Grown Up Work

Apparently my age has caught up with my experience and I am now to be considered for grown-up jobs.  That is helpful.  I will be re-entering the thrilling world of evil banking in the next month or so.  (probably more dull than evil for a while) Meanwhile the exciting world of insurance also beckons.  Worry not, if you are stuck in a lift or carpark in the USA, I will still be fitting that in for a while.  80 hours is a moderate week if you happen to be a former chef.

In the meantime, I have suddenly dropped a stone, so I am back in my corsets and on the supermix.  The way I operate now seems to be based on the idea of the Holy Grail being supermix and a lot of water, and in the event that I am forced to socialise or very cold and upset, I eat low carb.  Low carb no longer promotes any weight loss,  however, so I think I have probably reached the age of CRON.

Now that I am back into my corsets, my back problem is improving, so more walking is getting done.  It is rather hilarious that I have this particular kink, given that I still habitually wear men’s clothes, but all the more fun if you get me into a compromising situation I suppose.

Meanwhile, there are more pressing issues at home.  Boris’s face needs shaving and dewrinkled, he probably needs a haircut with some handy nail scissors, the camera is still an issue – I have found when dealing with the public that the bigger the camera, the more they play to it so a big one is essential, and I think I have come up with a good strategy for the nation-wide project in terms of participation.  Given that it is effectively an apolitical campaign, although it is cloaked as an art project, I suspect that I might get some help if I ask for it.  I need to sort out my banner and am waiting to get my flags made.

So, although I am a bit weak and spindly and certainly a bit stiff, progress is being made.

Digging my reading at the moment, so there may be some more work on the books page soon.




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Grieving is a strange process….

To avoid the rage I feel towards the probably 30 or so people involved in collectively avoiding their responsibility for the murder of my mother, I have focussed heavily on the No Glass Walls project for a week or two.  There is a nurse called Darren who single-handedly made sure I knew that if I attempted to stop their idea of a process, I would have legal problems, so I basically had to back off.  I do not like Darren very much.

Some of the required props have been purchased, I am waiting to see if I get a suitable camera, my filmmaker friend and I have already fallen out, and I am now at the contingency planning stage.

He makes beautiful but exacting films, but I have a very different approach to things, because I am very overview-led and loathe to involve other people or actual dates for doing things if I can avoid it, as this always causes so many problems that I end up not bothering to do things at all.  I am a busy person.

His latest very well-meaning suggestion was that I get someone else to be me, as I showed some concerns about his wanting to make the logo look like me in reality.  Apparently realistically ugly women are joyful.  Clearly I still have some confidence issues, especially after reading the comments on the latest Amy Schumer masterpiece, which itself looks horrible.

I tried to explain to him that in order for things to be appealing, sometimes you have to alter them slightly, and asked whether this was part of his planning?  The response to this was that perhaps we have someone else do it.

As this was supposed to be a national scale project, involving an actress to come at short notice on long day trips across the country over a period of several weeks at no cost seems highly unlikely.  I now also feel that I am not good enough to be my own logo, because my idea of a logo is something that can be easily replicated, as opposed to something that becomes a major disaster if it goes missing or you don’t have access to your laptop.  For this reason I now have a logo that makes me look as if I am wearing a burkha on most sites.  I am not sure if I have updated the one on the website, but I am probably going to return to the rune anyway. It was a nice idea, but I am not comfortable with it now.

Anyway, I am now feeling very sad.  The complications involved, including hiring a green screen studio, are likely to be expensive and what started as a nice big idea to take me through the grieving process is now looking expensive, unpleasant, difficult to manage and I obviously don’t look good enough.

Grieving is not a joyful time.  You don’t really understand why people are acting perfectly normally as everything is seen through a sort of veil.  I have had dealings with a number of irrational and seemingly hysterical people over the last three weeks, and I don’t really care about their motivation for their actions.  They just look crazy to me.

I quite enjoyed doing my bit of Conservative ass kicking last night though.  I might do a bit more of that.



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Even nice revolutions take work

I believe this is what was known as a ‘crowd  pleaser,’ although I was working twenty hours a day so I didn’t know about any of this stuff.  Rather than reliving my twenties, I am discovering it for the first time.  The reason being that 90s dance music is better than the stuff I have endured whilst tuning into Tomorrowland for the last couple of years.

Everything is getting diluted and kind of boring, which may or may not mean I am getting old.  I see from the comments on youtube that it is probably not age related.  It really is better.

