Ina Disguise Advice Line

Lessons in life from the Ina Disguise Advice Line

Romance

When someone swears they have ‘made a mistake’  by doing whatever they did to hurt you, ignore it.  They did it because they aren’t as into you as you assumed and they are lying because they fear being alone.

You should leave immediately unless your relationship had problems before you did it which required some sort of evening up of the score.  In the event that you are running your relationship on a points system, you probably aren’t mature enough to be in one, or the person you are with is equally silly.

Compensating for someone else’s mistakes is not possible. (I made this mistake a lot)

You are better off alone than unhappy with someone that doesn’t genuinely like you.

Your status, whether financial or social, is not relevant to whether you deserve affection or not.  Equally you should not assume that you are shooting for the moon by hitting on someone you like, whether they are God’s gift to whichever gender or not.  (They usually aren’t)

The ‘one’ is merely the person that happened to be at the same point in their life as you.  If you aren’t sure, the answer is no and you should move on as fast as possible.

People are complex, and they age at different rates.  Just because you are/not a party animal, it does not make you any younger or older than people who prefer to do more productive things with their time.  Some of the most jaded people I have come across believed they could retain their youth by being irresponsible.

Do not listen to people who say that you ‘need’ other people.  You don’t.

Do not listen to songs which tell you not to give up.  You probably should.  Having said that, culturally we are being told to dispose of people far too easily in order to maintain the economy via people changing houses/partners/jobs.  It is up to you how you choose to live your life, not a pop song or the needs of an increasingly desperate political economy.

If you are fortunate enough to meet a reasonably serious person who cares about you at an early age, go for it.  Nobody genuinely worries if you have a failed relationship or two behind you.

Employment

It is likely that you will have to change jobs a number of times in the course of your life.  That terribly important bit of banking admin or whatever that you landed may well be totally irrelevant in two years of you getting the job.  I have lost count of the number of jobs that I did not get that no longer existed/turned out to be scammers/ended up employing someone too dumb to see through whatever they were doing badly.  Sometimes being rejected is a good thing.

A huge number of jobs, particularly in offices, do not want motivated people who care about the job.  They simply want you to say yes in order to pay your bills.  It is up to you how you respond to this, but you will preserve your mental health if you accept a less well paid job and find your own method of making a living outwith that job.  The best paying job I was ever in involved mind-numbing inefficiency and a lot of travel, meaning that you could not pursue anything of your own.  I will never forget the look on the regular staff’s faces when I told them I was just doing it to pay for more wool, nor will I forget the weeping when the contract ended because they thought their lives were over.  Never invest too much in one job in this day and age.

Stabbing other people in the back is considered a good way of climbing the corporate ladder. Again it is up to you if you wish to do this, but I can tell you you will feel a lot better about yourself if you do not care about becoming the best cheat in the company in the first place.

Socialising with other staff members is over-rated.  It is best to retain some mystery and avoid bonking people at work.

Family

Anyone who tells you that you must never confront your family in case you fall out with them is trying to smother you.  Family, in my experience, is the most dangerous place in the world.

If you want to have children, do it regardless of the state of your finances/relationship.  You have a limited time to create your tribe and may not be free to do it later.

Children, whilst they are better at making cups of tea than cats, are not necessarily going to be nice to you when you get old.  Be very careful about the values you give your little go-getters, because they will very quickly learn to take rather than give.

Parents are people, and should not be taken any more seriously than that.  Yes there are rules when you are young, but by the time you hit 17 or so, you should really be trying to think for yourself.

Travel

Travel is interesting.  I did a lot of it when I was younger.  Bear in mind however, that even the next town is different from yours.  There is nothing sadder than someone boasting about going around the world whilst knowing nothing about their own country.

Snobbery

A great amount of bullying/social structuring is done on the basis that people assume superiority over others.  In the event that you buy into this, you are extremely foolish.  I have been persecuted by people who assumed that I was ‘better’ than them on numerous occasions which has caused me to avoid people altogether.  It is not fun to be around people with a superiority or inferiority complex and it serves absolutely no useful purpose.

Education

You should never stop learning.  Learning is really what keeps you young and open-minded.  At my advanced age, I still find myself gravitating towards people less than half my age because they do not assume status or knowledge that they do not genuinely have.  If you stop role-playing, you will learn a lot more and be a more useful person generally.  Being useful is more rewarding than being rich.

Ego

People will make all sorts of assumptions about how they perceive you throughout your life.  It is best to ignore them.  My greatest mistake was reacting to people telling me what they thought I was.  Don’t end up like me.  You are the most important person in your life.  If anybody wants to challenge that, remove them.