago. Throughout the continuous binge that was spending time with my friend, I reverted to raw the minute he went home several times. Hence, I was eating socially and disregarding my health. Hell is other people.

So, my thought for today on the subject of obesity is – do what works for you – if people are in your way, get rid of them, and get your life back.

creativity, health, motivation

Overcoming Empathy

September 10, 2016 No Comments

I have spent a great deal of my life worrying about weight. I have doubled, and at times trebled my bodyweight, depending on how I feel. Nowadays, I know myself so well that I start buying the sizes before the next physical change. I tend to realise at the checkout that something is about to change.

Such is the nature of your subconscious mind. I think it was after being blocked by Wolfe for asking about his charity (I kid you not) that I went and bought the largest size in the shop. I must be punished for having feelings, and for being stupid enough to feel hurt by someone I had no business trying to connect with in the first place. Not because he imagines himself to be famous, but because he imagines himself to be impervious to other people. Wolfe has a very specific, and a very careful method of dealing with women in particular, but that is another story.

Recently, I bought two items, one the size I was three weeks ago, and one three sizes smaller, so I knew something was about to change. My friend, the endless houseguest, had announced that he would bring whatever food he felt like into the house, that I was selfish for wanting to take care of my ailing health, and my very spoilt at the worst of times mother, was to be even more spoilt, on the grounds that this meant that I would devote my time to caring for her and him, rather than me.

This is not the first time this has happened. I remember a few years ago, an ex boyfriend insisted on buying pizza constantly, even after he had witnessed me losing 130lb. I knew that if I had even one bite, that it would lead to me putting all that weight back on again, because I know me. Nevertheless I capitulated, which led to my being 315lb by the time May 2010 rolled around.

Another ex came on the scene, a rigger with a rope obsession (nuff said) I mistook an old photograph of his on facebook for an example of what he looked like now. I was horrified. I have some videos from that period, and Wolfe can testify that I could not even speak properly, I was so ill. I lost 70lb in ten weeks on a low carb/raw combination, largely because I could not really walk due to tiredness and pain. After shifting this fluid/fat/host of infections, I was able to walk, and walk I did, daily. Swimming followed, to repair my twisted core muscles, and the gym for a period after that. In total |I ended up losing about 160lb

Then my terminally ill ex appeared and joined me at the pool. This was a bad mistake. From claiming that I was killing him by making him swim, he decided that he must out swim me within a fortnight. Interminable and rather miserable trips to the pool followed as I watched him cut off the ends of the pool out of the corner of my eye, just so that he could claim to have caught up with my year of laborious self care in a month.

Several months later, and he came back for another go. This time he insisted that I was depriving my mother of cake, which I was not – I have a system by which she gets everything she wants as long as I do not like the look of it, including cake. Hence, she is very well indulged, and I never have to worry about eating badly. That is, of course, until someone very aggressively announces that he will do what he likes in my house, and I can do nothing about it, because to do so involves either physically ejecting him, or bitching about it until he can safely denounce me as a selfish bitch.

As you can see, dealing with someone who claims to be terminally ill is rather complex. You are supposed to be sympathetic, to the point of self-harm. Your boundaries are there to be challenged (my mother is the same) and if you happen to be an empath as well, your judgement is clouded even more. My mother is pathologically selfish, to the point that she watches me cleaning and compliments the vacuum I am pushing, so I am well used to not existing at all.

Unfortunately the consequence of not existing, or should I say agreeing to not exist, is stuffing your face so that you do not talk about it. You pretend that it does not matter, until nobody ‘sees’ you any more because you are enormous. Then you eat because you are miserable. Then you stop moving because you don’t want anyone to see you.

My good manners and empathy finally ran out two days before my birthday. My ‘friend’ waltzed into my bedroom and announced that he was losing weight, and didn’t he look pretty in his new clothes. I replied that I did not need reminding that he is a titanic prick, and that I would physically remove him from my home if he did not stop what he was doing right now.

“I can’t help it!” he assumed his victim posture and began to whine. I know from experience this immediately precedes his episodes of violence, so it was really time for him to go. He has been a problem at times, but when you see nobody, and he likes to pretend that he is very helpful, it is very difficult to just stop with people who are actively trying to damage you.

