This first one is an excellent overview of what to expect from your pet narcissist. I am a magnet for these people, and expert at finding them without even trying. The sad part is that they tend to focus on people who don’t understand what the problem is, and even when they are made aware of it, they would sooner blame you for pointing it out than take any action on it. I found the medium of CPTSD excellent for taking some of the sharper edges off from trying to gently introduce the subject to a test narc.
He is a bit rambly, but Richard has a lot of very helpful videos on hows and whys of dealing with narcissism. There are other excellent people on youtube, but for an introduction and some explanations of dealing with problems, this is your easy to follow dude.
Gaslighting is the art of persuading everyone else they are mad whilst keeping yourself squeaky clean from any personal responsibility for anything. Narcs seem to perfect this without effort. A good example of this is when I woke up one morning and realised I was still being told that I was selfish, insane and lazy after restoring a 14 room house and taking care of two parents with dementia at the expense of my drifting personal life and career, at which point I decided enough was enough.
Another article on gaslighting
This article on mobbing is about workplace mobbing, which is when you persuade other workers to gang up on one to deflect any possible self-awareness or potential change from bothering you.
This is classic – one care home owner told me that if she had a pound for every family behaving disgustingly towards the carer, she wouldn’t need a care home. There is no current legal framework for protecting you if you are stupid enough to actually give a shit about your loved ones.
Other terms you will find include flying monkeys – people who do the work of the narcissist because they don’t like thinking. You will pick up a few more as you look around. Do not make the mistake of getting too suckered into the world of narcissistic victimhood, however, as it gets very silly eg. “He is trying to return my blender. He is using this as an excuse to talk to me. I will be manipulated. What do I do?”
The answer is take the blender and lock the door, bitch.
There is no cure for NPD. According to a mother of a narcissist I know particularly well, it manifested within a year of birth. There goes your theories about it being nurture rather than nature.
This is a handy guide to restarting your life after being sucked dry. The biggest enemy, of course, is the damage to your confidence, so bear that in mind before you go for the nearest dishwashing job. Do not be put off by the regular attacks as people try to exploit your ‘weakness.’
Finally, if you want to know my experience of living with one, there is a free short story on the books page.