Lack of imagination in politics

Lack of imagination in politics

I see the ongoing battle between left and right is being won online by the right at present.

Fake news and misleading headlines are not new.  All this ‘new’ phenomenon should tell you is that you should have been reading more carefully in the first place.  There is always more than one way to read any article.

Many years ago, I was placed next to a young radical Muslim male at work, who dismissed anything I said as being ‘white cow’ and who was generally a bit uncouth.  He was brought up in a very wealthy area of Glasgow, at 19 had his own Mercedes, and although he was allegedly studying politics and philosophy, could not understand it when I said that reading newspapers should be regarded in much the same way as studying philosophy or history.  Nobody is telling the truth, because everyone is trapped in their own time with their own social mores.

You can argue that as a Muslim, he would be rather attached to the idea of ultimate truth.  That is until I mention that a far more devout Muslim that was also in the work group understood me perfectly.  A scholar is a scholar after all, and it belies the argument of all Muslims hating everyone that isn’t, when you consider that the scholars are often more open-minded than the victims of a domineering imam.

This is a good analogy for the current state of politics. Labour appear to be too afraid of offending the few voters they have left, do not seem to see that the party needs radical reform to Labour, rather than New Labour values and that being decisive is a basic requirement of forming any kind of opposition.  We seem to be trapped in this idea that politics consists of left versus right, when the truth is far more complex.

At bottom line, the difference between Conservative and Labour in the UK is similar, but not the same as the difference between Republican and Democrat in the USA.  The Democrats are still further to the right than the UK Conservatives, but they adhere to the principles of communitarianism as a method of benefitting capitalists.  There does not seem to be a party representing socialism in the USA, certainly not one we would have heard of.

As I have mentioned before, politics is not a straight line.  It is s circle, and you will find that far left and far right are closely bound if you look at the examples of history.  Both believe in a nation, both believe in the rights of people within that nation, the disagreement actually hinges on whether you are a team or an individual within that nation.  Taken further, it is the difference between opportunity and rights.  Socialism can, in certain circumstances be considerably less fair than conservatism.  My personal viewpoint is that opportunity always out performs the right to stay in your social place, therefore I am considered as being towards the right rather than left by my less interested protesting socialist friends.

Socialism, as we have traditionally understood it, has relied heavily on someone already owning the means of production, so we must rail against it to protect our rights.  This is all very well, but there is no reason why you cannot go and procure some means of production by yourself, and support someone less able in earning a living.  Here is where I differ from your average Conservative, who says that they already have their piece of the cake, and you aren’t getting any.  For a society to survive under either political system, it would be a whole lot healthier if Conservative thinking was a whole lot more about pride in concern for others and the dignity of work, no matter what level you happen to be at.

This is now considered very old fashioned thinking.  Who on earth reveres the cleaner?  Communists would very quickly tell you that without the cleaner, the system breaks down, so you must show some respect to your comrade no matter what task they have been assigned.  This now starts to look like a class war, when in fact it is all about resources and social values, an entirely different prospect.  Having worked for old and new aristocracy, I can tell you that old school aristos are very much appreciative of their staff, whereas new money and younger aristos prefer to employ someone they can abuse.  Again, nothing to do with class, this is to due with cultural values, and our cultural values currently stink.

So, I propose that a new party is formed, abandoning the principles of right and left for an entirely new paradigm.  How about a party that does the following? I propose we call it the Healthy Culture Party

