Dementia and diet

Since the initial success of my mother’s new regime, I have been investigating natural approaches to dealing with dementia.

Although she has physically improved, she is childlike and mischievous, which is likely to cause more problems, although I am glad her condition generally is much improved.

So, this weekend I have been studying approaches to dementia, to see if there is anything I can tweak to improve her mental state.

Obviously, over the sundowning years, I had cause to use valerian a couple of times, although over the last ten years medical thinking has come around to my way of seeing it and you are now given miniscule doses of diazapam rather than chemical coshing, at least with responsible doctors. Up until now, there was little I could do about her diet, which was not great as she had always been able to eat pretty much what she wanted, unlike me.  If I ate like my mother, I would be even more ill than I usually am.

Anyway, as I have outlined, she is on a super-comprehensive vitamin, mineral, antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, antacid, alkaline diet at the moment, so when I saw that medium chain fatty acids could potentially reverse her dementia, I was immediately interested and sought out exogenous keto products to see if I could check this out, with a view to her taking on a diet more in line with mine.

After much searching, I finally found a product that can put her in ketosis instantly, and which does not cost a fortune.  There is a small hazard of the product being a bit acidic, but I think if it reverses her memory problem it is worth trying once. I was a low carber long before I tried raw and explored other health options so it is not difficult to come up with a plan.

Then I had a look at the counter arguments, which basically consist of her diet already being optimal.  Taking her heart and arterial problems into account, she could not be on a better diet than she is currently.  Are medium chain fatty acids and ketosis worth the risk?

It really depends on how long you want to live and how much you want to remember.  If you want a shorter life, in which you remember more, then go for the low carb option.  It is still possible to do this as a vegan or plant based eater.  If you have heart or artery problems however, it is probably advisable to hedge your bets and go for high antioxidants and perhaps a teaspoon of MCT oil rather than the two tablespoons of coconut oil advised by those who have experimented with diet as a method of helping loved ones with dementia.

I will try the exogenous product and see if I see some improvement over a three hour period.  If so, then she will be living on nuts, seeds, berries and vegetables, which I have done and which is perfectly reasonable. The tricky part will be maintaining her weight on a ketogenic diet, especially once the exercise programme is in full swing.  If it doesn’t work, then it is a very simple case of giving her a nice fruity drink.

Basically, the important thing to learn here is that you mustn’t jump on every bandwagon without checking the counter arguments.  Low carbing for my mother is not the best option for her heart.

So – long life or sharp brain?  Which is best in this case?

Continue Reading

Proof of your raw diet and superfood habit

This week, I had an NHS nurse becoming irate because Supermix and the raw diet has healed my mother’s stage 4 pressure sore.  It seems to be working on one problem at a time, and this week it decided to heal my mother’s foot before it did anything else.

The first thing it did was work on my my mother’s skin, which was like a teabag when she came out of hospital, thin and full of holes. My friend, who is a retired nurse, topically treated it with a common emollient in addition to her diet.  As a result she is still under all the rules for fragile skin, despite having healed serious bruising from the canula in hospital and having been given sufficient nutrition to ensure that her skin is now back to a glossy and healthy normal.

It then worked on her torso, and she is now moving spontaneously again for the first time in months.  She was always very contemptuous of my raw diet, so it is particularly ironic that it is now the only food she can tolerate, and that it is making such a difference.

Towards the end of week two of supermix and a raw diet, she talked about her brother in the past tense for the first time in nine years.  Whilst we are not seeing huge progress mentally quite yet, she is now capable of pulling herself from lying down to a seated position and completing any exercises I give her.

So, now, with the help of my friend, we are restoring her contact with her legs. Supermix, has, however decided to target her feet and lower legs first, so we still have one wasted thigh to restore to its proper size.

We mentioned the sore to this nurse, who told us to leave it alone as it could not be debrided outside hospital and must be left for months.  Two days after talking about it, the necrotic tissue vanished by itself.  She is literally self-repairing from the inside out, and the NHS, according to this nurse, do not like or believe it.

