Is David Wolfe an idiot?

Thanks for the mail and the interest.  It’s very kind of you, but to answer your general points:

No, David Wolfe is not an idiot.  I have come across this attitude before, where gentlemen are apparently supposed to do the decent thing and get it up to order, and I don’t buy it.  It is neither pleasant nor adult behaviour to bonk everything that moves.  Besides which, he appears to have a preferred list of attributes which I am not on.  I was likewise until I met him – I use the term loosely, since it was really a brief moment of cynical irritation on youtube that initially sparked things off some months prior to our fortieth.  The haiku was good, apart from that.

I do have the message I sent to my friend somewhere on one of the computers – I think it was 2008 or so.  One of Harley’s psycho fanbois was involved as far as I remember, and I said something along the lines of “Shit, I appear to be in love with the horrible man, how the hell did that happen?”  In any case, it appears he was married by then, although there was no trace of it at the time, so it has all been a self-delusion of mammoth proportions which happened to get me through at least one period of extreme stress – my mother would have been dead years ago after being thrown into a care home by her disgusting offspring if it hadn’t been for the aspirant Mrs Wolfe delusion.

Anyway, from casual observation – I stopped looking at anything to do with him in 2011 or so as I was afraid that I was going mad – he prefers compliance and a considerable amount of forbearance, and I am definitely not of that ilk.  Been there, done that, don’t need the anxious wrinkles or the insecurity.  I am probably in the best situation I could be in – I get to make indignant objections without pissing him off, which strategically is the most advantageous situation for both of us.  I also get to obsessively work and ignore him, which is kind of why I don’t generally do monogamy in the first place.

I was asking myself for some time whether the overall situation was a question of safety.  I gave up a lot of old relationships that were not really going anywhere because of it, and I don’t regret it at all.  It is also very safe emotionally speaking to avoid actual relationships, so I wondered about that, too.  Having had several tiresome years to ponder it, however, and considering the number of times I was told I was mad for admitting to it, I do not think it was a cowardly decision to just accept it and work through the inevitable questions that followed.  Cats or Wolfe? Mother or Wolfe?  Do I hate America more than I love Wolfe?  Shit happens, and sometimes you just have to make like a fish and deal with it.

The frightening bit was the lobster tank part – if you put lobsters in a tank, one will almost make it over the top before the others pull it back down, and I got a lot of that.  I had no idea that people who criticise others for achieving, do so on the basis that they feel safer being a nothing, so anything you do is going to be hated.  They will pretend to be interested and then sabotage what you are doing because it makes them feel safe.  That has wasted years even after making the decision to roll with it, never mind the years of misery before I met Wolfe.

I think the first thing I wrote for him was an astonishingly pompous looking academic philosophy of love entwined with some rhetoric material.  Even I looked at it and said WTF, so I had some vague ideas about disseminating information to a wider public at that point.  A really good specialist publication can sometimes only sell about 8 copies, to people that need to know who you are before they will buy it, so academia was never going to work for the over-arching project.  I do not now regret the huge confidence crisis that has meant the delay in the work, although measures could have been taken earlier to prevent agronomic war, which I suspect is now inevitable in about fifty years.  We can blame the Avocadess for that one, so she is welcome to a good hard stare in the mirror when America finally gets bombed flat by 194 irate and probably starving countries using its own crappy missiles.  I was more of a sarcastic pal prior to that bit of pointless nastiness, and I was certainly very out of touch with my emotions generally.

I don’t really do convention, and I don’t regard squabbling over ‘ownership’ as being something that is relevant to me at all, since I do not play that way.  Either you want to be with me or you don’t, and if you don’t you are welcome to bugger off for ten years until you figure it out. I’m not usually in love with them when I make that deal, however, so I guess this is a bit of a departure from my norm in that respect.

The only really bad part is the timing.  I could theoretically go and have a child before it is too late, but I don’t really want to be sucking anybody into anything I don’t mean.  Tough tittie, you make your decisions in life for whatever spurious reasons I guess.

Suck it up.







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Thank you so much

Thank you all so much for the support for yesterday’s post.  Despite my cheerful tone, it was a very depressing week.

