Why does it keep happening?

So, bit of self-evaluation here.  Why does it keep happening?

The employer have already seen the post from a few hours ago, so the mechanism of firing me is likely to already be underway.  Well done that man!

In the last job, as detailed, I did my job unusually well, but avoided speaking to the other staff as it transpired very quickly that I was a very different kind of person from them.  I showed them an artwork and it was met with such horror that I gave up trying.  The thug team leader in that situation simply milked me for information about a potential banking career and then awaited something that I would object to about company culture, which turned out to be my being forced to speak to other people about corporate videos that had a heavily political slant the company were unaware of. (see posts on fascism)

The email he used to get me fired said “if I was your employer, I would not force you to read Das Kapital and the works of Emile Durkheim and tell me how much you liked it in order to proceed in your job.”  According to fascist America, this is ‘unprofessional language.’

In this job, I sent a thoughtful, informative email stating that I had been inappropriate, expressing my apologies but not withdrawing the initial statement ‘your seriousness is astonishingly beautiful’ simply because the titanic dickhead appeared to be so pleased about it.  Otherwise it contained several reasons for not wishing to either continue communicating or showing any signs of connection at all, including this website.  I could not have been any nicer or more flexible in terms of communication.

Apparently the correct course of action was to be a big fat slapper and maintain some sort of coarse flirtation.  I am not really interested in stuff like that.  If something nice happens, especially when my mother has just been killed, I am likely to celebrate.  Unlike the person trying to get me fired, I actually am a serious person.  Wolfe would very quickly tell you that, never mind anyone else.

In the past, I have had people trying to get me fired because I am ‘not married, like the rest of the women,’  because I am ‘a bit funny,’  because I work too hard, (I kid you not) and because I have ‘too much experience.’

Basically, it seems that the workplace wants Machiavellian assholes, and anybody who is either honest, original or real is really not of this world.  If you are not dull, stupid, selfish and prepared to stab other people in the back to get whatever arbitrary advantage you can get from it, you are not with the herd and not at all useful.

So far in the current job, I have had had cause to cry every time I finished a shift.  Without fail, something unpleasant has happened with the exception of last Sunday, when I cried because I was very tired and despite being on a bit of a roll for once, had to go home.     I am not particularly good at it yet, but it is a kind of relief to have something to focus on other than worry.

The other day, I was in the supermarket buying sugarsnap peas, and I was accused of doing something anti-social by the checkout assistant.  This is how narrow people are.  Even eating a sugarsnap pea is to be held up for criticism. I always wonder whether I now wear a big badge saying ‘kick me.’ I have a friend with a similarly bullying family, and despite being enormously talented, he has had much the same life experience in terms of stupid people taking pot-shots at him and causing him problems.

I do not think it is helpful to dwell on it, and simply move on every time, however you do wonder how long it will be before you run out of places to run.

This last person appeared to be bright, very interested in me, charming and very secure in his role.  It turns out that I was as usual wrong, and he was just the same as everyone else who did much the same thing.  I am sure he will be much happier once they fire me for whatever reason they come up with on Saturday.  I doubt they will leave it until next Wednesday as it will cost them more.

It’s very sad, and it means I have to spend today trying to secure an income for the cats and myself.

It is extremely tiresome being me.  I cannot get around it by avoiding speaking to people, and I cannot get around it by making friends.  I am obviously a freak, but even freaks need to make a living.



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