To the credit of our doctor, I received a phone call this week almost as if she were talking to a colleague.  She had received my mother’s blood test results, taken because I had taken her off three unnecessary and harmful medications and replaced them with Supermix.  She did not need disgusting replacement food because supermix is better.  Once on that, she did not require a laxative or a surgical grade antacid which was causing pain and confusion.

The row started because I refused to allow painkillers for her problem legs, which were wasting due to neglect in hospital. (contracture)  I have now isolated the wastage to the right leg via massage, and we are performing massage and stretching to restore her communication with her legs.

All of this is time consuming and requires knowledge that apparently the NHS does not rate.  I am supposed to be a bad carer, because I did not listen to people who wanted to over-medicate and basically sedate my mother to death.

When the blood test results came in, I told the irate nurse.  I wasn’t triumphant about it at all.  My mother is undergoing full spectrum antioxidant therapy with supported mineral and vitamin enhancements thanks to wholefood solutions as a result of Supermix, and there is no point in trying to explain this to someone who is trained to administer commercial medicine.  My mother’s results are apparently spectacular enough to shock the doctor.

So, evidently all these people who cry ‘Wolfe’ about science, and how health promoters are just trying to sell product, are likely to lose their relatives to conventional medicine and its many failings.

Shit happens.

Continue Reading

A crippling workload

Hurrah, the posts from 2016 were unexpectedly being stored on Goodreads, and so I am replenishing the new site with the old posts.  If you are interested, you can now scroll back for a year so far, but as there are so many posts, I don’t think I can do them all in one night.

As regular readers will know, the furniture collection has been very expensive to produce, which has caused major hold ups.  I am seeking a contract or two to finish off the first few pieces, so that I can get on with Lucifer Ogilvie.

In addition, complications regarding my mother have meant that I am unable to do as much work as I have in the past, it is now turning into a huge legal conundrum which I am strangely unphased by.  So far, I have had to sit in a room full of people who have either already lied, or are in the process of lying because I am such a horrible person for taking care of my mother and avoiding people.

What is most irritating about this, is that people who don’t actually know what has been said or done are now jumping on the opposing bandwagon on the assumption that I have somehow forced a career driven carer to lie about my mother, and a pair of vile nurses to assume that because I am very polite, I am also a pushover.  Imagine their surprise when I chased them from the house shrieking thank you, thank you!

Anyway, for the raw foodies watching this saga, my mother now has proper arms again, and I am working on reinflating her legs after the concentration camp style nutrition in hospital.  She is not hugely conversational at the moment, but as you all know, detox involves a lot of sleeping.  I am restretching her muscles at the moment as she was suffering from contracture.

According to the vile nurses and her doctor, this means crushing her legs even more and drugging her so that you don’t hear her scream in pain as her muscles waste.  Instead her legs are gently being stretched with a fierce rub of menthol to restore her muscles in much the same way her arms have responded.  At 90, she has in three weeks recovered her ability to sit up by herself, so I look forward to seeing how these legs turn out when they are done.

The NHS seem to be genuinely offended by her recovery, which is most upsetting. Not quite as upsetting as her absent children’s wish to kill her in a care home.  Yes, looking after her is blisteringly hard work.  No, I do not begrudge it, although I certainly should given the family dynamic she set up in advance of her dotage.

Anyway, I am thinking I should get on with the shoe collection to pay for more resin, and I need to work on the computer games.

 

Toodle pip,

 

Ina

Continue Reading

90 year old is now a raw foodist

My mother returned from hospital dehydrated, sleepy, with a prescription for a double dose of ensure, which is a particularly horrible plastic food they like to give old people, a double dose of a surgical grade antacid to counteract the effects of an injection to dissolve her giant blood clot and a double dose of laxative.  She had been on a saline drip which had caused her right arm to basically be one huge bruise.  She lasted about two days before starting to sleep constantly again.