I did try to take him out with us one more time, but he then tried to start telling me when I could and could not speak, and then it was really time for him to go. He has since tried to blame me, for the fact that he has deliberately pursued a course of damaging behaviour, been extremely self centred, and completely disregarded my health, all whilst abusing my hospitality.

So, now I have nobody to talk to. I do not wish to see this person again, I do not wish to see my Tory neighbour again. I certainly do not want to see my siblings ever again. I guess I will have to write.

The problem with all this empathy, is that it is an excuse to forget about yourself. Forgetting about yourself leads to repressed anger, which leads to depression. A recent hashtag about weight problems on Twitter had hours and hours of people who could see nothing good about their weight, and relentless self punishment.

Bear in mind, that nobody is nastier to you than you. Other people you can get rid of. You are, however, stuck with you, so try thinking of all the good things. Once you treat yourself as well as you treat other people, it will become far easier to make positive choices, and far easier to develop strategies to deal with pain other than muffling yourself with food, alcohol or your chosen self abuse.

health, politics

Boris’s Shopping List (and possibly yours)

September 7, 2016 29 Comments

I wrote a quick note to Boris yesterday on his part in the Boris Experience. He may listen, he may not, but either way it is important to get him in tip top shape if we are to get through the next five years without the inevitable unadulterated misery and blame on poor people we have come to expect from the Conservative party.

Many of my readers, particularly in Scotland, will find my duality very odd. Why show any compassion to a Tory, of all people? I even had to explain to Twisty, who of all people has been well aware of my odd displays of compassion for the undeserving for many, many years.

From Twisty’s perspective, and many others who do not get past the first few seconds of constructive thought, Boris represents everything that is considered evil to a republican Scot. I am, for one thing, not a republican Scot. I am pro independence, but I have no issues with monarchy and class because I see the sound economic reasons and history behind it. Therefore there is no conflict for me in ‘being nice to the neighbours, particularly those I have a great deal in common with.

“But, but, he said they were taking the jobs away because people vote Tory in England! He is one of them!”

Yes, this is true, he was indeed good enough to explain why it makes sense to Conservatives to move jobs away from Scotland, which is more than any other Tory has ever done.

“But, but, he is privileged. That bastard will want for nothing.”

His privilege is as a result of knowing the right people and being willing to subsist in the public eye. As I have said before about Monarchy, the only legally upheld system of golden cage slavery in the world, this is not something I would relish in the slightest. It is nothing at all to do with me.

“You needn’t expect a Tory will ever do anything for you.”

As we have already seen from the supposedly caring hippy David Wolfe, people who have the drive to make something of their lives do not tend to stop and help other people for no reason. I do not start projects with the intention of getting something out of it. Just as well because I would be very disappointed if I did. Besides, Boris has demonstrated that he is a kind person by the very fact that he got himself into Brexit trouble in the first place.

Having said all of that, I am now going to tell you about today:

Today, Lee Nelson changed the name of Philip Green’s yacht. This is the same Philip Green that Tony Blair, who many of you used to vote for, feted in the nineties. He robbed a lot of pensioners. He has a title and a big fat yacht. If you want to hate anybody, I would direct you towards Philip and Tony. Tony, who now has a fat payout from his boardroom position at a major investment bank, and Claire Short, who now advises mining companies on how best to exploit developing nations. At least the Conservative party warn you that you need a lubricant before the inevitable happens.

Today Westminster Bridge was closed by disabled protestors. Good. At last. Get it together.

My belief is that a compassionate Conservative Party would not have to make many policy changes to rule out the curse of New Labour forever, and I think Boris would make an excellent, self-depreciating and surprisingly honest figurehead of such a party. There are ways of turning poisonous policy into opportunity, and it takes the correct personality and brain to make that happen. Boris has displayed marked empire-building tendencies in the course of his writing, and so I should like to see him in a good state of health to make a hopeful and functional country a possiblity. Therefore the first thing we need to do is sort out his slight signs of melting decline into a Churchillian look. No, Boris, we are not going to let that happen.

Today, I missed my smoothie until tonight. As a result my left side was crippled by 4pm and I was unable to sew. That is how good my supermix is. No trace of pain as long as I start the day the right way. My personal supermix has 80 ingredients, and I do not plan to give out the recipe. However, if you would like to try something like it and see how it works for you, here is Boris’s shopping list:

Bladderwrack – buy this by the kilo from ebay. You can choose an alternative seaweed, but the yanks do not seem to know about this one, and it is extremely good for flushing your liver and kidney, so it is cheaper and more effective. In powder form, there is no need to soak.