  • teaches the basic principles of economics in primary school
  • reinstates the old arithmetic qualification that taught people how to understand the news, banking documents and how to manage money generally.
  • ensure that everybody understands that work is a means to earning a living, and no reflection on your worth as a person.  On the contrary, the school janitor may be the person who writes the next world changing treatise on education, so you had better be polite.
  • Take pride in ensuring that NOBODY STARVES TO DEATH IN YOUR COUNTRY
  • Encourage innovation, free thinking and genuinely free speech, in the place of labelling hate figures as we have been doing for the last twenty years.  Conservative culture is now at the point of point and hate at every opportunity, with Labour failing to call them to account or opposing them on anything, a very dangerous state of affairs for anybody in this country. Don’t forget, tomorrow that hate figure could be you.
  • Respect borders.  Much the same as respecting boundaries in any relationship, it is simply not your call to tell other countries what to do.  If you are respecting the right of Saudi to behead and bomb people, you have to respect the right of other countries to run themselves as they see fit and vote for. We have mobs instead of diplomacy currently.  It does not seem to help.
  • Rate opportunity above preserving the notion of class oppression.  It is far more important to have a liberal financial system that fosters the growth of new and small businesses and looks on failure as experience, than encourage the idea that born poor means that you stay poor.
  • Reinstate the laws against monopolistic behaviour and discourage over large business generally.
  • Stimulate and encourage diverse thinking and alternative ways of doing things in an effort to produce the next generation of creative thinkers rather than fostering conformity, which is only for the benefit of the very large corporations and multinationals that will dictate future political activity.  To preserve the notion of the nation state and the idea that there is a government between you and a Walmart education and health record, this is extremely important.
  • A housing benefit system that adequately reflects property values, to encourage investment and discourage false valuations on property.  This has damaged our formerly diverse economy almost as much as incentives for large American food and beverage chains.  It is no good for the economy, and no good for the many talented people who could be creating British brands.
  • Encourage the preservation of history, conservation and power that does not destroy the planet we depend on.

Of course, this set of ideas makes me an unusually liberal conservative, with communist tendencies, which is quite close to the truth, I suppose, given my background.  I would vote for that.  It would render us a lot closer to France in terms of views, which can only be of benefit given our current medium term future.

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Spent £100, gave £50,000

 

Would you spend one hundred pounds in order to give someone else £50,000?

The Gamebia project, as it is now known, has costs and benefits.

  • The costs are to me, and once I have completed all tasks, the costs are going to be between £0 and £100.
  • The benefits are to an individual/ family in the Gambia, and will be the equivalent in local money of between 5 months and 4 years of the average Gambian wage.  We worked out how much this would be for one modest person in the UK, and this worked out at £50k.

The reason for the disparity is as follows:

  • The person I am doing this for may decide to sell some of the equipment I am salvaging and keep only the laptop, which will yield about 5 months of local wages at the value of the equipment before I fixed it.  It means that the postage was a bit pointless, but if this is what he has to do to survive, this is fair enough.  I am not doing this to control anybody.
  • Assuming that I manage to fix as many machines as possible, the repaired value is 4 years of Gambian average wage, again quite a lot, but how many local people can afford this?
  • In the event that he decides to use the equipment to get other people used to computers and working, it will mean that he can use sites like fiverr, clickworker, youtube and hubpages to establish a presence online and create some passive income – income derived from work done once, and viewed many times.  It also means he can be supported towards the ultimate aim of the project, which is to create a small gaming company producing visual novels, which are not all that cost effective to produce for most people here, but would make a very good income there. This makes the potential value of the project, provided that he puts the time in, which I believe he will, limitless.  I reckon it will take a full year of fairly intensive work to get to the point of handing over control of new projects.  In the meantime, I will have a team of people who can use work I can provide to train and earn at the same time, which seems to me to be mutually beneficial as I will be able to make a lot more novels in a short space of time.  In addition to this I get to learn how to fix a host of new machines I would not otherwise have looked at.

So, all in all I believe this to be a worthwhile way of spending some time.  My friend was wondering why on earth I would do it, and I think my friend in the Gambia was wondering if he was a ‘bumster,’ which I believe is a local term for gigolo.  Not at all, I just thought limitless was a lot better than 5 months wages.

As a caring person who believes strongly in the value of opportunity, and as someone who gets by on almost nothing as a rule, I think I am spending my time wisely.