She has been back for about three weeks now.  Yesterday I got a call from a dietician who had been assigned to her in hospital, who had now gotten around to actually dealing with her case.  She seemed unsure if my mother was actually still alive, and referred to her as ‘being home for a short while.’  She asked when would be suitable to come around?  That is what is best for my mother, after all.

“Actually” I said “I have been kind of passively studying herbalism and wellness for most of my life, and I have put her on a high calorie alkaline diet.  She doesn’t need ensure, she doesn’t need laxatives, and she really doesn’t need the antacid, which in its description includes sore joints, confusion and a contraindication with her heart tablet.  So we really don’t need you.”

“What is she eating?”  the dietician seemed concerned.

“Raw chocolate, various grasses, a few seaweeds and some herbs.  She also gets seven portions of fruit and vegetables a day.  She has put on some weight, her skin problems have improved, she is alert, and she is no longer screwing herself up to the right.  We are doing fine.  She tried some porridge the other morning, but she really prefers what I am giving  her.”

The dietician seemed dumbfounded.  “Does she have a choice?”  She tried to regain control of this dangerous situation.

Given that my mother had stopped eating altogether, this seemed a bit cheeky, so I salved her ego by prattling on about holistic treatment of dementia, and how my mother has not only surpassed the expected life expectancy by five years, but retained her capacity until very recently.  She has always been rather dismissive of my health interest.  She is really quite keen on it now that she is drinking a drink that tastes of salted caramel (today, tomorrow’s is cherry bakewell flavour) but actually contains a host of supernutrients and the optimum antioxidants possible, in addition to her seven a day.

My mother has improved by the day, to the point that memories from nine years ago that she has never acknowledged have returned, and she now asks for things and has regained her grip.  All because I made a giant vat full of supermix when I was raw.  It is the best four hundred I have ever spent.

Supermix has 80 ingredients, a mixture of Wolfe suggestions and old European remedies.  I really made it for me, since she didn’t like the idea of health food, and when I lived on it for 5 weeks my very grumpy neighbour told me it was the best I had ever looked.  Evidently I did something right.

My friend, who was also disparaging about my brief healthy period, is now building up his own supermix, and I am in the process of discarding the ‘normal’ food and trying to regain my former glow.

It just goes to show, when people ignore what you are saying, belittle your attempts to take care of yourself when you are taking care of others, and participate in their own bullshit, you really should just shut the door and get on with it, because usually, you are right.

Continue Reading

Corporatist Healthcare – a handy peep

As we know, the NHS is quietly on the way to being privatised.  Whilst the system is not set to change over to the American system immediately – I thought the articles from the USA today were very interesting.  Here is the first, from congressman Mo Brooks.  Enjoy reading the Independent article and then watch the video:

Poor people don’t deserve healthcare because they haven’t led good lives

Congressman Fires Back at Chelsea Clinton over Pre-Existing Co…

Congressman Mo Brooks responds to Chelsea Clinton's criticism of him over comments about pre-existing conditions: "Maybe she wants to run for public office and try to do better than her mommy did," he tells ABC News. http://abcn.ws/2p5rEwM

Posted by This Week on Tuesday, 2 May 2017

 

Quite the charmer, isn’t he?

Here is the third entry, from Congressman Tom MacArthur:

Personal tragedy drives deal making GOP congressman on health care

Now this last article is quite complex, the congressman is proposing a corporate solution to a public health issue – he proposes that states accommodate higher cost patients at their own discretion, based upon a system where they can opt out of full coverage healthcare insurance schemes.  So having a baby will cost you lots of money in some states because they have opted out of mandatory maternity cover, but should your baby then have cancer, the state may or may not have a financial pool to pick up the increased cost of insurance.  Otherwise, the insurance companies have the option to simply charge anyone with pre-existing conditions more for being ill rather than opting people out of the system on the basis of their illness altogether.

Now he does this on the basis that, unusually for a republican, he is aware that it may well happen, and in fact has happened to him, twice.  His background in the insurance industry has made him unusually clued up on the issue of insurance.  Here we see the great failure of the American healthcare and political system.