Wheatgrass – this is expensive in frozen form, so although it is slightly less efficacious, I recommend getting this in powder form, also from ebay

Barleygrass – as above

Chlorella – as above

Axastathin – Wolfe sells a very expensive powder, but I use the fish food version, which is exactly the same and costs far less. Ebay again.

Seeds – linseeds, a standard omega three mix, chia, hemp seeds, pomegranate seeds. You can get these in supermarkets now, as well as ebay, and your local middle eastern store.

Berries – I like to add Barberries and Incan Berries – Barberries you can get at the middle eastern store, Incan Berries – ebay or the health food shop. These both have important properties for your smoothie

Raw Cacao – many raw foodists do not like raw cacao, but for a person with a primarily brain led life, cacao is invaluable. Your first shot will not be your last

Stevia – do not use Truvia for this. Get a liquid one if you can, but the Wholefoods market green packet is not bad, if a tad expensive. If you do not fancy stevia, try using honeycomb from your middle eastern store instead.

Dates – after much messing about, I now use blocks of pre pureed dates from Algeria. It does look as if you are driving around with a half pound of Afghan in your car, but it saves you a lot of soaking. Be sparing, but use them as they contain some nice things that you need.

Fruit – fruit generally is counter productive unless you do a lot of exercise, and you will want to phase most of it out eventually apart from pineapple and berries. Pineapple is good for breaking down excess proteins in your system, improving your skin and solving any coughing issues. (five times more effective than cough medicine) I do recommend it to begin with as it makes horsing down half a pound of spinach at a time far easier.

Leaves – spinach, kale, lamb’s lettuce, anything green and leafy. Shoot for half a pound a day, but do not worry if you cannot manage to horse this much into your first smoothies. Try 2oz or so at a time. The little packets are 100g so half of one of those.

Cucumber and Celery – My father once cured his incurable gout with celery juice for six weeks. Just throw it into your morning drink along with the above and let it do its thing.

Now, once you have all of this in your liquidiser, I suggest that you add spring water (I use carbonated) and ice. You will, if you do this regularly, end up mixing the seeds and berries into one large jar, and the powders in the other. You need a tablespoon from each jar of mixed ingredients and a tablespoon of sweetener, then the water and fruit and veg. Squizz that together, and you should have about three glasses of delicious health food that will set you up for a happy and regular day. Do this for a week, and tell me you aren’t in less pain with a more capable and active brain.

I like to start the day with some iced water, followed by a morning to afternoon consuming all that. After this I am not all that hungry for some time, so it is far easier not to consume the nearest salty/oily thing. It may seem rich to a raw foodist, but I am introducing someone that I know has a very rich diet to more nutritious and helpful food.

Toodle Pip

Ina

health, motivation

Aging, the news and how to read it

August 26, 2016 1 Comment

Wolfe and I have just turned 46. I am 12 days younger than Wolfe, and I have to say, I do not know what he was doing in those 12 days, but it must have been really wild.

Seriously, if you wish to avoid looking like an unironed sheet at this age, stay out of the sun. The sun may be fun, but my eyes are living proof that the sun does damage your skin quite significantly. Otherwise, I am suffering from neglect, caused by being busy doing other things and not having a relationship with anyone since I ‘met’ Wolfe, since it would have been a rather pointless waste of everybody’s time.

At our age, Wolfe and I ought to be practising calorie restriction to prolong our lives. I say practising, because the benefit is really derived after the age of 50. I reckon that at this point we should be shooting for about 1500 or so as a maximum per day, reducing to 500 or so by the time we are 60. If we happen to go over that now and again, it is less damaging this way.

So, you can see that you should spend your late thirties to mid forties researching how to get maximum nutrition from minimum calories and deciding what is bearable.

