Does falling in love make you healthier?

I did not actually watch the Longevity Warehouse video on this, but I had a lengthy comment to make about it which appears to be in approval limbo, so after a lot of messing about online this evening, trying to find some very old story about Wolfe to relay to a friend – I failed to find it, so evidently some cleaning up has been going on – I thought I might write a blog post on this.

Back when I started transitioning to raw in 2010 – much water has gone under the bridge since then, but I will get to that – I did so on the basis of a very old boyfriend turning up.  I had not seen Mark since I was a sixteen year old, living in my first flat which happened to be a floor below his.  He had some old photos on his facebook page, and so I assumed that, like me, he had not changed very much.  In May 2010 I was 310lb.  Ten weeks later I was 240lb, by the time I actually saw him in August of that year I was 200lb and had started talking to Wolfe from time to time.  Sadly, Mark was by this time a fat, bald and rather unpleasant drunk, and after much non-negotiation we no longer speak.

I had been working on a database of products that might help me, which turned into a food politics essay, which in turn turned into a book about corporatism which I will again be working on as soon as I complete my fictionalised account of the life of Boris Johnson.  There are various reasons why I have to complete two books before returning to the Corporatism book, but it is mainly because I would like the Corporatism book to sell reasonably well in the UK and USA.  I would like to maximise the output of that book because the original purpose of that book was to help with a situation that is becoming worse and worse by the day.  (see previous post ‘scientard’)

As you can imagine, I was not particularly on the lookout for falling in love with anyone, which is when it tends to happen.  The person I fell in love with was a total wildcard, and it seems to have happened across a crowded webpage.  It was all totally inconvenient, particularly as it called my beliefs about my radical approach to eating into question.  To make matters worse, the person concerned is a controversial figure to say the least.

In terms of timing, it could not have been worse.  My family were, as they have been since my birth, mobbing me because they could not stand the competition and wanted to take their mother’s money;  the exs were treating the house as if it had a revolving door;  I had just been incredibly ill, whilst my medical doctor laughed at me  (it is hard to take a person complaining of tiredness seriously when they work two jobs and take care of an elderly person and a mansion, apparently.)

So, my battle with my diet became an emotional battle – I do not particularly like being in love, it is irrational and being happy is not necessarily a good experience if you are being attacked constantly.  You tend to think you are going to be caught off-guard.  As it has turned out, my fears on this front were well-grounded, not because of the controversy, but because the person turned out to be spoken for.

When the wife of this person appeared from nowhere, I did not know that she existed, so I assumed that I was being teased by the person in question.  I was then left wondering what on earth I had done for several years, telling myself that I was clearly worthless and crazy, and cooked and ate to please yet another ex who had turned up unwell and seeking comfort food.  Eating at least shuts you up, so that you do not howl in protest as much as you might otherwise.

To cut an even longer story short, I lost 160lb between 2010-2012, and put it all back on again between 2013-2017.  I have just lost the first 70lb again, and this time I plan to lose even more.  On discovering the truth (that the object of my affection was married and the facebook blocker was, in fact, his wife) this year on my birthday, I realised that my feelings had not affected anyone but me, that what I want matters to nobody, and really there was no need to punish myself for something that was not my fault in the first place.

So now I am still in love, but no longer stuffing my face with denial – the situation is hopeless.  I am still unlikely to ever be anything but alone, and my response to this is to get on with the work I was doing before all this rubbish started. All I wanted was to help.  I had no real reason for this other than I like doing things for people and my life was already being squandered by it.

The last seven years have been wasted on working my way through emotional baggage on the basis that I wanted to be unimpeded and good enough for this person, but they have induced a great deal of self-development in terms of my crippling lack of confidence, cynicism and inability to even ask for what I want because the answer is inevitably going to be no, usually alongside accusations of madness and a variety of humiliation techniques.  Gas-lighting is a parlour game in my family, and it has taken all this to make it obvious that it is pointless to interact with people.

Being in love, even with a health expert, is not particularly good for your health.  Self-development – yes. Health – probably not.


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Falling in love with a stranger

These questions were originally published by the New York Times in 2015, and led to the youtube film at the bottom of the post.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.