Rather than showing concern for the victims of their piss-poor idea of taking care of their own people, he cites the example of himself and his father, both of whom certainly have a work ethic, but no apparent sense of responsibility for direct care.  You cannot be in two places at once, had either him or his father had direct responsibility for caring, they would have been unable to fund medical care at all, but rather than reflect upon this, he comes up with a corporate solution to a public health issue that again shits on the poor and unwell.

The Republicans would seem to be desperate to prove that there is a corporate solution to everything, that corporations are capable of showing some responsibility towards their victims/customers, and that everything will mysteriously work itself out, regardless of people’s individual circumstances or the level of understanding at state level.

Having worked in hundreds of different places in my life, the understanding of his policy is likely to be limited.  Rules will be misinterpreted, states will get it wrong, the public will be told by a bored receptionist that no, they cannot get any help with their stroke/cancer/brain injury and that they are uninsurable.  People will try several places and simply give up and watch their loved ones die.

This of course, does not matter to a conservative, as long as their costs are kept down and they aren’t held back by the great unwashed.  This is the reason they become fearful in later life.  Having spent so many years shitting all over everybody else, they suddenly realise that they too, require help and nobody is available to provide it because they need to amass their own pile of not very self-protective cash.

The system of American healthcare, and the idea that it will never happen to you is laughable to us in Europe, because of our more advanced idea of social conscience that they were so eager to stamp out when they smashed their unions.  My grandfather was lured to the USA on the promise of work in the 1920s, only to find out that he was expected to be a scab, whereupon as a good communist he left rather quickly.

I was asked whether I wanted to move to the USA in 1998 when I was touring and playing backgammon.

“No,”  I replied “I could not live in a country where I know perfectly well that people are dying of poverty. I actually had no idea that the NHS was as important to me until I was actually here with people who just don’t get it.  This is not a civilised country.”

The same thing goes for food in the USA.  Mo Brooks, above, blames people for smoking, drinking or eating the wrong thing, yet there is no question of shutting down the providers of poison.  No question of the corporation showing the responsibility and education he expects from the individual.

Their ideas of ‘cheap food at any cost’ have led to suffering all over the world, from smallholders losing their farms to people who can afford American chemicals and trucks, to the infestation of patented life in the form of seeds.  GM and hybrid crops from America are economic and agricultural invasion, not supplied, as they say to prevent starvation, but supplied to make the poor poorer and starve them out, and to create a smaller population of more malleable landowners.

If we are to survive as an independent nation, we should be more wary of America generally.  They are extremely fond of money, and they are not responsible citizens of the world.  I am with Prince Charles.  There is no reason at all why Britain should not, as an island be the purveyors of clean food and clean politics, rather than becoming immersed in the complex deception and domineering double talk employed by the Yanks in the course of their complete disrespect for the poor, whatever country they are unfortunate enough to be poor in.

 

 

 

 

Continue Reading

Things people say

 

The election is becoming tiresome, with Theresa May displaying some pretty weak communication skills and a crippling lack of charisma, versus the idealistic Jeremy Corbyn (he reminds me of my dad)

I still wonder if the Conservatives even want to win?  They don’t seem to?

Anyway a couple of things from today:

A foolish consultant who does not know that the social work department is inherently corrupt insisted on us having carers to help with my mother.  I realise those of you who do not understand what the social work department really do will think that this is a good thing, and that I should be grateful, but here is why it is just another way of ripping you off in much the same way as good old Theresa has tried to rip people off in the last week:

I managed my mother by myself through sundowning, through endless infections, through her own children trying to rob her.  Just before she went to hospital this time I was carrying her to the commode, letting her sit up for an hour when she could, she was washed and dressed at times to suit her and she could sleep when she wanted and chat at 4am whenever she felt like it.

