We have been encouraged since the 90s to move swiftly on from almost anything, relationships, jobs, conversations even. It is part of the disposability culture that we have been encouraged to adopt because it improves consumption by a fraction of a percentage point.
I have touched upon this in a few previous posts. Children are encouraged to want things you can buy from a very early age now, one product I am thinking of here is ‘My first album’ which comprises of brightly coloured music for children in a thick plastic player.
This is training, and nothing else. In order to support the political economy, you are to spend your life thinking of little else but what to want as the answer to any problem.
Likewise, the employment culture of forgetting any notion of ‘do ast thou would be done to’ and regarding people as objects, that I have seen rather too much of this year is a similar construct. Although this was set up for business, it actually just fosters an atmosphere of vicious vanity, in that the vainest and most vicious thrive by eliminating others.
Interestingly, as we see from the fact I still have Little Shiva and my tiresome sister staring at the site, vain and vicious people do not actually move on. Instead they continue to focus on the object of hatred in the hope of detecting more suffering. They do this because they are unwell, and this is the only indication that they have that they exist. Rather than self-reflecting and going off to do some self-development, they continue to check whether you have noticed them or not.
This is not rational behaviour. Rational behaviour would be to say – I have caused this person pain, I do not want to do that again in case someone does it to me. Irrational behaviour is to sit and stare at your victim hoping to inflict more suffering later.
There is nothing one can do, however. The condition is incurable, so as the object of this behaviour, the only way to deal with it is to compartmentalise it and go and do something else yourself.
As we have seen from the case of Wolfe’s wife blocking me (see previous post), it is not always possible to move swiftly on, particularly when you weren’t trying to inflict any pain in the first place. In this case, the correct course of action was to cry a lot and figure out what was wrong with me. This introspective way of looking at it was correct, although it felt pretty bonkers at the time. Not all reverberating thoughts are bad ones, even when you wonder why you are still thinking about somebody you don’t feel you ought to worry about at all. (when I say I love Wolfe, it does not mean that we get on particularly smoothly or that I want to be with him 24/7, it means that he is a rich source of personal inspiration and at times joy.)
So, having said all that, whilst I do not agree that moving on from every problem is a solution that is useful – some things are learning experiences, even if they don’t seem like it at the time – it is important to figure out whether your obsessions are useful. If they aren’t producing anything useful to you, chances are they are not.
The new job is another long term temporary contract. I actually want another one that is coming up shortly, but whether I will be considered for it is another matter. In any case, now I can afford the time to think about it, I have three baby businesses to think about.
Four major pieces of writing are being worked on at the moment, I will speak to you once they are in draft form. Until then I haven’t got the time, sorry.