Normal service will resume when I have completed some of the more ‘austere’ work.

Not sure why my former boss is still spying on the blog, but nice to see him learning from a non-commercial source for a change.




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Too bad, how sad, moving swiftly on….

Finally woke up after sixteen hours recovering from my meeting with the largest tobacco company in the world.  They are moving into new ways of killing yourself.  Whilst I am in no position and have no wish to moralise about smoking, (I used to be an Olympic level smoker myself) vaporising their product is no better than burning it as far as my lymph nodes are concerned.  I have a friend who is a smoker, and his habit does not have the same effect on me as sitting in an enclosed space with a tobacco vaporiser going.

Apparently this method of imbibing tobacco is not actually regulated yet.  As it is considerably worse than vaping fluids, I fully expect that it will be banned in enclosed spaces in the fullness of time, as actual cigarettes were positively benign in comparison.

So much for them.  I will not be doing any work for them.

Just when I was moving into position to start on filming, it has emerged that the person I was working with has no connection or interest in the project, refused to understand what the project was about, and reverted to talking about the news as if it was something separate from him.

It is a form of self-protection to assume that there is nothing you can do to solve any problems, so I am not planning on taking a chisel and trapanning it into him.  Therefore, I now have to amass a team from scratch and get the job done properly.

A small delay is inevitable, but at least it is at this stage and not halfway through.  I have been put in this situation by this individual before, and it is extremely depressing.  To this day, he will try to start an argument rather than take any responsibility for any part of anything he does.  Kinda tired of that, so an early blow-off was preferable.

Thankfully, there are plenty of other exs, and I have my sights on one with some choreography experience.

Extremely tiresome, but inevitable and it is just as well it happened now rather than later.  In the meantime, I now have plenty of time to write and finish the shoe collection to pay for all this….

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Your tasklist for this week

Ok I need

All the graphics done, I will give you a list of things to work on after I sleep off the effects of that horrible poison thing the evil corporatists gave me.

A copy of the Brexit board game box and board.  Source icon items for the moving parts.

At least five different dancers, about the same size as Boris.  They mustn’t be too young or too raj to do it, as this is not strictly a political project.  They will need some significant upper body strength though, since I do not need them to fall over in the middle of doing something.

Organise the green screen time, and it cannot be expensive

A top hat, as the one I have is brown and too wooly

Hunter wellies.

A blue rosette, and I do not want it to be too floppy

A hard hat – I may still have one somewhere

A variety of suits – I am very keen on dressing my lovely dolly in the course of the project

Wine, brandy  and cheese, for the bucket when I force him to eat vegetables.  I think you can probably deal with that already.  You have terrible habits.

The polo neck/snood thing worked well, but it is probably a bit louche, so I will probably do something about the jawline on fake Boris

A flat cap would be good for the Hunter welly idea.  Al is very cute in my head, and I would quite like to cover rural issues even though it will cause no end of trouble.

A stetson.  Two stetsons as Ina will need one too.

Think of something appropriate for Boris on a trampoline?

I need to get more Union Jacks.  I refuse to get the red hands of Ulster, sorry.  Another Wales and another England is probably necessary.

I need to get the giant Boris banner made, and the roller banner done – although I think the long thing I did was too long.

The Trident animation needs to be thought through – I will try to work on this tomoz after I stick the car in to get fixed.

Organise the hovercraft.

Artistic historic graphics for the history scene – I will take a look at this but you will prob worry about the graphics quality.

I will have a look at PA systems again.

I think that covers the first two – maybe. You might want a gimp, I don’t know.

Do we need to purchase crap to hand out to people?

I need to run a few taglines by you to see if I am being too complicated again as this needs to be mute south of the border.  They need to understand a complicated message in very few words.



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The Best Boris Johnson Ever

The Best Boris Johnson Ever

I know he is in his final stages, and he still needs a little work, but as I was aware that Boris is gagging to see it, and needs a little cheering up   I thought I would put out a couple of previews. (I did try to warn you about the hell that is other people)

This has taken weeks, but I am fairly pleased with it.  The eyes are good, the lips are good, I made some improvements to his nose, which in my view is a little small in reality – as you know I am partial to noses.