Even nice revolutions take a lot of work and thought.  The Boris Johnson Experience – No Glass Walls project is a development of some half finished pieces I was working on for David Wolfe, which I did not complete because I did not think he would thank me for creating a version of him with giant breasts and bottom.  My experiments in that direction revealed that men do not actually notice that you have a beard until it is far too late.  I pulled a lovely chap whilst dressed as David. Nice going, Ina.

So, now that we are dealing with Boris, who will benefit from my rather cuter than normal version of satire, I can really let rip.  All stops are being pulled out, lists are being made, songs are being sung, etc etc.

We will probably spend the first month working off-location and then think about going on the road.  I have a number of interest groups I would like to approach for participation in this national scale project.

It is part of a larger strategy, as previously mentioned, which will return to the Sheep in Wolfe’s Clothing Project in the fullness of time.   I have to put things on that side of the project on a more clinical footing, and I need to invest a little more given the potential.

So, in terms of mutual back-scratching, I eagerly await some relief for my terribly itchy back in the dim and distant future. (fat chance)

Free – The Best Madness Ever


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No Glass Wall

Much of my work as Ina is really about head space.  I have never spent much time actually considering what life would be like if I got whatever it is I purport to want.  Given the lack of likelihood of me ever achieving aims, particularly during the last few years,  life has become a rather tragic comedy.

I see this in other people, even people who have got whatever they thought they wanted. It almost looks as if disappointment is a natural life process, so prevalent is the sense of aging doom.

So to further this concept of there being no glass wall – that even people in public office need to be considered ‘fit for work,’ rather than authority figures who are there to be criticised and abused according to circumstance and the whims of the bun-throwing backseat voting public, I have decided to create a dialogue with Boris in the form of interpretive dance.

I will be doing this whilst writing up Lucifer Ogilvie, and naturally I will be Ina Disguise.

In this way, not only will I amuse Boris, who can enjoy it instead of the daily snifter, as a preference,  I can inspire some thoughtless so-called adults who have been herded into a life of embittered misery and believe that it is natural to lose your spirits/health as you get older.  It is not.

The artwork for Boris is not currently up for sale as I am still working on it and I am not satisfied with my current channels.  If anyone was interested in it, I am sure I could have a chat with you, but I don’t do this work with financial aims at the moment.  I would rather get to the point of meeting an actual publisher at some point and settling down to some more serious work.

Naturally, since even a casual skimming would reveal that I have had a particularly nasty year and am about to have another one, I am not feeling particularly great in real terms.  The only good part really is that Boris is far less concerned about image than Wolfe was, so I feel a bit more liberated in terms of what I can and cannot do. Emotional investments are not very convenient when  it comes to this kind of work.

The video project will probably commence in the spring, until then I will be undergoing some preparation work and trying to balance at least two full time jobs. Ina Disguise is Fit for Work.



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Logo Change and New Video Project

Logo change today, I have been plotting this for some time, but today I finally went ahead and did it.  So far it has been very popular with my facebook list. Here it is:

I am in a very dancey kind of mood at the moment.  I wonder if it could have something to do with the video component of the Boris Johnson Experience Project?  We are doing a lot of plotting and planning………


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Life is nicer with a clear conscience

I have always been fascinated by people who habitually attempt to cheat on other people.

I have done it, in the distant past, but very quickly gained sufficient stature and notoriety that everyone was aware of what I was doing and nobody seemed to be that bothered.  Being considered so desirable that you have a few people wondering if they can distract you sufficiently to consider them as your only partner is a nice place to be.

What I can never understand is people who bother lying about it.  This seems tedious.  I am aware, because I have been with such people, that for some it is a kind of game to see how far you can push someone.  This is not particularly healthy behaviour, and it is a bit manipulative. It is usually easier to just leave and go find somebody else.

This goes for friendships as well.  It is easier to keep things honest, even if honest is not always what people want from you.  One thing you learn as an itinerant caterer, is that your entire life can collapse overnight, so you simply learn not to invest terribly much in one person.

There is an inherent grubbiness in a more superficial perception of the world. If you are not investing terribly much, then anyone who is is either stupid, or so different from you that they had no business being in your life in the first place.  This then becomes tiring, and inevitably the lack of stability affects other functionality.  Unless you have retained that ‘centre of the universe’ position I first mentioned, life becomes rather shaky and so do you.

Having lived through these periods, and seen many different interest groups, with considerably different value systems, I selected a kind of lonely nobility.  I try to do the right thing, and I try to avoid people in order to avoid doing the wrong thing to suit them. It is not particularly sociable, but this saves a lot of time.

This may seem very strange to anyone following the chain of thought that goes with my attempts to become more confident and less anti-social, but I think the way I am approaching other people now is better than it was before.  I used to drop everything if someone needed something.  I used to consider how useful I could make myself, and anything I wanted took a poor second place.

