Here is Marco Pierre White, in an iconic black and white picture taken in the late 80s, before I started cooking.  He was an early influence on me, not because I particularly appreciated his cooking, but because he was initially famous amongst chefs for walking out of catering college when they attempted to force him to learn how to use a stock cube.  Back in those days, stock cubes were not good enough for Marco.  He wanted to learn how to cook, and went from this rebellion to becoming the most well regarded chef in the UK in a remarkably short time.

He was also well known amongst chefs for his hatred of women in the kitchen, as he had decided that it was a brutal job.  Some chefs like to play this game, humiliating people into learning tasks quickly to avoid either crying or being fired.  I have worked in these types of kitchen, in addition to the more serious, religious style of leadership, and I have to say when I ran my own kitchen, the rough-and-tumble style of leadership was something I grew out of very quickly.  It is tiresome having to replace weeping chefs on a frequent basis, so you might as well give them some time and space to make errors.  Errors are not only instructive for the chef, they sometimes result in more interesting results.

The third piece of information that I got first hand from people that worked with him, was that he was fond of employing young male Scottish chefs, as they would be unable to pay the trainfare home until they had been forced to work for him for two weeks or more, so he could behave as badly as he wanted to.  He liked to keep the meat in the garden after delivery, so that it was well rested, and presumably weathered by the time it got to your very expensive plate.  One of my favourite recipes of his, was his water vinegarette, which was one of those confidence tricks that you pull at the top end of the catering trade.  If you develop sufficient panache, you can eventually pull off presenting an almost empty plate, a good lesson to learn for your future creative exploits.

This is a more recent picture of Marco Pierre White, who is now famous for advertising stock cubes.  He apparently believes that everyone, like the fawning media, has forgotten his initial claim to fame.  The Dorian Gray picture to absorb his having sold his soul for money has apparently been lost.  Perhaps his son sold it to pay his bills.  As you can see, he is not a happy man, but he is reasonably well off.  This is not a good advertisement for giving your life up entirely to your dreams, and it is not a good advertisement for years of creating top end dishes.  He is only 8 years older than me, and I can honestly say he could easily be confused as being my father, the difference is so marked.

This is a picture of Marco Pierre White Jnr, whose current ambition is to create Marco Pierre White III, as he can think of no other way of pleasing his unhappy father.  He has no idea how to please him, because his father has spent all these years chasing glory at the expense of loving his son, who has recently been suckered into a TV appearance, to pay off bills that he ran up running wild as a result of his exhausted father taking his credit and debit cards away.  He does not have to work at anything, he is under pressure to maintain the family name, and he has absolutely no idea how to do it.  He speaks in a breathy, Marilyn Monroe voice and attempts to please others by filling in the silent gaps with tales of boyish glory as he has no idea how to command respect or earn any genuine admiration from others.  What this young man needs, is a father who does not obsess about his own need for admiration, and who is willing to spend some time giving him some self worth.

What he does not need, is publicity whilst he grows out of doing the sort of stupid things chefs do in their time off because they have extremely limited time to come up with a good story to bring back to work.

Raymond Blanc did it, David Dempsey, Gordon Ramsay’s late chef, did it, hundreds of talented chefs have destroyed their own lives doing it.  Relieving stress by performing the sort of stupid male stunt that only other men even smirk at as they go about their long and sweaty day, is not particularly smart.

Working people 80-140 hours a week is also not smart, because as someone who has actually done it, despite the misogynistic views of people like Marco Pierre White, I can tell you that you completely forget how to function as a whole person.  It takes years to get a sense of perspective back into your life.

People are not machines, and Marco the father needs to drop everything to give Marco the son the time and reassurance he clearly needs to grow into a whole person.  Right now he is confused, worthless, and will not live long without some actual love from his father.

Discipline is not always the answer, but in this case, spending some time on a small island with no facilities would do the pair of them the world of good, because the evidence suggests that neither of them retain any connection with reality, and their tiny place in it.

Has Amber Heard, Johnny Depp?