Since my foodie friend has returned home, I have eradicated arthritis in my left hand, rather important considering I sew with my left and do everything else with my right; stiffness in both legs, what I can only describe as muscular congestion across my collarbone and a feeling as if I am about to suffer a fairly serious stroke in terms of fuzziness. I am now no longer deaf in my left ear, all because I have returned to my preferred option of fish salads and supermix, a concoction I made from a combination of my herbal knowledge and a few recommendations from Wolfe. I am achieving more, doing things better, and generally not quite so inclined to hurtle towards death. If you do not wish to eat fish, however, fermented foods fill in the gaps left by your raw diet, and then it is up to you to investigate any options for fine tuning (see your preferred alternative nutrition advisor)

What you should not do, is listen to your GP, who is likely to know very little about nutrition and certainly won’t like it when you present your superior blood counts. (in my case raw at 41, my blood pressure, cell counts, and other indicators of blood quality indicated that I was about 16) The guidelines offered by the Board of Nutrition in the UK, and FDA in the USA are very supportive of the food industry. This is a balance of industry and the little they actually know about nutrition. There are several ‘truths’ which are not actually anything to do with how you function, or what your nutritional needs are after decades of self abuse in the form of eating ‘normally.’

Obviously, like most things, this does not affect everybody. Some people are able to burn off excess calories and their bowel is speedy enough to ensure that they are not carrying 40lb of caked faeces around with them. Some people are not, and as you can imagine from any incidences of nappy rashes you have seen, carrying poop around is not a good plan if you wish to stay well.

Speaking of poop, Andrew Neil is this morning trying to pick a fight with me about the oil figures. I have responded that any country with oil reserves it when the price is low, and several others have pointed out that extracting oil at a cost of $50 per barrel is not cost effective when the price is $55, but no, Andrew, the overpaid journalist must crush anybody that tries to speak to him, rendering my response rather pointless. Money does not buy manners, brains or flexible thinking in someone toeing the party line at the BBC to pay for his next car/holiday/house.

The point about independence is getting the government that you actually vote for to do the things that actually benefit the population. I am guessing that Andrew Neil has never had to stack shelves for a living, and I doubt that he has ever had to interview a weeping, severely depressed, skilled carpet worker in Kilmarnock, who, if Westminster gave a damn about Scotland, could have led a perfectly normal happy life. He does not spend much time in Scotland, so he is unlikely to look at our architecture and wonder why we cannot afford to build quality housing anymore. He is unlikely to be affected if the population of Easterhouse, Paisley, Mallaig or Lanarkshire suffer from lack of inward investment because the government does not care to encourage any.

So we are unlikely to hear anything but contempt from a man who has led a very fortunate life, and has nothing better to do than attempt to challenge a person who has actual responsibilities in the form of protecting my mother from daylight robbery, whether by her own children or the Tory owned care home down the road. He just does not understand how everybody else functions, because his life is just peachy. Andrew Neil is not the only journalist guilty of toeing a party line, they all have to serve a master.

So, to bring us finally to the point – we can see the connection between my two topics for today – you cannot understand what you cannot see, and why should you if your life is OK? If your health is fine, you won’t understand why other people have to take great care of theirs, and it will not matter if you give people bad advice, as long as plenty of people are employed by the food industry, the NHS, agriculture, pharmaceuticals. If your life is easy, you will not understand why people would want to vote for an alternative, risky but more promising future. People are quite dangerously stupid, even the ones that try to tell you that they know best. Therefore, your best option is to shut the door on them, and find out for yourself.

health

So how am I?

August 21, 2016 4 Comments

This week has been emotionally eventful. My friend is away again, probably for a fairly long period this time as I was having serious episodes with my chest and overall health. This is a good thing for my health, and a bad thing for my emotional well being as he is good at distracting me from my screwed up life.

My friend is a foodie, and my friend has an unnatural capacity for consuming large amounts of conventional food. He completely refuses to eat raw, although I managed to persuade him for a month or two when I was raw and he looked far better. He seems to have some sort of aversion to vegetables generally.

Unfortunately, this meant that he refused to listen when I asked him several times not to bring food to the house. It is surprisingly easy for me to cook for mother and eat raw as long as I omit key foods that I know I cannot share space with. As with any drug addict, you just avoid situations or spaces when you will be confronted.

I am not particularly neurotic about it. When not raw, I am low carb so this is pretty flexible. I do not think that it is too much to ask to have control over the food that enters your house when you do not get out for years on end. My friend was good for making this easier, in the form of us getting out slightly more often as he was helpful with mother.

It is not getting to complete a thought or finish a sentence that wears you down. It is being basically laughed at for wanting a bit of consideration in the house you are responsible for. This is enough to make me give up, particularly as I seem to have long term low grade depression after the Wolfe thing.