Now that we have carers, I am a freak if I am not out of bed at 8 and feeding her, which means that I am not very happy or able to work as much at the moment, my sleep is destroyed, and she is noted as being inappropriately asleep if she is not wide awake right after her vat of porridge and honey.

They were brought in on the basis that it should take two to move her rather than me carrying her due to health and safety concerns.  The carers have refused to move her and have written off our handmade disabled chair as not suitable – they are now unable to rule it suitable without an expert decision so she is not allowed out of bed, putting her at risk of bedsores.

In addition, I have already been threatened/visited by the social work department who asked such delightful questions as

  • Does she even recognise you?
  • Who has power of attorney?
  • Can we use your toilet? (this last is used as an excuse to gain entrance to your house so the answer is no)

So we now have 4 visits of two people per day and she actually has less appropriate care, all in order to put us at risk from the local council.  People in nice houses do not invite the social work in, especially if they have been directly told by a social worker that the social work department are not there for the carer, they are there to gather evidence in order to seize the assets of the patient.

Naturally I am not impressed by this service and I am not sure why I am judged incompetent to wipe her bottom, since that is all that the carers actually do.

So, today they were asking about the carpet for Boris.  The nurse and the carers have separately expressed great interest in the carpet for Boris, so evidently this one is a winner.

How much are they?

Well, the last one I did was in Tatler, and it is nine and a half

Why is it worth that much?

Well you are paying for storage, the studio, the fact it is a niche product, twenty years of skill and the fact I need about 200kg of wool in stock to make a product like this, which has also cost every spare penny over the last 22 years because I refuse to ask for a grant for a creative wank, so to speak.

 

The other conversation I had was with my ex, who noted that I appear to be quite bright.

Men don’t listen at all, otherwise he would have given up years ago and I would have written a world shattering book.

Lack of confidence is tiresome.  Maybe it is time I tried staggering self belief.

 

Hey Theresa,

There aren’t sufficient care home owners in the UK to win the election for you on the basis of your dementia tax social care policy. And frankly, as a carer in a nice property, I cannot afford your corrupt system of social care as it is, never mind your diehard  conservative voters who will also be bullied repeatedly by the social work department.

Just sayin’

 

 

 

 

Continue Reading

Immigration and cultural problems

Earlier this week, a young lady was posting about unemployed people sitting on their bottoms and complaining about immigrants taking jobs.  She was very young and clearly had a job, and so I said:

“Spoken like a person who has never filled a garbage bag with rejection letters.”

She immediately retorted that as someone who has, I was not her target.  So I wondered, does this mean you are to pay for your assumed racism with job applications?  This is the logical conclusion of her conversation so far, is it not? She is basically saying that in order to have a legitimate complaint against immigration, you need to have an unreasonable obsession with finding work and not getting it.

For one thing, unemployed people sitting on their ass and not applying for jobs no longer exist.  These people are sanctioned and are supposed to starve to death under the current rules. Other ‘useless eaters’ such as the disabled are also penalised and told that with three limbs missing (in at least one case) they are fit for work.  For another, concerns about immigration rise directly in relation to the availability of work and other resources.  THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH JOBS IN THE UK TO SUPPORT THE CURRENT POPULATION.

Syrian Girl, a vlogger on youtube, was actually the first person I heard who was keen to ensure that everyone is aware that the European experiment, free movement and the welcoming and dispersal of asylum seekers is actually just about depressing wages and making it easier for employers to exploit workers.

The people who you are keen to blame for their unemployment, meanwhile, used to be employed in factories, in catering establishments and in small businesses which the European experiment has gone quite a long way to phasing out.  Manufacturing suffered because it was cheaper to outsource, catering suffered because of the reduction of cash in the economy and the smoking ban, small business suffered because bigger businesses successfully lobbied for concessions to expand, hence the corner shop is being replaced by mini versions of the large supermarket chain.  Tesco, Sainsbury’s both have a presence in the smaller main streets to wipe out the sole trader businesses that immigrants and locals alike started when they could not otherwise find work.