I may need to make a second Boris, as this one is really for natural light and as you will see when I put the ones with flash at the bottom of the post, you need a separate one for electric light to be truly effective when doing a lot of filming.

Other pitfalls include ventilation and the weight, but at least I have now created a basic image.

We did an experiment with Ina and Boris tonight and had a bit of a dance, but the director was unhappy with the lighting so you will just have to wait for our Fred and Ginger debut.  I am finding that the No Glass Walls costume is a little big and I am a little too curvaceous to be bouncing around inside it at present, so either I will have to reduce the size of my outstanding rump and tape up my balcon or make a smaller costume.

Decisions, decisions!

Much affection,



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Ormus Plutonium the love story


My friend happened to show me this video he had made of Ormus Plutonium today, and I instantly burst into tears.

Why?  Is it because Wolfe is like totally cool and I don’t measure up to it?  No, I cannot honestly say I have ever felt like that directly.

Is it because I am too hopeless?  No.

Is it because I was never good enough in the first place?  Yes, but not for the obvious reasons.

Having met him, I can honestly say that none of my self beatings have been justified from his reaction to me at all.  He has never been the issue.

Looking at Ormus Plutonium, I see it is crude, I see it is experimental, I see that I chose the colours extremely carefully to send a very complicated message that I am not sure I can verbalise even now.  Those three Ormus bags took over a year of thought.  They decorated the walls of my room for months whilst I thought about the engineering, and I am pleased that I achieved what I wanted to achieve with them, although I can do much better.

The point of all the Wolfe work was development.  I would never have invested that much time in myself if I had not been repairing a lot of damage that I would never have gone anywhere near if it wasn’t for meeting him.  How he managed this in a very limited amount of time – I think perhaps an hour and a half in total over nearly a decade, is a mystery, but I guess shit happens.

One of the earlier pieces, Saxophone, took five weeks of enraged lust after meeting Nelson, a musician that played vaguely Islamic saxophone jazz thirteen years earlier.   Here it is, on the cover of Best Sex Scandal Ever, which is a fun book about a period of amusement I indulged in at some point in the past (I do not remember exactly when)

I can see that this represents the cool and hot sounds of a saxophone.  I can see exactly what I was doing and why, although actually doing it required no thought whatsoever.  It just required intense emotional rage.  Nelson, coincidentally, was basically a blonde Wolfe visually with an irritating tendency towards anarchy and communes. Very pretty but no interesting content.

So, we know from this that I have some specific superficialities.  I am very fond of curly hair, for example.  Nelson, however, lost his appeal in the five weeks it took me to make Saxophone.  Wolfe has thus far taken nine years for me to get to an emotional starting point.

I appreciate that readers will wonder why somebody who sells nutribullets and healthfood would be such an all-consuming interest, beyond his adorable nose?

The answer is in the philosophy underpinning the work that Wolfe likes to insert as filler.  Wolfe’s filler is a lot more interesting than even he is aware of, and it is there that I found the material that I am still wary of working on because it dwarfs any other intellectual work I could be doing.  As I have said, the complexities of running a country are light work in comparison.  Philosophically, he has brought up a lot of huge issues that I would otherwise have not bothered to dig up, because I would have been too busy raking around in the shallows and probably remaining very cynical about humanity generally.

I am still not good enough for Wolfe, not in a human sense, but because I have not produced the piece of work I have been preparing for.  I have another year or two of preparation work to do before I am sufficiently arrogant to return to it, and I have some artwork that I need to do before I approach the serious writing.

As someone with a very serious approach to mental development, it is important that the three dimensional work comes before the two dimensional work, because that is how to get the best out of my brain.  I have to have the time to put into it, and I have to have the confidence.  This ain’t about shagging.

It doesn’t make it hurt any less, and it doesn’t mean that there is any point in my having relationships when I would be wasting everybody’s time.  Whether you are lucky in love or not, the trip is the trip.  This one is huge, frightening and needs to be as refined as I can make it, because it is more important than anything else I could do with my life.