So, tell me, would you spend £0-100 on giving someone else £50,000?

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Depression Britain with Philip Schofield

Millionaire Philip Schofield berates mother for spending tenner on herself at Christmas

First of all, sorry I have not been posting regularly.  There is something about losing all your work, despite paying a so-called professional a fee for taking care of it, that leaves you feeling rather demoralised.

Work on the collection stopped over Christmas as it was difficult to keep the supplies coming on with the post.  The game is moving on, but since my eyes started to deteriorate the sewing is rather behind at present.

Also, this is likely to be a very difficult personal year, as my former friend has quit his position taking care of things. (he didn’t, so it is probably just as well)

Anyway, do take a look at the above article, wherein multi-millionaire Philip Schofield berates a foolish former teacher for spending a tenner on alcohol at Christmas and admitting to it.  How different from the bland children’s TV presenter many people remember?  He is presumably looking to be on the New Year’s honours list next year for services to the poor.

Speaking of which, the honouring of two civil servants for services to welfare seems to be some kind of Tory attempt to undermine the monarchy, given that even I was shocked by this.  Advisers to the Queen should be aware that it is not only the starving poor that view this with some horror.  Are we to honour the supervision of starving a sector of the population, at a time when THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH JOBS IN THE UK and the Conservatives, this time in the form of the blisteringly thick Andrea Leadsom, are tooting their little hunting horns to maintain immigration to keep farmers’ wages bills down?

Speaking as someone who has habitually worked twenty hours a day most of my life, although it is now for the princely sum of £5k per annum, (since the fact that carers effectively save £45 to £50k per year in fees to Tory-owned care homes is apparently worthless)  I have never stopped in all my working life to begrudge money to people who cannot work or are not considered to be worth employing.  I cannot even conceive of being that thoughtless and mean spirited. Shame on you, Philip Schofield.

We are not amused, Boris.  We are not amused at all.

 

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Self Image and your Outlook

Today has been the last day in Malta, and we took a day tour to Valletta, the capital of Malta.  Despite the continuing pain, I just about managed the clambering about, and we had a reasonably good last day.

A young Italian footballer was also on the tour, stinking of alcohol from last night, and became fixated on my ample ass.  Twisty was quite annoyed with this, since the very young man expressed his admiration  by glowering at my bottom and making comments behind his hand.

“Don’t worry about it, he is a chubby chaser, they are all the same.”  I said.

Twisty appeared to doubt this, and stared him down in a grumpy way.

“No seriously, I have been through this more times than you can count.  I could get annoyed and assume that he has a problem with large bottoms, but I know from experience that he would be the first one drooling all over me given half a chance.”

The rest of the day was spent dodging this guy staring at me and trying to catch my eye, until eventually I found myself hiding behind the tour guide.  I am flattered that he did not instead choose to chase the equally chubby young lady sitting at the back of the bus, who probably had no idea that we had a major fan of rotundity on board.

“Perhaps my future is to be the somewhat geriatric wife of a famous footballer, unless some enormous and somewhat flashier chick gets there first.”

For the ladies out there that don’t know, because I am well aware, especially since writing the books, that there are plenty out there that do not know, men are pretty laid back about female appearance.  Even the ones that pretend they want a trophy are just clueless little boys that associate shiny cars, playing expensive sport, and pricey clothing with success.  Their assertion that you need to be a skinny blonde bimbo is all front.  Men like variety, and there is no telling what they like from one day to the next.  Your attractiveness is really determined by your self image.

Much the same thing can be said for men, otherwise there would be no Har Mar Superstar, Weird Al, Marilyn Manson or Keith Lemon.  Women quite like to see confidence, whether that consists of sheer cheek or actual proficiency is of little consequence.  Broadly speaking, it is a question of advertising and figuring out the details later.