The Wolfe thing really started after my family spread a lot of lies around in the hope of taking my mother’s money. Before this, it was not oppressive. After this, it was the only nice thing to think about. They have not stopped lying and bitching all the time I have been giving up my life for hers.

The good thing about this situation is getting lots of work out. He really does have a touch of magic when it comes to self-expression. His very existence is about ‘doing it till they stop you,’ which is rather helpful if you are a shy geek. I still suffer from chronic anxiety, but it gets poured into getting work done.

Obviously the confidence crisis curtailed a lot of heavier academic work, but I am hoping the transition to Boris Johnson will cure that. In the meantime I have a huge pile of half finished artwork to do, and a lot of writing to catch up on.

I am still at a loss to explain the unblocking on Twitter. I haven’t checked facebook. There are a number of possible reasons, coincidence, Twitter fault, somebody else managing the account and unblocking everyone. I am not sufficiently presumptuous to assume that anything has changed.

Having said this, I have finally come up with a proper name for the mandala. I have just extended it, so it will take a little longer, but I think we finally have our first really iconic piece on the way. I would be grateful if someone makes sure he actually gets to see a picture of it when it is complete.

I would have liked to do something more academically serious for Wolfe, but I guess things have turned out the way they were supposed to.

creativity, health, motivation

The ego and creativity

June 7, 2016 No Comments

The ego and creativity – Wolfe’s kiss farewell

Today I had an extremely offensive conversation with one particular friend. He has some very strange ideas about creativity, so I am going to address these ideas very slowly, in a format that he is very welcome to absorb in a space where he cannot commit an assault.

There is a chasm of difference between developing an idea, and developing a marketing strategy. We can see from our television channels that shooting for the lowest possible denominator in the hope of viewing figures is not the way to achieve quality. We can also see from many arthouse movies that self indulgence does not always produce something that you would want to watch.

My friend, who makes arty movies which he does not bother to market, likes to prevent me from speaking at all by attacking me verbally whenever I try to explain to him that he has his priorities a little confused, making it impossible for me, as an extremely patient and understanding friend, never mind anyone else to work with him.

Today, it was a possible sit com that became impossible to even conceptualise, because he imagines that finding a marketing person that will make the magic exposure problem go away is more important than developing a product. This means that you cannot even develop your idea sufficiently to make it worthwhile, never mind discuss it to the point that you get any actual work done.

I have previously tried giving him simple open ended tasks to complete alone, with the idea that if he is left to complete something himself, I will not be at physical risk, and he will gain the satisfaction of moving a project on a stage. Even this has resulted in such a strong stress response that it is not possible to get anything done, and so two projects so far have had to be abandoned. He then likes to tell me what he thinks I asked him to do, which is nothing to do with what I actually said, because he was not listening in the first place.

Now this problem is caused by stress. In particular a fragile and super-stressed ego, so today I tried using myself, and then Wolfe, as an example of how other people work. In my case, as money is not an issue at present, I like to spend one third of my time on the piece of work, and two thirds of the time allocated on marketing the piece of work, whether this is over a month, a year, five years really does not matter as long as I have the time and space. Therefore there is a fairly consistent flow. For someone like Wolfe, for whom money is very important, he spends maybe 5 minutes out of an hour doing the work, and 55 minutes out of the hour telling the world that he has done the work. This can be done by passive or direct means, but whether you believe him to be a loudmouth Yank or not, he is certainly more successful, in a very niche market, than anyone else.

You cannot market a product that cannot exist due to temperament. In order to market thin air, you have to be a convincing person with a track record of actually achieving what you set out to achieve. Your cheaply made arthouse movie can do this for you, if you actually bother to develop your skill to the level where you are presenting something watchable. In order to do this, you have to consider the wider public rather than trying to sell yourself to a ‘marketing person’ who probably doesn’t exist.

700 people a month look at my artwork on the website. I maybe tweet it twice a month to achieve that, the rest of the hits coming from the relatively unrelated blog. This is a good use of time, develops my writing ability and expression, and gives me time to dream up more complicated versions of my work. I picked up a lot of information from Wolfe in this respect. Worrying about what people think of you, or failing to promote yourself is not useful to you. Insulting your friends by preventing them from helping you and telling them repeatedly that their views are irrelevant whilst they try to give you the information that you need is also not useful to you, as they will simply stop trying at all.