That is about as close as I can get to describing it.


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My privileged life

Right, so now that I have been hounded out of a job in which I deliberately avoided interacting with people to avoid the inevitable outcome, I spent today paying bills – like a perfectly normal person, dealing with mail – again like a perfectly normal person, cleaning – ooooh so normal, and working on Boris’s face – OK not so normal but not that outlandish.

I also ate – seems pretty normal to me, and shock, horror, went shopping!  How weird and freaky am I?

Since I had the foresight to make sure I had two jobs, and in fact turned another one down a fortnight ago, I am not too alarmed. I do, however, need more than one so I now have to deal with that issue yet again to ensure I can meet the Boris deadline at the end of next month.

Fortunately, I know several other people who attract just as much negative attention from morons, both kinky and latent, as I do, so it doesn’t bother me that much anymore.  I turned down the research work two weeks ago because the interviewer was so desperate to impress me with his dominance that I decided not to bother.

Thankfully, I still have the consultancy and a wage, and with a bit of persistence, should be able to find some alternative and ideally less annoying colleagues in the near future.  I will not be in a hurry to work for another American company after that experience, however.

It is the sheer lack of self-awareness that astonishes me.  I remember the moment that I fell in love with Wolfe, was a mistake he made in the company of a rather vile vlogger who videoed him being caught in a moment of self-awareness.  That was my ‘OMG it really is that one’ moment.  Until then I had always wondered why I was on the hook, and rather resented it.

They do not seem to be presented with any alternatives to tunnel vision capitalism as a rule, which is quite challenging if you are used to nothing else (Boris will completely understand my perspective here as he had a similar political upbringing to mine)  When you are aware of the two sides of a coin as a matter of course, people who are led to believe in goodies and baddies are a bit basic.

Anyway, that has significantly damaged the project.  Congratulations to the fascists on that score, because I now have to waste considerably more time on securing sufficient income to make sure it goes ahead.  Tiresome, but not a surprise, and I suppose I could have played along and pretended to be interested in puppies, or whatever people like them choose to talk about.


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Applied Fascism Class 1

It starts with an idea.  The intention is usually unity, whether that is unity of a group, a race, a country or a company.

The idea in this case was to provide inspiring videos for a company full of people in a fairly isolating job.

Therefore, the answer would seem to be to create a ‘university’ of videos, from diverse places – which as it turns out were not all that diverse – and people would discuss their ideas.

It had not crossed the company owners’ minds that they were promoting ideals as they did so.  Until the arrival of Ina, who did not want to talk to anybody after an initial attempt at visual communication (the problem and apparently ‘shock’ artwork was Rebekah Brooks is fit for work.)

Now, for the simple-minded, I do not expect people to think my work is particularly pretty, and the titles are usually about 40-50 percent of the story being told.  I was however, a bit concerned when the first response of one of the genius staff of this company was to send me a green sick looking emoji and a rather infantile ‘What’s that?”  No question of her actually using google, or anything that athletic, of course.  Rather than pointing out the mannerlessness of this, her supervisor gently pushed the photo out of sight with some bland bullshit she had picked up in the USA, in case the moron was further upset by the sight of my work.

Such is the level of intellectual operation.  So much for that, I thought, I just won’t bother speaking to them.  I left all the rather futile social groups they insisted I was a part of since the conversations were a bit inane anyway, and got on with my job, which I would have thought was the actual point.  The next time I met with my team leader, he then used this to say I was a monster, the poor girl insulting me was an angel, I was to do as I was told or he would be entitled to, and I quote ‘do what he liked to me.’

Now in case you think this is actual harassment, it is not.  The people concerned are in their homes, and this is conducted over video.  It does not make it any more pleasant.  It went on for some time, whilst I pointed out that I am not young, do not require bullying to sit in a tedious group that I am not interested in, and am not really interested in status bullshit in a fairly low-level job. Basically the answer, as I said at the time, was not to interact with the other staff at all if it could be avoided.

This week, they started a brand new training programme off.  As I have said, this consisted of corporate and meaningless inspirational twaddle from a variety of sources, and we were to consider it a privilege to be forced to participate in it.  I was initially told that it was voluntary, and yesterday it turned out that it was compulsory, and that objecting to it was a MAMMOTH PROBLEM.