This can also be said of success. The Pedro on the Beach Story, which has a penniless and lazy fisherman bemused by a millionaire suggesting that he multiply his earnings in order to do nothing, which is what he is doing in the first place, is something we should all take very seriously in a world with dwindling resources.

Whilst there is no glory in poverty, there is no genuine dignity in your delusion of success.  Happiness is something you should cultivate regardless.

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Boris the Conservative Muse

First of all, sorry about the lack of posts. I was a bit upset at the whole survey debacle. I had hoped that Scotland had grown out of the divisive poor self image crap that has led, on a personal basis to my being unemployable because I work too hard, and on a national basis, to a bunch of sheep playing follow my leader instead of developing their own political ideas. In addition, twitter decided to block the website, and so it was not really possible to do anything with the site until they actually read their emails.

 

I cannot see this being successful for the future, and so I choose to simply opt out of the argument. I was posting pro independence posts for long enough before I did the survey, and the response was overwhelmingly negative on both sides. In short, Scotland is a bit fail, and this is unlikely to change within my lifetime.

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It is an interesting process, developing the ina disguise concept for a different person, who has this time been deliberately selected rather than the usual involuntary process. For Boris I have taken a small crowd of unemployed furniture, and rather than starving or threatening it, which would not have worked at all, I have invested time and money in it. (rather a lot of money, I had to sell my back up computers and shoes, amongst other things, to pay for the materials, some of which had to be imported from India)

 

I am sure any conservative would be delighted that my artwork has never cost anybody else anything. I spent the early part of my life overworking, avoiding having a social life and buying materials. I now have two rooms full of materials and tools, and because I cannot leave the house due to caring for my mother and her property 24/7, I now have time to do something with them. They will also be delighted to hear that we cannot access any of the services we are entitled to, as our local council is so corrupt that they openly admit to gunning for your house and savings if you try to use anything. Basically the only way around this is to not save anything in the course of your life.

 

Anyway, the Boris development is going to expand the existing threads to the work, so the Boris Experience, as such, has not really started yet. I do like the new ideas and confidence, however. Time will tell if this is a good development.

 

I did write about fear of status loss being a factor in people’s votes for independence. I have been chewing this over, since it is something I know rather a lot about. A good part of my family’s behaviour towards me and their mother was about status anxiety. I had a frankly crap, and certainly cheap education in comparison to them, and I am the most qualified person in the family.

 

It seems to me that status is a very destructive thing, to gain and to fear losing. It leads to irrational and poor behaviour towards others. Class is not the problem, money is not the problem. Status, real or imaginary, is the problem. If we start to say ‘fuck status’ where does that leave us?

 

Probably a lot happier, and certainly more open to new ideas than the miserable people I have had the misfortune to deal with.

 

I am in Tatler for the December issue, not in person of course. I am sure they will be delighted to have the Boris experience next year.

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Why aren’t you happy?

Getting the work out in time for the Supermoon was very tiring, however I stayed awake for 44 out of 48 hours to do it, because although I am not at all superstitious or into astrology, the theory with a lunar event is that it causes change.   Very possibly this change is entirely in your imagination, but what the hell, let’s have some of that. The icon is also based on the idea of switching polarity, and so far, it seems to be working, because I am losing my fear of self-exposure to my pre-determined and rather limited extent. (I do not intend to embarrass Wolfe by becoming a public figure) I did crawl back under my stone with some relief, however, after a couple of chaotic days ensuring that there were new items to put out in the next couple of issues of Tatler.

Many years ago I retrieved a copy of ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ from the box room and I have to say, I found it one of the most helpful self-help titles that I have ever read.  Transactional analysis, carried to its logical extent even when dealing with your own emotions, is extremely helpful.  In recent years, however, I have noticed a flaw in the motivation market, stemming quite possibly from a misunderstanding of how the ‘I’m OK’ part really works.

