Today I have written to and called Humza Yousaf about his Hate Crimes Bill, which potentially means I have to rename Haram Bawbag as Bawbag has been historically vindictive and extremely unpleasant when the fancy takes him.
So here are my three proposals for names. The first is what I had to tolerate from Bawbag whilst I tried in vain to keep him from landing in jail.
The second is the current title, which is a combination of forbidden and his favourite word bawbag.
And the third, which may be preferred by Humza:
I no longer care which it is – let me know Humza. I take this as a war on Scottish culture. We have always called each other names, that’s why we are good at war. If you don’t get it, that’s too bad. I daresay you can do without my £15 a year and I promise I won’t try to have any kind of relationship with any Muslim person of either gender because I will not be safe to do so.