I wrote a quick note to Boris yesterday on his part in the Boris Experience. He may listen, he may not, but either way it is important to get him in tip top shape if we are to get through the next five years without the inevitable unadulterated misery and blame on poor people we have come to expect from the Conservative party.
Many of my readers, particularly in Scotland, will find my duality very odd. Why show any compassion to a Tory, of all people? I even had to explain to Twisty, who of all people has been well aware of my odd displays of compassion for the undeserving for many, many years.
From Twisty’s perspective, and many others who do not get past the first few seconds of constructive thought, Boris represents everything that is considered evil to a republican Scot. I am, for one thing, not a republican Scot. I am pro independence, but I have no issues with monarchy and class because I see the sound economic reasons and history behind it. Therefore there is no conflict for me in ‘being nice to the neighbours, particularly those I have a great deal in common with.
“But, but, he said they were taking the jobs away because people vote Tory in England! He is one of them!”
Yes, this is true, he was indeed good enough to explain why it makes sense to Conservatives to move jobs away from Scotland, which is more than any other Tory has ever done.
“But, but, he is privileged. That bastard will want for nothing.”
His privilege is as a result of knowing the right people and being willing to subsist in the public eye. As I have said before about Monarchy, the only legally upheld system of golden cage slavery in the world, this is not something I would relish in the slightest. It is nothing at all to do with me.
“You needn’t expect a Tory will ever do anything for you.”
As we have already seen from the supposedly caring hippy David Wolfe, people who have the drive to make something of their lives do not tend to stop and help other people for no reason. I do not start projects with the intention of getting something out of it. Just as well because I would be very disappointed if I did. Besides, Boris has demonstrated that he is a kind person by the very fact that he got himself into Brexit trouble in the first place.
Having said all of that, I am now going to tell you about today:
Today, Lee Nelson changed the name of Philip Green’s yacht. This is the same Philip Green that Tony Blair, who many of you used to vote for, feted in the nineties. He robbed a lot of pensioners. He has a title and a big fat yacht. If you want to hate anybody, I would direct you towards Philip and Tony. Tony, who now has a fat payout from his boardroom position at a major investment bank, and Claire Short, who now advises mining companies on how best to exploit developing nations. At least the Conservative party warn you that you need a lubricant before the inevitable happens.
Today Westminster Bridge was closed by disabled protestors. Good. At last. Get it together.
My belief is that a compassionate Conservative Party would not have to make many policy changes to rule out the curse of New Labour forever, and I think Boris would make an excellent, self-depreciating and surprisingly honest figurehead of such a party. There are ways of turning poisonous policy into opportunity, and it takes the correct personality and brain to make that happen. Boris has displayed marked empire-building tendencies in the course of his writing, and so I should like to see him in a good state of health to make a hopeful and functional country a possiblity. Therefore the first thing we need to do is sort out his slight signs of melting decline into a Churchillian look. No, Boris, we are not going to let that happen.
Today, I missed my smoothie until tonight. As a result my left side was crippled by 4pm and I was unable to sew. That is how good my supermix is. No trace of pain as long as I start the day the right way. My personal supermix has 80 ingredients, and I do not plan to give out the recipe. However, if you would like to try something like it and see how it works for you, here is Boris’s shopping list:
Bladderwrack – buy this by the kilo from ebay. You can choose an alternative seaweed, but the yanks do not seem to know about this one, and it is extremely good for flushing your liver and kidney, so it is cheaper and more effective. In powder form, there is no need to soak.
Wheatgrass – this is expensive in frozen form, so although it is slightly less efficacious, I recommend getting this in powder form, also from ebay
Barleygrass – as above
Chlorella – as above
Axastathin – Wolfe sells a very expensive powder, but I use the fish food version, which is exactly the same and costs far less. Ebay again.
Seeds – linseeds, a standard omega three mix, chia, hemp seeds, pomegranate seeds. You can get these in supermarkets now, as well as ebay, and your local middle eastern store.
Berries – I like to add Barberries and Incan Berries – Barberries you can get at the middle eastern store, Incan Berries – ebay or the health food shop. These both have important properties for your smoothie
Raw Cacao – many raw foodists do not like raw cacao, but for a person with a primarily brain led life, cacao is invaluable. Your first shot will not be your last
Stevia – do not use Truvia for this. Get a liquid one if you can, but the Wholefoods market green packet is not bad, if a tad expensive. If you do not fancy stevia, try using honeycomb from your middle eastern store instead.
Dates – after much messing about, I now use blocks of pre pureed dates from Algeria. It does look as if you are driving around with a half pound of Afghan in your car, but it saves you a lot of soaking. Be sparing, but use them as they contain some nice things that you need.
Fruit – fruit generally is counter productive unless you do a lot of exercise, and you will want to phase most of it out eventually apart from pineapple and berries. Pineapple is good for breaking down excess proteins in your system, improving your skin and solving any coughing issues. (five times more effective than cough medicine) I do recommend it to begin with as it makes horsing down half a pound of spinach at a time far easier.
Leaves – spinach, kale, lamb’s lettuce, anything green and leafy. Shoot for half a pound a day, but do not worry if you cannot manage to horse this much into your first smoothies. Try 2oz or so at a time. The little packets are 100g so half of one of those.
Cucumber and Celery – My father once cured his incurable gout with celery juice for six weeks. Just throw it into your morning drink along with the above and let it do its thing.
Now, once you have all of this in your liquidiser, I suggest that you add spring water (I use carbonated) and ice. You will, if you do this regularly, end up mixing the seeds and berries into one large jar, and the powders in the other. You need a tablespoon from each jar of mixed ingredients and a tablespoon of sweetener, then the water and fruit and veg. Squizz that together, and you should have about three glasses of delicious health food that will set you up for a happy and regular day. Do this for a week, and tell me you aren’t in less pain with a more capable and active brain.
I like to start the day with some iced water, followed by a morning to afternoon consuming all that. After this I am not all that hungry for some time, so it is far easier not to consume the nearest salty/oily thing. It may seem rich to a raw foodist, but I am introducing someone that I know has a very rich diet to more nutritious and helpful food.