You are supposed to self-examine before you decide that you are OK.  It is not sufficient to simply decide that your wish to make a billion bucks/get promoted/marry at least four times/stop speaking to people you don’t like is OK.   If you aren’t happy in the first place, no amount of weight loss, money, women/men, moving on from unfinished business is going to help.  Happiness is very much a decision that you make.  The difference in Eastern philosophy and Western is said to stem from this decision – Western philosophy, and in fact economics, stems from the premise that you spend your life seeking happiness, where Eastern stems from the premise that you are born with happiness, and your duty is to preserve and protect that happiness.

From an economic perspective, you can see why Western economies have performed better, and you can also see why you just aren’t happy. Happiness does not keep you shopping to make yourself feel better or replace all those belongings that you lost when moving on from that unfortunate person you got tired of. Many of the thoughtless masses suffer from this inbuilt sense of something missing, since they have been educated, particularly in recent years, to purchase rather than create things that make them happy.

Persuading us that we are unhappy with our appearance means that we spend money on clothing, surgery, makeup, diets etc.   Persuading us that we are unhappy with our partner can mean that we spend money on cars, houses, meeting a new partner, socialising, and changing our appearance. Can you see how this works?  Happiness is bad for the economy. Introspection is, therefore, also bad for the economy, because we cannot have people self examining to the point where their happiness means that all those lovely purchases, and all these charming new people become meaningless.

My grandmother apparently used to joke that ‘man must strive,’  an open ended but meaningful statement which covered everything from seeking work to nagging. What we should really strive for is the sense of inner contentment that we lack through the constant bombardment of reasons why our adequacy could be improved by the next new person/object/bit of gossip rather than the development of our inner self or skillset.

In my case, the very thing I was so ashamed of, having romantic feelings, is now the thing that defines me and in a huge respect develops me as a person, despite there being no positive outcome to look forward to.  Paradoxically, the thing that should make me unhappy, is now the thing I will be most known for, in my anonymous way, and despite the constant driving sense of stress, the current path leads to a better developed outcome.  This idea makes me happy.  When I compare it to the happiness of your average, thoughtless, high earning couple, destined to divorce when he spots a younger model, or she spots a sugar daddy, I wonder to myself whether I am not far luckier than they are, despite my limited, lonely and despondent life.

Why aren’t you happy?

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The Obesity Malnutrition Paradox

Horrific trip to the nurse today, to get some long overdue blood tests because I was too embarrassed to go and get them done when I was eating normal food.  When you know that you are doing something bad for you, you think about all the unnecessary advice and treatment you would get if you do what you are told.

 

When I eat normal food, I am tired, bloated, I look awful and I continuously gain weight, not just because I eat too much either.  I remember first noticing this at 9 years old, when I once notably put on 7lb after one plate of macaroni cheese.  It was dismissed as nonsense, of course, and many years later I think back on this and wonder why I was unable to simply throw a tantrum, like everybody else in my family.  Perhaps it is because I sat and watched so many.

 

When I eat normal food, I am also severely anaemic, and I did wonder whether I was menopausal for some time, because of the heat fluctuations and the weeping over Wolfe.  I am not, for those interested.  I just cannot eat normal food, and for some reason had a lot of poison to dump when I came across Wolfe.  One’s emotions very much dictate one’s health, especially in my case.

 

So, she asked me after I told her that I had just dropped 40lb in a month, what am I eating? (I dropped 70lb in ten weeks when I first went raw, and the doctor at that time nearly fell off his chair)

 

“Seaweed, grass, leaves and berries.”

 

She clearly assumed that I was a bit special and asked me to list them.  I got down five or so, before sighing and telling her that there are over eighty ingredients in supermix.  “I also shoot for ten vegetables a day and eat some fish”  I supplied, just to ensure that she would not put me on the dangerous nutjob list.

 

I then requested that she take some blood tests, just to hammer the point home to them once they have tested my blood.  She is now testing me for diabetes.  I made enquiries about this numerous times, and was rubbished by my GPs every time.  Now I have reached the age of type 2 diabetes, apparently, so they will decide when and how I become ill in addition to ignoring any actual symptoms, because I am evidently too stupid to simply communicate them.