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The Vaccination Debate

So, as usual facebook is full of aggressive and extremely stupid scientard Americans picking off what they imagine to be ditsy hippies and religious nuts by making disgusting comments about their children and their opinions.

I have no children, and I don’t care if you inject your children or not, so let’s clear that rumour up.  What does concern me is the blithe disregard for personal choice these immensely stupid people have.

Having had no less than three doctors assert that my mother is on the hitlist just for being 90 this week, I am probably more aware than most how dangerous it is to give power to the medical community.

I have been pointing this out to these people today.  If you make  vaccines and other injections mandatory, you lose the right to ask what is in the injection, and you lose the right to say no.

Not one of these people have chosen to engage me on this issue of personal choice.  Instead they continue to hurl abuse, even though I have made it clear that they are welcome to inject their children with whatever they like.

As usual this comes down to a question of philosophy.  Have we educated populations so poorly that they cannot see that the real question is not about vaccines at all, but about your rights as an individual to say no?  It is not about infectious disease, but about a corporation’s right to make profits based upon forcing people to do something that is deemed by others to be good for them?

This idea may be welcome to people so conditioned to stupidity that they believe everything they are told, but it is extremely dangerous for the future of humanity.  Doctors in Nazi Germany were more than happy to conduct experiments on prisoners of war.  It is an essential part of the training to carry out orders.

Do you want to live in a world where you are told what to eat, what to have injected into your blood, what to worry about, what insidious activities you have to perform to earn enough to live another day?  This is the era we live in, and it gets worse every day with more and more attitudes like this.

As I said to one of the scientard bretheren:

I suggest we give all stupid people a mandatory injection of poison.  You’ll be first in the queue then.

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NHS policy on the elderly

My mother is 90.  She has dementia, she spends a lot of time sleeping, but otherwise, since her change of diet, she is not in pain, she is happy to be alive and apart from her recent episode, her immune system is better than it has been in some years.

Why then, am I being told by every doctor I speak to, that she is to be ‘eased out?’  Why did two nurses become irate when I refused to allow them to start the painkilling/death process, and why has her recovery caused such consternation?

The first thing I was asked when we arrived at hospital this time was whether I wanted her to have any treatment.  The next doctor I spoke to said that if it happened again, they would be ‘easing her out.’  A third doctor, this time a consultant, spoke about making her comfortable and letting it happen.

Why is this even being considered, for a lady who is happy and who has a devoted carer?

The statistics for Alzheimer’s deaths showed that in one year, deaths from Alzheimer’s increased by 31 percent, way above anything that could be considered a coincidence.  My mother does not have Alzheimer’s.  She has dementia, and apart from her physical debility, is a bright and chatty woman.

This weekend, they decided that she had aspirated (highly unlikely, since her swallow is fine, it is more likely that she has sucked on her straw too hard)  and she was left nil by mouth for three days because the SALT team do not work on weekends.  This is exactly how they killed my father.  He went from being a talkative plump man to a skeletal gibbering mess in a very short period of time thanks to painkillers administered by NHS staff for the purposes of making him easier to handle.  I have repeatedly told them that I do not want this to happen to my mother, and I put a great deal of time and money into making sure that it doesn’t.

She was also said to have blood in her stool, and when I investigated the stools, they smelt strongly of charcoal.  A day or two after this, iodine had been put in the catheter, so that she apparently had purple urine.  I was accused of causing this by giving her ‘funky drinks’  Her drinks are carefully and expensively made to improve her functioning so that she can eat.  Rather than ask questions about how this might be achieved for other people, I have been repeatedly attacked and insulted whilst they ignore anything I say and refer to science that does not actually exist.  (see previous post ‘Scientard’)

Why would anyone take a career in medicine in order to ignore the issue of health or nutrition?  Why do these people think they have the right to kill my mother?  I have seen this done three times already.  Is this actually official NHS policy?

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Def: Irrational, thoughtless individual who is unable to question information handed to them as long as they are told that the information relates to science.


It was a struggle to come up with today’s Scientard of the Day, since I had been rather lazily messing around with a page called We love GMO and vaccines, but the prize goes to my mother’s hospital consultant, who decided to take a pop at me about my mother’s diet whilst knowing nothing about it or her medical history.

