I have removed a lot of posts, not because I am denying that I lost my cool over this situation, but because my being miserable helps nobody.
You can decide, if you are fortunate, not to be miserable and negative about almost anything.
In this case, I am not genuinely upset that the dude is with somebody. She is a much steadier kind of person, and she is lovely. She shook her lovely hair at me the other day and I noted that it had taken a great amount of care.
It is unfortunate that I cannot currently get away and leave them to it. That is the part that really bothers me at the moment. A lady gets the fuck out the way at this point. I feel very nervous about the potential disaster of this combined with the dude’s nerves. I have a book on CPTSD which I may pass on which will help with part of this. I think I will give it to her rather than him.
Being messed with at work? Well I guess that makes life less dull. Who knew that my nuclear hormones cannot allow my brain to work properly? I had certainly forgotten.
Unexpectedly writing an extra book and starting a new collection ought to be a good thing, particularly with the apparently interminable delays in the Boris project.
Anyway, should they stop by, I have removed my personal response to the situation and left up only useful bits in terms of storyline. I am sorry, but there was no other way of communicating and I do not do silent forbearance any more. I learned from the Wolfe episode that it does not matter how loudly you shout about things, nobody is listening anyway and even when they are, they only hear the bits they want to hear.
So today it is back to my real job, which is taking care of this place and being Ina.
I am thinking about taking on some extra work, with a view to doing one of my usual crab like sidesteps, since this garbage has taught me that 1. Half my week is now wiped out with emotional crap and sleeping, and 2. I’m very lonely despite the best efforts of my friends. The impending three months of ovulation is not going to help with either of those things.
The car was damaged last week and is away. I will feel more positive once my horizons are a little bigger.
I think I will fast for a month or two and maybe get corsetted for the good of my poor spine.