 

So, having had many frustrating trips to the medical centre over the years, I patiently explained the paradox of obesity.  You get fat because you are missing something, and you crave whatever you ate that you think contains that something.  Supermix removes this problem, because it is crammed full of nutrition.  Even a multivitamin and mineral supplement will help, but supermix has the added benefit of forcing you to drink a lot of water and eat some raw herbs before you start eating anything resembling normal food.

 

It is tedious, explaining to someone with a tickbox checklist that you are not in their routine loop and have no expectations of ever being in it.  I once had a consultant sit and express great shock that I was obviously not always lazy, on the grounds of my weight.  I had to explain to her that being fat does not mean that you are stationary and that people are not always the same build.  I showed the six foot lovely my enormous hands.  I am almost a foot smaller than her, and needless to say, her tiny little hands were miniscule in comparison.

 

Anyway, this is several tiresome years later, and I am feeling and looking a lot better than I did a month ago.  Throughout the continuous binge that was spending time with my friend, I reverted to raw the minute he went home several times.  Hence, I was eating socially and disregarding my health.  Hell is other people.

 

So, my thought for today on the subject of obesity is – do what works for you – if people are in your way, get rid of them, and get your life back.

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Improve your life right now

Today, I am feeling OK, because I have caught up with most of my boring admin.  I have also isolated two tasks which will move the entire Ina Disguise project on a notch, which I am now concentrating on.  Tatler rang me yesterday, so it looks as if I will be doing that Tatler thing again before Christmas.

 

So, in my infinite wisdom, I have decided to make a list of things you can do right now to improve your life.

Think of something nice you can do for someone who actually deserves it. This does not mean just anybody – think of someone who has done things for you, without being asked and without thought of benefit to themselves, be that emotional or actual.
Drink more water.  Before every meal, and every time you think about it.
Stop drinking tea and coffee. These drinks are associated with sitting down.  You can easily sit down with a glass of water instead, which will not act as a diuretic or cause you to form sitting down habits.
Find items of clothing and objects which you do not use.  Donate them to charity or sell them on ebay.
Find a free course from Coursera, Udemy, Alison, Udacity or EDX.  Some of these you can complete today.  This will make you feel better about yourself, and open your mind to new things.
Carry black pepper wherever you go.  This helps you process fat, whatever your eating habits.
Reduce the amount of sugar and white flour in your life.  This will stop you drooping after lunch or feeling lazy in the evening.  Best to get rid of it altogether unless you poop immediately after every meal.
Stop assuming that people are better than you are.  Nobody is.  There is no such thing as infallible authority.
Look on Smashwords, free ebooks, Barnes and Noble, or the Apple store for a free book, read and review it.  Authors almost never get a review from a stranger, so they will be very grateful.
If you had a reasonably good experience with a business recently, review them on Google.
Have a look at Hubpages and see if there is a topic you would like to write about. You can make money from this, and it is now a better option than Youtube.
Sign a petition.
Resolve to stop playing ‘free games’ on facebook as it is a waste of your life.
Resolve to eat more vegetables.  You literally cannot get enough.
Make an appointment or complete some neglected paperwork. You will feel better when it is gone.
Spend fifteen minutes thinking about your goals and deciding what you can do in under half an hour to move towards them.
Consider your relationships.  If something is bothering you that you cannot quite put your finger on, think about it carefully.  You are better off without people who slow or wear you down.

After all that, you can do whatever you want.  Go for a walk, indulge in your hobby, complete your day to day chores.

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Overcoming Empathy

I have spent a great deal of my life worrying about weight.  I have doubled, and at times trebled my bodyweight, depending on how I feel.  Nowadays, I know myself so well that I start buying the sizes before the next physical change.  I tend to realise at the checkout that something is about to change.