The current projects are of sufficient magnitude for this to now be irrelevant.  Smaller tasks from other people, designed to distract and confuse, are now easy to turn down and bigger tasks, for the larger projects are broken into things I can do every day.  It may seem strange to take on enormous tasks for people I do not know, but when they are more interesting, more challenging, and may lead to actual change they seem worthwhile.  I have basically made my absurd helpfulness bigger, more confusing and more abstract in order to achieve an even bigger aim ultimately.

Time will tell if I have selected the correct people to bless with my angle of change, but both Wolfe and Boris are sufficiently intelligent to figure out what is happening and why when the time comes.  It is going to take a long time.

At least is it less boring, even if it does seem odd.

Put the booze down and listen to the orb, Boris. Make it loud.

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That ‘Oh God I Suck’ Moment

We all have them.

If we are incredibly cowardly or take ourselves too seriously, we don’t do anything at all because of them.

If we let things get to us too much, or have too much pride, we allow it to stop us, because it is easier to say we suck and laugh it off.

If we then go to the next step, we sneer at other people who don’t feel the same way.

I spent months saving the money to make Bordello Rhetoric.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I lavished attention on it.  Now I look at it and I say NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It is a development piece.  I did not take inspiration from anyone but Boris himself for this piece of work.  I did not even need to plan it.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and I went ahead and did exactly that. It involved importing agate from a quarry in India, importing the beads from a manufacturer in Germany, sourced Georgian handles from an antique collector, an ungodly amount of resin, and a ratty old box gifted by a friend. (the principle of the Boris Johnson collection is to render unemployed furniture ‘Fit for Work’ by means of artifice, and preferably guile) I replaced the castors twice, which alone cost me a week of 24 hour caring for my mother in financial terms.  24/7 care is a lot of hours, and requires a lot of commitment if you want to avoid being robbed by the social work department and having your mother killed by an institution.  So why do I hate myself for it now?

Well, because I should have used my shades of colour more effectively and done a better blend on the beadwork.  Yes it is quite stunning, but it could be more stunning.  Yes it is as I intended, but it could be better because I had no reference point.  It is nice, but it is not as nice as it could be if I had visualised it more effectively.

Life is not like that.  If I had known I would fall crazily in love with a health guru, I would have looked after myself better.  If I had known that the NHS would kill my mother anyway, I would not have been investing every penny in keeping her well by natural means.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  This also applies to our artwork.

We should never feel bad about completing a piece of work that we no longer like by the end of it, nor should we worry about promoting pieces we no longer like, because as creators we are not trustworthy judges of what is good or bad.  I have thrown out pieces that other people thought were works of genius in the past, because I knew I would do something better.  When I first came across Wolfe, quite apart from not knowing how to get his attention any other way, all I could think about was how I could make him better, and better, and better.  I am still guilty of this.  Instead of appreciating what people or objects are, I strive for improvement.

My friend is even worse than this.  You cannot ask him to collaborate on a project from the beginning, because the objections are so many and varied that the project never starts.  He is, however adept at finishing work.  Once you think you are finished, he is ideal for finding details that you never thought of.

It took more than three years of deep and probably constant thought before I realised that I was the problem.  My desire for perfection was neither realistic, nor desirable.  Wolfe was right, I was wrong.  What matters is the doing, not the striving. The methodology is less important than the result.  When I finally accepted this, which took some time, Ina was born.

Conceptual thinking is probably more important than technique, when it comes to actually developing your work and ideas.  Acceptance of imperfection is necessary to reach mastery, because if you really care about your work, you very quickly realise that you will never truly become a master of anything.  I am fortunate that as a former chef, who worked for culinary glory for many years, I was aware of the futility of perfection.  I just hadn’t realised how universally applicable the concept was until I met my far more successful and happy twin (Wolfe and I were born twelve days apart, which was part of the reason for the level of focus)

So, when you have your own ‘Oh God I suck’ moment, feel good about it.  You learned something, and you need never feel ashamed of growth.  It is likely that nobody will even notice your mistake, because mistakes are often painfully beautiful, even when they drive you crazy.


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More pics of Jemima Khan

Aaaaaaah that’s better.

Iain Duncan Smith is up next, but it will take a lot of time because he is a bit more operatic.

A theme of dark glamour seems to be developing with the Boris work.  I think I may do a little more for Al for comparison.