Hence, your opportunities are more limited all the time, and more people means more competition for jobs which pay less.  No sensible person that genuinely cares about the people around them supports unlimited immigration and a reduction in basic wage and self employed opportunities.

And yet we hear people doing this all the time, associating it with being a ‘right on’ open minded person.  The population have been conned into a trap, where they are exploited in order to justify spending their taxes on bombing other countries, whose populations quite rightly decide to leave and seek safety and work elsewhere.

If you are following what I am saying so far, you will now be aware that you are screwed, and that continuing with the same views will ensure that your children, and their children will be even more screwed.  The alternative, of pulling out of violence in other countries, of being more prudent with your borders, of safeguarding your own opportunities, may not be fashionable, but it creates a healthier micro level economy and competition for the future.  Supporting business at the expense of the individual is basically supporting corporate fascism.

So, the next time somebody calls you a Nazi for being concerned about your country being overcrowded, you can easily explain why the real fascists are pro-Europe, pro-immigration right on liberals who want to see you crushed out of starting your own business, earning small wages for your underemployed situation with one of the big players such as Walmart (Asda)  who in turn have direct ties to pharmaceutical companies. They also tend to have places on the Board of Nutrition to tell you what to go out and buy.  Hence, you adhere to the nutrition guidelines and wonder why you always feel under par, ending up with heart disease, diabetes and dementia in line with whatever drug is most profitable.

If you particularly relish this, carry on pretending that borders don’t matter.

Continue Reading

Self Image and your Outlook

Today has been the last day in Malta, and we took a day tour to Valletta, the capital of Malta.  Despite the continuing pain, I just about managed the clambering about, and we had a reasonably good last day.

A young Italian footballer was also on the tour, stinking of alcohol from last night, and became fixated on my ample ass.  Twisty was quite annoyed with this, since the very young man expressed his admiration  by glowering at my bottom and making comments behind his hand.

“Don’t worry about it, he is a chubby chaser, they are all the same.”  I said.

Twisty appeared to doubt this, and stared him down in a grumpy way.

“No seriously, I have been through this more times than you can count.  I could get annoyed and assume that he has a problem with large bottoms, but I know from experience that he would be the first one drooling all over me given half a chance.”

The rest of the day was spent dodging this guy staring at me and trying to catch my eye, until eventually I found myself hiding behind the tour guide.  I am flattered that he did not instead choose to chase the equally chubby young lady sitting at the back of the bus, who probably had no idea that we had a major fan of rotundity on board.

“Perhaps my future is to be the somewhat geriatric wife of a famous footballer, unless some enormous and somewhat flashier chick gets there first.”

For the ladies out there that don’t know, because I am well aware, especially since writing the books, that there are plenty out there that do not know, men are pretty laid back about female appearance.  Even the ones that pretend they want a trophy are just clueless little boys that associate shiny cars, playing expensive sport, and pricey clothing with success.  Their assertion that you need to be a skinny blonde bimbo is all front.  Men like variety, and there is no telling what they like from one day to the next.  Your attractiveness is really determined by your self image.

Much the same thing can be said for men, otherwise there would be no Har Mar Superstar, Weird Al, Marilyn Manson or Keith Lemon.  Women quite like to see confidence, whether that consists of sheer cheek or actual proficiency is of little consequence.  Broadly speaking, it is a question of advertising and figuring out the details later.

This can also be said of success. The Pedro on the Beach Story, which has a penniless and lazy fisherman bemused by a millionaire suggesting that he multiply his earnings in order to do nothing, which is what he is doing in the first place, is something we should all take very seriously in a world with dwindling resources.

Whilst there is no glory in poverty, there is no genuine dignity in your delusion of success.  Happiness is something you should cultivate regardless.

Continue Reading

The Obesity Malnutrition Paradox

Horrific trip to the nurse today, to get some long overdue blood tests because I was too embarrassed to go and get them done when I was eating normal food.  When you know that you are doing something bad for you, you think about all the unnecessary advice and treatment you would get if you do what you are told.