 

Such is the nature of your subconscious mind.  I think it was after being blocked by Wolfe for asking about his charity (I kid you not) that I went and bought the largest size in the shop. I must be punished for having feelings, and for being stupid enough to feel hurt by someone I had no business trying to connect with in the first place.  Not because he imagines himself to be famous, but because he imagines himself to be impervious to other people.  Wolfe has a very specific, and a very careful method of dealing with women in particular, but that is another story.

 

Recently, I bought two items, one the size I was three weeks ago, and one three sizes smaller, so I knew something was about to change.  My friend, the endless houseguest, had announced that he would bring whatever food he felt like into the house, that I was selfish for wanting to take care of my ailing health, and my very spoilt at the worst of times mother, was to be even more spoilt, on the grounds that this meant that I would devote my time to caring for her and him, rather than me.

 

This is not the first time this has happened.  I remember a few years ago, an ex boyfriend insisted on buying pizza constantly, even after he had witnessed me losing 130lb.  I knew that if I had even one bite, that it would lead to me putting all that weight back on again, because I know me.  Nevertheless I capitulated, which led to my being 315lb by the time May 2010 rolled around.

 

Another ex came on the scene, a rigger with a rope obsession (nuff said)  I mistook an old photograph of his on facebook for an example of what he looked like now.  I was horrified.  I have some videos from that period, and Wolfe can testify that I could not even speak properly, I was so ill.  I lost 70lb in ten weeks on a low carb/raw combination, largely because I could not really walk due to tiredness and pain.  After shifting this fluid/fat/host of infections, I was able to walk, and walk I did, daily.  Swimming followed, to repair my twisted core muscles, and the gym for a period after that. In total |I ended up losing about 160lb

 

Then my terminally ill ex appeared and joined me at the pool.  This was a bad mistake.  From claiming that I was killing him by making him swim, he decided that he must out swim me within a fortnight.  Interminable and rather miserable trips to the pool followed as I watched him cut off the ends of the pool out of the corner of my eye, just so that he could claim to have caught up with my year of laborious self care in a month.

 

Several months later, and he came back for another go.  This time he insisted that I was depriving my mother of cake, which I was not – I have a system by which she gets everything she wants as long as I do not like the look of it, including cake.  Hence, she is very well indulged, and I never have to worry about eating badly.  That is, of course, until someone very aggressively announces that he will do what he likes in my house, and I can do nothing about it, because to do so involves either physically ejecting him, or bitching about it until he can safely denounce me as a selfish bitch.

 

As you can see, dealing with someone who claims to be terminally ill is rather complex.  You are supposed to be sympathetic, to the point of self-harm.  Your boundaries are there to be challenged (my mother is the same) and if you happen to be an empath as well, your judgement is clouded even more.  My mother is pathologically selfish, to the point that she watches me cleaning and compliments the vacuum I am pushing, so I am well used to not existing at all.

 

Unfortunately the consequence of not existing, or should I say agreeing to not exist, is stuffing your face so that you do not talk about it.  You pretend that it does not matter, until nobody ‘sees’ you any more because you are enormous.  Then you eat because you are miserable. Then you stop moving because you don’t want anyone to see you.

 

My good manners and empathy finally ran out two days before my birthday.  My ‘friend’ waltzed into my bedroom and announced that he was losing weight, and didn’t he look pretty in his new clothes.  I replied that I did not need reminding that he is a titanic prick, and that I would physically remove him from my home if he did not stop what he was doing right now.

 

“I can’t help it!”  he assumed his victim posture and began to whine.  I know from experience this immediately precedes his episodes of violence, so it was really time for him to go. He has been a problem at times, but when you see nobody, and he likes to pretend that he is very helpful, it is very difficult to just stop with people who are actively trying to damage you.

 

I did try to take him out with us one more time, but he then tried to start telling me when I could and could not speak, and then it was really time for him to go.  He has since tried to blame me, for the fact that he has deliberately pursued a course of damaging behaviour, been extremely self centred, and completely disregarded my health, all whilst abusing my hospitality.