There is also a series of handbags for this collection, but handbag work is postponed because I am not miserable enough currently.  Usually I am in a physically repressed state when I have to sew, however the handbags for Boris are very comedic and sweet. (if you can imagine a needle going in and out fifteen hours a day, the reason for my work becomes rather obvious.  I should feel some shame about this, but I really don’t.  The idea of a little plump lady sewing whilst having rampant thoughts amuses me greatly)

As usual with artists, I am challenging myself with these pieces, and am learning as I develop this new branch.  Boris seems to be bringing out the painter in me a little with the handbags, but the resin work is very interesting and I quite like the textile resin experiments.

Toodle pip,




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Jemima Khan is Fit for Work

These are the first studio pictures of Jemima Khan is fit for Work, the next piece in the Boris Johnson Collection.

I am aware that she is not noted for her Conservative tendencies, she is in the category with Darius Guppy, who is in Art hospital at the moment pending my further work on him. Old Jimmy wasn’t exactly sparing when it came to desire for vigour in the form of promoting suffering.

I will have some better lit photographs once my more expert friend visits, but trust me when I tell you this one is rather lovely and in keeping with Bordello Rhetoric.  They are slightly mismatched, but rather fun.

Must get my head back into heavy reading about the lesser spotted Conservatives since Disraeli.



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Dark melancholy and chatting with other artists

Looks like the old me is back.  Reading my post from earlier, it is like looking back a decade into cynical reality.  I guess the grief is setting in.

One of the great things this project has done for me is enabled me to network.  I am not a social creature as a rule, but promoting my stuff, when I can be bothered, has meant joining a lot of interest groups as this is cheaper than merely advertising, which is not cost-effective as a rule.

Today I have been entertaining some artists with reasons for my work.  We often ask each other what our work is about, which is good practise as artists all tend to be scruffy, disinterested, and socially isolated unless we are tremendously successful.  We all tend to make the same social mistakes until we are happy with our technical ability, which is, paradoxically, never good enough anyway.  Being forced by circumstances and the ongoing thought that went into the Wolfe project into creating Ina is the only reason I have shown anything to anybody.

My own work has been complicated by the fact that I do not lust after a sufficient number or variety of men.  Given that that is the only reason I am ever compelled to do anything, I really should have spent more time earlier in life just finding men to perve at.  I was more interested in work, and had a steady supply of them, so I guess in artistic terms I have been rather lazy.

Anyway, just to make you laugh a bit, here are some very simplistic meanings behind my work.

 The Misery Mandala


This is what extremely angry sex with me looks like.


 Funk This

This is what it looks like when I decide that I can’t do anything about my inappropriate feelings and need a few weeks to try and surmount it (pun intended)  There was a series of four of these for Wolfe, three of which I liked, one I really don’t is Lucky Heart, because it is about futility and the random nature of sexuality.

 Ormus Uranium

A word gag about the Ormus range of products, popular in the USA and parts of Europe, which are mysterious in nature.  Elements such as gold are very popular with people interested in advanced mysticism, but there is no reason why poisonous elements should not have ormus properties.  It was also a good excuse to send Wolfe flowers.

 Fertility and Intellect

This is a very old piece of work, made for a grumpy history professor I adored at university, who had one of the most punk chainsaw brains I have ever come across.  I do love a bit of mental violence.  It is about the difficulties of retaining your concentration on academic pursuits when you are fertile and female.

 Call me Al

This is for Boris, who has a public persona, and a private one called Al.  I am rather touched by Boris.  He is the best of a very bad bunch, both privately and publicly and deserves better.  The UK would benefit from encouraging and listening to him.

 Bordello Rhetoric

This is the only other piece in the Boris collection that is directly for Boris.  It is about the nature of a political career, hence the title.  It is rather glamorous and bold, which I think is appropriate for Boris rather than Al.

Rebekah Brooks is fit for work

The other pieces in the Boris series are about the nature of success and the lack of fit with actual talent.  Simply declaring oneself fit for a task does not make it so, and most of these pieces either involve scandal of some sort, or just having so much money that nobody is ever going to force you to starve to death, as is happening to several sectors of society whilst wages are lowered via immigration. This will be a lengthy and very expensive series.  Rebekah is sitting in my kitchen, where she actually looks fabulous.  I expected these pieces to be loud and garish in place, but as it turns out they are conversation pieces.  Experimenting with textiles, stone, beads and resin has been expensive, but tremendous fun.

I am not sure why Boris is getting so many rock pools, but evidently I find him more erotic than I expected.  It is very much a sub-plot in my grand epic and entirely fictitious romance with Wolfe, however, so I am not sure how this imaginary love triangle is going to develop in the medium term.


I will do a page for each piece eventually, but hopefully that goes some way to explaining how my creative brain works.


Much affection,









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