A master of an art is not an egotist, too frightened to input feedback. Very much like a British academic, they will listen to the most obscure information related to their interest area in an effort to improve quality, improve audience figures, expand their area of interest.

In my case, since my work is usually produced when I am wounded in some way, annoying me is what usually gets you a piece of work in the first place, which is why Wolfe was such an excellent candidate. He lacks understanding or respect for other people, however, which is why it is now more interesting to me to find some fresh meat.

I cannot help my friend with the knot he has tied himself into. I am just not putting myself in that position again, which means conversation is now likely to be severely limited. If I acted towards him the way he behaved this morning, I would now be in hospital. The great pity is that I doubt a single word I said went in, and so nothing will change.

If you are a creative person, bear in mind what I have said. Even if you do not like your work, it is important to either bin it or promote it to allow others to feed back to you. Otherwise you could find your passion drained by circumstance, and unless your spark is as self-healing as mine, you could end up bitter, hostile and unable to access your own genius.

Thank you David, for being careless, rude and a bit sexist and stupid. Without you, none of this would have been possible.

The post The ego and creativity – Wolfe’s kiss farewell appeared first on Ina Disguise – Author.

business, creativity, health

Self Imposed Aging

May 17, 2016 No Comments

Self imposed aging

I read an article this morning with a title along the lines of ‘Millennials have the key to future business development, as only they have an idea how to innovate for future customers.’ It was not much catchier than this, but I am a bit unwilling to bother finding the link. These are the same millennials who graduated at the same time as me, who were denounced as incapable of knowing when to agree to make other people a cup of tea or do the photocopying rather than impressing everyone with their vast knowledge of nothing.

Personally, since at a whopping ten years older than them I was discounted entirely as a colleague, and was asked by Rothschild’s why I would even want to work with such people, I have limited experience of them, but I do not think they have exclusive knowledge that anyone else fails to grasp.

One of the things the article touched on was our unwillingness to think like children as we get older. We lose our curiosity about the world, and prefer to develop intensive knowledge streams. Well duh, you can’t follow every path, otherwise everyone would look a whole lot more like me, and a lot less like someone with a mortgage and children. At some point you have to use the principle of opportunity cost to decide what you want out of life.

Having said this, there is no reason why you cannot devote some of your time to being aware of what you are turning down. I, for example, cannot be bothered getting a smartphone in order to know all about apps, instagram or snapchat. I detest mobile phones, and had to be forced twice by an employer to accept one. I do not see why I should be forced to be on the end of a connective string all the time, and I do think that there is value in maintaining your hand/eye coordination in the form of physically making 3 dimensional objects. In the same way that a great chef creates something with colour, texture, flavour, overall design, an artist balances much the same principles with whatever medium they use. I happen to be very good at 3d modelling, so I dabbled a bit with that online in the course of messing about, and as it turns out this is what I should probably be concentrating on if I want to make any money.

So, instead of playing computer games, all someone older than a Millennial has to do to maintain their current managerial and innovative capacity is learn a few computing science skills, app development, programming, game design etc. It is not a hard overall concept to get your teeth into, everything works pretty much like your average, common or garden tree. Millennials are not the only people to have seen a tree. Whilst I do not see the value in endless photo sharing apps, so I am unlikely to come up with the next billion dollar format, I can just about manage to figure out how to take my ideas to a new generation, thanks all the same.

I had a friend years ago who despite being younger than me, said that I did not act the way a 32 year old (at the time) woman should act. This is understandable, since my life has consisted of creative focus on seemingly random dudes, percolated with appalling long term relationships with people I shouldn’t have bothered either trusting or wasting time with. On the other hand, who made the rules on how a 32 year old woman should act? Do they hand out slippers and a cardigan on your 30th? My family tend to peak very late in life, so I have always had my peak to look forward to, maybe this is making the difference?

At this point in my life, I notice that even one bad meal makes a difference to how I look, so I am aware that I am getting older, but apart from the now screaming urgency in terms of having a child, I do not feel in the slightest bit older in terms of my curiosity. Am I really that unusual?

It certainly seems so, since most of my male friends seem to have settled into a disgruntled state of dissatisfaction with their lot and a kind of grumpy complacency that means they actually need to be shaken into thinking about changing anything. It is most dispiriting.