 

So, now I have nobody to talk to.  I do not wish to see this person again, I do not wish to see my Tory neighbour again.  I certainly do not want to see my siblings ever again.  I guess I will have to write.

 

The problem with all this empathy, is that it is an excuse to forget about yourself.  Forgetting about yourself leads to repressed anger, which leads to depression. A recent hashtag about weight problems on Twitter had hours and hours of people who could see nothing good about their weight, and relentless self punishment.

 

Bear in mind, that nobody is nastier to you than you.  Other people you can get rid of.  You are, however, stuck with you, so try thinking of all the good things.  Once you treat yourself as well as you treat other people, it will become far easier to make positive choices, and far easier to develop strategies to deal with pain other than muffling yourself with food, alcohol or your chosen self abuse.

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Saving Face

Saving face is my topic for tonight.  Saving face is what causes people to ramble anxiously when they don’t really know what they are talking about.  Saving face is what causes suicides in Japan, and honour killings in India, Pakistan and the Middle East.  Saving face is also heavily involved in blame culture.

 

Note that all of these consequences of saving face are negative.  There is nothing good about the idea of saving face. Fuck your stupid face.

 

Having spent a decade of formative years in high-pressure catering work, where there is no such thing as saving face, I can tell you how annoying it is to be around people seemingly obsessed with it.  It is very simple – you either get it right or you don’t, and unless you are one of those rare beasts like Boris,  who is not that interested in saving face, despite his career choices, you are more likely to stick with your bone-headed opinion forever like David Wolfe.

 

Saving face is time-wasting, a product of ego, vain and when you can see through it, extremely irritating.  There is absolutely no excuse for sticking with the same wrong opinion or dearly held belief just because people have been doing it for centuries before you, or because you are trapped in some stupid cultural norm of ‘doing what is expected of you.’  So what if you are a diet guru who digs fat chicks, or a male head of the household whose wife earns more than you do?  Really, so what?

 

The inability to think your way out of a state of requiring that you must save your tedious face is a sure sign of inane vanity.  It is not something I regard as forgiveable. To err is human, but the divine does not forgive you setting your wife on fire, hurling yourself out of a window or worrying about what your equally stupid neighbours or friends think.

 

One of the few things America has got right is discarding, to a certain extent, the idea of saving face.  The obsession with money has helped with this.  If you fail, you have no option, as a yank, but to move on and be successful at something else before your health insurance and ‘gasoline’ runs out.  They may be extremely dumb about other things, but acknowledging and moving on from failure is something they do reasonably well. Look at the example of Trump.  They see no reason at all for not voting for a man on trial in two states for fraud and rape in at least one other state! No question of his saving face then!

 

Ultimately in life, it is imperative to learn how to shrug and move on.  Sometimes mistakes cannot be cleared up immediately, and sometimes they are catastrophic, but you will find out fairly early in life, if you are any kind of person at all, that you are a lot more worthy of respect if you simply acknowledge your error rather than finding someone else to dump it on.

 

In recent years, it has become fashionable to try to spin your errors onto someone else.  This has been extremely bad for the economy and for talented individuals it is also extremely frustrating for learning.  If you are not allowed to point out and correct errors, nothing can change and little errors quickly turn into enormous disasters.  (The banking crisis being a case in point.)

 

So, whilst mistakes are inevitable, it is important for you as a well rounded individual to learn from them and take responsibility for them, at least in your own mind whilst you find some poor sap to take the blame so you can retain your promotion.  Remember that cheats get promoted, and the lower in the organisation you are, the more likely you are to be sinfully honest. (see the bagel experiment)

 

Try not to kill your wife and children, ruin anybody’s life or jump out of any windows.  It isn’t worth it.  Shit happens, and if you have even half a brain you will figure out a way of getting around it.

 

 

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