Now, I already knew that their ideas of training were not mine, since during my training I had been shown some badly researched American corporate propaganda, which to a British eye is very right wing to start with, although if you are a bit simple you could stretch it into being ‘positive.’  I watched otherwise apparently sane people sit and nod sagely and say every one of these videos were excellent as they, quite simply, needed an income.

The problem came when a genuine Tory voter, a braying woman from Nottingham, used their video on providing employment for disabled people to repeat her point about disabled people costing the UK too much money.  The founder happened to come in that day, and she started trying to oil him up by making this point, for the umpteenth time in two or three days.

“Really?”  I said.

I was already very tired and upset because the NHS and social work department had told me that if I tried to stop them killing my mother, I would be legally attacked and accused of not acting in her best interests because they were ‘medical professionals’ and were acting together.  This is what happens when you unify stupid people in your Durkheimian fascist paradise.  They use it to form groups and kill people to protect the societal ‘organism’.

Anyway, the founder decided that I was being political, apparently oblivious to the fact that the donkey was being not only stupid but political and extremely nasty into the bargain, and again ignored it when I provided him with links to the academic studies illustrating that Conservative austerity policy had killed 125,000 sick and disabled people by 2016.  Far from costing the government too much money, disabled people were being killed and everyone is (still) ignoring it.  WTF is wrong with people?  And this figure is entirely separate from people like my mother who are medically killed so that stupid consultants and nurses can bond at work whilst spending money on pharmaceuticals.  I am sure the hospital, district nurses and the social work department are killing someone else’s parents as we speak.

So, you would think from this that they would take the hint.  That attempting to provide, even innocently, an education when you are the source of income is a bad idea, and that you are inserting ideals into people who think they have to agree with it in order to form a team.

Speaking to one of the other owners yesterday, he asked me what was wrong with people agreeing?

“WW2” I said.  That is what happens when people agree and form a team under corporatism. “Don’t get the uniforms from Hugo Boss this time.”

I was told at least twice yesterday that I was permitted to voice my opinion.  Since I knew from the earlier artwork incident and the incident with the disabled viewpoint that this was not true, I said so.  He reacted like a spanked child.  He lost face.  Therefore I knew that it was likely that I would be terminated today.

So it came time to fire me, and the thug team leader turned up, salivating to see the spectacle of me losing my income.  So I finally reported the incident over the artwork.  Why had I not reported it at the time?  I was asked.

“Because I’m a big girl and can take care of myself, and because I actually liked this job provided you left me alone. You don’t seem to be able to do that.” I said.

If someone else is treated the way I was treated, hopefully they are more likely to be listened to than I would have been. Instead of being asked about the artwork incident, it was used as a stick to beat me with even today as they fired me.  I was causing problems by being creative or knowing anything.

Quite apart from these people being complete assholes, they lack any awareness of the dangers of consensus.  To achieve consensus, you must refuse to tolerate questions, alternative opinions and different types of people.  Consensus, as happened today, involves obliterating any irritants.  Consensus is itself fascist, because it is against any idea of diversity of thought.

These people want to have an unhealthy, badly educated company of clones who do the job badly but agree about insipid bullshit.  God forbid anyone have any ideas of their own.  It would be against the Durkeimian organism they are unwittingly creating.  The owners have no idea how many stupid beliefs they have already planted in these dull TV-tranquilised minds.

I was good at my job because I liked all the things they are now removing.  I like being on my own.  I like talking to people briefly, but cannot be bothered with distracting staff relationships, and I have little to no interest in being a high status phone jockey.  I would have sat for years doing that job quite happily.   Instead they have chosen to have a company of people who will turn over fairly quickly, be quite stupid, not know the details of several of the industries that they service (as I did, thanks to my very varied work history)  and who most importantly will agree with anything they say.  It is so nice to be right, right, right!

It is only a matter of time before they move from the disabled, the artists and the academics to the gays and the Jews.  They are already following the same pattern of belief and behaviour, just by attempting to agree about absolutely anything at all.