I am constantly amazed at how relatively stupid people get jobs like this, as clearly they managed to pass some exams at some point, but here is a prime example:

“Oh yes, can you tell me about your mother’s diet?”

“What would you like to know?”


“Well, it is based on three avocadoes, a jar of honey, plant milk…..”  I did not get to the hundred ingredients from all over the world or the fact that is formulated for my mother’s health condition, although I did mention that as a non-acidic diet it does not aggravate her stomach before I was interrupted with:

“I don’t agree with the science.”

“I am not at all interested in your opinions about science.  I was sent an almost dead woman with a huge oedema and tissue paper skin and this is us six months later.  Clearly I am doing something right.  Did you actually check her blood work before you decided to say this?”


“Perhaps you should compare the blood work between my mother being under the care of this hospital and under my care, and then come and talk to me about science.”

“I am providing medical care for your mother, I am not here to start a fight about her diet.”

“Why did you bring it up then?  And why would you take on a medical career if you have no interest in health? It’s probiotic.  This is the longest my mother has been without antibiotics in ten years.  I thought you were supposed to be prescribing fewer antibiotics.  Is that not the case?”


“I have had NHS staff lying about her weight, criticising the diet, questioning me, bringing in dieticians I did not need.  All to justify your little badges.”

“Oh I’m glad you’ve had a dietician in.”

“She knew considerably less than I do.”

“Oh I doubt that, she is a professional and has studied for a qualification.”

“A professional who does not know what selenium is, and the NHS are apparently not bothered about B12 deficiency in the elderly.  If that is what passes for a professional in the NHS…”

“You seem a bit hostile.”

“You bet I’m hostile.  I’ve had this conversation with countless people now, each one stupider than the last.  I am sick of being harassed.There are nine sources of protein in her drink.  There are nine sources of protein in her drink.  There are nine sources of protein in her drink.  We aren’t even vegan.  She has eggs and fish every second day.  What is your problem?”

“Probiotics.  The science hasn’t been done yet.  We don’t really know how they work.”


So, we have gone from ‘doesn’t agree with the science’ to ‘the science doesn’t exist’ and the stupid bitch is still trying to argue.  Meanwhile my mother would have been dead six months ago.

This is typical of the scientard.  They were told by someone in a white coat, or they weren’t told anything, therefore they wish to pick a fight.  They don’t actually think or do any research, because they don’t have to as long as they can refer to ‘science.’  In the case of medical doctors, they have the benefit of several free drug company holidays to spend time researching if they were actually interested, which most of the time they are not.


The economic and social arguments against GMO are extremely strong.  America is waging economic war on the rest of the world.  GMO is nothing to do with saving anybody, and everything to do with punishing the already poor by taking their subsistence from them.

Vaccines, which I have no strong feelings about, are big business and since it is a major public health issue, there is no excuse for poor research and product testing.

Medicine in general, is dominated by extremely large pharmaceutical companies who, like the food companies, dictate how people are educated and how that information percolates down to you.

If you trust any of these people with your health or future, you are extremely stupid.


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Hazards of Longevity

In your quest for a long and happy life, you should consider the matter of what happens when you are over 80.

I say this because I have seen how other people regard the elderly, and it is not a pretty sight.

My mother is back in hospital following a gastric bleed.  It was quite dramatic and she required a transfusion, but is recovering.

Last night, at around 2am, I was asked, very nicely, whether I wanted her to have treatment.

“Yes,” I replied, “I believe she is quite fond of being alive.”

In the last ten years, I have, as many readers will know, lost my father, my uncle, my best friend.  None of them had entirely natural deaths, although in the case of my 89 year old best friend, she was bored.  She said once she had lost interest in TV and was immobile with lung cancer, that she just couldn’t be bothered.  Lung cancer at that age is very depressing for the sufferer.  She went from being able to drive herself around to dying within twelve months.

She did say that she felt that her lung cancer had been caused by repeated x-rays of her chest.  I would agree that the policy of repeatedly x-raying people is not wise, however she had been a keen smoker up to the age of 80.