 

When I eat normal food, I am tired, bloated, I look awful and I continuously gain weight, not just because I eat too much either.  I remember first noticing this at 9 years old, when I once notably put on 7lb after one plate of macaroni cheese.  It was dismissed as nonsense, of course, and many years later I think back on this and wonder why I was unable to simply throw a tantrum, like everybody else in my family.  Perhaps it is because I sat and watched so many.

 

When I eat normal food, I am also severely anaemic, and I did wonder whether I was menopausal for some time, because of the heat fluctuations and the weeping over Wolfe.  I am not, for those interested.  I just cannot eat normal food, and for some reason had a lot of poison to dump when I came across Wolfe.  One’s emotions very much dictate one’s health, especially in my case.

 

So, she asked me after I told her that I had just dropped 40lb in a month, what am I eating? (I dropped 70lb in ten weeks when I first went raw, and the doctor at that time nearly fell off his chair)

 

“Seaweed, grass, leaves and berries.”

 

She clearly assumed that I was a bit special and asked me to list them.  I got down five or so, before sighing and telling her that there are over eighty ingredients in supermix.  “I also shoot for ten vegetables a day and eat some fish”  I supplied, just to ensure that she would not put me on the dangerous nutjob list.

 

I then requested that she take some blood tests, just to hammer the point home to them once they have tested my blood.  She is now testing me for diabetes.  I made enquiries about this numerous times, and was rubbished by my GPs every time.  Now I have reached the age of type 2 diabetes, apparently, so they will decide when and how I become ill in addition to ignoring any actual symptoms, because I am evidently too stupid to simply communicate them.

 

So, having had many frustrating trips to the medical centre over the years, I patiently explained the paradox of obesity.  You get fat because you are missing something, and you crave whatever you ate that you think contains that something.  Supermix removes this problem, because it is crammed full of nutrition.  Even a multivitamin and mineral supplement will help, but supermix has the added benefit of forcing you to drink a lot of water and eat some raw herbs before you start eating anything resembling normal food.

 

It is tedious, explaining to someone with a tickbox checklist that you are not in their routine loop and have no expectations of ever being in it.  I once had a consultant sit and express great shock that I was obviously not always lazy, on the grounds of my weight.  I had to explain to her that being fat does not mean that you are stationary and that people are not always the same build.  I showed the six foot lovely my enormous hands.  I am almost a foot smaller than her, and needless to say, her tiny little hands were miniscule in comparison.

 

Anyway, this is several tiresome years later, and I am feeling and looking a lot better than I did a month ago.  Throughout the continuous binge that was spending time with my friend, I reverted to raw the minute he went home several times.  Hence, I was eating socially and disregarding my health.  Hell is other people.

 

So, my thought for today on the subject of obesity is – do what works for you – if people are in your way, get rid of them, and get your life back.

Continue Reading

Overcoming Empathy

I have spent a great deal of my life worrying about weight.  I have doubled, and at times trebled my bodyweight, depending on how I feel.  Nowadays, I know myself so well that I start buying the sizes before the next physical change.  I tend to realise at the checkout that something is about to change.

 

Such is the nature of your subconscious mind.  I think it was after being blocked by Wolfe for asking about his charity (I kid you not) that I went and bought the largest size in the shop. I must be punished for having feelings, and for being stupid enough to feel hurt by someone I had no business trying to connect with in the first place.  Not because he imagines himself to be famous, but because he imagines himself to be impervious to other people.  Wolfe has a very specific, and a very careful method of dealing with women in particular, but that is another story.

 

Recently, I bought two items, one the size I was three weeks ago, and one three sizes smaller, so I knew something was about to change.  My friend, the endless houseguest, had announced that he would bring whatever food he felt like into the house, that I was selfish for wanting to take care of my ailing health, and my very spoilt at the worst of times mother, was to be even more spoilt, on the grounds that this meant that I would devote my time to caring for her and him, rather than me.