God forbid anyone have a free thought. Fuck you very much!

(and don’t even get me started on the randy lesbian)

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Ina the dissident

Without going into too much detail, I did my dissident duty by my very, very dead mother.  Her birthday was on Sunday.  I tried very hard to work every second of it.

It was met with deaf ears, much as expected.  Apparently WW2 didn’t happen and nobody learned anything.  We can look forward to more branded armies in the near future.

Will probably be losing that job shortly, so will have to spend time finding something to replace it.

Very sad, as I liked not having to talk to anybody, but less sad due to having to look at a bunch of aspiring cult members trying to show how motivated and willing they were in an effort to appease their employer.

I guess the world has moved on from freedom of thought and is into a corporatist wonderland of fucking zombies.  We are now at the mercy of people so stupid that they would cheerfully stand at the door of the gas chamber, welcoming you in before pulling the switch.  One of these charmers could not even manage to tolerate the sight of my artwork when it was presented to her in chat.  I took this as a good sign.  Making morons sick is always good.

Thank you God of free thought, for again causing me to place myself at risk to preserve other people’s right to disagree.

Moving on, work on the costumes is looking suitably post punk, and we are into the actual art bit on the ‘no glass walls’ costume.  The ‘fit for work’ costume is awaiting some more stuff from China, so it may be some time.

Boris is still looking a bit neglected but on the plus side, I hear some whispers that I am to get a little help from the 1922 committee, no less. Whoop de do!

Do we have sufficently well-fed disabled people left to do some protesting, I wonder?

I must say, it was interesting trying to explain that I have dealings with the Tories amongst my many other political interests.  Confused you will be!


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Reviewing the News

I do skim the news from time to time, although my view of things is somewhat larger than most people’s.  I was unwittingly trained from quite an early age to think of things in centuries rather than years, since WW2 was last month as far as my parents were concerned. (I was blessed with a double generation gap)  I then chose to study history over about 11 centuries all over the world because I was interested in how the overall machine works, what it looks like and how to tweak it effectively. Economic game designers who understand this are thin on the ground, and it is rare that we actually get to do much work.

This is why I find Conservative history a fairly small project.  It is a subset of a subset, and not much trouble at all.

I think many of the current problems stem from a notion of togetherness.  I am sure Boris will completely understand when I say that Conservative philosophy is not about togetherness.  It is about separateness, the morality of gain and relying on a rather outdated veneer of respectability and responsibility.  Britain votes Labour when Britain can afford to vote Labour, and the rest of the time they bring in the Conservatives, who, whilst obsessed with self, are at least better at doing sums.

That, broadly, is the English population’s understanding of politics and economics.  When the school runs riot, vote for the prefects.  When things are safer, then improve things for the kids.

I do not mean here to single out the English population, because I found in recent years that the Scottish population, whilst slightly better in median terms, was also pretty low grade in terms of awareness of politics as a debate.

The ‘form a team and win win win’ mentality is something we seem to be adopting in an effort to dumb the British population to the level of the American population, where aggression and verbal abuse takes the place of anything approaching discussion.

This may be helpful for increasing and maintaining social control, but it is not helpful at all for improving the nation for the future.  I plan, in the course of the project, to be discussing this with fake Boris, who is alas still languishing in my kitchen awaiting eyelashes.  (this week has been unusually harsh due to my inability to sleep whilst starting my new job)  As promised, I will be doing this in interpretive dance.

For the moment, it might be an idea to return to positivity towards other nations, and moving the focus away from European and Russian issues.  Easier said than done due to the media, but perhaps thinking about the personal PR might create something happier for people to focus on rather than not getting to play football for whatever reason.  You have to remember, that no matter how childlike you are, everybody else is considerably more infantile, even the ones with eyebags and sore feet.

Of course, you might prefer to relax and paint cheese boxes.  I wouldn’t blame you at all, but if you can hang in there for another five weeks or so, I should be in a position to at least start doing some work.

It is all a bit creatively intense in terms of the presentation for the moment, but I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Might be an idea to learn semaphore.

Much affection,



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