In the case of my father, he required occasional trips to hospital to have oxygen.  This was enough to have him taken to the local ‘ending’ unit, which thankfully no longer exists, and to be drugged into submission for four months whilst he starved to death.  There was no need for this to have happened, and my request to take him home was ignored.

In the case of my uncle, he was a frighteningly fit man who had the misfortune to suffer from a UTI, from which he recovered well before they transferred him into a freezing cold ward where he immediately got pneumonia and died within a week.

Today, I was informed that my mother would not be getting the same treatment again in the future, because she is 90 and has dementia.  My mother is a very happy lady, as we would all be if we were waited on constantly.

With my economics hat on, yes I can see why the NHS is deciding to off people who have paid tax all their lives, particularly as some people would keep you alive forever even if you didn’t want to be.  With my personal hat on, I am getting a bit fed up being challenged whilst I make my mother’s life as pleasant and easy as possible.

I had an argument with one of the visiting nurses, who complained that I had not complied with her staff in phoning the doctor earlier when I thought she merely had an infection.  This would have been utterly pointless, since she did not have an infection, and the fact she was throwing up blood would not have come to light had I not been closely observing her vomit – she was drinking plums before it started.  No thanks to anyone but me that she is still alive, but as usual I am to be berated for it, and it will be used against me, probably in court given the outlandish lengths people that I do not wish to have in my home seem to be going to in attempting to damage myself and my mother.

So, health food fans, as you pursue your quest for immortality, you must consider how you are going to pay for your medical care after the age of 80, and I imagine this cut-off will be reduced as time goes on.  It is only a matter of time before poison tablets are sold in chemists for the purposes of removing yourself from the world if you aren’t enjoying your branded plastic paradise.  You certainly won’t enjoy the benefits of long term paying into any systems, and you cannot, with the best will in the world, depend on your health remaining perfect, particularly if you have not always eaten perfectly.

So, as you invest in your health, consider investing in that nest egg that you will need for medical care from unwilling professionals.




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The Narcissistic Abuse Community

I have been listening to people talking about narc abuse again today.  It strikes me that there is a theme of adults not willing to be adults running through it.

Many of the problems associated with a relationship with a narcissist are really about expectations.  Many of the issues raised are about how things should be with a ‘normal’ relationship.  There is no such thing as a normal relationship.

Let us go through a few of the problems you are likely to face as a partner of a narcissist.

The idealisation phase:

Love bombing:  Personally, as someone who has had a narc around since birth, (sister)  I am well used to being the focus of attention from an empty vessel.  Even when they are flattering you, it is to establish the importance of their opinion, so it is wise to ignore everything.  When I am on the receiving end of gushing, I tend to cut through it very quickly, so that it is impossible to achieve the ‘perfection’ that the narcissist craves with these interactions.  Dominance is dominance, whether it is sweet or sour.

Alarm bells ought to ring the minute you hear how awful their exs were – non-narcs grow out of this by the time they are thirty or so, usually earlier.  In rare cases the exs actually were awful, but with practice you will learn to tell the difference and find ways of exploring the issue by asking what the nice exs were like.  When your narc tells you that they are kind and giving, they are referring to this early phase of the relationship, in which they actually are kind and giving.  They aren’t lying to you, they are just trying to forget the bad bits where they did not get what they wanted, which was an unreasonable level of perfection.

The devaluation phase: 

If you have established that love bombing has no effect, then devaluing is likely to fall on fallow ground as well.  The only other way to get around this is to be better than expectations, and if you look on it this way then your relationship with your narcissist is likely to be more of a personal challenge than a burden.

If they are talking trash about you to other people, it is the typically immature ‘love me’ plea of a teenager, so you find something else to do.  Obviously in some situations it is quite extreme – I will not allow my sister anywhere near me following a false police report, for example – but this is just an extreme example of the same behaviour that these people have adopted since puberty, so I am not sure why all these victims are unaware that they have been dealing with a child rather than a person.

Some people are just promiscuous, whether they are narcs or not.  Jealousy, whilst perfectly natural, is a choice.  You can decide that you are more important than a casual fling, and then make a further decision as to whether fidelity is a priority or not, in which case you are with the wrong person.  You are then free to terminate the relationship and move on.  It is either that or a lot of tiresome negotiation to see if your partner wants to try and be faithful or not. Speaking as someone who is faithful – other people just aren’t that important to me – I have tried official forgiveness and it is largely futile – so either you don’t mind them spreading it around or you leave.  Official forgiveness tends to lead to violence because your narc will not understand that it is a sign of strength rather than weakness.