 

This is not the first time this has happened.  I remember a few years ago, an ex boyfriend insisted on buying pizza constantly, even after he had witnessed me losing 130lb.  I knew that if I had even one bite, that it would lead to me putting all that weight back on again, because I know me.  Nevertheless I capitulated, which led to my being 315lb by the time May 2010 rolled around.

 

Another ex came on the scene, a rigger with a rope obsession (nuff said)  I mistook an old photograph of his on facebook for an example of what he looked like now.  I was horrified.  I have some videos from that period, and Wolfe can testify that I could not even speak properly, I was so ill.  I lost 70lb in ten weeks on a low carb/raw combination, largely because I could not really walk due to tiredness and pain.  After shifting this fluid/fat/host of infections, I was able to walk, and walk I did, daily.  Swimming followed, to repair my twisted core muscles, and the gym for a period after that. In total |I ended up losing about 160lb

 

Then my terminally ill ex appeared and joined me at the pool.  This was a bad mistake.  From claiming that I was killing him by making him swim, he decided that he must out swim me within a fortnight.  Interminable and rather miserable trips to the pool followed as I watched him cut off the ends of the pool out of the corner of my eye, just so that he could claim to have caught up with my year of laborious self care in a month.

 

Several months later, and he came back for another go.  This time he insisted that I was depriving my mother of cake, which I was not – I have a system by which she gets everything she wants as long as I do not like the look of it, including cake.  Hence, she is very well indulged, and I never have to worry about eating badly.  That is, of course, until someone very aggressively announces that he will do what he likes in my house, and I can do nothing about it, because to do so involves either physically ejecting him, or bitching about it until he can safely denounce me as a selfish bitch.

 

As you can see, dealing with someone who claims to be terminally ill is rather complex.  You are supposed to be sympathetic, to the point of self-harm.  Your boundaries are there to be challenged (my mother is the same) and if you happen to be an empath as well, your judgement is clouded even more.  My mother is pathologically selfish, to the point that she watches me cleaning and compliments the vacuum I am pushing, so I am well used to not existing at all.

 

Unfortunately the consequence of not existing, or should I say agreeing to not exist, is stuffing your face so that you do not talk about it.  You pretend that it does not matter, until nobody ‘sees’ you any more because you are enormous.  Then you eat because you are miserable. Then you stop moving because you don’t want anyone to see you.

 

My good manners and empathy finally ran out two days before my birthday.  My ‘friend’ waltzed into my bedroom and announced that he was losing weight, and didn’t he look pretty in his new clothes.  I replied that I did not need reminding that he is a titanic prick, and that I would physically remove him from my home if he did not stop what he was doing right now.

 

“I can’t help it!”  he assumed his victim posture and began to whine.  I know from experience this immediately precedes his episodes of violence, so it was really time for him to go. He has been a problem at times, but when you see nobody, and he likes to pretend that he is very helpful, it is very difficult to just stop with people who are actively trying to damage you.

 

I did try to take him out with us one more time, but he then tried to start telling me when I could and could not speak, and then it was really time for him to go.  He has since tried to blame me, for the fact that he has deliberately pursued a course of damaging behaviour, been extremely self centred, and completely disregarded my health, all whilst abusing my hospitality.

 

So, now I have nobody to talk to.  I do not wish to see this person again, I do not wish to see my Tory neighbour again.  I certainly do not want to see my siblings ever again.  I guess I will have to write.

 

The problem with all this empathy, is that it is an excuse to forget about yourself.  Forgetting about yourself leads to repressed anger, which leads to depression. A recent hashtag about weight problems on Twitter had hours and hours of people who could see nothing good about their weight, and relentless self punishment.

 

Bear in mind, that nobody is nastier to you than you.  Other people you can get rid of.  You are, however, stuck with you, so try thinking of all the good things.  Once you treat yourself as well as you treat other people, it will become far easier to make positive choices, and far easier to develop strategies to deal with pain other than muffling yourself with food, alcohol or your chosen self abuse.

Continue Reading