Maybe my obsessive focus on work has helped me avoid this. The lengthy concentration on a task, to the point where you are thinking you might get finished in the next five years or so, rather than constantly looking back and thinking things were better when you were 28. They weren’t better at all. Men aren’t really worth bothering with before 35 or so, and you have to actually save money to get anything done when you are that age because there is always someone waiting to charge you for learning the things you later find out are available free. You have more patience when you are older too, so the driven quality that seems to be admirable calms down to a more steadfast and skillful plod. That is a good thing, not something that should be undervalued or maligned.

Perhaps I am lucky that my life has gone in a different direction to the one I actually worked for. Perhaps a career and a family would have made me miserable, old and defensive. Perhaps the people that seem so happy are hiding behind the thought that they did what was expected of them, and now don’t have to think at all. This seems to me to be like a slow death. Maybe being lonely and trapped at home is actually freedom, from conventional worry, loss of self and inflexible aging.

I can say for certain that deciding to effectively marry myself to a person that I do not know was the best decision I ever made in terms of endless self-doubt, so perhaps it is a case of making a decision outwith reality to prevent the crippling stiffness of age. I can say with equal certainty that willingness to learn and change is a major factor in the aging process.

If you do not tweak the product, the product becomes obsolete, which is as relevant to yourself as it is to any product.

health, motivation

Blog readers note

May 13, 2016 64 Comments

Blog readers note….

Reading on a screen before bed might be killing you
Reading on a laptop or tablet can alter the way you think
Too much screen time damages the brain
Five things too much screen time does to your body
Before you start panicking and switching off your device, most of what is said in these articles refers to things we already knew – too much sitting about is bad for you, too much light from non ambient sources is bad for you, being too intensely interested in what you are doing is bad for sleeping, electrical devices near you damage your sleep, etc etc. I am personally quite careful to keep things like sewing, gardening, driving, decorating quite far away from any functional computers so my time is divided between separate areas of the house.
This takes up quite a lot of room, and I am fortunate to be able to do this. It will not always be the case, when my mother is not around any more I imagine that I will be struggling to pick up my long lost career, never mind afford somewhere that I can actually fit into.
A female friend from school, who coincidentally looked a bit like Daniel Vitalis’ identical twin, worked on a study with Stirling University in the 1990s, which was based on the premise that rural people are more affected by the full moon than city people. Eventually the study narrowed down the reason for this to be the amount of electricity used in cities. The brain tunes in with the electrical rhythm of the moon, other people or with the fridge, computer or other electrical device if they are in the same room, which is why people like me prefer to create at nighttime, when most people in the area have switched everything off.
Many artists and writers have noticed that they work much better at night. I am not sure what implications that tapping away on a laptop might have for your writing, as opposed to avoiding devices, but even if we were not using computers, we would still be battling the light bulb. Perhaps further studies on this are necessary. In any case, when I told a few people about this, they were relieved to discover that they were not imagining it. Stirling University has apparently not posted the study as it was conducted prior to the internet revolution, but I for one would be delighted if they would, since it makes some sense of a rather ‘woo’ sounding theory.
The physical implications of spending time in a chair are obvious, you will get a fat ass and a fat tummy if you do this too much. The wrist and hand problems are another thing entirely, and you should be extremely mindful of making sure your ergonomics are better than mine (I am usually lying in bed covered in militant cats, which is no better for you.)
As I have previously mentioned, it is wise to leave your gadgets at home now and again, and if possible get away from your computer entirely once in a while. It really does not matter if you do not see who has tweeted you for a week or more. It does not matter how many likes you have on facebook, and it actually makes no difference to my figures whether I have a facebook following or not. My book readers, in particular, tend to come from elsewhere.
If you are concerned about your abstract thinking, here are a few tests you can run
Free Aptitude Tests
Diagrammatic Reasoning Tests
Abstract reasoning test
If you are concerned about your emotional well being
Happiness test
Empathy test
Positive psychology test
And I am sure you can find some more by yourselves. I find I self-regulate, on intellectual and creative as well as whether I am spending too much time with my computer. I do not like to combine my care of mother with computer use, so again those things happen in separate rooms where possible. If I have been writing for a few weeks, I crave sewing, and vice versa, so despite my having been heavily involved with computers for nearly twenty years, apart from a couple of binge periods when life was not otherwise worth living, I have had pretty moderate exposure. I do feel sorry for the younger generations who do not remember life without them. As with the curse of the mobile phone, I am sure they feel naked without their connection, when the truth is that you are a lot more naked with it.

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