Assuming that by now you have figured out that you are dealing with a selfish, abnormally young and carefree person who is too busy to bother with what you want, you ought to know that this relationship is not permanent.  It does not mean that the narc is evil, controlling or a bad person.  It just means that you made a poor decision in the first place in tolerating what has been a rather extreme training for the rest of your life.

Finally, a lot of people displaying narcissistic behaviour do not actually have NPD.  Being at the wrong end of a narc makes you extremely tough and extremely intolerant of mistakes.  If you wish to investigate futher, I recommend reading some books on CPTSD.  You will find the answers there.  Even if you are a narc, you will benefit from doing this, so I recommend you take this step into filling up that void where the emotional sharing should be. Narcissists tend to be insecure, frightened and lonely as a rule.  They focus on other people to avoid themselves.  Instead of feeling victimised, try taking an adult role in your own choices.


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Bad Dream

It is funny how your bad dreams change over time.

I just had a horrible dream that I was asking for permission to propose to some thin, grey man and ended up in a group hug with him and his mother.  It was not fun at all.  I didn’t even like him that much.

I woke up thinking how frightening the prospect of old age alone is, and immediately went to check on my mother.

It isn’t as if I have seriously wanted to marry anybody.  I have never worried terribly much about it, since the weak feelings of the men in my life were returned with equal lack of interest in most cases.

On the rare occasion when I have had strong feelings for somebody, I have either run away or they have not been interested at all, in which case I have done something else with it.  I am not particularly persistent in reality.  I like distance, and I do not have much of a problem with my own company as a rule.

When I returned to the computer, a new page had appeared on my timeline in the advertising section.

I am now a member of ‘Banned by David Avocado Wolfe’ which has almost 100 likes in a very short space of time.  I imagine that if this person keeps advertising their page,  it will run into tens of thousands, since Wolfe is quite trigger happy when it comes to blocking people.  One lady that got in touch with me had just paid several hundred pounds for a trip to see him when she was blocked for no apparent reason.  I set her up on a date with some polite guy that was messaging me a lot at the time.  Apparently she had great legs and was an outstanding lay.  She rejected him, but she didn’t feel as bad about being blocked. He is now living with a morbidly obese nurse who pays his mortgage.

The page doesn’t look particularly pleasant, or as if it is likely to have any interesting posts, but I am intrigued that it appeared on my timeline at all, as I have blocked at least nine David Wolfes over the years to avoid the memes.  I have even messaged at least two offshoot pages to advise them to block me since it appeared that he had such a hysterical reaction.  (I was unaware at the time that it was in fact his wife that blocked me, since I was unaware that he had one in the first place.)

I have also blocked at least 6 hate groups, one of which I found Wolfe posting on.  Apparently trolls are more appealing for conversation than I was.  I would have thought by now that the mere mention of the name would preclude my being a member of any clubs. Evidently facebook’s algorithms need updating

So that is a rather depressing and extremely early start to the day.  I shall do some more work on the game, cats permitting.

Tomorrow I shall have to sit through a meeting in which somebody young enough to be my daughter repeatedly claims that I am a young woman who should let my mother be manhandled by strangers because she prefers dealing with them.  I cannot tell you how miserable the last six months has been, with the one exception of my taking the Wolfe by the throat, so to speak, at the event in Birmingham.

I am quite glad I did it, even though the ultimate outcome is likely to remain negative, for whatever his reasons.

Please tell me when things are going to get better?

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First of the Boris Johnson work

Here ya go.  This is the beginning of the outflow of work on the Boris Johnson project, which has been a very long time in development.  The book will take somewhat longer, so forgive the odd timings.  There is still a lot of artwork still to get off the ground, so it is a relief to get them out of the studio.

Bordello Rhetoric is an extremely heavy box, set on castors, with agate, fabric and glass seed beads; and Call me Al is a carpet for the wall, heavily inspired by Somerset, where I used to live.

Hope you like them!


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