I see that this is big news in America, worthy of comment from bitter old men and chirruping ladies alike.

I have seen Amber Heard referred to as a gold digger, and trailer trash.  I have seen the somewhat overblown and unnecessary rallying of Johnny Depp’s exes and friends around the unfortunate but seemingly universally loved star.

So, since I actually have some insight, and have been in many, many terrible relationships, here is my unusual take on this sad episode.

From the information provided, Johnny Depp pursued a challenging relationship with a stimulating young woman that he could not take for granted.  From this we can assume his more visually appealing relationship with the lovely Vanessa Paradis ran smoothly to the point of catatonia.

From looking at him, he currently wears the cold sweat puffiness of the regular drinker and drug taker.  This does not make you an abuser, but to decide to go on a bender at fifty-odd, stimulating change is clearly overdue.

Amber Heard, very ambitious, bisexual, apparently not that blown away by his stardom, seemed like a  good idea at the time.

I have been in several abusive relationships.  I am still on speaking terms with two of them, and two others I told to get lost when they tried to return.  Not because of previous history, but because I could not be bothered with their lame conversation and tired old bad habits and lack of self regard.

Let’s get something straight.  Throwing a mobile phone at someone because they are emotionally attacking you just after your mother has died is not abuse.  It is the self protective act because you cannot speak.  Even if he did throw his smartphone at her, she should not have been there causing drama in the first place. That is far more abusive than throwing smartphones around.

I am by no means the most abused person in the world, because primarily I am a deceptively tough lady, and secondarily, I take my part of the responsibility.  Sometimes, battered victims, it really is your fault.

It is your fault for agreeing to stand and be a punchbag.
It is your fault for inciting drama in order to get the attention that you want because there is something wrong with you.
It is your fault for not respecting yourself and demonstrating poor judgement.
It is your fault for not loving your partner enough to leave the first time it happens so he can sort himself out.
It is your fault for not waiting long enough to change YOURSELF before seeking another relationship.

This is a controversial way of looking at domestic abuse, but I have tried it on a couple of pathetic women that were sleeping with a previous boyfriend who tried it as an excuse.  (eg, “Please don’t tell my husband I slept with your boyfriend because he is so big and brutal and he will hit me.”  Tough tittie, if you aren’t ready to move out, do not bother me with it.)

It has always alarmed me also that the perpetrators are offered no help.  In recent history, the attention is focused on the little victim who frequently turns around and says she/he is returning because ‘she/he loves him/her.’  No you don’t, if you loved him/her you would leave until they have had sufficient relationships to increase their emotional intelligence and figure out what went wrong.  Then you would remain celibate for as long as it takes not to pick another hitter.

Domestic violence, in my experience of it, is caused be several alternative factors:

The physical chemistry is such that the great make up sex compensates for the fights, and the fights are incited to get each other into bed.
The violent partner is inadequate, mentally ill or simply so dumb that they cannot communicate.
Anxiety – two of my violent exes had a significant anxiety problem that they could not control and were unmedicated.
The abused partner actually finds ways of requesting that his/her partner abuses them for some other reason, such as guilt.
Drugs and alcohol, and general boredom thereof.
Immaturity.

It is my view that women, in particular, need to grow up when it comes to relationships.  One article I came across in the last year had a woman claiming she was being abused because her boyfriend insisted that she watch him playing computer games.  This may be manipulation, but it is up to you to get off your own fat ass and go and do something else.  It certainly isn’t abuse unless you choose the role of victim.

I chose not to be a victim after the first couple of guys attacked me, and I have to say that the most recent assault, by a stranger in broad daylight, was pretty much water off a duck’s back.  A couple of my exes have tried to assault me in my own home, and been summarily removed and/or disarmed.  It is not something I enjoy having to do, but guess what, Amber?

SHIT HAPPENS. 

Now grow up, cut people some slack when they are grieving, and since you clearly do not love him and probably never have, please fuck off and find yourself a woman, or whatever your real, very immature problem is.

Some abused women have lost limbs or have permanent scars, visible or invisible.  We are not amused.